Kapsberger Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Hello, Found this site by way of Google. Today's the first time I've visited. I'm fresh (meaning two hours ago) from a painful "break up," if you can call it that, and I wanted to post to try to let a little of the pain go, and also try to figure out what my situation is, exactly... I'm a guy in my early 30s, and I've always considered myself to be a garden-variety hetero, although my dating life has been pretty sparse. I just recently tried online dating after a long period of inactivity. All told, I've been in three physically intimate relationships (including the one I broke off today), but there's always been one problem. Aside from enjoying physical proximity and cuddling, I've never enjoyed sex. Not even kissng. In fact, the whole bit usually makes me feel a little nauseous. I enjoy "intellectual intimacy," for lack of a better word, but the physical part has never really done anything for me. At this point, I've been accused of being gay (which I'm not, but I don't consider it an insult anyway), cold, emotionally distant, and psychologically damaged. Aside from the last one ( :roll: ), I don't really agree. I'm introverted and sometimes it takes a while for me to warm up to people, but I consider myself a pretty good friend to those whom I'm close with. I just don't know what any of this really means. And it broke my heart to do what I had to do today because I just didn't know how to explain to the woman involved what was going on. Any of this sound familiar? Is this a common experience for an asexual person? Link to post Share on other sites
Shockwave Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Hello and welcome to AVEN. Whether you are asexual or not is up to you to determine. Your story sounds like many others told here. I hope you stay and enjoy yourself here. Link to post Share on other sites
JimmyJ Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 This all sounds very familiar to me. I am a 22 year old guy and I feel the same way you do about the cuddling, etc. I just found this site a week ago and it has helped me a lot. I've actually just come out as asexual to one of my friends. She actually took it like it was no big deal at all. That was cool. But anyway, I have also been accused of being gay and a friend tried to set me up with a guy. For awile in high school I thought I might be gay because I didn't want to have sex with girls. Of course, I thought that was the only explanation, but then I realised that I didn't want to have sex with guys either. I just had no interest in sex at all. Then I just thought I was mentally screwed up somehow, and then I found this site. This is getting long, so I'll end it by saying welcome and I hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Kombucha2000 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Welcome to AVEN, Kapsberger! Link to post Share on other sites
GaliGwogi Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Welcome to AVEN, Kapsberger! :D *presents Kapsberger with welcome package full of delights, including , which, if you aren't fond of cake, can just be a slice of your favoritest thing ever* I enjoy "intellectual intimacy," for lack of a better word, but the physical part has never really done anything for me.At this point, I've been accused of being gay (which I'm not, but I don't consider it an insult anyway), cold, emotionally distant, and psychologically damaged. Aside from the last one ( :roll: ), I don't really agree. I'm introverted and sometimes it takes a while for me to warm up to people, but I consider myself a pretty good friend to those whom I'm close with. I just don't know what any of this really means. And it broke my heart to do what I had to do today because I just didn't know how to explain to the woman involved what was going on. Any of this sound familiar? Is this a common experience for an asexual person? Your descirption sounds similar to other folks' stories here. To read through every post in AVEN would take days and days on end, but it's an interesting read, I think, and answers many questions. the "Asexual Relationships" section may be especially interesting? I, too, consider myself to be introverted and slow to warm up to people, and I've been in relationships unable to explain my asexuality. But reading other's experiences here has helped develop my ability to communicate who I am. I know the break-up is not easy, and I wish healing in time to you both. Hope this will be a helpful place for you, and opportunities for intellectual intimacy abound here. all the best, laura Link to post Share on other sites
junie99 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Welcome to AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
kbrd143 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Welcome! And, no, you are most certainly not alone. Your situation sounds quite similar to many stories told, around here. Pull up a chair, grab a snack, do some reading, do some talking. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 At this point, I've been accused of being gay (which I'm not, but I don't consider it an insult anyway), cold, emotionally distant, and psychologically damaged. Any of this sound familiar? Familiar? Hell, I'd say you've been reading my diary!! welcome Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Nah, there are plenty with experiences like yours. Welcome! :D Link to post Share on other sites
(SP) Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 I am male, in my (early) 20's, and asexual, and your experiences, while I cannot quite relate exactly are common around here/around asexuals. Is your username any sort of acknowledgement of aspergers' syndrome? or is that just the name you picked?(the letters aren't quite right....) (there have been some connections drawn between that and asexuality in a portion of people) Link to post Share on other sites
Kapsberger Posted July 12, 2004 Author Share Posted July 12, 2004 Thanks for the welcomes, everybody. Is your username any sort of acknowledgement of aspergers' syndrome? or is that just the name you picked?(the letters aren't quite right....) Interesting. I'm familiar with the syndrome--slightly OT, but has anyone read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon? A great fictional account of a young math whiz with Aspbergers. But to answer your question, no, my username isn't a reference to Aspergers. G.G. Kapsberger composed a suite of works for lute about 500 years or so ago. Kind of a flash in the pan, but I love playing the music. I'm a classical guitar player, and I often use that name as a handle. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 I read that book just last week, Kapsberger. I quite liked it. I also liked Paul Collins' Not Even Wrong, which is a memoir about his son being diagnosed with aspergers. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Carsonspire Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Welcome to AVEN, Kapsberger! Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Hi Kapsberger, and welcome to AVEN! Ouch! 'Very sorry about the breakup, Kapsberger. And, unfortunately, your story could probably have been told almost word for word by many of the people here. Not that that helps much, I know, but many of us really CAN relate to what you're going through. To me it's interesting that about 3/4th's of the members here are introverts. (According to a poll that was taken some time ago.) This is about three times higher than the statistical average of the general population. Pull up a chair and make yourself at home! I truly hope you join in and keep posting. (And I'm a big fan of classical guitar music, too!) -Greybird Link to post Share on other sites
mindlife Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Welcome to AVEN, Kapsberger. Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Welcome Kaps! If you just had a break-up two hours before you posted that, you might need more time to let the pain go! :D Link to post Share on other sites
wombat Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 HEY! Welcome! BOOYA! Well...that sucks about the break up and all...but...i bet there are a bunch of people who can relate to your situation. In any case....Dance time. *Does the WoMBaT Dance!* We got another one! We got another one! This guy ain't no sexy nerfhurder, Welcome the UBER asexy kapsburger! BOOYA! Welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Chuk Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Welcome, welcome! We're glad you found AVEN. Link to post Share on other sites
Jordan Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Howdy, Kapsberger! :D Link to post Share on other sites
Kapsberger Posted July 13, 2004 Author Share Posted July 13, 2004 Thanks to all for the warm welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
basenji Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Greetings, and no you are not alone! I am a 40 y.o. male and ever since my early 30's my sex drive has diminished to practically nothing, due to one thing or another. Truth is, I'd rather be doing anything other than sex (and usually do). While this does not bother me, my girlfried of 15 some odd years, can't undestand why or what is going on (major friction!). Tests have been done and I am perfectally healthy. There is just something that "clicked off" at some point and the interest is gone and honestly I don't miss it one bit. Once again, welcome and enjoy, there are some great folks here! :D Link to post Share on other sites
Ellen Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Found this site by way of Google. Welcome to AVEN. Ain't Google wonderful? I think you'll find a lot of friendly people here to listen and discuss things with you as you find out more about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
katilian Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Welcome! It looks like you're in good company; like a lot of other people have already said, what you're feeling is very similar to my experiences (assuming you reverse the genders :o ). Glad you found your way here! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.