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What it feels like to be trans, genderqueer or genderless


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Gho St Ory Qwan

I feel my body is too obviously one sex. I don't like people seeing me as a sexual being essentially. I would rather look less female and look more neutral; which I'm planning and trying to work on, but it's quite a daunting task right now. >.<

I believe my body would suit me if I were intersex. I actually hope I secretly am, but I doubt it. I wouldn't have surgery for this, its more to do with expectations of those who are bad company. So I can tolerate my body on my own, but not how it makes people act differently and think badly of me (I see it as badly because most the time it very much seems selfish and rude and disgusting thoughts). If I could look a little more how I feel I should present, I'd be ok.

I like how I look; it's very much to do with the change in expectations of me from others that seem to grow as I get older. I can't take it much longer. >.<

When I see people I filter out differences and see similarities or how we work together nicely. I'm not accustomed to this thought process of picking out differences and tailoring views and opinions from it. =/ Guess I'll just need to get used to it, people won't change.

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  • 2 weeks later...
ChildOfTheLight

(Please note that the following is not intended to be interpreted literally, but instead to point out the ridiculousness of sexism. It was aimed at a group of people who are fine with sexism but vehemently anti-racist, thus I replaced male and female with black and white. The entire point is to find the points within absurd and bad)

It is high time we face the facts that whites and blacks must be separated. The two are too different and must be considered entirely separately in basically everything. The following and more need to be segregated!

<snip>

I think you'll like this a lot: http://www.cs.virginia.edu/~evans/cs655/readings/purity.html

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I loved the link from above ^^. It is pretty mind-boggling why language makes such a distinction between the sexes. It must have been very important at some point, but now I think it has become mostly self-perpetuating; we continue to regard sex as an important distinction because language shapes the way we think. Language also gives us the ability or inability (by lack of terminology) to form concepts, which is the point of this post I made: http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/57923-in-need-of-asexual-relationship-terminology/page__p__1753964__fromsearch__1#entry1753964

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A Long Time Ago

For me, being trans is a feeling that things are not right in some ways like in a dream when you are suspecting that it is a dream because things aren't right except that it is way stronger and a feeling of sorrow over not having things as they should have been (being born in the right body and living one's whole life appropriately). And I cannot shake or bend this feeling of sorrow and that things are not right. For example, I have been reading and seeing quite a few stories of trans people (both non-fiction and fiction), especially going after ones that are not happy and have horrifying things happen to the trans character/s, in order to scare the **** out of myself to see if I really do feel I am trans and not just chasing some overly optimistic dream world. While this makes me terrified and lets me know that if I change the way I live I could face horrible hardships, it does not shake my feelings that I am a woman despite being born in a male body nor my desire to live the rest of my life as I really am as opposed to continuing to act like a man.

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As far as i can recall i've allways thought myself as some being, similar to general human being concept, but i've never seen myself in "pants" or "skirt".But as you all know the majority of people judge about person from his gender, clothing, etc...and sometimes it's quite f**ked up when you can't relate to male of female.Up till now i know only one person who at least respects my opinion, but i know that to that person is quite hard to understand, becouse i do believe,that if you are genderless, only genderless can really know what it's like to be you and no one else can, at least not that well.And that makes situation eeve worse in finding mates when your inerets aren't that common among the mahority of people,especially peers.But well. i do hope so that situation is getting better here in Lithuania and people are becoming more aware pf asexuality and generless,trans etc............

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I don't think it's possible to be genderless in a society that uses a gender binary in pretty much every aspect of life, although I DO feel that a genderless society would be beneficial.

I would like to think of myself as genderless, but again that's not really possible because other people will always try to mark me as one gender or another. So instead I say I'm androgynous (which as I'm sure you know means both male and female).

I'm more female-bodied than male-bodied. I'm an XX person who is sensitive to testosterone which is obvious in some of my secondary sexual characteristics.

