abba92 Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 I've always considered myself gay but in the last few years my sex drive is dimishing (but I'm healthy). I find both men and women very aesthetically attractive and I do find men sexually attractive and am very taken by personalities. However, sex with anyone (men or women) at the moment is not something I wish to pursue. I enjoy not having a relationship and yet all those around me are trying to get me to "meet someone nice". I'm so confused. Does this mean I'm gay? Bi? Asexual? I don't know! Help! Your comments would be most welcome. I'm sure this mentioned somewhere on the board but can asexuality be "grown into" or even "temporary?" And what's the difference between asexuality and non-sexuality? (See "confused" above). Thanks for your time! Link to post Share on other sites
Kombucha2000 Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Hello and welcome to AVEN, abba! As far as your sexual orientation is concerned, only you can decide whether you are asexual or not. The faq about asexuality, http://www.asexuality.org/info.htm , goes over the spectrum of asexuality. Human sexuality is not set in stone and can change within a person. Asexuality could temporary, or it could be a lifetime. So long as you are happy with not having interest in sex, there should be nothing to worry about. If you find an attraction to a gender but don't want sex you could consider yourself a gay/straight/bi asexual. As for the asexual and nonsexual terms, I believe that they're pretty much synonyms, but there might be some members that disagree. I hope that helps. Make yourself at home. Link to post Share on other sites
abba92 Posted July 10, 2004 Author Share Posted July 10, 2004 Thanks, naissur9. I suppose I should have looked there first, huh? It's nice to see there is no "cookiecutter" definition of asexuality - just different types and different degrees. I appreciate your time! Link to post Share on other sites
mindlife Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Hello abba92, & welcome to AVEN! Read our faqs. & then make yourself comfortable. I doubt you'll find that difficult here. & better yet, no pressure to "meet someone nice" for sexual purposes. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Welcome to AVEN! As the others have said, read through the FAQs and take time deciding for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 & better yet, no pressure to "meet someone nice" for sexual purposes. That's right and if in awhile you get your sexual feelings back for males &/or females, that's cool too. We won't feel you're a 'turncoat' or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
kala Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 huh? turncoat? burn the traitor! burn! burn! bu... oh.. sorry.. just kidding... welcome to AVEN... here.. have some cake Link to post Share on other sites
Shockwave Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Hello and welcome to AVEN. Asexuality can indeed be grown into. That's what happened to me. When I was younger I experienced sexual attractions, but now I don't. And it has been a looooong time since I felt that way. Link to post Share on other sites
junie99 Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Welcome to AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
abba92 Posted July 11, 2004 Author Share Posted July 11, 2004 What a great group of people! Thank you all! It's rather encouraging to see so many of you (us?) out there! Thank goodness! Link to post Share on other sites
wombat Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 BOOYA! Welcome! It's good to have you here! The asexual thing....that's up to you. You could be "homoasexual" or "homohyposexual" Either way...it's up to you. BUT I DO THE DANCE NOW! *Does the WoMBaT Dance!* We got another one! We got another one! This asexy guy is so cool, i wanna say MOO So everybody welcome him, welcome Abba92! BOOYA! and welcome to AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Howdy, Abba! *wavewavewave* :D Yes, all different stripes of asexuals here and a few sexuals who are cool, too. We are the world, Kumbaya and all that. Have a chair. *pulls over a big, comfy, squashy chair* Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Kez Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Hiya! Join in our many converations... and... stuff. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Chuk Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Welcome to AVEN, abba92!! I hope that as you spend time here many of your questions will answer themselves... well... only if that's what you want, of course! After all, there is not *necessarily* anything wrong with having unanswered questions! My personal experience has been that the questions of sexual identity that used to preoccupy me have faded in importance (though not altogether disappeared) since I started hanging out here. It's different for everyone, I s'pose. Good luck and have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
abba92 Posted July 11, 2004 Author Share Posted July 11, 2004 Well kids, I think I've learned more today than I've known all my life about this. On top of that I find that the people here are very friendly, very informative and very 'march to the beat of your own drummer' - I like it. Thank you all! Have a great night. Link to post Share on other sites
Live R Perfect Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Welcome to AVEN, Abba92! :D I think everyone has pointed you in the right direction already, so I'm just going to tell you to feel free to join in with any of the discussions and enjoy yourself. There's plenty of to go round! :mrgreen: Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Did somebody say...ABBA?! :D *cue Dancing Queen* *disco ball emerges from ceiling* *engages in some funky disco moves* *sprains her ass* Agh! *pouts and nurses her wound* Welcome to AVEN, fella. :) I'm glad this has been a learning experience for you. The others have spoken well, so let me just beat a dead horse by saying, don't feel at all pressured to identify as asexual, and should you decide the label doesn't suit you, you are more than welcome to stay and hang out with us. *shakes your hand vigorously and waddles off for an ice pack* Link to post Share on other sites
Live R Perfect Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 *sprains her ass* Ooh! A sprained ass of all things! :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Carsonspire Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Welcome, abba92! *Points above* Listen to what they all have to say. They always offer good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Hi Abba92, and welcome to AVEN! I can't really add much to what they've already said above, but I thought I would extend greetings from a fellow Washingtonian! (Shelton area) Please stick around and feel free to contribute to any of the topics that are being discussed. If you've looked around, you've probably already realized that we will discuss almost anything. (And that hijacking threads is a favorite pastime!) Pull up a seat and make yourself at home! -Greybird Link to post Share on other sites
Jordan Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Howdy, Abba92! I'd say you're biasexual, but it's up to you to decide :D Link to post Share on other sites
Ellen Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 However, sex with anyone (men or women) at the moment is not something I wish to pursue. I enjoy not having a relationship and yet all those around me are trying to get me to "meet someone nice". Welcome abba92. I'm in the same boat, don't want sex with either. I would add, just imo, that doesn't mean you can't have relationships. Friendships are relationships and can be just as deep. I'm sure this mentioned somewhere on the board but can asexuality be "grown into" or even "temporary?" For my part I was sexual when I was younger, but I never ended up with another person and sex just confused the hell out of me. Now in the last ten years or so I have no drive, desire for sex . . and, yes I'm told Doctors can find things to change that for me - but the problem is I really like how I am. I'm tired of being told how to fit a 'norm'. Link to post Share on other sites
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