Incredibly Ace Moments

[naakka]

3 hours ago, CBC said:

Please no, we already have those ad nauseam. 😂

Aha okay 😆 anyhow, I think it's good if it wakes up the question in their head so they don't just assume 😄

[naakka]

2 hours ago, CBC said:

Too much questioning drives you nuts, I find...

Ok, maybe I have a different point of view, since I directly benefit from people better recognizing asexuality 😄

[nerdperson777]

I was reading some online article about moments when people sent messages to their parents that were not meant for them.  I guess they're mostly explicit things so words get blurred out.  I think a good portion of them, I couldn't figure out what the blurred word was, and so didn't really know what it meant.  So I felt like I was having constant ace moments not knowing what the texts meant.  Anyone do that?

[Guest]

On shipping, yeah I guess it is much more a generational/local thing than being ace or otherwise. I see children/preteens/teens throwing that word around because it is part of their internet/fandom culture. When I was a teen I understood the concept (fyi I've been doing the anime/manga fandoms game for at least 15 + years now lol) but it wasn't too popular. My friends started using it irl when we were like, 20 ? I guess that's when it became commonplace where I live (~ 7 years ago) 

 

On the topic's subject. Lately I've been feeling lonely to the point of it affecting my mental health badly (broke up with few long time friends I still had / feeling kinda alienated from long time interests on a deeper level / quarantined away from my home and family and pet cuz fucking covid / not going out for basically anything in 2 months despite usually spending 12 hours put daily etc. ) , I am really sorta depressed and not really having friends I can really relate to complain to ... And being on in here makes me so happy because it's like my last refuge and I see so many people who I can relate to and be like, ahh yes I am not 100% alien in this big bad world! despite us not knowing each other at all? These ace moments/musings/ponderations people share are often so "wow, I feel u." and it's especially important for me because I never seriously considered being ace before ; I always used to undermine myself by thinking my time will come / I am just repressed or traumatized / My pulsions are off but will fix / Does asexuality even exist ?? / Aren't yall trying too hard to fit labels? And regardless of it being "valid" or not from Lord knows what point of view, it's amazing how I read stuff and am like ... Oh ... Can relate (like I've never) . There's definitely something there bonding us (or rather, making us relate?) aces/aspec whatever it is. (It's almost like *:o!* asexuality is real) 

[Cee Fox]

@Hanas I feel your entire post.

 

I even came back to AVEN because I felt like I needed more people to talk to, and it's always so validating when I see that we really are all the same. Every moment of realization that's another thing I do that I can put up to being ace/a-spec is pretty validating. It's also hilarious because it makes you see things that you would never have noticed before, like "wait? That's not normal???" and I find myself laughing at how weirdly interlinked I am with this stranger on the internet. It's the same feeling you get from those 'this is my childhood/__'s kids remember' posts, but you could only find it here.

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Cee Fox said:

@Hanas I feel your entire post.

 

I even came back to AVEN because I felt like I needed more people to talk to, and it's always so validating when I see that we really are all the same. Every moment of realization that's another thing I do that I can put up to being ace/a-spec is pretty validating. It's also hilarious because it makes you see things that you would never have noticed before, like "wait? That's not normal???" and I find myself laughing at how weirdly interlinked I am with this stranger on the internet. It's the same feeling you get from those 'this is my childhood/__'s kids remember' posts, but you could only find it here.

Yes, right? It's one of those things that date really far back and it's just who you are, but instead of being, like, culture/social condition/etc-specific (like childhood stuff would be,) it's something else. And then you see a point of connection with that human being you have never seen before and it's like ... oh! Right? 

 

Even more so for those things you actually go "I am not the only?!?" and boy do I feel that being here. It's so warm ... I was the weirdo in my groups of friends (always, like, the one who's never had any dating experience or particularly wanted it.) growing up, so it's really nice knowing ... Basically that there are weirdos like me out there. On the other side of the globe, even. It's quite ... whoaaaaaaa ... 

[Knight_of_Ravenclaw]

Well, I was writing a story with my friend, and he wrote a romance “chemistry” scene and I was just utterly disgusted. 
Also, I like watching Madam Secretary, but what I don’t like is the unnecessary amount of kissing.

Another time, someone asked me which harry potter character I liked just responded with the character I most admired at the time.