...sometimes I like to wear skirts. The more I think of myself as androgynous the more I wear clothing from the men's section of clothing stores. Also, I have childhood memories of feeling like a drag queen whenever I put on a dress, and I still feel that way every time. I even have a photo of myself as a four year-old where I'm wearing a flowery pink dress and pink sun hat and I look like I'm totally disgusted. My face is all scrunched up and my tongue is out, my hands are limply waving...I guess you'd have to see it. Anyway I don't usually do dresses.

Some people tell me that I don't seem like a gender bender, and that I read as being totally feminine, but lots of people don't know whether to call me sir or ma'am. Sometimes people call me both simultaneously, "Excuse me, sirmaam." Little girls always stare at me, and sometimes they tell their parents to look at me and ask "what's that?!" It's funny and also annoying.

I got sir lady once. :lol:

My body and my id card says I am female.

I like my body and I wouldnt change it for the world.

I think a womans body is biologically superior and I feel comfy in it.

That doesnt mean I feel like a woman.

Since I can remember myself I always thought, dressed and played as a boy.

In all the films and books that I see I always took the men roles.

In my real life I dress like a man , talk like a man and work like a man.

Still there are many aspects of a mans life that I dont embrace. For ex.I hate football and when it comes to discussions I can communicate better with a woman than with a man.

I am romantically/esthetically attracted to women.

I would really like to have a real woman fall in love, head over heels with me and then I could love her and protect her and care for her just like a real man. However I know this could never happen in reality . Real women , want real men (with male organs that they use for their joy) and I would never want to become a man of this sort (having male organs I mean) ,

so the only thing I can say to a woman that I like (Inside my head I mean not out loud) is "Sorry to disappoint you but I dont have a joystick my dear")

:rolleyes:

Pretty my twinginess except it's a bit more complicated. Pretty much straight woman falls for straight man but wants to be bisexual male at least. (The man-to-man asexy love's just cool.) But then, I've always thought a guy with boobs is pretty much my ideal body type save a womb because I'm bringing out those babies.

I feel my body is too obviously one sex. I don't like people seeing me as a sexual being essentially. I would rather look less female and look more neutral; which I'm planning and trying to work on, but it's quite a daunting task right now. >.<

I believe my body would suit me if I were intersex. I actually hope I secretly am, but I doubt it. I wouldn't have surgery for this, its more to do with expectations of those who are bad company. So I can tolerate my body on my own, but not how it makes people act differently and think badly of me (I see it as badly because most the time it very much seems selfish and rude and disgusting thoughts). If I could look a little more how I feel I should present, I'd be ok.

I like how I look; it's very much to do with the change in expectations of me from others that seem to grow as I get older. I can't take it much longer. >.<

When I see people I filter out differences and see similarities or how we work together nicely. I'm not accustomed to this thought process of picking out differences and tailoring views and opinions from it. =/ Guess I'll just need to get used to it, people won't change.

I'm a bit tooo scared to get T but I want a smidgen, not enough to look male but enough to get less womanly. Urgh, this gender- sex thingy's way too complicated. I still think one day, I'd like to write 'man-woman' in the gender box. :wacko:

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  • 2 weeks later...

I hear you, Seien. I wish people could just get over the fact that we're different from the norm and move on with their lives. Society has created very structured gender norms (though in the U.S. it's not as structured as other countries). If I could, I would be genderless. It's all a big headache to me. I identify with both genders at times and I identify with neither other times. Is it too much to ask to just simply be recognized as a person?

Hm, well I've always felt like I didn't really belong with 'girls' ever since I was a small child. I had predominantly male friends, and a few female friends who were more tomboyish. After deciding that society's standard for male and female just didn't work.... I dunno. All I can really say is that I don't think like any male or female I know. I've always felt that I was separate from the whole 'gender' thing, and thus neutrois works best with me. Or more like if someone asked me if I was a boy or a girl the best answer would be 'both and neither.' XD Kinda hard to explain. Pronouns don't bother me so much, but having my gender mistaken is really flattering for whatever reason. As long as I'm not shoved in the 'boy' box or the 'girl' box I'm generally okay. Luckily, my quirkiness kind of forces people to consider me in a section all my own as far as that is concerned.

