Euhhh I have a aromantic crush!

[Luvdisc]

Some people have been wondering how his works, and I happen to be experiencing it...

I would consider it an aromantic crush.

I've had crushes before on like celebrities, or liking pairings in games or something. But they have never involved me in them. They've been separated in my mind -- they've have nothing to do with me. It was just a fascination.

I've met this guy in a band and my friends and I all adore him. I will call him uhh Sam. Really, when I first met him and everything, I was so nervous, there is something about the stage presence that he carries that I just find really interesting, I guess. We went to see their band rehearsal, which was great (not my style at all, but I was so impressed with their instrumental talent!) and because we all loved Sam so much, we invited him to some other thing (look how afraid I am to mention what it is. It's just some sport. I'm just afraid he'll somehow see this. Ahaha. haha.) and we had sooo much fun.

And I've come to the conclusion that I have a pretty strong infatuation, but I have 0% desire to start a relationship, kiss/touch/ect any of that. I'm not afraid to, I just don't want to. I just really, really, really, really want to be friends. Really. But just friends -- definitely just friends.

Which makes it an aromantic crush. Right?

[Queue]

Yep. IMO, anyways. I've had several of these aromantic crushes myself. Mainly to me it's a sudden, powerful, sometimes inexplicable desire to get to know someone. As a friend. And for me, it also usually makes me want to help them with things or do stuff to make them happy.

[Luvdisc]

Hahaha. So it's true. I hate it!

I just wanted some confirmation.

I have a question. What am I supposed to do about the people who think I romantically like him? That's not right at all and one of my friends is practically telling everyone that that's how it is. She even put it on my facebook out in the open. He might have totally seen it. And I don't like him that way! : \

ETA - wow I stressed myself enough to give myself a fever. This is why I hate crush/love/stuff. I hate it sooo much. It causes so much drama. And I hate talking about it. Let's just stop talking. gahhhhh.

[metalgirl2045]

Have you heard of "man crushes"? That's the nearest to an aromantic crush I've heard of before, I've had a similar female equivalent.

[Whisperkin]

Oh....so that's what that was. I was wondering about that....

I think for the first time somebody else's post has helped me out xD.

I don't think there is much that you can do about that, because society refuses to listen when you say "that's not so" in terms of "crushes." Or that is in my experience the way things work. So you can tell them, but it's not gaurentee'd to do anything. Perhaps somebody else will have a better answer than me.

[Billie]

Been there, done that, f**ked up, found AVEN... that's all lol

But yeah, I agree with aromantic crush

I call it platonic love, though... ^_^

[Jibun]

And I've come to the conclusion that I have a pretty strong infatuation, but I have 0% desire to start a relationship, kiss/touch/ect any of that. I'm not afraid to, I just don't want to. I just really, really, really, really want to be friends. Really. But just friends -- definitely just friends.

Which makes it an aromantic crush. Right?

I know exactly what you are talking about. I'm like that with many of my closest friends.

[Luvdisc]

Alright, I'm feeling a little better about this.

thanks ... you need to know how much courage it took for me to put this on here

I'm just... crazy... gahhh.

[evilminininja]

That is exactly what I have right now!

I'm infatuated witht his guy but I have no desire to engage in a relationship. Although I might try to start one just to see what the big hype is

[Raisin]

I've had those before! It's difficult to explain, because everyone says, "It's called, 'wanting to be friends with someone'," but it's so much more than that. There's no sexual or romantic desire, but you still feel drawn to this person more than you do to other people (even your friends). I don't have an aromantic crush currently (I call it a 'squish,' since it's usually less intense than a 'crush'), but I definitely know where you're coming from. ^_^

[Mr. Ten Below]

Just wanted to say, Raisin, I love the word squish and I've used it since I saw your topic about it so long ago. That was yours, right?

I've had a few of these myself, but my question is for those of you who seem to dislike them so much. Why are they so bad?