[nerdperson777]

11 hours ago, Hanas said:

broke up with few long time friends I still had / feeling kinda alienated from long time interests on a deeper level

Oh yeah, in middle school, I had this "friend" who I would hang out with.  I say "friend" because I think I was more like a servant.  Another friend and I were both in this kind of situation.  The actual word we used was slaves.  It was a funny thing how we all gathered.  The "friend" later identified as androgynous.  The friend would be bisexual.  But in middle school we did not know.  The "friend" didn't actually treat us like friends, hence slaves.  The friend was a year older than us so he couldn't always have been around.  I had struggled to leave that "friendship" despite not being treated correctly.  I might've thought a bad friend was better than no friend.  When I finally did leave the "friendship", I had used "when we broke up".  My parents were confused as we were not a couple.  I lowkey did question being a lesbian as I mistook many of my squishes as such.  But actually being aro ace, I didn't worry about it enough to actually be one.  I'd just be frantic for a week at best and then forget about it until I came cross the thought again a few months later.  But anyway, I didn't know what other word to use besides "break up" back then.

 

It was really interesting how we just gravitated towards each other.  The actual friend was not a very, I guess, commanding person?  He was easily stepped on, and so was I.  I had thought him kind of feminine so it kinda made sense that he was primarily attracted to guys, if we go by the stereotypes.  I still sometimes talk to him.  The "friend", we probably didn't realize that we both enjoyed a little more masculinity, in contrast to what people expected of our assigned gender.  I'd just end up passing the masculine end a little more.  Then we didn't realize we were dysphoric about periods.

[Guest]

26 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Oh yeah, in middle school, I had this "friend" who I would hang out with.  I say "friend" because I think I was more like a servant.  Another friend and I were both in this kind of situation.  The actual word we used was slaves.  It was a funny thing how we all gathered.  The "friend" later identified as androgynous.  The friend would be bisexual.  But in middle school we did not know.  The "friend" didn't actually treat us like friends, hence slaves.  The friend was a year older than us so he couldn't always have been around.  I had struggled to leave that "friendship" despite not being treated correctly.  I might've thought a bad friend was better than no friend.  When I finally did leave the "friendship", I had used "when we broke up".  My parents were confused as we were not a couple.  I lowkey did question being a lesbian as I mistook many of my squishes as such.  But actually being aro ace, I didn't worry about it enough to actually be one.  I'd just be frantic for a week at best and then forget about it until I came cross the thought again a few months later.  But anyway, I didn't know what other word to use besides "break up" back then.

 

It was really interesting how we just gravitated towards each other.  The actual friend was not a very, I guess, commanding person?  He was easily stepped on, and so was I.  I had thought him kind of feminine so it kinda made sense that he was primarily attracted to guys, if we go by the stereotypes.  I still sometimes talk to him.  The "friend", we probably didn't realize that we both enjoyed a little more masculinity, in contrast to what people expected of our assigned gender.  I'd just end up passing the masculine end a little more.  Then we didn't realize we were dysphoric about periods.

I say break up metaphorically (as in a meaningful relationship has subsided) ... Or it could just be my English vocabulary that is lacking, sorry. Maybe split up? ; ; ;  

 

I think we end up growing close to people we can relate on some inner level be it gender or anything - especially at an early age where we lack parameters and sometimes befriend whoever we can lol - but those people aren't always necessarily the best people personality-wise or the best for us at least. Thankfully we tend to learn and differentiate as we grow older maybe ... But that also means it is harder to make friends, which I guess is why the break up/split up/fall apart/ IUNNO LOL hurt so much - I know I ain't gonna find people to replace them anytime soon, and indeed because we've known each other for ages it was kinda ... Eh. Disappointing, maybe? 

[naakka]

@nerdperson777 @Hanas it's true when we're young we accept many kind of friends since we don't know better and think it's better than no friends at all.

 

I've had it happened twice to myself that I was the best friends with someone and they left me for someone else (as a friend). The both times I was eager to get the third person into our friend group but they rather left me completely. It felt especially bad the second time, as the friend was the one who first approached me since she was new in our town and alone, and even if the friendship was unbalanced (I always defended her but she really never defended me), I had been ready to sacrifice everything for it. I felt mentally abused, like a person you could just throw away. Luckily the both times after the "break up" I became friends with someone more responsive, and the friendship was more balanced. I even have contact with these people sometimes today.