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ChildOfTheLight

For me, being trans is a feeling that things are not right in some ways like in a dream when you are suspecting that it is a dream because things aren't right except that it is way stronger and a feeling of sorrow over not having things as they should have been (being born in the right body and living one's whole life appropriately). And I cannot shake or bend this feeling of sorrow and that things are not right. For example, I have been reading and seeing quite a few stories of trans people (both non-fiction and fiction), especially going after ones that are not happy and have horrifying things happen to the trans character/s, in order to scare the **** out of myself to see if I really do feel I am trans and not just chasing some overly optimistic dream world. While this makes me terrified and lets me know that if I change the way I live I could face horrible hardships, it does not shake my feelings that I am a woman despite being born in a male body nor my desire to live the rest of my life as I really am as opposed to continuing to act like a man.

I remember reading What Happened To Lani Garver (in which the title character is a very-androgynous-looking, hinted to be trans, implied to be asexual, person (? -- and you'll understand that punctuation mark if you've read the book)) and finding it very painful to read, because of what happened to that character, with whom I had come to identify very strongly. I felt viscerally, That could be me.

I know that terrible things can happen to people who don't follow the standard rules of gender. But terrible things are guaranteed to happen to those who spend their life hiding away who they are. It destroys you, hiding. It makes you hate yourself. I won't live like that. Some people don't understand this, and I don't want to understand it any better than I do. ("To taste the sea all one needs is one gulp.")

This is a lot of bravado from me, who, if not pushed back into the closet, find myself still in my room, trying to figure out how to open the door without causing it to explode. But that's exactly what I will do, because I must. I have to be me, even if I'm somewhat in the dark about how it is I will bring that into the world and how my gender experession will progress through life as I do, because I lack role models for it. ("All of us get lost in the darkness. Dreamers learn to steer by the stars.")

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I didn't have too much trouble identifying myself as an aromantic ace. I'm having a rather difficult time figuring out gender, though. Biologically (or bodily, I'm not sure of the accepted term), I was born male. But what determines whether I'm male or female in regards to gender? I don't feel particularly attached to my body nor am I desiring to be in a female body. I'm having trouble determining what makes one male or female and how I can know which I am, intuition aside. If intuition is the only guide, then I don't really feel anything at all and it's maddeningly confusing.

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'I feel like a woman in my mind - but the woman in my mind thinks she should have the body of neither a man or a woman, but somewhere in between. Like top half: man, bottom half: woman. That would be perfect.'

:cake:

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It feels normal. Those who are similar feel normal to me and I prefer associating with them (all who are my close friends and associates are atypical in gender in regards to their sex, some more than others, but I can't think of one exception to that rule. Even my best friend seems to identify with a more feminine identity while being a man just as I identify with an opposite gender as it pertains to my own sex. This was also apparent when we were a couple where I naturally took on a dominant, non-romantic/pragmatic, and masculine role and he a submissive, more overtly romantic role. I know there were a lot of bumps where it concerned conflict with our innate sense of gender identity and gender roles we were supposed to fill...made things needlessly difficult and very annoying).

Those who more stereotyped versions of their own sex in regards to gender feel alien to me and I guess I feel alien to them. It's not so much that we avoid each other on purpose as we just don't click. But it feels good to be this way. Similar people appreciate me for being this way just as I appreciate them for being that way, too (and obviously not being faked because anyone can sense that when it happens...it fools no one but the one fooling himself).

The other way sometimes turns me off (girly girls and manly men, for instance), but it's more that it's just another kind of person's way of being a person among all of us persons, so it's cool.

But I know I always felt different as a child and now find it ironic how there was always conflict with how I wanted to be and what I wanted to wear and how I was supposed to be and look based on my arbitrary sex. I remember feeling so wrong and disgusted when I put on a gender role expected for my sex. It just felt so much like a lie to my nature and it felt like I lost 'me' and didn't know who I was until I expressed my true self and true gender (within reason). Also made me feel inferior and was treated as such from some family, peers, and church, but I better understand why I was this way and am this way and see it as being tied to biology.

