Jump to content

What it feels like to be trans, genderqueer or genderless


Recommended Posts

no-longer-in-use
17 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

Interesting.  My sense of being nonbinary is exclusively related to my gender.  I don't experience gender as being man or woman but something "masculine" instead.

What do you mean by "masculine", if I may ask?

 

17 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

The issue I have with my sex is that I feel I shouldn't look standard female.  I should look more masculine physically, but I don't feel the need to erase all evidence of my female form.

Interesting, I feel like my body should be completely neutral myself.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
50 minutes ago, Coddiwomple said:

What do you mean by "masculine", if I may ask?

 

Interesting, I feel like my body should be completely neutral myself.

I feel as though I possess a lot of what society defines as stereotypical masculine qualities.  I'm aggressive, dominant, assertive, bold, physically strong, protective, serious, rough, etc.  I do have what are considered "feminine" qualities, but to a much lesser degree.  Those feminine qualities aren't dominant.  I honestly don't know why these things are considered binary and exclusive to either men/males or women/females.  In my opinion, these qualities are just dependent on the individual.  

 

I know anyone can be masculine and also be a man or a woman, but my sense of my own gender doesn't feel binary like that of a man or woman.  It's difficult to explain how gender feels because it isn't something tangible or measurable.  I just know I'm nonbinary and my gender is called masc-gender.  I didn't make up this term, I read about it in a list of identities, and this one described me perfectly so I claimed it.  I believe I was born nonbinary.

 

As for my physique, I do desire top surgery, and temporary low dose T to increase the muscle mass I have, slightly lower my already low voice, and gain additional bottom growth.  I'm not giving myself something completely different than what I have/had.  I'm either turning back the clock on puberty or enhancing my adult masculine attributes.  I still identify myself as female, I just will appear atypical.  This is also the main reason why I don't identify as transgender.    

 

Hope this clarifies it all a bit.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
ElasticPlanet
On 1/14/2019 at 7:34 AM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I don't feel the need to erase all evidence of my female form.

Apart from my being assigned male, I know exactly what you mean. I'd suspected for a couple of years that although I'm agender, I didn't mind people correctly recognising my assigned gender. It's only when someone reckons I want to be thought of as male that it becomes a problem.

 

Recently as I've met nonbinary people whose assigned gender I couldn't guess, that's helped me to see that I was right: What they've achieved isn't something I need for myself. I hope you find a way not to look 'standard female' that really works for you.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, ElasticPlanet said:

Apart from my being assigned male, I know exactly what you mean. I'd suspected for a couple of years that although I'm agender, I didn't mind people correctly recognising my assigned gender. It's only when someone reckons I want to be thought of as male that it becomes a problem.

 

Recently as I've met nonbinary people whose assigned gender I couldn't guess, that's helped me to see that I was right: What they've achieved isn't something I need for myself. I hope you find a way not to look 'standard female' that really works for you.

Thanks ☺

I'm in a strange place right now where some people think I'm cis male, some think I'm cis female but also assume I'm a butch lesbian because I'm masculine, then there are some who are completely confused as to what I am LOL

 

The really odd thing is if people think I'm male, I'm read as a teenage boy.  And if people think I'm female, I'm read as being 20-25.  I'm actually turning 34 soon, so I'm bamboozling everyone from all angles. 😂 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
ElasticPlanet
12 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

The really odd thing is if people think I'm male, I'm read as a teenage boy.  And if people think I'm female, I'm read as being 20-25.  I'm actually turning 34 soon, so I'm bamboozling everyone from all angles. 😂 

Bamboozlewin! 😵🙂 I suspect the way people judge age and gender just shows how much we expect testosterone to change someone's appearance as they age, if we think they have it in their system...

 

Apart from trans events where people usually give their pronouns as well as name, I'm always read as male. My name probably doesn't help, but that's a pile of complicated issues... Anyway, I'm nearly always the oldest nonbinary person at trans and enby social events, but people to tend so say I look younger than I am. Low-ish T levels and some simple makeup might have something to do with that...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Gender is one of those subjects that is very hard to explain, because it is who you are and not something that is decided. Same with sexuality. 

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Aspen Jean said:

Gender is one of those subjects that is very hard to explain, because it is who you are and not something that is decided. Same with sexuality. 

Yes, exactly.  Gender and sexuality aren't tangible or measurable, so they are definitely difficult to explain.  You just feel it.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
RedSpiderLily

I'm in this really troubled place where I know that there are things wrong deep inside but I haven't dug far enough to unearth the answers. Several years ago I identified myself asexual and more recently androgyne and for the first time I've entertained the thoughts I've often set aside which is what if I were a woman? Would I be happier?