[Luvdisc]

Just wanted to say, Raisin, I love the word squish and I've used it since I saw your topic about it so long ago. That was yours, right?

I've had a few of these myself, but my question is for those of you who seem to dislike them so much. Why are they so bad?

Uhmm... dislike what? crushes, raisins, or squishes? Personally I'm a fan of raisins.

If you're talking about me not liking crushes, it's because I like to think about what I wanna think about. And if I have some sort of crush, then a lot of the time my mind kind of redirects itself to that person (Same with my other obsessions, not just people.) And I find that kind of irritating and distracting.

Also, everyone knows me as someone who never gets crushes or likes anyone, so I don't like having to cover all this stuff up.

[Mr. Ten Below]

Oh, that makes lots of sense. And yes I was talking about crushes. Sorry for the confusion. :)

[Færy]

I'm sexual, but I think I have an aromantic crush on someone!

This girl, uh I'll call her susan, is really really cool, i think. I don't know her well but I think we'd make really good friends. I admire her soooo much. i like everything about her. She is so unique and i love her style and everything. And I've always wanted to be friends with her so badly. I know her somewhat but we've never had a chance to become close friends. She has a bunch of really close friends and I envy them. And now she moved away and I feel like, hopeless.

It's really strange for me to have this extreme, friend-crush on her. It's definitely not romantic or sexual; I just really want to be friends with her.

I didn't know there was such thing as "aromantic crush".

[Ilani]

My turn to reply to one of your posts... because like you responding to my music post, I know exactly how you feel. :)

I have also been in this situation. For example, I had a friend named Dan when I was living in Florida. He had the most adorable smile, sparkling eyes that would make you wonder, most awesome personality, and he looked so warm and cuddly. I was fascinated by him. He was so kind. He was that type of adorable where he made your heart swell with "aawww," just as when you see one of those calendars featuring kittens in a basket kind of cute. One time, my friend Jeff was over helping me decorate the outside of the house for Christmas, and we thought Dan might like to join us. I asked Dan to stop by Wal-Mart to pick up more strings of Christmas lights.

Well, Dan pulls up about half an hour later and he had that super cute nervous giggle he always had, and he said, "I didn't know what kind of lights you wanted... so I just bought a bunch of every kind." LOL He was that kind of guy. Man. He was cool.

At the time, I didn't realize I wasn't infatuated with him. I didn't know what I felt. I was intrigued by him the same way I am intrigued by mysteries of nature. I wanted to learn more about him. I really dug his vibe. :) So, I thought maybe I should date him, yet, I didn't want to date. Of course, I wasn't for sure if I was asexual at that time, so I did date him... which ended up in tears (on Dan's behalf... poor guy, he was so sensitive). Granted, I told Dan that I might break up with him shortly and to be prepared for that, and he agreed, but he was still so upset at the end. As always, the relationship made me feel suffocated and I began to crave my freedom... just after four days.

I learned that you can love someone that much without being in love with them. Of course I loved Dan. I still do... just not in *that* way. Now, if I feel that way about someone, I imagine they might make a pretty cool friend and possibly someone I am meant to cross paths with. :) I also know to just leave it as friendship.

I think an asexual crush is when you are actually in love with someone, as there are asexuals who want a romantic relationship, but don't want sex. I think in your case, you sound like a very intelligent, passionate woman who is in tune with her emotions on a soul level, and so you can read people, and of course being as passionate as you are, you feel a type of love for them, even if it is not romantic.

That, my dear, is also a gift. :)

[kabukikoo]

Huh.

I had no idea that that's what it is.

I've always told people that when I did "like" someone it was because there was something interesting about them,

not too get hurt,

and that I wouldn't date them because of that.

I'm glad to find other people who feel the same.

