PoeciMeta Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 @CustardCream You look great! (Although you'll always be a cookie in my head 😂) I got a haircut a few days ago, but I might ask my mom to make it shorter. This length looks neutral enough for me, maybe I'll go for it ^^ 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 1 hour ago, PoeciMeta said: @CustardCream You look great! (Although you'll always be a cookie in my head 😂) I got a haircut a few days ago, but I might ask my mom to make it shorter. This length looks neutral enough for me, maybe I'll go for it ^^ You'll always be a big blue spider to me! I'm pleased with this cut, I can wear it in lots of different ways. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 @CustardCream You look great! Congrats on finding a length that works for you! 😃 And I see that I'm not the only one who keeps picturing other AVEN members as their profile pics... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 9 hours ago, Just Dani said: And I see that I'm not the only one who keeps picturing other AVEN members as their profile pics... Definitely not, but CHAOS roleplay helps a lot 😂 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 10 hours ago, Just Dani said: And I see that I'm not the only one who keeps picturing other AVEN members as their profile pics... The knowledge that for about a year many people pictured me as a happy dog pleases me. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 2 hours ago, Celyn said: The knowledge that for about a year many people pictured me as a happy dog pleases me. Likewise, for about 3 years, many picture me as a happy fox, still am 😛 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cake-Loving Dragon Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 I'm not trans or gender queen or genderless, just somebody reading this thread trying to understand gender identity. I'm trying to understand what makes someone not identify with their assigned gender, and from what I've read it sounds like it's mostly about how society treats/defines men and women. Is that true? (I'm sorry if I sound ignorant, and I'm trying to be respectful). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BlakeTheNightowl~ Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 5 hours ago, Cake-Loving Dragon said: I'm not trans or gender queen or genderless, just somebody reading this thread trying to understand gender identity. I'm trying to understand what makes someone not identify with their assigned gender, and from what I've read it sounds like it's mostly about how society treats/defines men and women. Is that true? (I'm sorry if I sound ignorant, and I'm trying to be respectful). It’s that and dysphoria not wanting genitals in this body Quote Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 @CustardCream catching up here, but I'd mark my transition as starting with varying discomfort with being seen as female – social dysphoria, but zero physical dysphoria. So, something similar; it was late in life (not quite so late) and I don't think I was "always this way" (but if a doctor clearly thinks that's the model, I'm willing to play along and cite a lifetime of gender nonconformist evidence). Maybe it helps to have another story to compare with. I used to think I needed physical dysphoria. Once I gave myself permission to consider a non-binary state, a lot more possibilities opened up for me. And now that I've started T, I feel more relaxed about receiving female pronouns and maybe, someday, doing feminine things. I feel like I'm taking some physical control and I'm no longer trapped with struggling with what people see. I feel allergic to gender; if you consider "agender" to mean something more akin to "atheist" than "agnostic", then that's me. Along those lines, countering @Blake23, I don't associate "agender" or "trans" status with "not wanting genitals". (Notably, I'm not ace, and I don't have physical dysphoria.) But really, I don't have much interest in the categories of gender identity, as long as I can say "neither". I tell people I'm non-binary, they can work out the rest. And, as I'm physically transitioning, I think it would be hard to argue I'm not trans. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Captain_Tass Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 10 hours ago, Cake-Loving Dragon said: I'm trying to understand what makes someone not identify with their assigned gender, and from what I've read it sounds like it's mostly about how society treats/defines men and women. Is that true? There are social factors, correct. But there might also be physical or psychological factors. There are many different kinds of gender dysphoria, social and physical being the most prominent, but not the only ones. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 10 hours ago, Cake-Loving Dragon said: I'm not trans or gender queen or genderless, just somebody reading this thread trying to understand gender identity. I'm trying to understand what makes someone not identify with their assigned gender, and from what I've read it sounds like it's mostly about how society treats/defines men and women. Is that true? (I'm sorry if I sound ignorant, and I'm trying to be respectful). My social dysphoria wasn't really important at first (it went worse when I realised I was trans, in fact) and since I am lucky enough to wear whatever I like, how I appeared to others didn't matter that much to me, and I didn't suffer much from gender stereotypes (which I've always actively rejected). My main ''reason'' for not identifying as my AGAB is my disgust for my gendered parts, aka physical dysphoria. 