 

I had always thought that I wouldn't have a problem if I'd woken up the next day as a woman and writing this I remember when I was a child wishing sometimes that I was. I don't know how I could have forgotten. It's like I become envious because I want to be like them too. I've always wanted a curvaceous figure and I have exercised to have the sort of curves that women have literally been speechless over with some thinking I've had surgery.

 

Nowadays I've realized that the ideas I've had of my ideal woman physically is actually who I'd like myself to be. Rather than seeking those features in others such as large breasts I would be happy with having that myself. And it's a scary thought, wondering if you're at the beginning of a crucial part of your own life.

 

I don't see myself as a male as I have never fit in with them however, I don't feel female either and that's fine. The realization has brought me a certain amount of peace but everyday that I think of this I just can't help but feel like I would live a happier life if I lived the life of a woman. I would feel beautiful and like the person I'm supposed to be. And yet I still wonder if I'm transgender or something else.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
11 minutes ago, IterativeDesignWorks said:

I'm in this really troubled place where I know that there are things wrong deep inside but I haven't dug far enough to unearth the answers. Several years ago I identified myself asexual and more recently androgyne and for the first time I've entertained the thoughts I've often set aside which is what if I were a woman? Would I be happier?

 

I had always thought that I wouldn't have a problem if I'd woken up the next day as a woman and writing this I remember when I was a child wishing sometimes that I was. I don't know how I could have forgotten. It's like I become envious because I want to be like them too. I've always wanted a curvaceous figure and I have exercised to have the sort of curves that women have literally been speechless over with some thinking I've had surgery.

 

Nowadays I've realized that the ideas I've had of my ideal woman physically is actually who I'd like myself to be. Rather than seeking those features in otherwise such as large breasts I would be happy with having that myself. And it's a scary thought, wondering if you're at the beginning of a crucial part of your own life.

 

I don't see myself as a male as I have never fit in with them however, I don't feel female either and that's fine. The realization has brought me a certain amount of peace but everyday that I think of this I just can't help but feel like I would live happier life if I lived the life of a woman. I would feel beautiful and like the person I'm supposed to be. And yet I still wonder if I'm transgender or something else.

I swear if I could donate my female parts to you I would.  I can't stand having boobs, curves, and most of those other things that go along with the female physique.  Blah! 😷

 

Back before I knew I was nonbinary, I use to look at guys and confuse admiration with attraction.  Even though I know I'm not suppose to be male, I want more masculine physical characteristics.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Strawberry ice cream
46 minutes ago, IterativeDesignWorks said:

I'm in this really troubled place where I know that there are things wrong deep inside but I haven't dug far enough to unearth the answers. Several years ago I identified myself asexual and more recently androgyne and for the first time I've entertained the thoughts I've often set aside which is what if I were a woman? Would I be happier?

 

I had always thought that I wouldn't have a problem if I'd woken up the next day as a woman and writing this I remember when I was a child wishing sometimes that I was. I don't know how I could have forgotten. It's like I become envious because I want to be like them too. I've always wanted a curvaceous figure and I have exercised to have the sort of curves that women have literally been speechless over with some thinking I've had surgery.

 

Nowadays I've realized that the ideas I've had of my ideal woman physically is actually who I'd like myself to be. Rather than seeking those features in otherwise such as large breasts I would be happy with having that myself. And it's a scary thought, wondering if you're at the beginning of a crucial part of your own life.

 

I don't see myself as a male as I have never fit in with them however, I don't feel female either and that's fine. The realization has brought me a certain amount of peace but everyday that I think of this I just can't help but feel like I would live happier life if I lived the life of a woman. I would feel beautiful and like the person I'm supposed to be. And yet I still wonder if I'm transgender or something else.

I understand, I relate some of your feelings but vice versa.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Strawberry ice cream
26 minutes ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

😷

I use to look at guys and confuse admiration with attraction. 

THIS is exactly what I feel. Man's world is just perfect.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Strawberry ice cream said:

THIS is exactly what I feel. Man's world is just perfect.