 

Anyhow, the both times after break up I remember been wondering if it was due to me being different. The both times after the breakup my friend started to act more mature, got into sexy fashion, started to have crushes or date, became friends with someone who likes to party etc., while before they had been more androgynous and not interested in boys and shared more interests with me. To be honest, I couldn't see myself being friends with the person they became afterwards either, since I definitely did not want to start acting like that. Looking back, I wonder if the reason for the "break ups" was that the differences between me and the allo person had became more apparent? Well, I'll never know for sure.

[nerdperson777]

3 hours ago, naakka said:

Anyhow, the both times after break up I remember been wondering if it was due to me being different. The both times after the breakup my friend started to act more mature, got into sexy fashion, started to have crushes or date, became friends with someone who likes to party etc., while before they had been more androgynous and not interested in boys and shared more interests with me. To be honest, I couldn't see myself being friends with the person they became afterwards either, since I definitely did not want to start acting like that. Looking back, I wonder if the reason for the "break ups" was that the differences between me and the allo person had became more apparent? Well, I'll never know for sure.

My first ever friend, we met in kindergarten.  She called me her best friend.  She moved in 4th grade 20 minutes north to a more prestigious school district but I occasionally got to see her when we had Chinese school on Saturdays.  She's the friend who I said when we were 10, she wanted to have 4 kids and I wanted none.  I remember her being into low cut clothing, and I'm far from that.  She used the word smexy before.  I actually don't know what it means.  But I guess we became more distant after she moved and we never recovered from it.  I had tried texting her in high school and college but she was slow to reply to my messages.  I'm not sure if I can find her anymore.  I know that she deleted her Facebook even before I joined, because she knew the negatives of it.  I tried to look up her sister's name just now, but I realize that I don't even know what her sister looks like past age 10.  Plus with my transition, I'm always hesitant to call up my friends in fear of rejection.  I can only keep my voice high for so long.  And I wonder if I should make a LinkedIn profile with my birth name so people could find me if they want to.

 

Edit: I decided to search without the last name and I found her.  Apparently she used the Chinese spelling of her last name instead of the Vietnamese one I knew her by.  Now I'm like uhhh...would she know it's me if I sent her a connection request?  Or should I chicken out and just live with it?

[naakka]

1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

Now I'm like uhhh...would she know it's me if I sent her a connection request?  Or should I chicken out and just live with it?

These are always difficult questions 🤔 think about it from your perspective? Do you really need that friendship again? Or were you just left with feelings you couldn't process to get over when you lost the contact? The second friend I mentioned before left me mental scars bad enough that I couldn't get over her for years. Yet, had she later contacted me, I really doubt we could have had a satisfying friendship again (even if she apologized), since we just simply became so different persons (or that's at least how it seemed to me).

 

On the other hand, just checking out how old friend is doing doesn't have to mean anything serious. Just the other day an old friend actually contacted me after the years, and we texted a bit, but I'm a bit sceptic if she'll keep the contact since it sounds her life and goals are way different to mine. From my perspective, I'm fine with losing contact, either way I'll try to keep it going from my part, at least infrequently, for it's nice to know se'd been thinking of me and I do care about her enough to wanting to know how she's doing. All friends don't have to be the closest ones, but it's still nice to know how they're doing 🙂

Edited May 20, 2020 by naakka
Typo

[Bronztrooper]

6 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

But actually being aro ace, I didn't worry about it enough to actually be one.  I'd just be frantic for a week at best and then forget about it until I came cross the thought again a few months later.

Oh god, that's very familiar for me and I'm not even sure if I'm aro, heteromantic, demi, or gray-romantic.  Feelings are weird.

 

As for the whole friends discussion, I've moved around a lot so I'm used to dropping out of contact with friends due to that (and honestly, now I don't really put much, if any, effort into making friends irl anyway because of that).  My current circle of friends I met online and they are the best friends I've ever had, and we're all pretty close, but since we're all online and I don't have a phone with data, if I don't have wifi connection, I can't talk with them- and we talk every day.

 

My dad jokes about me being addicted to the internet, but really, if I had other means of keeping in contact with my friends, I wouldn't mind being without internet so much.  Like, they're the only people I really talk to outside of the house and I can be open with them in a way that I don't really feel I can at home.

 

Anyway, to get back to the main topic:

When someone asks you what you look for in a partner and start thinking of stuff focusing on personality, only to later realize that they meant physical attributes, and not exactly in athletic terms.

[Guest]

7 hours ago, naakka said:

@nerdperson777 @Hanas it's true when we're young we accept many kind of friends since we don't know better and think it's better than no friends at all.

