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Who do you think about while masterbating


Angel_eyes

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Strange personal-privacy-invaded question I realize, but i need an answer. please give me an answer.

who do you think about while masterbating? do you think of lots of different people in sexual positions?

it came out recently that my boyfriend thought of many different girls while masterbating that were not me. In fact, he's even thought of my sister on the "rare occassion", as my sister is admittedly rather hot. i asked him would he have sex with her. he said he didn't want to (shes not a very nice person) though if we werent in a relationship and there were no strings and he didnt know her personality he might. yes i probed him a lot!

it makes me almost sick to my stomach. i am not sure why because i always thought i could handle such things since its "normal" but i am struggling a little here...

he told me that he loves me so much and id have thought so, he chased me for years yet apparently during that time he also masterbating thinking about other girls. he told me that most of his sexual energy is focused on me and that many people actually have equal sexual energy focused on other people outside of relationships (but dont act on them...) and they keep their emotional intimacy separate.

i wish i could believe that. it is hard for me because as an asexual i lack sexual attraction and a sex drive so i don't know and lots of people lie in this area as its taboo to admit you want to (but don't want to at the same time) have sex with another person because physically (so on a purely physical/raw sexual attraction level) its goood while in a relationship. so maybe in a no strings situation you might. everything i have is directed towards him. it can only be directed towards him...

note we arent having sex. i am a catholic and i have strong beliefs pertaining to abstinence. this came before i found out about my asexuality and so we were always going to be abstinent anyways. but if we got married have sex you know, i think i could handle that.

maybe if i knew this was normal i would feel better. it is right now making me feel cold and numb.

outside of this our relationship is amazing. he is so supportive of me in every way. so this is a bomb shell. i know he loves me but i cant understand why he is thinking of other girls like this or would want to (but not want to because of the repercutions and maybe because they arent nice people) have sex with them.

please help :( and be gentle on me im not looking to judge him but to understand.

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Angel_eyes, it sounds perfectly normal to me.

You must have really probed him though, because perhaps it's not so normal to be that honest about it :)

Imagining others while masturbating does not imply any actual desire to have sex with that person in the real world. The idea that he might, if he were single and there were absolutely no strings, or personality reasons not to, seems very much how I feel about things. Of course, like him, I'm not single, and having absolutely no strings is rare, so it remains in the realm of fantasy, and I truly have no desire to act on any of it, no matter how pleasant the fantasy may be.

I find that while I usually fantasise about sex with my wife, if things are a bit strained between us regarding sex, then sometimes it's easier to avoid bringing that tension up by imagining others - reminders of tension/conflict don't really help under the circumstances :blush:.

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thank you so much for your reply! it made me feel so much better :)

i really did push him a lot, i cannot emphasis it enough. he was extremely hesitant but he felt like he was sick of hiding this aspect of him and lying and pretending it didn't exist.

from an asexual perspective i think it is often more difficult to try to understand differentiating love with sexual feelings because often we'd only happily going through with it if we loved the individual.

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I agree that it sounds normal. Upsetting, certainly, to a monogamous person who doesn't do the same, but fairly normal anyway. A person's fantasy life is, almost by definition, different from the sex life that they actually want for themselves, and unless a person is highly demisexual, they're going to be at least somewhat attracted to more than one person even if they'd never do anything about it.

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Yeah, that sounds like a normal thing to me. I mean, people fantasize about having sex with sexy celebrities, but that doesn't mean they want to be in a relationship with them. It's fantasy - your mind's allowed to wander. :rolleyes:

Although, as an asexual, I don't think of anyone when I masterbate. I've tried - it doesn't work. My mind's usually just blank.

I'd say, as long as his emotional connection is with you, it doesn't matter what he thinks of. It's not that important, really. Although, if I were him, I would've kept that information to myself, simply so as not to distress people unduly. ;)

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