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I don't know. I'm not just in between genders, but I feel as if I'm meant to be an entirely different race from humanity. T_T If that makes sense. JUST like those half animal-half human anime characters. The ones that always walk like a human, have a human body, but have bizarre coloured hair, a tail, and big cute animal ears.

I've felt like this before, but not because of my gender. I just felt like an "other". An outcast. :/

To me, I'm a combination of genders, that's a cute ball of fluffiness. xD

Awwwwwww CUTE BALL OF FLUFF!!! *hugs* ^____^ <3

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I don't have anything against trans/genderqueer/genderless people, but I have to say I'm pretty fine with my gender as it is. Well no, I guess I should take that back. I always feel like I'm not the way a normal female should be, but this is probably because of stereotypes and the way females are portrayed in society.

Girls HAVE to have no body hair.

Girls HAVE to have big breasts.

Girls HAVE to know nothing about their sexuality.

Girls HAVE to like makeup and clothes and crap.

Girls HAVE to want to get married and cook and clean for their whole lives.

Girls HAVE to like guys. (And if they don't then they HAVE to like girls.)

This isn't true for everyone, but my community is pretty conservative. It's all messed up in my head. But I don't think I'm a guy on the inside. I think of myself as...a girl....well, I think of myself as...myself!!! SCREW THESE GENDER LABELS :mad: !

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mad_scientist

I don't have anything against trans/genderqueer/genderless people, but I have to say I'm pretty fine with my gender as it is. Well no, I guess I should take that back. I always feel like I'm not the way a normal female should be, but this is probably because of stereotypes and the way females are portrayed in society.

Girls HAVE to have no body hair.

Girls HAVE to have big breasts.

Girls HAVE to know nothing about their sexuality.

Girls HAVE to like makeup and clothes and crap.

Girls HAVE to want to get married and cook and clean for their whole lives.

Girls HAVE to like guys. (And if they don't then they HAVE to like girls.)

This isn't true for everyone, but my community is pretty conservative. It's all messed up in my head. But I don't think I'm a guy on the inside. I think of myself as...a girl....well, I think of myself as...myself!!! SCREW THESE GENDER LABELS :mad: !

Did you ever watch that cartoon Daria? There's one episode where Kevin (describing Shakespeare as a "total chick writer") walks up to her and says "Hey, Daria, you're a chick, right?" Daria just looks at him and says, "Why, do you have a biology test today?"

That about sums it up, I think.

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Gender, however, is not determined by chromosomal make-up. No one really knows what causes it, alas, but anyone of any sex may be any gender.



You're right, sort of.

I've studied genetics for the past 5 years (more the immunological side of things though) and from what I remember from that part of my degree is that gender isn't completely dependant on chromosomes.

To become "activated" as a male, there's a particular gene (called SRY I think but I might need to check so don't quote me on that) that is usually located on the part of the Y chromosome where crossing over can take place. It also needs a sort of "switch" to activate it too, and I vaguely remember some more complicated aspects to this switch. Anyways, it is possible for this gene and its switch to end up on an X chromosome, but it is rare. If either of these things is missing or damaged or mutated in such a way that they no longer function, the embryo will ultimately develop as female. I'm pretty sure either of these sort of chromosome swapping (ie biological male with XX) results in either reduced fertility or ever sterility. Which is nice.


I'm not sure what most terms mean in relation to gender, trans, genderqueer etc etc but I could probably guess. Although my body is female, I've never felt even remotely female, and I have no idea what it's like to be male either, but I've always assumed that my mind is male. I've never been particularly hung up on it though. I just thought, so my body isn't what it should be, and I just got on with all the piddly crap that living on this earth demands that I do.
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  • 2 weeks later...