 

I've had it happened twice to myself that I was the best friends with someone and they left me for someone else (as a friend). The both times I was eager to get the third person into our friend group but they rather left me completely. It felt especially bad the second time, as the friend was the one who first approached me since she was new in our town and alone, and even if the friendship was unbalanced (I always defended her but she really never defended me), I had been ready to sacrifice everything for it. I felt mentally abused, like a person you could just throw away. Luckily the both times after the "break up" I became friends with someone more responsive, and the friendship was more balanced. I even have contact with these people sometimes today.

 

Anyhow, the both times after break up I remember been wondering if it was due to me being different. The both times after the breakup my friend started to act more mature, got into sexy fashion, started to have crushes or date, became friends with someone who likes to party etc., while before they had been more androgynous and not interested in boys and shared more interests with me. To be honest, I couldn't see myself being friends with the person they became afterwards either, since I definitely did not want to start acting like that. Looking back, I wonder if the reason for the "break ups" was that the differences between me and the allo person had became more apparent? Well, I'll never know for sure.

Yeah, I guess growing up people start to become more sexual ......... And some don't. Count me in on the "some don't". (When I did I was like 19 already and kinda dying inside for serious reasons - it felt forced and ended badly lol. Anyway... ) 

 

I agree with @naakka on losing contact. I am actually pro losing contact lol. Because sometimes you have to like, sort out things of your own concern, but you also have to know there is no guarantee the other person will still want to talk to you I guess. 

 

On online friends ... Didn't mention but these people were online friends actually. Eventually we met eachother irl but we didn't live that close by. I also have always relied on internet friendships more which is possible also why I was so sad ehh. 

[Cee Fox]

2 hours ago, Bronztrooper said:

When someone asks you what you look for in a partner and start thinking of stuff focusing on personality, only to later realize that they meant physical attributes, and not exactly in athletic terms.

When someone says they wouldn't date even if they're nice and they get along because they have one off feature about them. If the other person's too short, they don't have the right figure, something like that. Anytime I hear that I'm internally screaming, "What??? Does it really matter that much??". Though I guess I do understand that you can't force attraction. I understand all too well, lol.

[naakka]

6 hours ago, Cee Fox said:

When someone says they wouldn't date even if they're nice and they get along because they have one off feature about them. If the other person's too short, they don't have the right figure, something like that. Anytime I hear that I'm internally screaming, "What??? Does it really matter that much??". Though I guess I do understand that you can't force attraction. I understand all too well, lol.

I don't understand that either. I mean, I do experience specific aesthetic attraction towards some people, and it can be the reason I get interest in them. But by no means appearance defines if I'd like to become friends (or QRP) with someone, and on the other hand, I can find aesthetically attractive person not compatible as a friend/platonic company. Aesthetic attraction is just one possible positive trait among many, and not the dominant one for me.

[nerdperson777]

On 5/20/2020 at 1:18 AM, naakka said:

These are always difficult questions 🤔 think about it from your perspective? Do you really need that friendship again? Or were you just left with feelings you couldn't process to get over when you lost the contact? The second friend I mentioned before left me mental scars bad enough that I couldn't get over her for years. Yet, had she later contacted me, I really doubt we could have had a satisfying friendship again (even if she apologized), since we just simply became so different persons (or that's at least how it seemed to me).

 

On the other hand, just checking out how old friend is doing doesn't have to mean anything serious. Just the other day an old friend actually contacted me after the years, and we texted a bit, but I'm a bit sceptic if she'll keep the contact since it sounds her life and goals are way different to mine. From my perspective, I'm fine with losing contact, either way I'll try to keep it going from my part, at least infrequently, for it's nice to know se'd been thinking of me and I do care about her enough to wanting to know how she's doing. All friends don't have to be the closest ones, but it's still nice to know how they're doing 🙂

Well, I'm probably just going off my childhood feelings.  I really enjoyed hanging out with her.  The thought of having our friendship from primary school again makes me warm inside.  I feel my platonic relations very strongly.  I remember practically every person I became friends with, because there's not a lot.  We really haven't been in contact, since 4th grade as I said.  I have a picture in my phone of the last day we were physically together, the last day of Chinese school.  I think I downloaded it at some point to show as a transition photo and cropped her out.  We have no negativity towards each other, although once I remember contemplating breaking off the friendship because she made fun of my small feet.  She probably didn't notice it was hurtful and I forgot about it for a while.

