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What it feels like to be trans, genderqueer or genderless


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4 hours ago, Ardoise said:

When I was going through puberty, I was deeply uncomfortable with my body, so I didn't have the greatest self-care habits, so it was a vicious cycle.  (This went away later on, but I still hate seeing pictures of myself from middle school.)

 I think that a lot of people, both cis and trans, have some kind of body-discomfort issues at that age.  It's a terrifying, mutational time in one's life.  Your body and mind are changing in weird ways, and, just to make things worse, you have zero fashion sense.

I never cared about fashion as a child......I say child because I was the ripe old age of 10 when puberty hijacked my body.  Lovely.

 

In my opinion, female puberty is an absolutely horrific experience.  I never understood any of my classmates who thought "becoming a woman" sounded fantastic.

 

I'm nonbinary btw, an holy cow its been a rough ride.

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Just now, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I never cared about fashion as a child......I say child because I was the ripe old age of 10 when puberty hijacked my body.  Lovely.

 

In my opinion, female puberty is an absolutely horrific experience.  I never understood any of my classmates who thought "becoming a woman" sounded fantastic.

 

I'm afab nonbinary btw, an holy cow its been a rough ride.

 

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Anthracite_Impreza

Puberty was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

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Strawberry ice cream

@AceOfHearts_85 and @Anthracite_Impreza  I can relate do much. Puberty with female body left scars in my soul. Every single memory makes me still so scared and anxious. Only thing I can say from the deep of my heart is that I HATED IT SO MUCH. 

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Puberty destroyed my neutrality, in body but not in mind. The female anatomy is like cancer to me, it hijacked my physiological processes and ruined my life. I loathe the amount of waiting I'm going to have to do to finally escape this hellhole of the gender binary. After all, even if I've hated the results of puberty from the moment they hit doesn't mean that I won't regret returning to a higher quality of life!! Or something. It's so stupid.

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5 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Puberty was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Ditto. 😨

 

I started puberty at NINE. NINE!! Come on, man! Seriously? 😬

 

And of course I was the first of ALL my peers. The teasing was horrible. It's not like I asked for this... 😭

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Anthracite_Impreza

I was lucky, I was pretty late (for a modern child - 14).

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5 minutes ago, Reindeer Dani said:

Ditto. 😨

 

I started puberty at NINE. NINE!! Come on, man! Seriously? 😬

 

And of course I was the first of ALL my peers. The teasing was horrible. It's not like I asked for this... 😭

NINE?!!!!  That should be illegal lol

 

And I thought my situation was bad hitting puberty at 10.  Holy crap. 😭

 

Children should not be going through " the change."  We should be like 20 when it hits, and be able to decide which puberty we want to go through an to what degree.

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1 minute ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

NINE?!!!!  That should be illegal lol

 

And I thought my situation was bad hitting puberty at 10.  Holy crap. 😭

 

Children should not be going through " the change."  We should be like 20 when it hits, and be able to decide which puberty we want to go through an to what degree.

It SHOULD be illegal! 😆

 

I totally agree. Twenty sounds like a good age, and being able to decide would be great! 😃

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Strawberry ice cream
17 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I was lucky, I was pretty late (for a modern child - 14).

Me too. At 14. Till 18 it was hellish times. 

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On 12/3/2018 at 8:43 PM, AceOfHearts_85 said:

NINE?!!!!  That should be illegal lol

 

And I thought my situation was bad hitting puberty at 10.  Holy crap. 😭

 

Children should not be going through " the change."  We should be like 20 when it hits, and be able to decide which puberty we want to go through an to what degree.

You could base an entire sci-fi novel around this.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I didn’t go through puberty till 15/16 so quite late but I knew at 13 I felt more female than male and had a terrible time at school coming out even tried comping our as gay to see how they boys would take it there was only 5 boys and 1 girl at the unit I was at I didn’t come out as trans/asexual till this year age 24 although I knew all the time and only hit me when I was 13 I had a real bad time at school I was a bad kid I couldn’t cope but I feel better now I have come out wish me luck I have appointment with the doctor Friday and need good vibes as I want to go to the gender clinic

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5 hours ago, gmbuspunk said:

I didn’t go through puberty till 15/16 so quite late but I knew at 13 I felt more female than male and had a terrible time at school coming out even tried comping our as gay to see how they boys would take it there was only 5 boys and 1 girl at the unit I was at I didn’t come out as trans/asexual till this year age 24 although I knew all the time and only hit me when I was 13 I had a real bad time at school I was a bad kid I couldn’t cope but I feel better now I have come out wish me luck I have appointment with the doctor Friday and need good vibes as I want to go to the gender clinic

I'm sorry about your time at school. I've been there... 😖

 

Good luck at your doctor's appointment. I hope that you get to go to the gender clinic soon. 🙂

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Have been at a private Christmas party with students from my semester and felt such disconnected from (cis/het) masculinity again. In the daily life this is easy to ignore. I envied the girl wearing a skirt and thights. I could not wear them because we went directly from University where I am not out. At least today and tomorrow evening I will be in queer circles where I can show my genderqueer self, before visiting my parents where I am again semi-closeted.