Well, I definitely don't think a man's world is perfect by a long shot, but I would enjoy some of the physical aspects of male puberty.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe
On 1/15/2019 at 5:52 PM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

Thanks ☺

I'm in a strange place right now where some people think I'm cis male, some think I'm cis female but also assume I'm a butch lesbian because I'm masculine, then there are some who are completely confused as to what I am LOL

 

The really odd thing is if people think I'm male, I'm read as a teenage boy.  And if people think I'm female, I'm read as being 20-25.  I'm actually turning 34 soon, so I'm bamboozling everyone from all angles. 😂 

Well, that's one thing about being trans/androg-- you are like Peter Pan and don't age. I'm older than dirt, but when I tell people how old I am, their jaws drop. I guess it didn't hurt that I've always stayed out of the sun and moisturize.....

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

Well, that's one thing about being trans/androg-- you are like Peter Pan and don't age. I'm older than dirt, but when I tell people how old I am, their jaws drop. I guess it didn't hurt that I've always stayed out of the sun and moisturize.....

I've been a gender bender since I was a child, however I don't consider myself a trans person because I don't meet all of the criteria.  I'm just nonbinary, neither man or woman in my mind.  I'm completely female as far as my physique is concerned.  I just find it strange how society can view a female bodied person as male strictly by looking at my clothes.  I'm not androgynous in fashion because I don't mix feminine and masculine attire.  My body isn't androgynous either since I've done nothing medically to alter it.

 

The only thing I've found that keeps me looking young is never wearing makeup.  That and not dressing my age.  I usually just wear sneakers, t-shirts, and baseball hats.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe
12 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I've been a gender bender since I was a child, however I don't consider myself a trans person because I don't meet all of the criteria.  I'm just nonbinary, neither man or woman in my mind.  I'm completely female as far as my physique is concerned.  I just find it strange how society can view a female bodied person as male strictly by looking at my clothes.  I'm not androgynous in fashion because I don't mix feminine and masculine attire.  My body isn't androgynous either since I've done nothing medically to alter it.

 

The only thing I've found that keeps me looking young is never wearing makeup.  That and not dressing my age.  I usually just wear sneakers, t-shirts, and baseball hats.

I haven't done anything to alter mine, either-- the 'mones would probably trigger a situation with a birth defect that would kill me. The sad irony/paradox? Last time I wore a man's three piece suit and tie? I looked like a woman in a three piece suit and tie. The last time I wore a dress? I passed almost effortlessly, and the makeup was a big help.

 

Idk.... I guess we are what we are.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I have absolutely no idea how gender is supposed to feel. Each time I tried to explain it to myself, I couldn't find anything better than ''being ok with one body type and/or how people see you and treat you in relation with that body type''. Does that even make sense? I mean, to me, the idea that people feel a certain way because they are biologically male or female (or neither) is absurd. Happily, biological sex has very little influence on one's personnality... while the differential treatment of kids according to their presumed gender has much more influence. I can't help but think that because of this, gender and sex are made into such a big deal to one's identity, coming with a set of guidelines for each gender, while it shouldn't be that relevant to who you are as a person. Is that really a good thing? Aren't we just... people? (I hope that was understandable...) 

Well, as I said, I don't know how this works, and I'm just trying to understand all this. (So, if I said something wrong, please tell me...) I don't have the intrinsic feeling that I belong in a particular category, which doesn't help. I only know I do have body dysphoria. This much I understand. 

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, PoeciMeta said:

I have absolutely no idea how gender is supposed to feel. Each time I tried to explain it to myself, I couldn't find anything better than ''being ok with one body type and/or how people see you and treat you in relation with that body type''. Does that even make sense? I mean, to me, the idea that people feel a certain way because they are biologically male or female (or neither) is absurd. Happily, biological sex has very little influence on one's personnality... while the differential treatment of kids according to their presumed gender has much more influence. I can't help but think that because of this, gender and sex are made into such a big deal to one's identity, coming with a set of guidelines for each gender, while it shouldn't be that relevant to who you are as a person. Is that really a good thing? Aren't we just... people? (I hope that was understandable...) 

Well, as I said, I don't know how this works, and I'm just trying to understand all this. (So, if I said something wrong, please tell me...) I don't have the intrinsic feeling that I belong in a particular category, which doesn't help. I only know I do have body dysphoria. This much I understand. 

What you said makes sense to me. ☺️

Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, PoeciMeta said:

I have absolutely no idea how gender is supposed to feel. Each time I tried to explain it to myself, I couldn't find anything better than ''being ok with one body type and/or how people see you and treat you in relation with that body type''. Does that even make sense? I mean, to me, the idea that people feel a certain way because they are biologically male or female (or neither) is absurd. Happily, biological sex has very little influence on one's personnality... while the differential treatment of kids according to their presumed gender has much more influence. I can't help but think that because of this, gender and sex are made into such a big deal to one's identity, coming with a set of guidelines for each gender, while it shouldn't be that relevant to who you are as a person. Is that really a good thing? Aren't we just... people? (I hope that was understandable...) 