59 minutes ago, anisotrophic said: now that I've started T, I feel more relaxed about receiving female pronouns and maybe, someday, doing feminine things. I can relate! I would definitely wear skirts and dresses in some instances if it didn't automatically classify me as female and worse, enhance my curves. I want people to stop reading me as female AND still be able to do feminine things just because why not. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 I was reading an interesting article about how ASD sensory issues make it hard to wear "feminine" clothes and that definitely applies to me. The swish of skirts and feeling of lace etc. rubbing against me, and makeup, are a nightmare. Can't do it. Same thing with periods and boobs. But I do think it goes deeper than that. On a base level, I'm just blokey amd always have been. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bloc Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 47 minutes ago, Celyn said: I was reading an interesting article about how ASD sensory issues make it hard to wear "feminine" clothes and that definitely applies to me. The swish of skirts and feeling of lace etc. rubbing against me, and makeup, are a nightmare. Can't do it. Same thing with periods and boobs. But I do think it goes deeper than that. On a base level, I'm just blokey amd always have been. I suspect that I am on the autism spectrum, but have no diagnosis. I like the feeling of "femmine" clothes better as they are usually softer, but this may also be my dysphoria speaking. And the swish is part of why I like wearing skirts. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 It depends. Tight clothes and lace, for example, are horrible, but wide, floaty skirts and dresses (with shorts underneath) can be agreeable to wear sensory-wise. Except if it floats the wrong way and tickles. I've always preferred masculine clothing by default though. It's way more practical, I rarely ever care about aesthetics. Wearing a dress would be like dressing up for me, like purposefully playing with my outfit; I wouldn't wear it normally in a day-to-day context, much like a costume. And as for make up - just no. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BlakeTheNightowl~ Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 I have major body dysphoria and I just don’t associate myself with my body idc for it i hate this skin ahha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 27 minutes ago, PoeciMeta said: It depends. Tight clothes and lace, for example, are horrible, but wide, floaty skirts and dresses (with shorts underneath) can be agreeable to wear sensory-wise. Except if it floats the wrong way and tickles. I've always preferred masculine clothing by default though. It's way more practical, I rarely ever care about aesthetics. Wearing a dress would be like dressing up for me, like purposefully playing with my outfit; I wouldn't wear it normally in a day-to-day context, much like a costume. And as for make up - just no. this ^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffy Femme Guy Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 On 8/14/2019 at 7:00 PM, Cake-Loving Dragon said: it's mostly about how society treats/defines men and women. That can be part of it (and certainly the case for me), but a much bigger part of it is often one's internal self-image, and how it mismatches the body. A 'cis' person (one who feels they fit with their assumed/assigned birth sex/gender) usually imagine an idealized image of themselves as simply a more fit or more attractive version of the body they already have. But ask a trans person about this and (often) their self-image might as well be another person. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cake-Loving Dragon Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Thanks to everybody who replied to me! It really helps me understand better. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Drwho314 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 I am unsure where I stand on the gender spectrum. I have a male body, use male pronouns, but mentally I am more agnostic about it. So I tend to use masculine pronouns out of simplicity. Otherwise I see myself as myself not necessarily male or female just myself. Who knows what I am I don't identify as anything 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bloc Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Maybe you could look into agender or neutrois. Maybe other non-binary identities fit better. