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What it feels like to be trans, genderqueer or genderless


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Some of the best suggestions I've heared is to just say "O, Nika (or some other first name) will do."

or if you're in a position where you're so blatantly senior to the asker that first names just won't do, to introduce yourself as Doctor. It's gender neutral.

In both cases, you did not give the asker an answer about the female/male question.

If that person then blatantly asks "Yes, but are you male or female?", it's up to you whether you want to explain to them that you are not.

I'm not old enough that doctor would seem reasonable at all, but Captain is also gender neutral, and doesn't really have any qualifications like doctor does (real Doctors have to earn their title through lots of hard work, getting a PhD or MD or whatever).

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cap'n shmazz

A little girl once said this about me:

"Is she a man?"

and i think that kind of sums a lot of it up.

i'm genderqueer, and i usually identify as neutral. but i go through periods of time where i am more feminine, then i go through times where i feel more masculine.

but the sad thing is i'm never comfortable with who i am. i wish i was born with no gender so i could not have to worry about all this stuff i have to put up with body-wise.

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I'm genderless, poured into a female body. Some days I feel masculine, some days I feel feminine, but I'm genderless nonetheless. I AM considering having some surgeries done to give me a more agender body, however.

I'm uncomfortable with my body as it is, and yet, I'm not. I am, but I'm not. But mostly, I'm very, very uncomfortable.

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Admiral Kitteh

I don't really know what gender I am because some days I feel like a woman and others I just feel like nothing. I am female biologically but I'm comfortable with my sex. The only thing I really hate though is how large my breasts are. I'd give anything to make them small so when I wear clothes you can barely see I have any. I think I'd prefer to be androgynous and dress according to how I feel. I don't know how it is like to feel masculine so the only genders I could identify with are female and none. ._. I dunno how else to explain it.

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I recently wrote something in a different post that I think FINALLY sums up my answer to that age old question:

"But if everyone accepts that you are male, why do you still want to physically transition? Why can't you just be a boy with a female body? Why does it matter?"

It'd say it's like this:

Suppose you switched bodies with a stranger tomorrow. Would just telling people that you were really you and living your own life be enough? or would you still want your old body back? and if switching back were impossible: wouldn't you go as far as you could to look like the person you were and get your own name on your passport?

I guess that is what it means to be transsexual: a quest to reclaim a body, name and gendermarker that should have been yours.

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A little girl once said this about me:

"Is she a man?"

and i think that kind of sums a lot of it up.

i'm genderqueer, and i usually identify as neutral. but i go through periods of time where i am more feminine, then i go through times where i feel more masculine.

but the sad thing is i'm never comfortable with who i am. i wish i was born with no gender so i could not have to worry about all this stuff i have to put up with body-wise.

The comment I got from a little girl:

"Hi, Mister Lady!"

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  • 2 weeks later...

I find Mister, Miss, etc. annoying. When I think of miss I think of frills and fluffy dogs. Yet Mister doesn't fit either...

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Dancinglollipop

I'm... me.

Somedays I wake up, and I wear a pretty dress and put make up on and wear high heels. And that's me.

Somedays I wake up, and I put on a sportsbra -which flattens my (small) chest-, and I put on a baggy shirt I bought from the men's section, and I put on a pair of men's pants. And that's me too.

Generally, when I'm wearing guys clothes, people treat me as a male (I've even had girls flirt with me, to my extreme discomfort), right up till I speak. (I have a very feminine sounding voice). Then they kind of stumble backwards and don't know how to react. Yet when I wear female clothes, there's no mistaking me for a guy. People coo and awe over how cute/pretty they think I am. (And yeah, that's really uncomfortable for me too.)

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The comment I got from a little girl:

"Hi, Mister Lady!"

That is hilarious. Well, to Me. I would have laughed My arse off.

My flatmate's two-year-old son is convinced I'm a man. Well, first he asked, "Are you a man?" and from then it was, "You are a man!" He's very... final with his tone.