Well, as I said, I don't know how this works, and I'm just trying to understand all this. (So, if I said something wrong, please tell me...) I don't have the intrinsic feeling that I belong in a particular category, which doesn't help. I only know I do have body dysphoria. This much I understand. 

I don't know what conventional, binary gender feels like.  I was born with a female body but I feel I'm outside of the binary in my brain.  My gender in my mind feels "masculine" and doesn't fluctuate, but that's about it.  I am a nonbinary masc-gender, and I definitely experience dysphoria.  My physique should be androgynous, leaning towards masculine, but not male.

 

Honestly, people should just be treated like people.

  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

I haven't done anything to alter mine, either-- the 'mones would probably trigger a situation with a birth defect that would kill me. The sad irony/paradox? Last time I wore a man's three piece suit and tie? I looked like a woman in a three piece suit and tie. The last time I wore a dress? I passed almost effortlessly, and the makeup was a big help.

 

Idk.... I guess we are what we are.

I feel like I look ridiculous in feminine attire.  Haven't worn a dress since 2007 when I went to a good friend's wedding.  I look even more masculine now.  It's almost as if my face started to change once I realized I was nonbinary.  I'm passing as cis male daily, even though that was never the goal.  Two doctors and a college  academic counselor thought I was a trans guy.  I went from people thinking I was a young butch lesbian to a teenage boy.  I still can't wrap my head around how I'm being viewed. :blink: 

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe
19 minutes ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I feel like I look ridiculous in feminine attire.  Haven't worn a dress since 2007 when I went to a good friend's wedding.  I look even more masculine now.  It's almost as if my face started to change once I realized I was nonbinary.  I'm passing as cis male daily, even though that was never the goal.  Two doctors and a college  academic counselor thought I was a trans guy.  I went from people thinking I was a young butch lesbian to a teenage boy.  I still can't wrap my head around how I'm being viewed. :blink: 

Yeah, it will drive you to distraction at times. I'm the same way, I felt like I was an imposter in a tie and sport coat. But then, I also felt that way if I tried to dress in a way to attract men (if that makes any sense?).  But then I also got the impession that sharing that I was trans by showing people a 'glamour shot' often amazed people, but they would start treating me differently. I was almost like "we had you pegged as a feminine gay man, and ...... um.... we were more comfortable with you before you gave us the trans vibe."

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
Ms. Carolynne
On 2/18/2019 at 5:07 AM, PoeciMeta said:

I have absolutely no idea how gender is supposed to feel. Each time I tried to explain it to myself, I couldn't find anything better than ''being ok with one body type and/or how people see you and treat you in relation with that body type''. Does that even make sense? I mean, to me, the idea that people feel a certain way because they are biologically male or female (or neither) is absurd. Happily, biological sex has very little influence on one's personnality... while the differential treatment of kids according to their presumed gender has much more influence. I can't help but think that because of this, gender and sex are made into such a big deal to one's identity, coming with a set of guidelines for each gender, while it shouldn't be that relevant to who you are as a person. Is that really a good thing? Aren't we just... people? (I hope that was understandable...) 

Well, as I said, I don't know how this works, and I'm just trying to understand all this. (So, if I said something wrong, please tell me...) I don't have the intrinsic feeling that I belong in a particular category, which doesn't help. I only know I do have body dysphoria. This much I understand. 

I think I understand where you're coming from, though I still consider myself a binary trans-woman. What's most important to me is just to feel comfortable and live with less restriction, as well as being genuine to myself. This just happens to be what is deemed feminine, and is something I was restricted from / chastised over just for having a penis. Prescribing one's personality via their genitals and body type is absurd, and I feel most (if not all) gender roles are arbitrary and dated.

 

Social and identity stuff aside, I'm certain I am transsexual regardless. I certainly feel wrong in my body, and it's as if I should be the opposite sex. If it weren't for gender roles, I wouldn't have suffered as much, but I would still feel wrong in my body. I couldn't really explain why, it's just how I'm wired.

 

For me sex and gender are different though, and thus transsexual and transgender mean different things to me, though they are related. Pretty much transsexual is physical, and the other social. Physically I want to be female and appear feminine, socially I feel more agender though incidentally feminine leaning, if that makes sense.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Ms. Carolynne said:

Prescribing one's personality via their genitals and body type is absurd, and I feel most (if not all) gender roles are arbitrary and dated.

