Huggins294 Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 ARe you an asexual who wants to have a kid someday? What pressures or comments do you recieve from others who don't understand how you want to have a kid with someone you are not attracted to? Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Silly Green Monkey made a poll on asexuals and children here: http://asexuality.org/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=2610 I personally don't want a child in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 What pressures or comments do you recieve from others who don't understand how you want to have a kid with someone you are not attracted to? That that illustrates a good point. The real obstacle isn't trying to get people to understand you're wanting to have a kid with someone you're not attracted to as much as it is trying to get people to understand you can be very attracted and devoted to a person without having intercourse with them. People just read into it if you're not wanting sex then you're not attracted to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Rabger Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 What pressures or comments do you recieve from others who don't understand how you want to have a kid with someone you are not attracted to? That that illustrates a good point. The real obstacle isn't trying to get people to understand you're wanting to have a kid with someone you're not attracted to as much as it is trying to get people to understand you can be very attracted and devoted to a person without having intercourse with them. People just read into it if you're not wanting sex then you're not attracted to them. I agree with cijay again. People seem to think that if you have romantic feelings for someone, you automatically have sexual ones too. Yet you can have sexual feelings without romantic. As for kids, I don't want any personally. Actually, for the most part I hate kids, and I sure as hell don't want to 1, add to the overpopulation, and 2, I think its selfish to want to bring a kid into this fucked up world that's probablynot going to be around too much longer. My gf has a 2 year old daughter though, so I am trying to adjust to that. But that's it, no more. Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Another topic here: http://asexuality.org/discussion/viewtopic...;highlight=kids :D I think that's it.. Link to post Share on other sites
monsieur_le_six Posted August 26, 2004 Share Posted August 26, 2004 If I ever found a asexual/hyposexual celibate partner whom I love I might consider adopting a child from an orphanage or from overseas where my partner and I could save someone from a worse fate. But I am not looking really into children at this point in my life. I do not think that most people, when they are sexual, really think about bringing children into this world when they have intercourse. Rather it seems more like they are seeking pleasure. The whole 'planned parenthood' thing is around because a lot of people seperate pleasure from rationally considering having a child until they really can support or want one. Link to post Share on other sites
kiki Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 I have always felt that I was put here to be a mother, I love children and I can really connect with them. That's why I look after other people's all day long. I would like to have my own but also to adopt a child who has no-one to love it. I do find it difficult though other people's reactions to me doing it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
98slbrookes98 Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 Hi. Thats a good point. I o't mind being a mum or "dad" some day but I never wanted to go through all the pain of labour/birth giving or "sleep" with anyone in those terms. There are lots of ways you can be involved with children or raise your own child if you are lesbian, gay, asexual etc. 1 Adoption 2. Fostering 3. Careers involving childcare/working with children. e.g. teaching, babysitting etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Bee Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 Careers involving childcare/working with children. e.g. teaching, babysitting etc I moved into a 'caring profession' for that reason!!! Link to post Share on other sites
wombat Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 Hey Huggins... That...would be me. I personally see myself as a father one day...and i'd like to have a kid. Biologically. And I catch all kinds of hell for it. It sometimes feels like everyone thinks i'm a nazi if i want to have biological kids...but...I try not to let it bother me too much. But...I've basically keep my distance from the subject unless someone directly asks me. But...anyway. a very distinct majority on aven don't want kids. As for the second part of the question...*looks*... Well...Sexual attraction and wanting children are COMPLETLY different in my opinion. Sex is one thing. The responcibility that is parenthood is another. I have a value system that emphisizes family ties...and i personally want a child in my life. Not now. But i'll know when the time is right. As for how to deal with being an evil selfish brutish machoistic unmoral person who wants to have kids....I'm confident in who i am...i know who i am and what i stand for....and I don't let it affect me. Don't get me wrong about aven, though. Most people just don't want kids. There are a few, however, that will go the rounds with you and think your a bad person. Ignore them. But Aven is a place where all ideas are (for the most part) respected. What about you? Do you want to have kids someday? What's your take on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Chrysalid Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 self-edit Link to post Share on other sites
wombat Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 Actually... Sexuals are fairly cool with the idea of me having kids. It's the asexuals...that i get most the heat from (a vey smal minority of asexuals....I don't want to stereotype or generalize) So...uh....umm....YEAH. *hops on moped, goes to italy* CHOW... Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 My guess would be that the idea being it is people encouraging adoption (apparently in an overly aggressive manner) for people who don't necessarily want sex. I promote adoption, though I don't want kids myself. I promote adoption for all child-wanting couples though. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperSinger Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 ARe you an asexual who wants to have a kid someday? What pressures or comments do you recieve from others who don't understand how you want to have a kid with someone you are not attracted to? yes...yes I am! Link to post Share on other sites