 

I do think about this second paragraph.  But my complication is also in that I've changed my name and everything.  I don't put actual photos of myself on the internet so LinkedIn already makes that hard for me.  What would she think if I contacted her saying that I'm her old friend and I'm a guy now?  That's a lot to take in.  I may have had more friends if she didn't move.  Having any close friend growing up could've helped me, because I practically had nobody.  Also, even if I did have a professional photo to put up, most people wouldn't recognize me.  They all recognized me by my awkward bowlcut hair.  I only had my bisexual friend recognize me even with short hair.  Everyone else didn't think much of this random guy with generic hair.  Once I passed by this guy from my high school in college, and I stared at him for a while trying to figure out if it was him.  I've done this several times as he would go up the street for class and I'd go down because I lived up there.  He never noticed a thing.  He probably only just wondered why someone kept staring at him.

 

On 5/20/2020 at 2:48 AM, Bronztrooper said:

Oh god, that's very familiar for me and I'm not even sure if I'm aro, heteromantic, demi, or gray-romantic.  Feelings are weird.

 

As for the whole friends discussion, I've moved around a lot so I'm used to dropping out of contact with friends due to that (and honestly, now I don't really put much, if any, effort into making friends irl anyway because of that).  My current circle of friends I met online and they are the best friends I've ever had, and we're all pretty close, but since we're all online and I don't have a phone with data, if I don't have wifi connection, I can't talk with them- and we talk every day.

 

My dad jokes about me being addicted to the internet, but really, if I had other means of keeping in contact with my friends, I wouldn't mind being without internet so much.  Like, they're the only people I really talk to outside of the house and I can be open with them in a way that I don't really feel I can at home.

 

Anyway, to get back to the main topic:

When someone asks you what you look for in a partner and start thinking of stuff focusing on personality, only to later realize that they meant physical attributes, and not exactly in athletic terms.

I had a friend who got a job with Google a couple years ago.  They're so socially anxious that they refuse most forms of online contact.  When they were a grad student at my university, their only form of contact was Google Voice on an iPod when they could find wifi.  When I visited them at work when I was visiting the area, my cousin in the area had to take me.  I didn't know her husband also worked there so even though mine was a lunch with my friend, she could have lunch with her husband.  She was frustrated because why would I have a friend who doesn't use social media, no driver's license, and didn't even have a phone.  Like how do we even make contact at all?  My friend was given a phone while working there, because I guess, how else would they be contacted for work stuff?

 

My parents would say that I was addicted to games but I would later find out that I was actually playing for an alternate life because my childhood was pretty miserable.  They think life can't be bad when you're fed, clothed, and get a good education.  They missed the emotional connection.  Looking back, I needed friends that could've led me towards an alternate path instead of having to find out on my own in college.

My mom was joking about me being a hermit during this time when she goes out for walks everyday.  It took a while for her to take things seriously.  I don't take it too seriously, but I still cared about it a little more than her.  The point right now was to be a hermit.  I only go out 2-3 times a week right now.  

 

Did that ideal partner attributes in a class before.  "I don't want a partner" wasn't an acceptable answer.

 

On 5/20/2020 at 5:20 AM, Cee Fox said:

When someone says they wouldn't date even if they're nice and they get along because they have one off feature about them. If the other person's too short, they don't have the right figure, something like that. Anytime I hear that I'm internally screaming, "What??? Does it really matter that much??". Though I guess I do understand that you can't force attraction. I understand all too well, lol.

Before my roommates started dating, the girl was always super picky about who to date.  I think it's a little fetishy but her type was the super femme Kpop aesthetic.  The girl she dated would have to be a beautiful model sort of person.  Then she would be really touchy with her friends so several of them have thought she was attracted to them.  So the current partner and apparently one other person have admitted to crushing on her but she would reject them saying that she didn't feel the same.  I didn't think it was right for her to only accept a relationship if the other person looked that certain way.  On top of that, she was also ruling out anyone who was more than 5 years younger than her.  I'm just thinking, you'll keep going for that unachievable idealistic standard over your crushing friends, who you already know their personality.  I mean, I will be biased though.  Appearance means absolutely nothing to me, considering that I don't experience sexual, romantic, or aesthetic attraction.  I care more about how the person is more than how they look, considering that looks mean jack squat.  That potential partner in the mind might not even exist, so what's the point?  I mean, it's okay to have standards, but not when it's not even attainable.