[Kvark]

I've had crushes just like that and also crushes where I don't want to be friends with them, just learn all I can about them and admire them. I didn't know crushes could be considered aromantic, I thought it was a romantic thing by definition. But now that you put it that way it makes so much more sense, you are so right, there are armonatic crushes.

If anyone gets the wrong idea there isn't much that can be done since denial to a 3rd party is dismissed as cute shyness but if he gets the wrong idea then you can solve the problem by clearing things up with him.

[Friday]

sounds like a good ol' fashioned 'friend crush' to me ^_^ i get these sometimes...

[red_brick_dream]

Have you heard of "man crushes"? That's the nearest to an aromantic crush I've heard of before, I've had a similar female equivalent.

Mhm. "Man crush" seems to be a play on the idea of non-sexual fascination between males, the key being that there needs to be explicit mention of the non-sexuality of the whole thing.

Therefore, a more general term is needed. Some people are simply fascinating. Maybe our mating drives are simply mis-firing? Since we have no one with whom to... "satisfy" that hunger, it simply keeps on going, and singling out certain people with whom we would do that kind of thing if we were so made to be able. I have plenty of friends, whom I adore, but this is something, though not removed from friendship, different.

[Luvdisc]

Thanks for all the more responses, I don't feel so alone anymore, even though I'm sure most people at school wouldn't really understand if I told them : P

[Cazz333]

I think an asexual crush is when you are actually in love with someone, as there are asexuals who want a romantic relationship, but don't want sex. I think in your case, you sound like a very intelligent, passionate woman who is in tune with her emotions on a soul level, and so you can read people, and of course being as passionate as you are, you feel a type of love for them, even if it is not romantic.

That, my dear, is also a gift. :)

How? All it does is cause me pain.

[Kazaera]

Hey, other aromantics with crushes! I thought it was just me. (I tend to use "platonic crush", although "squish" sounds very interesting. On the other hand, I wouldn't necessarily agree that my crushes are less intensive than romantic crushes because they can get very, very strong.)

I get crushes on a pretty regular basis, and have ever since I can remember. Intensity varies from simply thinking someone is omgincrediblycool (I've developed one like this on one of my profs just recently) to basically thinking about them 24/7, and the duration can be from a few weeks to pretty much forever, although generally if I actually befriend a person it dies down over time (thankfully; hero worship is an awkward thing to have in a friendship). I never really get crushes on people I haven't met, and there is really nothing romantic about them. I just really really really really want to be a specific person's friend.

What's probably the oddest thing about my whateveryouwanttocallthem is that I quite clearly have an orientation. As in, although I crush on people all over the place I have only once crushed on a guy. Which I suppose makes me an asexual aromantic homosomething, which in turn really makes my head hurt. On the plus side, this means I don't really have the problem of them being mistaken for romantic crushes (when I crushed on the one guy, this happened, and *I* even mistook it for romantic and the resulting fallout was very, very messy) as people don't tend to jump to conclusions like that about same-gender relationships. I'm honestly stumped as to how to deal with it otherwise.

So you're definitely not alone.

[Luvdisc]

Wow, I looked up platonic love and that sounds pretty accurate for me!

So something funny happened.

We had him over at a party with other people, and when everyone left except me and my girl friends, somehow we all spilled that WE ALL LIKE HIM, hahaha... because they were saying "oh I really shouldn't like him but I do" and I said "I think everyone is feeling that way" which I was trying to be indirect but well now they know hehehe :lol: and they were like "WTF YOU TOO?!?!" because I'm the least likely person on the face of the earth...

I can hardly stand this feeling, though. It feels so bad and so good at the same time.

[veralidaine]

This is awesome! It's so nice to find people experiencing the same thing as me. I think you guys are lucky though, having platonic crushes (that's my preferred term) on guys (I'm talking to the females here; I'm female too by the way), especially guys your own age. Although weird, I would think that's manageable. I have a platonic crush on a female who is quite a bit older than me. I'm really paranoid that I'll freak her out because I can get kind of intense when I have these platonic crushes. I have a friend who has made a comment on it (luckily, she knows about my asexuality and was actually the one who introduced the term 'platonic crush' to me) so I have to wonder; how obvious am I?