Part of his first name is My surname (coincidentally), and so I said, "I'm a [name] too!" and he responded firmly, "You not a [name]. You a man!"

I couldn't disagree with him there.

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prettyeyes

I'm... me.

Somedays I wake up, and I wear a pretty dress and put make up on and wear high heels. And that's me.

Somedays I wake up, and I put on a sportsbra -which flattens my (small) chest-, and I put on a baggy shirt I bought from the men's section, and I put on a pair of men's pants. And that's me too.

Generally, when I'm wearing guys clothes, people treat me as a male (I've even had girls flirt with me, to my extreme discomfort), right up till I speak. (I have a very feminine sounding voice). Then they kind of stumble backwards and don't know how to react. Yet when I wear female clothes, there's no mistaking me for a guy. People coo and awe over how cute/pretty they think I am. (And yeah, that's really uncomfortable for me too.)

That's a lot like me, only I feel like I'm definetly in drag when in female clothes. It's like a costume that I just enjoy wearing. But then I get all mad when people treat me like my fashion choices say something about me other than "This person is very over the top and weird, you should get to know them!" :lol:

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Dancinglollipop

I'm... me.

Somedays I wake up, and I wear a pretty dress and put make up on and wear high heels. And that's me.

Somedays I wake up, and I put on a sportsbra -which flattens my (small) chest-, and I put on a baggy shirt I bought from the men's section, and I put on a pair of men's pants. And that's me too.

Generally, when I'm wearing guys clothes, people treat me as a male (I've even had girls flirt with me, to my extreme discomfort), right up till I speak. (I have a very feminine sounding voice). Then they kind of stumble backwards and don't know how to react. Yet when I wear female clothes, there's no mistaking me for a guy. People coo and awe over how cute/pretty they think I am. (And yeah, that's really uncomfortable for me too.)

That's a lot like me, only I feel like I'm definetly in drag when in female clothes. It's like a costume that I just enjoy wearing. But then I get all mad when people treat me like my fashion choices say something about me other than "This person is very over the top and weird, you should get to know them!" :lol:

Aww. I would totally want to get to know you if I ever met you in real life ^_^

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  • 2 weeks later...
PoisonJestersMask

Good question. I consider myself Transgender FTM but you know...I suppose I could be also considered genderless because I really do not look upon myself as a woman, and even though I feel male (in a sense) I couldn't say that I am (or feel) male either, in fact I feel like nothing I just am me and nothing more. thanks for bringing this topic up...you opened up my eyes to a few things :)

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Darkfire Prophet

I am very happy as a man, and feel rather male 95% of the time. The other 5% of the time, to quote Shania Twain, "I feel like a woman". I don't really feel the need to mix the two, though that may be the result of heavy partitioning from being ashamed of that side of me in my youth. During most of the year I go around bearded, but late spring early summer is what my wife and I refer to as "drag season", and my feminine side steps out and the beard goes. Long hair that can be styled either way is important for passing both ways, though I can be a little baby faced with out the beard. That and I get a 5:00 shadow in 4 hours, so shaving is out of the question

.

As a note: Never wax facial hair, passing out from pain is never fun. Nair works pretty well though.

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:ph34r: I've never known anyone to try waxing facial hair. You, sir, get badass points for that.

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Darkfire Prophet

:ph34r: I've never known anyone to try waxing facial hair. You, sir, get badass points for that.

Hard earned badass points.

Two words: Pain and blood. Lots of both. don't do it unless you feel you have too much blood, and you are looking for an amount of pain slightly less than getting hit by a truck. You really shouldn't do it because you want the hair gone, because you replace a beard of hair with one of scabs, and the hair is back by the time it heals.

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I don't think it's possible to be genderless in a society that uses a gender binary in pretty much every aspect of life, although I DO feel that a genderless society would be beneficial.

I would like to think of myself as genderless, but again that's not really possible because other people will always try to mark me as one gender or another. So instead I say I'm androgynous (which as I'm sure you know means both male and female).