[obstaclez]

one time i spent the night at a guys house that i didn't know too well with the expectation that we'd just be cuddling. i spent half of that night half asleep pushing his hands away from certain areas. i guess you could say i was naive but i also didn't realize that (non-asexual) guys expected/hoped for other things to happen when i (or any girl?) spent the night.

 

i remember in school a lot of people i knew were sexually active or liked to talk about sex a lot, and i just thought they had zero self control. i didn't realize that how i felt wasn't how most others felt lol.

 

i always felt really naive and too trusting of people, but i guess i didn't know that others literally weren't like me in the way i didn't think about sex at all. i figured because it wasn't a priority for me, that most people felt how i did, and the "sex-crazed" people i knew were on a different level.

[Skycaptain]

Must be an Ace moment then, that I've never spent the night at someone's house with the intention of any form of physical contact, nor have I invited anyone to stay at my house for the same reason 😋😋

[MakeupJunkie4]

10 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I didn't think it was right for her to only accept a relationship if the other person looked that certain way.  On top of that, she was also ruling out anyone who was more than 5 years younger than her.  I'm just thinking, you'll keep going for that unachievable idealistic standard over your crushing friends, who you already know their personality. 

I agree. 👍 I had a close friend several years ago who was SOOOO intent on getting into a romantic relationship, but he was ONLY interested in dark-skinned females. He treated girls of other skin tones as if they didn't exist. *He was blond and as pale as a ghost, and I'm Jewish.*  We were friends but he made it clear that the only females he thought were beautiful were the ones with dark skin. Now, a lot of people have a "type", and I accept that...but when someone has a thing for a VERY specific ethnicity, hair color, etc...I get weirded out. I couldn't help thinking, how weird and uncomfortable would I be if someone was only "interested" in me because of my skin color? And if I was anything else, they wouldn't have given me a second thought? I just...don't understand that.

[naakka]

14 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Well, I'm probably just going off my childhood feelings.  I really enjoyed hanging out with her.  The thought of having our friendship from primary school again makes me warm inside.  I feel my platonic relations very strongly.  I remember practically every person I became friends with, because there's not a lot.  We really haven't been in contact, since 4th grade as I said.  I have a picture in my phone of the last day we were physically together, the last day of Chinese school.  I think I downloaded it at some point to show as a transition photo and cropped her out.  We have no negativity towards each other, although once I remember contemplating breaking off the friendship because she made fun of my small feet.  She probably didn't notice it was hurtful and I forgot about it for a while.

 

I do think about this second paragraph.  But my complication is also in that I've changed my name and everything.  I don't put actual photos of myself on the internet so LinkedIn already makes that hard for me.  What would she think if I contacted her saying that I'm her old friend and I'm a guy now?  That's a lot to take in.  I may have had more friends if she didn't move.  Having any close friend growing up could've helped me, because I practically had nobody.  Also, even if I did have a professional photo to put up, most people wouldn't recognize me.  They all recognized me by my awkward bowlcut hair.  I only had my bisexual friend recognize me even with short hair.  Everyone else didn't think much of this random guy with generic hair.  Once I passed by this guy from my high school in college, and I stared at him for a while trying to figure out if it was him.  I've done this several times as he would go up the street for class and I'd go down because I lived up there.  He never noticed a thing.  He probably only just wondered why someone kept staring at him.

I can see why you're hesitating, you've changed a lot (more than one would normally expect, probably). Anyhow, it's just normal that people change over the years, and I'm sure no-one assumes that their childhood friend still looked the exactly same (or even recognizable). It's the same with her, she might have grown and changed a lot during the years. If not by the outer appearance, maybe internally. It's possible that the friendship wouldn't mean the same to you anymore. Or it would. You really can't know. The only way is to contact her, if you feel like doing so.

 

I actually also only had a few close friends as a kid/teen(/ever), so I can see the appeal anyhow, all I can say if the outcome is negative for you, don't take it too personally. She might feels more like an acquaintance than a close friend, after so many years.