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Drwho314 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 On 8/16/2019 at 5:41 AM, Bloc said: Maybe you could look into agender or neutrois. Maybe other non-binary identities fit better. I looked into it. I might be agender, because over all I don't think of myself as being any particular gender. It is like there are all these groups of people (gender identities) and I'm dancing by myself in the corner. Oftenly I feel like I'm controlling a robotic body, and I'm a mind controlling it, not male, not female, just me 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BlakeTheNightowl~ Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 2 hours ago, Drwho314 said: I looked into it. I might be agender, because over all I don't think of myself as being any particular gender. It is like there are all these groups of people (gender identities) and I'm dancing by myself in the corner. Oftenly I feel like I'm controlling a robotic body, and I'm a mind controlling it, not male, not female, just me As An agender that’s how I feel too 😂 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Drwho314 Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 11 hours ago, Blake23 said: As An agender that’s how I feel too 😂 Awesome to hear I'm not alone. I am unsure if I should use the neutral pronouns or continue with the masculine ones. I don't mind the masculine ones, and it would be easier in a day to day basis. I recently figured this out so I am in the closet, and trying to get my bearings on this. Thanks for any advice or opinions. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bloc Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 2 hours ago, Drwho314 said: Awesome to hear I'm not alone. I am unsure if I should use the neutral pronouns or continue with the masculine ones. I don't mind the masculine ones, and it would be easier in a day to day basis. I recently figured this out so I am in the closet, and trying to get my bearings on this. Thanks for any advice or opinions. You don't have to use neutral pronouns. If you don't mind he/him you can continue. You can try different pronouns in situations where it is safe and will not have impact on your daily life. Especially since you just figured out recently, I am not sure if it would be a good idea to start using new pronouns in daily life. I've heard to many dismissive comments on non-binary identities that I am out as non-binary only to people I trust and have the impression they are accepting. I am trying to get my parents used to the idea they have a non-binary child, but my energy is limited when I visit them and I don't want to use all of it trying to explain it to them. So I think I try it by small steps to get them to the point their child is not cis. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I agree with @Bloc. Changing pronouns in real life is a big commitment. I am keeping my gender identity very much in the closet except for here on AVEN, and have accepted that's just the way it's got to be. I went to the purple picnic in London yesterday, and wore a name badge staying they as my pronoun - it was the first time I have openly acknowledged being non-binary, and I was only brave enough because it was no big deal in that setting. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bloc Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 4 minutes ago, CustardCream said: I went to the purple picnic in London yesterday, and wore a name badge staying they as my pronoun - it was the first time I have openly acknowledged being non-binary, and I was only brave enough because it was no big deal in that setting. Nice. How was the picnic? I am mostly out in queer communities. The other probably believe I am a crossdresser, which is not how I would describe myself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 The picnic was very nice. There were about 40 of us over the course of the afternoon, it was all very casual and friendly. I got distracted by watching some Avenites who brought poi with them. I got some lessons, mastered 4 techniques, and have become utterly hooked. Going to have to buy some now! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BlakeTheNightowl~ Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 4 hours ago, Drwho314 said: Awesome to hear I'm not alone. I am unsure if I should use the neutral pronouns or continue with the masculine ones. I don't mind the masculine ones, and it would be easier in a day to day basis. I recently figured this out so I am in the closet, and trying to get my bearings on this. Thanks for any advice or opinions. I’m only out to my close trusted friends that are accepting but come out when you feel ready To / have supportive friends and family wish you the best !! 🙂 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 3 hours ago, Bloc said: You can try different pronouns in situations where it is safe and will not have impact on your daily life. I use they/them everywhere but work and hearing she/her/Miss etc. kills me One day I'll be out at work but I need to be really well established in order to safely do that. The fact that our identity could jeopardise our careers is just...so awful. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 6 hours ago, CustardCream said: I went to the purple picnic in London yesterday, and wore a name badge staying they as my pronoun - it was the first time I have openly acknowledged being non-binary, and I was only brave enough because it was no big deal in that setting. Congratulations! It's nice to be around people who are cool about stuff and don't make a big deal about every little thing. 😁 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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