I've always felt sort of genderless in spite of my biological sex. I've never wished to change my sex for any reason, though I've mused that it would be cool to be a hermaphrodite. I've just never felt comfortable hearing statements suck as "we girls fantasize about our prince" or anything like that. I think my asexuality has played the biggest role in my dislike of gendering myself. It bothers me to hear how high my voice is on recordings--I sound more androgynous in my head, and the voice on the recording sounds like some foreign girly-girl.

Yesterday, a coworker joked about how one of my bosses jokingly though I should wear makeup and dresses when our business moves. I told my coworker that I'd rather change my sex than wear make-up everyday, and I meant it. It's not that I've ever wished to be an actual boy--I just don't care about my biological sex enough to miss it if it were to change. How would I be any different than I am today? Different genitals for sure, but I would adjust to them.

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I have a friend who is biologically female, but goes by the name Matthew and binds her(?) chest and wears guys clothes until she is old enough to get a gender change surgery. I rarely actually think of her as female which makes it a little wierd if I ask my mom if my friend "Matthew" can spend the night...

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ChildOfTheLight

I have a friend who is biologically female, but goes by the name Matthew and binds her(?) chest and wears guys clothes until she is old enough to get a gender change surgery. I rarely actually think of her as female which makes it a little wierd if I ask my mom if my friend "Matthew" can spend the night...

Welcome to the wonderful world of transpeople. I take it Matthew hasn't asked you to refer to them with male pronouns? Just asking because if they do at some point, you should. Even if it's only when you two are alone together or among accepting friends at first, hearing the right pronouns can be really comforting for transpeople.

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I have trouble explaining anything in this area with any degree of certainty. Gender doesn't feel constrained, I guess. Phsyically, definitely could go for some changes. It's kinda like my brain's finally catching up to something my body and subconscious have been trying to tell me for years. That's part of the reason I'm asexual, I guess. However, I don't mind dressing like a girl some of the time and stuff. Did anyone see the movie Zerophilia? I wish that was me, really. I think I could handle being a female (minus the interest in sex)if it was just part of the time and not the whole that people define me as.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm genderless (I'm neither female, male trans, or androgynous; you might say I don't label my gender, or even that my gender doesn't exist).

How is it like? Hard to say. It's like you were something that doesn't have gender at all (like water or air, or fire) and put in something that has a shape of a female (for example).

My body doesn't match my gender, but I can't say it's very disturbing. It just sort of 'is'. Like a water in a glass- glass is different to water, it's only something that gives it a shape.

The bolded, exactly. I feel like a disembodied brain. I am pretty detached and isolated. The biological machine that keeps my brain going - as you say, gives it shape, but in this case, also gives it life I guess - just happens to be of the female sex, but I have a hard time bridging the gap between that and the contents of my brain. My brain obviously knows in a factual sense that it's in a female body, but it doesn't really understand what that means (and so, I don't really understand what that means. (I could go off on a tangent here about whether "I" am actually "my brain", but that's not relevant)).

I can't assign a gender to myself. I seem to short-circuit if I try. It's like assigning a property to something that doesn't take that property/ work with that operator - like colour to something invisible, or taking the mathematical sum of two words. My name feels the same way. I am a bit shocked/surprised whenever forced to think of myself as having a gender. It doesn't feel right to select a gender for myself on a form, or from a drop-down menu, etc. or to hear someone else refer to me as "she" (even typing that out weirded me out a bit)... but "he" is no better, maybe even less congruent.

That said, I still don't identify as genderless. I don't feel like I have an innate sense of gender, but I probably do. If I swapped brains with a male-bodied individual right now, I would likely experience dysphoria in their body (I don't have any in my current one)... which would mean that I do have some internal sense of gender. It's just invisible because everything is congruent right now. That doesn't mean I'm genderless, just lucky. Unless... do I sound legitimately genderless...?

Gender roles/stereotypes also irk me but they are a different issue altogether, IMO. The above post is mostly about nonphysical, invisible things, whereas gender roles/stereotypes are more concrete to me.