ChaliceFlame Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 Maybe if I had the means to support one and a SO, but I have nothing to offer unless I somehow get a much better career. I can't even offer a dog a good life and my own future is so uncertain. Link to post Share on other sites
Aeireono Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I dunno why anyone would give anyone hell for wanting a kid either! I figure so long as you're a responsible person with the resources available for a kid, and you know what you're getting yourself into, then go for it! It's irresponsible people, or people do do it because they feel they have to, that bother me. Though I do have to admit that I wish more people would consider adoption... (especially infertile people - I mean, c'mon, why go through a load of time and money trying to do it artificially when there are plenty of kids out there already who need a home?) then again I hear it's sometimes not all that easy to get through the adoption process. But I'm not saying everyone HAS to adopt, just I wish more people would consider it... er, did that sound bitey? Wasn't meant to... ...well, not like I would, since I know I don't have the time and resources for a kid, so none of them for me. I'll stick to cats! Link to post Share on other sites
ChaliceFlame Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 Adoption is a long wait and very expensive. Since many people love being sexual active, it's a much easier way for them.That is why most people have biologicial children. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting biological children, either. I think the disagreements come up mostly in the context that people carry on about how our purpose is to have kids, carry on our genes and that everyone should have the drive to do that. The only scenario that I walk away from is when people shun adoption/fostering because they "don't know what they're getting". I forever maintain that if a kid has parents that love him/her(be it a single parent or two parents of same or opposite sex) and those parents either love each other or have nothing to do with each other then it can't be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
maia Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 I have always felt that I was put here to be a mother, I love children and I can really connect with them. That's why I look after other people's all day long. I would like to have my own but also to adopt a child who has no-one to love it. I do find it difficult though other people's reactions to me doing it alone. Same here. I'd love to have a child one day. Link to post Share on other sites
LonePiper Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 I've been asked the question "If you are asexual, what if you want kids?", the obvious answer was "I hate kids" Link to post Share on other sites
pejoratist Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Some day, I'd consider adoption. But the pregnancy process, from conception to carrying the child to birthing it is so disgusting and repugnant to me that I could NEVER do it. Link to post Share on other sites
extravaganza Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 i would've LOVED to have kids, definitely, if only i would've been "normal" or sexual or call it whatever you like :P. somehow i always get the feeling that it's life who made that decision for me instead. dunno. maybe i just wasn't meant to be a parent. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly Green Monkey Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 I agree with pejoratist, I like having control over bodily functions. Pregnancy and childbirth damage the body. Link to post Share on other sites
maia Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 I agree with pejoratist, I like having control over bodily functions. Pregnancy and childbirth damage the body. Agreed. I would love to be a Mum one day, but I wouldn't have sex just to get pregnant. The only way I can imagine it happening is by adoption, and thats not guarenteed. Link to post Share on other sites
winter Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 at this point in my life i don't know that i want kids. i think if i ever settle down and have that whole notion of stability i might look into adoption. the concept of family is a nice idea. all of my friends want kids though, so i figure they'll probably be ahead of me in that game. i guess i can decide if i want my own based on their experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyDragonfly Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I have actually had six of them. I consider myself asexual in that I have never had a sexual attraction to anyone, but capable of sexual arousal. This makes sex an objectifying, self-involved activity. This is seldom a problem if you have a partner of a similar ilk. I have been married to a sociopath who is likely also a psychopath and yes, you can be both. He was able to complete the sex act with a climax, but he was never very long about it, had no interest in me as a person or in my body as something of sexual attraction and it was much more like masturbating with object than sex with a person. It really turned me off from even being able to have any sexual arousal. We didn't have that much in the way of sex in our marriage, but I am quite fertile. For me, the entire pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding thing was a miracle process and I loved it. I also love and adore the children who came from the process. They are all highly intelligent, most of them have very high IQs (they take after their mother), they are artistic, healthy, well spoken, well behaved, extremely loved people. If I weren't 43 and if I were married, I'd love more. They are just such incredible people and every age seems to be better and better with different challenges and joys. I have a couple of them grown now and they are such neat men. One is married and rather a sexual, tactile sort of a man. My daughter-in-law says he is extremely special and she is lucky to have such a 21st Century man. Well DUH! I raised him. I can't imagine my life without them. This family has touched many, many lives with our enduring love and faith in one another, with how strong we are and how beautifully we deal with one another. There are many people who can't imagine their lives without my family either. My family are recyclers, vegetarians and minimalists. From birth they were taught to respect the world, that trash goes somewhere and stays forever, that eating a cow means starving others and that love multiplies every time it is divided. They are extraordinary people. I got lots of flack about having six, but you know, this is what I wanted for my life...it was self-determination. I won't criticize you for hating children and not wanting any, so don't flame me for having what I did want. The only crime in wanting or not wanting kids is not wanting them really and having them anyway. That is a criminal act, if you ask me. If you don't want, don't have. Those of us who desire to be parents and strive daily to be better parents AND better people (not just to be a better person) should have children, as many as we can handle. Those who don't want children should never feel pressure from anyone to have them. Link to post Share on other sites