 

I feel like being agender is the baseline for me and when to much masculinity/feminity is forced upon me I need to balance it out by presenting the other way. As being perceived as male by most I usually need to present feminine to reach this balance. And then there are the times when I question if I am not trans feminine in reality.

 

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18 hours ago, Reindeer Dani said:

I'm sorry about your time at school. I've been there... 😖

 

Good luck at your doctor's appointment. I hope that you get to go to the gender clinic soon. 🙂

Thanks for the good vibes will update u all on Friday with news

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1 minute ago, Phie said:

@gmbuspunk I'm a cis girl, so I have no idea what you must be going through, but I wish you good luck with your appointment~ \(^o^)/

Many Thanks means the world to have so many good people around

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15 hours ago, Bloc said:

Have been at a private Christmas party with students from my semester and felt such disconnected from (cis/het) masculinity again. In the daily life this is easy to ignore. I envied the girl wearing a skirt and thights. I could not wear them because we went directly from University where I am not out. At least today and tomorrow evening I will be in queer circles where I can show my genderqueer self, before visiting my parents where I am again semi-closeted.

 

I feel like being agender is the baseline for me and when to much masculinity/feminity is forced upon me I need to balance it out by presenting the other way. As being perceived as male by most I usually need to present feminine to reach this balance. And then there are the times when I question if I am not trans feminine in reality.

 

I get you I’m more in the middle but wanna have more feminine features so seeing what happens if I go gender clinic  see what the best advice from the experts in that feel although I feel more female than male

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Been to the doctor he said go away and have a think about the gender clinic he said the quite frankly the options are gender change or nothing and I may not even get that choice because of mental health so as I feel in the middle coming  to the conclusion of non binary and had me notes changed and I’m a lot happier:)

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I was female from birth...maybe earlier. I probably knew this before I had full awareness. My mother informed me much later in life that she had to bind my hands as a baby because I would tug at my wee gentiles as if trying to pull  them off causing myself minor injury. At age four I first informed her that I was a girl, that was 1950. Because of the mental state of society in the 50's and 60's I had to live incognito for the next 35 years. Finally 32 years ago I moved to a new city, changed clothing and have never looked back.

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  • 2 weeks later...
ThePhenixCode
On 5/24/2009 at 10:20 PM, Elliott Ford said:

Right, of course we have the traditional:

"I am a x trapped in the body of a y"

or mine:

"i am a man trapped in a society that assigns gender by body type".

How else can / have you described what it feels like to be trans / genderqueer / genderless?

Or, if you are not trans / genderqueer / genderless, how would you describe knowing that your gender identity does match your body?

Or are you ambivalent about gender?

(this has been heavily edited)

I am genderqueer. I identify as female. I am definitely more female than Male but I dont feel 'completely' female. I dont feel like I can dress girly on an everyday thing. I have female aspects (black/purple lippy) asymmetrical hair & bracelets but I feel more comfortable in men's tops and caps

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Life messed up somewhere... I feel somewhere between neutral and female but I was dealt neither... One could say life (or fate or god or whatever) isn't exactly high on my friends list... >=|

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On 12/22/2018 at 12:34 AM, gmbuspunk said:

Been to the doctor he said go away and have a think about the gender clinic he said the quite frankly the options are gender change or nothing and I may not even get that choice because of mental health so as I feel in the middle coming  to the conclusion of non binary and had me notes changed and I’m a lot happier:)

I had a similar reply when I visited the specialist, he wasn't gona let me transition because I merely lean towards female instead of identifying as strictly transbinary. In the end I decided to go through with transitioning (it took a bit of persuading but I got there) and I have personally found it has made me much happier. 
I hope you get to make your choice whatever that may be.

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no-longer-in-use

It feels like absolutely nothing. I don't feel nonbinary, I am nonbinary, because I don't fall into the male/female binary. I know this because of my lack of feeling about my gender. When I ask myself "am I male or female", the answer is "no". The fact that I have zero feelings about my own gender, the fact that I'm not sure my own gender even exists, makes me nonbinary.

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I feel a mix of male and female, or somewhere in between a man and a woman.

 

When I came across the term androgyne I felt the same sense of relief that I felt when I realised I was asexual 🙂

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54 minutes ago, Coddiwomple said:

It feels like absolutely nothing. I don't feel nonbinary, I am nonbinary, because I don't fall into the male/female binary. I know this because of my lack of feeling about my gender. When I ask myself "am I male or female", the answer is "no". The fact that I have zero feelings about my own gender, the fact that I'm not sure my own gender even exists, makes me nonbinary.

Interesting.  My sense of being nonbinary is exclusively related to my gender.  I don't experience gender as being man or woman but something "masculine" instead.  I know that I'm biologically assigned female at birth, and I claim that part of my identity.  The issue I have with my sex is that I feel I shouldn't look standard female.  I should look more masculine physically, but I don't feel the need to erase all evidence of my female form.

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