I'm more female-bodied than male-bodied. I'm an XX person who is sensitive to testosterone which is obvious in some of my secondary sexual characteristics.

...sometimes I like to wear skirts. The more I think of myself as androgynous the more I wear clothing from the men's section of clothing stores. Also, I have childhood memories of feeling like a drag queen whenever I put on a dress, and I still feel that way every time. I even have a photo of myself as a four year-old where I'm wearing a flowery pink dress and pink sun hat and I look like I'm totally disgusted. My face is all scrunched up and my tongue is out, my hands are limply waving...I guess you'd have to see it. Anyway I don't usually do dresses.

Some people tell me that I don't seem like a gender bender, and that I read as being totally feminine, but lots of people don't know whether to call me sir or ma'am. Sometimes people call me both simultaneously, "Excuse me, sirmaam." Little girls always stare at me, and sometimes they tell their parents to look at me and ask "what's that?!" It's funny and also annoying.

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Well you've summed pretty well what it feels to be genderless so it's really no need for me to chip in, but I can't resist. It's been on my mind for such a long time that it's bound to come out anyway.

I live in a society where people are judged first and foremost by their gender and are expected to act accordingly to the affiliation. Being female, you must be chasing after males all the time and when you fancy a break, you must watch TV and read stuff that is dedicated to other females chasing males or vice versa. I wasn't having any of that.

So at first I thought I might be a lesbian, having no particular desire to chase the male specimens I had available. Though I knew at the time that I found the idea of dating anyone just so as not to stay at home on a Friday evening plain stupid. Pointless, more like.

Being born female, I have always preferred masculine pastimes, ever since my tomboyish childhood. I don't care much about fancy clothes, feminine jewelry or make-up (though when I choose to I wear high heels and a dress people think that I look pretty). On Bem Sex Role Inventory I score as a masculine personality. So, I thought, that must be it. Only, there was a catch - I wasn't attracted by women. I have always preferred males if I wanted company - less of small talk, more knowledge about things that I'm interested in (computers, sci-fi, exotic animals, etc.). and less of casual touching. I am rather territorial so I am very protective of my personal space (and to think I grew up in a culture where people touch each other frequently and the concept of personal space is virtually noexistent). So I wasn't a lesbian after all. But what was I? I felt so grossly different from everybody else around. So I decided to experiment a little and see where that leads me. I started by binding my breasts and I admit that I didn't expect to be so happy the first time I managed to bind properly. My breasts, it seemed to me at the time, have landed on me by mistake. Anybody lost a pair of boobs? Anyone? No? Gosh, looks like I've gone and got myself an extra pair...

So, I thought, next step in experimentation - try and see if I felt comfortable with what Mylene Farmer called "un mouchoir au creux du pantalon". This, however, did not work for me. That was the time that I felt that I actually wanted to have less, not more. Funny how binary thinking affects our everyday life. I didn't identify as a woman, so I thought I MUST identify as a man. Still, I wouldn't chase anybody.

That was the moment when it dawned on me that I didn't actually want to belong to either gender. Must have been preprogrammed in my genes anyway, as my face has always been very ambiguous and my figure is rather malleable, depending on the clothes I wear. I am actually thrilled because of the fact that I and only I, of all female folk I know, can walk into a pub, sit at the bar, have a quiet drink and walk out happily without anybody trying to pick me up. Nothing like it! I knew a girl once who summed it up like this: ''You've got ''keep away'' signs'' written all over you". Ah, good. Finally I seem to have projected one single message correctly.

For me, being genderless, is who I am. I'd rather have less of the feminine traits and if there was a quick and less invasive way to get rid of my boobs, I'd gladly do it. Meanwhile I'll secretly amuse myself with people who have difficulties placing me in their gender classification system (funny thing, I've noticed that when people can't identify my gender, they start using the familiar form of the subject pronoun. Which is usually done when addressing children. Beats me :P ).