So agree with this 🙂

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa

As above, but today, walking through town I was accosted by a charity collector who referred to me as 'sir' (I'm an almost 60 year old in a woman's body but genderless inside)...

Link to post
Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe
6 hours ago, chandrakirti said:

As above, but today, walking through town I was accosted by a charity collector who referred to me as 'sir' (I'm an almost 60 year old in a woman's body but genderless inside)...

Must be the alignment of the planets-- I was addressed as 'ma'am' this afternoon at the grocery store  while looking for an available automated checkout station. It seems to happen more often when it's cold outside and I'm wearaing a light coat with my white shoulder length hair not tied back.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa

 

 

 

 

 

On 3/5/2019 at 2:13 AM, Calligraphette_Coe said:

Must be the alignment of the planets-- I was addressed as 'ma'am' this afternoon at the grocery store  while looking for an available automated checkout station. It seems to happen more often when it's cold outside and I'm wearaing a light coat with my white shoulder length hair not tied back.

..and it must be my Jeans t shirt and shaved head that gives me that ambiguity! 

Link to post
Share on other sites
no-longer-in-use

Doing this again because why not:

I just feel like myself, not like any gender in particular. I never had an internal sense of "I'm a girl" or "I'm a boy" or "I'm nonbinary", which makes me nonbinary by definition, I guess, even though I don't necessarily feel anymore nonbinary than I feel like a binary gender, if that makes sense. I know thinking of myself as a girl/woman doesn't feel right, and thinking of myself as a boy/man doesn't feel right either. Thinking of myself as nonbinary feels decent enough, so that's what I figure I must be.

 

I'm still figuring out the details of my nonbinariness, but I'm thinking I'm somewhere in the agender-masculine-neutral range. The odd thing is, I know exactly what pronouns/gendered words I like (masculine and neutral ones) and don't like (feminine ones), what my ideal body would be (devoid of all sex characteristics), what my name is (it's gender-neutral), and stuff like that, but I still don't understand my gender identity much at all besides the fact that it's nonbinary. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'm working on it.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
RedSpiderLily

I don't think society places a huge emphasis of gender as part of a person's identity, that is down to the individual especially members of the LGBT+ community who contemplate this more than cisgender people do. I think for most in society gender relates more to expectations placed on the individual, how we should act; our mannerisms, how we should dress, our roles. Identity is very personal but society seldom cares about who we are as people because society is superficial. That is why people find it easy to judge others based on appearance and why we in turn try to find out identity; so we can be comfortable living in a society that judges people and forces expectations on us.

 

The amazing thing about the LGBT+ community is that we're outliers to the norm who are telling society that we are unique and we can't be judged and that to know us they have to look deeper than what is on the surface and we are more than what is expected of us.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, IterativeDesignWorks said:

I don't think society places a huge emphasis of gender as part of a person's identity, that is down to the individual especially members of the LGBT+ community who contemplate this more than cisgender people do. I think for most in society gender relates more to expectations placed on the individual, how we should act; our mannerisms, how we should dress, our roles. Identity is very personal but society seldom cares about who we are as people because society is superficial. That is why people find it easy to judge others based on appearance and why we in turn try to find out identity; so we can be comfortable living in a society that judges people and forces expectations on us.

 

The amazing thing about the LGBT+ community is that we're outliers to the norm who are telling society that we are unique and we can't be judged and that to know us they have to look deeper than what is on the surface and we are more than what is expected of us.

Cis het society only sees genitalia.  And according to which set you have there are certain rules you must abide by, otherwise you're a freak.  Judging from observation that's what it really comes down to in my honest opinion.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
RedSpiderLily
9 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

Cis het society only sees genitalia.  And according to which set you have there are certain rules you must abide by, otherwise you're a freak.  Judging from observation that's what it really comes down to in my honest opinion.

As I said, society is superficial and it sets expectations on people based on superficial standards.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening
On 1/28/2019 at 4:26 AM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

Yes, exactly.  Gender and sexuality aren't tangible or measurable, so they are definitely difficult to explain.  You just feel it.

On that note, have a trans poem.

 

I don't awake to my own face

I'm driving the wrong car and my feet won't find the brakes

I've left the self that lives my dreams behind

Locked him in the attic of my mind

Railroaded and pushed around

I'm inwardly gagged and bound

Slave to inertia, no longer fear

Frustration fuelled by passing years

In my mind a young man lies

Bitterness and fury in his eyes

 

Being closeted is fun 😕

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...