[veralidaine]

Just thought I'd share this; As I said, I have a rather strong platonic crush right now and the last couple of days I've imagined us watching Family Guy then the Ellen Degeneres show together, in separate chairs, just sharing and laughing at the various jokes. I'm thinking this might become a regular occurance in my imagination XD along with my being injured and being taken care of by the person (look at the other non-sexual crush post to undertsnad what that sentence was about)

[chipmunkgirl]

Haha, aromantic crushes! Awesome!

I haven't had one in awhile, but I definitely have had them. I call them my "obsessions" with people. I would think a certain person was very pretty, and smart, and nice, and I would really really really want to be friends with them- but that was it. No desire for kissing/hugging/etc.

What's probably the oddest thing about my whateveryouwanttocallthem is that I quite clearly have an orientation. As in, although I crush on people all over the place I have only once crushed on a guy. Which I suppose makes me an asexual aromantic homosomething, which in turn really makes my head hurt.

Me too! Asexual aromantic homocrush-ic maybe? It made me wonder in high school if I was a lesbian, but it didn't make sense because all I ever wanted was get to know them/be their friend. Very confusing.

I like the term "aromantic crush," though. Hehehe.

[Amphioxus]

for Raisin and chipmunkgirl!

I call it a 'squish,' since it's usually less intense than a 'crush'

Asexual aromantic homocrush-ic maybe?Hehehe.

And yeah, I get these all the time. I've gotten used to them and I even enjoy them. Most of the time I don't even want to interact with those people. And it's not that I'm lazy, or I can't do it. I just don't feel like talking to them. And a relationship of any kind is out of the question.

[Kazaera]

This is awesome! It's so nice to find people experiencing the same thing as me. I think you guys are lucky though, having platonic crushes (that's my preferred term) on guys (I'm talking to the females here; I'm female too by the way), especially guys your own age. Although weird, I would think that's manageable. I have a platonic crush on a female who is quite a bit older than me. I'm really paranoid that I'll freak her out because I can get kind of intense when I have these platonic crushes. I have a friend who has made a comment on it (luckily, she knows about my asexuality and was actually the one who introduced the term 'platonic crush' to me) so I have to wonder; how obvious am I?

I get crushes on girls and am actually very happy that's the way it is. If you're female and crushing on women, the chances of them misinterpreting that as romantic interest are generally much, much lower. Also, it's considered relatively normal for girls to form extremely close friendships and hang around one another a lot, so although you do have to hide how besotted you are with the person in question you can get away with more than you could if it were a guy, I think... I do generally only crush on girls my own age, though. I have a (low-key, thank god) crush on a professor right now and oh my god, awkward. So I sympathise when you say she's quite a bit older than you. :/

And ey, chipmunkgirl, I sort of think of them as obsessions too! In fact, I've occasionally wondered if that's not what they *were* - I'm on the autistic spectrum and tend to develop extremely strong, focussed obsessions on certain subjects that last for a few weeks to a few months, and the patterns were similar enough to my crushes that I wondered if I wasn't just becoming obsessed with people rather than X fiction series or something. It makes me glad to hear there are other aromantics who experience the same thing.

Yay for homocrushics. It's the reason I tend to think that *if* I were sexual or romantic, I'd be a lesbian.

[Luvdisc]

I might as well update that I had a blast with him and a group of friends over the weekend. I got his number too. :P But not in a flirty way! I hope.

[Mutanatia]

So that's what that's called...

So maybe I never had a romantic crush on any one...certainly didn't want to sleep with my ex at all (even before things went bad)...just wanted to hold hands and be her friend.

But the problem is...how do you express this to someone. "Umm...yeah, I think you're hot...but not in that way? lol"