rohesia Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 Wanting to have a child with someone doesn't seem to me to have much to do with sexual attraction - it's more about trusting a person, having a solid, stable, happy relationship with that person, and feeling that both of you can make a good job of raising a child. Go for it, if you've got all that and can stomach the practical side of getting pregnant - or can afford IVF.:) Link to post Share on other sites
katilian Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 As for kids, I don't want any personally. Actually, for the most part I hate kids, and I sure as hell don't want to 1, add to the overpopulation, and 2, I think its selfish to want to bring a kid into this fucked up world that's probablynot going to be around too much longer. My gf has a 2 year old daughter though, so I am trying to adjust to that. But that's it, no more. I'm certainly not trying to knock your decision not to have kids; that's something only you can decide, obviously. But you made a couple of points I'm going to disagree with: first, the "world" is not overpopulated, although certain areas (mostly third-world countries) certainly have more population than they can reasonably support. First-world countries, on the other hand, can support more population than they have; the fact that our resources aren't distributed equitably doesn't mean that they don't exist. Second, the relative "fuckedupness" of the world and its imminent demise have been predicted by people throughout the generations. While it's possible that either natural disaster or human stupidity *could* destroy the world, that possibility has existed since life came into being on the planet. (Okay, at least the 'natural disaster' bit. The ability to destroy the entire world, rather than just one's own portion of it, through one's stupidity is a fairly recent development. Go, us.) If the *only* reason you (in the collective sense) aren't having a kid is fear of the apocalypse, I'm pretty sure you're safe to proceed--anyway, if the world does end and we do all die, it's not like that *wasn't* going to be the end result of living in the first place. As for the hating kids ... I always wonder about that statement. If it comes from someone who just hates human beings in general, then I get it. Power to the anti-socialites! But hating 'kids' pre-supposes that children are all alike and all have the same negative qualities, which is simply not true. Whatever qualities you dislike in some children will be the exact opposite of how other children act. They are as varied and complex as adults. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting biological children, either. I think the disagreements come up mostly in the context that people carry on about how our purpose is to have kids, carry on our genes and that everyone should have the drive to do that. The only scenario that I walk away from is when people shun adoption/fostering because they "don't know what they're getting". I forever maintain that if a kid has parents that love him/her(be it a single parent or two parents of same or opposite sex) and those parents either love each other or have nothing to do with each other then it can't be wrong. When I went through pre-adoptive training (a requirement for adopting my son), it was pointed out that most kids don't get to the point where they need to be adopted--particularly if they're not newborns--except through trauma. In some cases, the trauma has long-lasting and extreme consequences for the child's behavior and abilities. Before a person/couple takes on that responsibility, he/she/they need to know if they're going to have the ability to stick with the child come hell or high water, because both the hell and the high water are likely to come with a vengeance. This is frequently even more true when adopting from a third-world country, where children may have never experienced adult love and 'parenting' due to living in an over-crowded orphanage or on the streets for most of their lives. I can't fault people who decide not to adopt because they know they won't be able to handle it, although I certainly admire people who know what they're getting into and provide a good, stable, loving home for a child anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
PearBeBeautiful Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 I have always felt that I was put here to be a mother, I love children and I can really connect with them. That's why I look after other people's all day long. I would like to have my own but also to adopt a child who has no-one to love it. I do find it difficult though other people's reactions to me doing it alone. Kiki, I understand how you feel. I've often times considered being a single mother when I'm able... as a Christian, many others I know object to being a single mother (especially by choice). Most feel it's cruel to raise a child without a father etc. etc. To have both parents, would of course be the ideal. However, I feel that it would be even more cruel not to care for a child simply because you're not married. As an asexual, it can make having children umm...complicated but I do feel the difficulties can be overcome. I too would like to have biological children as well as adopt. I know I probably starting writing the post with intentionally having a point...but I lost it somewhere in between typing and thinking. Anyway, just know that you're not alone. Best of luck in whatever you choose to do. Link to post Share on other sites
maia Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Maybe if I had the means to support one and a SO, but I have nothing to offer unless I somehow get a much better career.I can't even offer a dog a good life and my own future is so uncertain. Everyones future is uncertain. If it wasn't we wouldn't be human. Link to post Share on other sites
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