When people say my (gendered birth) name, I flinch. Sometimes I'm used to it, but a lot of the time I flinch. Especially if I see it in writing. Same goes for people calling me "she"--it just feels incredibly wrong. Not like I want to switch it out for "he" (although I've been through phases of wanting to be physically and socially male), just like... It's especially below-the-belt for someone to make a big deal out of my gender.

...

It's just like an intrusion into my world, my way of thinking and understanding, my passion for life, my enchantment with the little things and the big issues, how I view myself. It's like someone comes barging in with this harsh, violent, divisive, arbitrary tool for tearing people apart and rending them into predetermined boxes.

Thanks for this post. I agree. I am horrified sometimes that other people see me as female first, person later, when I am largely blind to my own gender. I could even live with the categorization, if it were innocent, but it's not much of the time. I think I am largely blind to other people's genders too. I care mostly about what their thoughts are. I try to get as close as possible to their thoughts (possibly their passion for life, etc. like you said). This is probably why I like forums - irrelevant things like gender don't get in the way, and I can get a glimpse of the way people think. Talking to people IRL also works. On the note of understanding men/women, I understand and misunderstand both to the same degree on average. It seems not to matter. (I have noticed significant patterns of mis/understanding with MBTI type, however.) I also agree with the rest of your post, that "male" seems to be the neutral gender. Male is synonymous with human, female is the other. In that way, if I want to be seen as just a person, it would help to be male.

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Hmm, really interesting thread. I guess that I feel androgynous. My mental image of myself is like a combination of male and female. Like Vampireseal mentions, I feel out of place among "we girls", but I am not "one of the guys" either. I know that I reject the gender binary. I'm comfortable with my female body and don't want to change it, but if I suddenly woke up in a male body, I don't think I would be all that distressed, after getting over the initial surprise. I've thought about the genderqueer identity for a long time, but I feel disingenuous calling myself that when I so obviously look female. To confuse someone about my gender, it would take a lot of disguise. Do looks matter?

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"male" seems to be the neutral gender. Male is synonymous with human, female is the other. In that way, if I want to be seen as just a person, it would help to be male.

I find that really odd. For more male and female have characteristics in some intangible way that agender and neutrois are really the neutral option. In my case being bigender, male and female, I definitely do not feel neutral + female gendered.

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I once had a friend ask me- and she wasn't trying to be mean, I don't think- "What ARE you?": I just shrugged. That pretty much sums it up. I am ME first, and any other label second.

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giantpapercranes

I've always felt a bit genderless. Biologically, I was born a female, but I don't like... constraining? Yeah, I don't like to constrain myself to the limitations of that; society puts way too much focus on gender for me to be comfortable being called either. I mean, I want to be judged on the merits of what I can do regardless of my gender, y'know?

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"male" seems to be the neutral gender. Male is synonymous with human, female is the other. In that way, if I want to be seen as just a person, it would help to be male.

I find that really odd. For more male and female have characteristics in some intangible way that agender and neutrois are really the neutral option. In my case being bigender, male and female, I definitely do not feel neutral + female gendered.

I think I see what you're saying. But I meant it more in the way other people perceive me, rather than how I feel on the inside. It seems to me that people perceive males as being people before males, but females as females before people.

I think that if I want to be seen as just a person, ie. if I want my gender to be irrelevant, then I should appear male (or at least as male as possible - that's a problem. I can't look androgynous even if I try).

It seems that, by default, male-appearing people get seen as people first... they are seen for their abilities, etc., much more easily that women (or at least female-presenting people) are.

Perhaps my perceptions are off.

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Blind.Archer

Hm, well I've always felt like I didn't really belong with 'girls' ever since I was a small child. I had predominantly male friends, and a few female friends who were more tomboyish. After deciding that society's standard for male and female just didn't work.... I dunno. All I can really say is that I don't think like any male or female I know. I've always felt that I was separate from the whole 'gender' thing, and thus neutrois works best with me. Or more like if someone asked me if I was a boy or a girl the best answer would be 'both and neither.' XD Kinda hard to explain. Pronouns don't bother me so much, but having my gender mistaken is really flattering for whatever reason. As long as I'm not shoved in the 'boy' box or the 'girl' box I'm generally okay. Luckily, my quirkiness kind of forces people to consider me in a section all my own as far as that is concerned.

