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Asexual Children


SouthernMother

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never odd or even

most people my age are fairly predictable and boring. children tend to be petty or funny. depends for how long your patience lasts. i generally find that i can talk to older people more; they actually have something to say and if you agree with nothng they say you can still argue and play devils advocate with them for entertainment... if they really are incorrigible its either very funny of very annoying. in general, people are come into three categories: interesting, boring, and those that you have to pay attention to (whether you want to is a different matter). but then, i'm a misanthrope who is dissapointed with the general calibre of mst peoples minds.

that said, it doesnt mean that i hate everyone and have no friends. she may not go out and socialise, but there are plenty of other ways of talking to people other than face to face; sad it may be, but oh well.

you should read up on non sexual intimacy, plenty feel intimacy with place, animals, art, thought, and other such modes of expression. you dont have to be social to feel fulfilled.

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  • 2 months later...
Reader of Strange Books

To Thylacine - your posts made me laugh! I think you and I must be kindred spirits. I agree 100% on teaching self-reliance. I have said it for years! In fact, I have advised those preaching abstinence that if they are going to encourage girls to wait until marriage they need to also encourage these girls to focus on a career, life-skills, and prepare to be single the rest of their lives because there is no guarantee that they are going to find a like-minded husband and the odds are very great that they will not. From personal experience I can tell you that most men nowadays aren't buying into the wait-until-marriage mentality and even if the abstinence movement changes its focus to start concentrating on young men, I doubt that they will get much response. In fact, I will even go so far as to say that if a teen, male or female, finds abstinence "easy", most likely he or she is asexual, because from what I understand from talking to sexuals, sex is a very powerful and difficult to control drive indeed. Not having it myself, I wouldn't know.

SouthernMom--if your daughter knows now that she is asexual, and doesn't want to marry and all that stuff, then she is miles ahead of the game. It takes wisdom and courage to go against the grain, especially in high school. When I was that age, asexuality wasn't really an option. Homosexuality was barely on the radar and pretty much in the closet--definitely not accepted. So there was tremendous pressure to date and prove that you were "normal." I dated not so much because I wanted to or was attracted to the guys, but because that is what you did. And the results were disastrous. If your daughter knows now what she wants to do, and knows she doesn't want to date, I commend her. From seeing all the dating dramas around me, I'd say she's better off not. I know I am.

Being asexual and single isn't the end of the world. Like Thylacine says, your daughter can live a happy, productive life and may even end up being envied by those who are in miserable relationships but haven't the guts or the ability to get out. As far as her sexual orientation is concerned, it really isn't anyone else's business except her doctor's.

I was once asked by a family friend why I hadn't married. I was very tempted to say, "and why are you still married?" but I was with my parents and I didn't want to start a war. But I was sure thinking it!

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Well done for caring about your daughter my feeling is that whatever makes her comfortable is what is best if she doesn't want to socialise with those her age then let her be. When I was a teen (I am now 31) I remember always feeling different to the girls at school (I went to girls school) they would be going on about who was cute and would read girls magazines etc and I would play along to fit in but never really felt it. I thought I must be gay but that didn't fit either for me grey A probably fits the most but I am not 100% sure all I know is that romance doesn't interest me and whilst sex would be interesting to try thats all. Well done for accepting your daughter for how she is and for trying to help her not thinking there is something wrong with her.

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To Thylacine - your posts made me laugh! I think you and I must be kindred spirits. I agree 100% on teaching self-reliance. I have said it for years! In fact, I have advised those preaching abstinence that if they are going to encourage girls to wait until marriage they need to also encourage these girls to focus on a career, life-skills, and prepare to be single the rest of their lives because there is no guarantee that they are going to find a like-minded husband and the odds are very great that they will not. From personal experience I can tell you that most men nowadays aren't buying into the wait-until-marriage mentality and even if the abstinence movement changes its focus to start concentrating on young men, I doubt that they will get much response. In fact, I will even go so far as to say that if a teen, male or female, finds abstinence "easy", most likely he or she is asexual, because from what I understand from talking to sexuals, sex is a very powerful and difficult to control drive indeed. Not having it myself, I wouldn't know.