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I'd be like, "My body is so lying to you.... Dudes, I'm no male. I'm a hermaphrodite, my body is a pathalogical liar. :lol: :lol:

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I love this topic. You guys are awesome.

I've never considered myself to be transgender. In fact, the first time I honestly wished to be a man (being biologically female) was when I had a crush on a straight girl late last year. She told me that she was "basically straight" so that I didn't have a chance, but I was awesome anyhow. That sort of thing bothered me a lot and I wondered "Would she have accepted my feelings if I had a Y chromosome?" It seemed really stupid and it hurt and it's when my personal gender restrictions really started crumbling.

I consider myself on the fence, a healthy balance of both genders. I don't particularly identify with either all of the time. Sometimes I feel like I'm leaning closer to male, though.

Before I even really knew about transgendered people, I caught myself referring to myself as if I were a boy. For example, when I was in high school, I saw a girl with a shirt that said something like "You WISH you had my boyfriend." My first thought in response to that was "Uh, why would I want to date another guy?" But then after a couple seconds I paused, and I thought "Wait, I'm a girl. That's right." I sort of laughed. A lot of stuff happened like that through out my life. My friends have always said I have really masculine habits and ways of doing things. Like sitting. Or just how I act in general. My breasts are probably the bane of my existence, I want them gone. I don't mind much about anything else though. So my gender identity is a little weird. I still have some things to figure out about myself, but I'm still young so I don't expect to sort everything all at once.

I'm just glad there are places like this that help me feel a little less abnormal.

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I'm just glad there are places like this that help me feel a little less abnormal.

My thoughts in a nutshell.

Though I'm happy the way I am, so that must be my way of being normal.

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  • 3 weeks later...
mad_scientist

My favourite little hypothetical test is "suppose you wake up the next morning in [opposite sex's] body... would that be any weirder than waking up a different body of your own sex?" Apart from some new physiological education, I don't think it would make much difference to me.

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P is for...

My favourite little hypothetical test is "suppose you wake up the next morning in [opposite sex's] body... would that be any weirder than waking up a different body of your own sex?" Apart from some new physiological education, I don't think it would make much difference to me.

funny--that's exactly the way i've been trying to explain it to people. that they should try to think of what it would be like, with everything that makes them identify as their gender, to wake up tomorrow in a body of the opposite sex. and for most people, it would make a difference. probably a big one. truthfully, it would make a big difference to me too. just not in the same way.

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friends call me half man half beast lol! I see a lot of ppl here admitting they are quite genderless.......me three! I act and think like a guy, sit and stand with legs open and stern. I do girly things. Sometimes I am neither, sometimes I am both. I wish i was a alien, no gender, just kinda funny looking and incredibly smart. Screw gender, I am with the bender!

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Fish That Swims

My favourite little hypothetical test is "suppose you wake up the next morning in [opposite sex's] body... would that be any weirder than waking up a different body of your own sex?" Apart from some new physiological education, I don't think it would make much difference to me.

i consider myself cisgender, but when i read this, my immediate reactions was, "hm, pants might be a little uncomfortable at first, but other than that it would be AWESOME!" i guess i've always kind of envied guys' superior strength, the capacity to grow facial hair, and the ability to pee standing up.

Do you guys ever imagine what you'd be like in The Matrix? isn't that supposed to be your mental image of yourself?

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Elliott Ford

I've been thinking about this a bit recently and I think i'll share it with you

I'm one of those trans people who has always known that they are trans (we're either rarer or less rare than you think, depending on how much contact you've had with actual trans people) but I never behaved like the boy I am during childhood because I'm very effeminate. Anyway..

Growing up, I always knew that I would be a man when I grew up. I knew that one day I'd be a man and I'd be a father and a husband. That was what I expected to happen and it wasn't until I was 14 or so that I even doubted it. Why? Because at 14 I hit puberty and everything went wrong. Then, when I was 19, I met a trans man and I turned my life around and am now happily living as the man I always knew I would grow into.