I am similar in that aspect..that I am so quirky, I am in obscure category all on my own without it needing to be discussed. Some guys see me as a guy...otherwise I am treated like I have no gender to speak of. I kind of like it. It has never been brought up to me before a couple days ago, and I never thought about my gender before. Because..like my sexuality, it doesn't seem to affect my life too much because this is how I have always been. And when I meet new people they seem to be put off by my nature at first, but almost always accept it without thinking about it. It also seems that they seem very comfortable around me because of my lack of gender. Like because I am not seeing through either shades of pink or blue, they find talking to me refreshing.

If that makes sense. Also, I might sound uppity or arrogant while writing this, but that isn't what it is at all. More like astonishment and practised observations.

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There Is No Cure

Let's see;

Inuma is a boy - Dominate personality

I am a woman (biologically) - Original personality.

On a daily basis I fade from female to male in mentality. Inu is never bothered by being biologically female because he is secure in his masculinity. I am an in-between. I can be either male or I can be female. It depends on who I'm talking to/who I'm with/what I'm doing. What I'm thinking.

I have a straight split of personalities. Three male and three female.

Though even before, when it was just Inuma and I, I was more male. He's my dominate personality although he is not the origional. So rather, I am gender fluid. And none of us mind it one bit.

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how does it feel? hrm... well, to me, it feels like a general discomfort and unhappiness while living as male or female exclusively.

ya, that explains it!

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For me, living as female felt suffocating- I was a body first and foremost, and all perceptions of my actions were informed by the body I inhabited. I dreamed of a body and an identity wherein I would be comfortable almost constantly.

From the age of fourteen I have identified as a transsexual male- I wish to take testosterone and get chest surgery, and knowing that those events are on the horizon makes it much easier to breathe. However, I also know that taking testosterone for the rest of my life and becoming a binary male would be just as oppressive and uncomfortable. Therefore, I have also decided that I will also stop taking testosterone after the first few years. It was only after deciding these things that I felt free and whole in my body, despite still being pre-everything physically.

Additionally, while my sex is that of transsexual male, my gender is not fully male- instead, I am feminine of center, and express myself regardless of gender norms.

Sometimes even this is scary, as I am not normative in a group of transsexuals. I am transgressing the binary not to cross to the other side but to remain in the middle. However, I know it is the only way to feel one in my own person.

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mad_scientist

"male" seems to be the neutral gender. Male is synonymous with human, female is the other. In that way, if I want to be seen as just a person, it would help to be male.

I find that really odd. For more male and female have characteristics in some intangible way that agender and neutrois are really the neutral option. In my case being bigender, male and female, I definitely do not feel neutral + female gendered.

I think I see what you're saying. But I meant it more in the way other people perceive me, rather than how I feel on the inside. It seems to me that people perceive males as being people before males, but females as females before people.

I think that if I want to be seen as just a person, ie. if I want my gender to be irrelevant, then I should appear male (or at least as male as possible - that's a problem. I can't look androgynous even if I try).

It seems that, by default, male-appearing people get seen as people first... they are seen for their abilities, etc., much more easily that women (or at least female-presenting people) are.

Perhaps my perceptions are off.

I believe your perceptions are correct, and this is why I too would prefer to appear masculine if I was forced to choose a gender. Unfortunately, masculine is probably more androgynous in our culture than true androgyny -- female = "hey, a girl"; male = "look, a person"; androgynous = "would it be rude for me to ask what the hell this person is?"

I think this difference is a large factor in the "men act, women are" phenomenon in fiction. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MenActWomenAre . You have people, and you have women. It's also why I find people who "can't talk to women" inherently offensive, although I'm sure it's not their fault. How about treating more than half of the human species AS HUMANS, and worry about genitals when you know each other better?!

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