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baa*baa*grey*sheep

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baa*baa*grey*sheep

Hi everyone,

I was just browsing the Psychologies website when I came across this article. I was very excited about it, and it even mentions AVEN in it!! biggrin.gifbiggrin.gifbiggrin.gif

(I didn't, however, read the interview as the questions were more about abstinence and sex therapists! huh.gif)




2015 Edit: The above link doesn't work anymore, but the content (or at least part of it, not sure) can be found here. For future reference:


Asexual satisfaction

For most of us, sex is an essential part of our relationships. But for a growing number of people, it’s anything but – and they’re tired of being made to feel that asexuality is ‘odd’. Author Jean-Philippe de Tonnac tells Laurence Lemoine why some prefer to say no.

For most of us. the phrase ‘not tonight, dear’ occurs occasionally. But, for others, a lack of interest in sex is their chosen way of life – a part of their identity. Far from being devoutly religious or vehemently opposed to sex before marriage on moral ground, a growing group of ‘asexuals’ argue that their asexuality is as valid a form of sexual orientation as hetero-, homo- or bisexuality.

In a world that places enormous value on sexual currency, and where the frequency of our sexual urges is a source of unending speculation, it has gone almost unnoticed that some of us aren’t having sex at all – and aren’t missing it. And that group is larger than you might think. Dr Anthony Bogaert, a psychologist, believes that around one per cent of the population are asexual. Other estimates are closer to three per cent – which would make asexuals as large a group as the gay community.

And just as with Gay Pride or other homosexual or bisexual support groups, asexuals are founding their own ‘A’ Pride networks. One such is AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network; www.asexuality.org). Launched in 2001, with fewer than 50 members, it now has over 8,000. Common themes on the AVEN message boards are ‘coming out’ to friends and family and overcoming others’ misconceptions about asexuality.

However, it would be a mistake to think that everyone’s experience of asexuality is the same. Some are repelled by the idea of sex, and have never had a sexual encounter. Others feel nothing during sex, while some get aroused and sometimes masturbate, but have no desire for a sexual partner. Some embrace romantic relationships, which may remain unconsummated, others can take or leave them.
‘I define asexuality as a lack of sexual attraction,’ says Dr Bogaert, ‘and within that there are two different groups: those who don’t have much sexual desire – they are just not interested in sex – and those who have some interest in sex, and may masturbate, but don’t direct that attraction towards other people. Being asexual does not have to mean being “aromantic”. People who choose not to have sex may still want or have relationships.’

However their asexuality manifests itself, nearly all who describe themselves as asexual agree that asexuality is not a medical ‘problem’, or a failure to find the right partner – accusations that are commonly flung their way. While psychologists are only just beginning to examine asexuality in depth, the French writer Jean-Philippe de Tonnac, author of The Asexual Revolution (La Révolution Asexuelle, available in French from www. amazon.fr) has studied the conscious and subconscious motives of those practising abstinence. He tells Psychologies why he believes that sexual abstinence is a hunger for something else.

Interview

After writing about ‘people who don’t eat’ in your book Anorexia, you have chosen to study ‘people who don’t have sex’. Where does this interest in ‘people who don’t’ come from?

I have always felt kinship for those who find themselves willingly on the fringes of, or excluded from, the ideology surrounding them. In this society, where we ‘must achieve orgasm’, I feel affinity with those who resist the pressure. I see a philosophical dimension to their refusal, which boils down to saying: ‘I am not an animal that must satisfy its sexual desires without “communicating” with them.’ As humans, we are able to postpone or sublimate our impulse

Who are the abstainers?

The big surprise in this study was the discovery that abstinence was far more widespread than assumed, and not confined solely to those who had no sexual activity at all – for religious reasons, for example – or even those who had no sexual desire, such as the ‘asexual’ movement that began in the United States five years ago. The sex experts I spoke to during my research told me that many of the people who you might assume were having sex were no longer doing so – couples whose sexual bond was reduced to incredibly strong tenderness, or single people looking for their soul mate.

Is this growing disinterest in sex part of a more fundamental shift?

It seems likely that access to pleasure has always been complex. We know that the simple fact of two bodies entwining is not enough to provoke ecstasy. But a characteristic of our times is the abyss between the torrid eroticism depicted by the media and the frequently boring sexual encounters that many of us experience.
The French singer Georges Brassens sang, ‘Ninety-five times out of 100, a woman is bored when having sex.’ But what is less acknowledged is that most men do not get too much out of it, either; women are not alone in faking it. Harmony between two desires is rare. Those who are not lucky enough to find it have no other choice but to pretend. Or else to renounce it.

Yet it appears that couples are increasingly visiting sex therapists. Isn’t this in order to rediscover their waning sexuality?

More often than not, they go to be reassured. Doctors can repeat until they are blue in the face that in terms of sexuality, there is no ‘norm’, but today there is an incredible need to be ‘normal’. Many couples imagine that if they do not have sex, it will start to show. Others wonder whether a loss of desire can have a knock-on effect on their physical, mental or social health. Very often, if they are prescribed libido-boosting medication, they do not take it. Their real need is not to rediscover what has been lost,rather it is to hear that there is nothing unusual or wrong about their situation. Sexologists report that during the 1970s, they were on hand to awaken their patients to the realms of sexual pleasure. Today, they are there to reassure those who are not having sex.

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heatdissipation

First of all, thanks for the great link! The article was actually surprisingly astute - not ideal, but certainly sensitive and informed. The interview, however, was quite lacking - there was something quite a bit off in the tone of the author. In fact, I think what they refer to as abstinence in some of the questions is actually misinterpreted asexuality. Jean says [after a blurb on asexiness], "I am more of the opinion that theirs is an identity-based reaction, whose extremism is a response to the relentless pressure from modern society to consume," which seems to be a strange and rather confused response! Anyway, thanks for pointing that out.

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SecretSaucer

Thanks for posting that! :)

The article was pretty good, but I was somewhat disappointed with Jean-Philippe de Tonnac's attitude. For example, he sounded fairly accepting of asexuality, but then he would say things like, "They are able to convince us and themselves that this type of love is not for them," and "Asexuals claim to represent a fourth sexual orientation – alongside that of heterosexuals, homosexuals, and bisexuals. I am more of the opinion that theirs is an identity-based reaction, whose extremism is a response to the relentless pressure from modern society to consume." Basically, I think he has some thoughtful things to say about abstinence, but I wish that he didn't equate abstinence and asexuality so much.

And is the wintry picture of the woman next to the frosty branches a coincidence or are they calling us frigid?

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Gotanks0407

well the message i was getting is there is something wrong with us, or we just havent been shown a good time....or we need to find that special person, i actually dont like this article, but maybe i was just picking up on the bad points that were made.

And is the wintry picture of the woman next to the frosty branches a coincidence or are they calling us frigid?

and they are trying to make us sound frigid

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