My analogy for this is:

Suppose, you have been studying hard to get into a particular school (or college or whatever) and you ace the entrance exams etc and you're all ready to start when you recieve a letter explaining that you have actually been enrolled in a different school, not the one you've been aiming for at all. In fact, very different. Say, you wanted to go to Drama School and have been placed in a Sport School or something. You search around for the solution to this mistake but you can't find one, there really does seem to be nothing you can do. A mistake has been made but you can't rectify it so you try to adjust to the new situation, you even get to be okay at a few sports when suddenly.. You find a way to re-enrol in the Drama School. What do you do? You re-enrol in the drama school of course and you fix the mistake.

That's how I feel.

Living as a man now is just me correcting a mistake and living the life I always knew I would.

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I feel right at home here.....when I was young people made such a big deal of my gender identity and it made me feel ashamed but now I see that there are lots of people like me all over the world and I see variance as just a part of life

I'm a transguy btw, I identify as male but make no effort to follow the stereotypes of what a man is, (tho I haven't met anyone nowadays that mistakes me for [what they think of as] a woman)

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I don't know if this is appropriate, but the OP did ask for people who weren't trans/genderqueer/genderless to reply too.

I am biologically female and my gender is female, too. I don't follow a lot of the "female stereotypes", even when I was little. Although I enjoy makeup (on pretty much everyone, regardless of sex/gender) I rarely wear it. As a child I played with trains and cars and dressup, depending on the mood. I wore blue when I felt like it and pink when I felt like it. I've always dressed for me, so I went through a two-year phase of just wanting to be comfortable, and I wore baggy clothes and baggy pants. These days I wear much tighter clothing because I like that better now. I wear things I like, I do things I like, stereotypes be damned.

But I'm female, no matter what I choose to do with my body or look like. I look in the mirror and even though I'm sometimes surprised by how curvy I really am, especially when I've been hanging out with much skinnier people, what I see looks right. I hate my boobs for being massive (I'm at least an H cup, but I wear a G because normal stores don't have mutant bra sizes) and inconvenient, but I don't want to get rid of them, just downsize them to something more manageable. I'm never mistaken for a boy, but being addressed as a female feels right, too. My closest friends are women and feminine gay guys, because I understand them far more than masculine men. I am much more comfortable with how female friendships work than male ones. I'm somewhat biromantic, but I lean towards being straight, and I've often said it would be easier to be a lesbian because women are so much easier to understand. When my body does something "female", such as menstruating, I find it irritating (as I'm sure most people do) but not wrong. It's doing what it's meant to; girls have to go through this; I am a girl. It's inconvenient and messy and gross and painful, but not *wrong*. It's not like I'm a man and I'm menstruating ... I can't even imagine how awful that must feel.

But anyway, I popped in because I find this all fascinating. It's so interesting hearing everyone talk about their experiences with gender and how it affects them. Since I have only felt the sense of rightness, not the deep and profound sense of wrongness, and I have never met a trans person or a person "out" about being genderqueer/genderless in real life, it's fascinating to me. Great idea for a thread, Elliott! :D

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Crumble Cakes

I'm still not sure on all of the terminology, haha.

But to sum it up, for myself, depending on my mood, I feel like I fit into one gender better than the other.

Sometimes I like being girly, so I dress that way. Other times I feel kind of boyish, so I dress that way. When I'm not feeling much of either, I dress neutral. But I'm not sure I ever feel genderless, actually...

To me gender is interchangeable.

One day I'll be rippin through the forest getting muddy and bloody and smashing rocks with sticks or something stupid, but then other days I feel like dressing up nice and sitting quietly and drinking tea while reading girly romance novels :'D (sorry, that was a terrible explanation, but stereotypes are the easiest way to get my point across)

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alexoiknine

You know, I might be genderqueer or genderless. But I've been ambivalent about gender, apparently. I try to think about it and I just... Whatever.

But ever since I was a kid I wished my real name wasn't gender-tied, etc., etc.

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