SouthernMom--if your daughter knows now that she is asexual, and doesn't want to marry and all that stuff, then she is miles ahead of the game. It takes wisdom and courage to go against the grain, especially in high school. When I was that age, asexuality wasn't really an option. Homosexuality was barely on the radar and pretty much in the closet--definitely not accepted. So there was tremendous pressure to date and prove that you were "normal." I dated not so much because I wanted to or was attracted to the guys, but because that is what you did. And the results were disastrous. If your daughter knows now what she wants to do, and knows she doesn't want to date, I commend her. From seeing all the dating dramas around me, I'd say she's better off not. I know I am.

Being asexual and single isn't the end of the world. Like Thylacine says, your daughter can live a happy, productive life and may even end up being envied by those who are in miserable relationships but haven't the guts or the ability to get out. As far as her sexual orientation is concerned, it really isn't anyone else's business except her doctor's.

I was once asked by a family friend why I hadn't married. I was very tempted to say, "and why are you still married?" but I was with my parents and I didn't want to start a war. But I was sure thinking it!

That's right !!! (All of it.)

(By the way... a little off the topic, but I subscribe to "B-tch" Magazine -- yes, that's the name of the mag! -- and there was an article about "stay at home" daughters -- a new trend among fundamentalist Christians. That is, they do not teach their daughters any life skills at all except homemaking skills. They do not attend college because college may lead to sin, such as drinking and not being chaste. They are to be chaste until they marry, which is fine with me to remain chaste, but what if the marriage they get into doesn't work out? What if they break up and the girl has no real world skills to survive with? Scary thought... Imagine, being raised with no money management skills, no job related education, with your parents telling you God will find a good Christian man for you to marry, and you will be happy, then you marry with expectations and he turns out to be a jerk. Then you find yourself divorced and can't go home to dad & mom because they believe your are jezebel for being divorced, and you suddenly need to get a job with no college degree or vocational training... seems to me like a set up for trouble.)

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Reader of Strange Books

Yes, it sure does sound like a recipe for trouble. And a sure-fire recipe for poverty. And once poverty gets into a family it is very difficult to break out of it. Oh, but God loves the poor! They will inherit the earth. When? When it is no longer fit for anyone to live on?

It is this sort of nonsense that is the number one reason I am no longer a Christian of any stripe nor do I attend church (except on special occasions). It's really, really hard for me to talk to those who still are, because they just cannot make the connection. They keep saying that Christianity is a relationship with Jesus. But I have to ask, what kind of relationship? There are all kinds of relationships, good and bad. And a "god" who "tells" you to remain ignorant, to remain dependent, to withdraw from the world is no better in my opinion than an abuser who wants the same thing from his or her victim. It's not the relationship, it's what the relationship entails, and that is something I find that many church people are less than honest about. But that is another subject.

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The OP hasn't been on this thread for almost 2 years.

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Yes, but it's still interesting.

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It might just be that she is introverted and doesn't have anything in common with her peers.

Speaking from personal experience, I am an introvert so I can understand that hanging out with people you don't have anything in common with can be lonelier than being alone. I like to hang out with people at times, but I have to actually share a connection with them or else I find myself feeling anxious and smothered. I also get even more frustrated when people try to force me into being more social. Being social and hanging out with lots of people is not the only way to make someone happy. Some people are happier being alone. You shouldn't try to force someone who is happy being alone into a social situation where they might feel uncomfortable or upset just because you feel that they can't be truly happy alone.

Also, I would advise the people who forced those labels on her to be careful when labeling people. It can often be more hurtful than helpful, especially if you are wrong. For instance, those labels probably made your daughter feel like something was wrong with her, at least on some level, or at least that she was somewhat of a freak because people think that the way that she feels and acts is wrong.

Most importantly, just listen to your daughter's wants and needs and do the best to respect them, and let her know you love her no matter what.

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