[naakka]

4 hours ago, MakeupJunkie444 said:

I agree. 👍 I had a close friend several years ago who was SOOOO intent on getting into a romantic relationship, but he was ONLY interested in dark-skinned females. He treated girls of other skin tones as if they didn't exist. *He was blond and as pale as a ghost, and I'm Jewish.*  We were friends but he made it clear that the only females he thought were beautiful were the ones with dark skin. Now, a lot of people have a "type", and I accept that...but when someone has a thing for a VERY specific ethnicity, hair color, etc...I get weirded out. I couldn't help thinking, how weird and uncomfortable would I be if someone was only "interested" in me because of my skin color? And if I was anything else, they wouldn't have given me a second thought? I just...don't understand that.

(Sexual) attraction is weird to begin with, let's not even mention fetishes lol. It's completely unreasonable, if you don't experience it personally. I mean, I know some people have a thing especially for people with my medical condition, something I will never be able to comprehend 😐 anyhow, I've made a conscious decision that I'll never judge anyone's sexual taste or fetishes (if they don't hurt someone). I mean, attraction is something you don't have control over, and everyone should have the right to date the people they're attracted to (also them being willing, of course), to feel satisfied in life. It's a little questionable if you avoid (or date) a certain group of people due to stereotype. Yet still you have the right to choose your partner, it's your personal life.

Edited May 23, 2020 by naakka

[naakka]

5 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

Must be an Ace moment then, that I've never spent the night at someone's house with the intention of any form of physical contact, nor have I invited anyone to stay at my house for the same reason 😋😋

I've never even been to a group sleep-over, since the possibility of "truth or task" type of games felt too intimidating 😆 also, I used to avoid all the secret home parties due to the mental image of "there's so many rooms and dark corners and in every corner some drunken couple will be doing something" 😂

Edited May 23, 2020 by naakka
Yeah I know the stories the next week were probably worse than anything that actually happened in the parties... still, I didn't want to take any risks xD

[nerdperson777]

11 hours ago, obstaclez said:

i remember in school a lot of people i knew were sexually active or liked to talk about sex a lot, and i just thought they had zero self control. i didn't realize that how i felt wasn't how most others felt lol.

 

i always felt really naive and too trusting of people, but i guess i didn't know that others literally weren't like me in the way i didn't think about sex at all. i figured because it wasn't a priority for me, that most people felt how i did, and the "sex-crazed" people i knew were on a different level.

I was academically smart in high school but I was socially very naive.  There was this girl that wasn't really into academics and I think I've pissed her off once with my social ineptitude.  She was pregnant during senior year.  I never understood how people "accidentally" got pregnant.  It was just, did you have sex or did you not?  You did?  How could you think that you couldn't be pregnant?

 

10 hours ago, MakeupJunkie444 said:

I agree. 👍 I had a close friend several years ago who was SOOOO intent on getting into a romantic relationship, but he was ONLY interested in dark-skinned females. He treated girls of other skin tones as if they didn't exist. *He was blond and as pale as a ghost, and I'm Jewish.*  We were friends but he made it clear that the only females he thought were beautiful were the ones with dark skin. Now, a lot of people have a "type", and I accept that...but when someone has a thing for a VERY specific ethnicity, hair color, etc...I get weirded out. I couldn't help thinking, how weird and uncomfortable would I be if someone was only "interested" in me because of my skin color? And if I was anything else, they wouldn't have given me a second thought? I just...don't understand that.

There is this one teen I know.  His dad is White and his mom is Chinese, so he's mixed.  I know that they divorced, but I never asked when.  I also know that it's rude to ask these kinds of things, even if I'm curious.  So he was spending weekdays with his dad and weekends with his mom before we had to quarantine.  His dad has since married a Japanese woman, so she is his stepmom, but they don't really interact like a mother and son.  She has also been divorced before, because she has a son also.  That son spends half the time with the dad and half with the mom.  So I'd consider this a pretty complicated family.  I was telling about them to my roommate.  I didn't really understand why it was that much of an issue that the dad likes Asian women, considering that he has married a Chinese and Japanese woman.  It's not like we can prove that he has an Asian fetish.  And I think he's more than that dad who married Asian women.  I guess from the given information that's a conclusion, but I don't know.

 

5 hours ago, naakka said:

I can see why you're hesitating, you've changed a lot (more than one would normally expect, probably). Anyhow, it's just normal that people change over the years, and I'm sure no-one assumes that their childhood friend still looked the exactly same (or even recognizable). It's the same with her, she might have grown and changed a lot during the years. If not by the outer appearance, maybe internally. It's possible that the friendship wouldn't mean the same to you anymore. Or it would. You really can't know. The only way is to contact her, if you feel like doing so.

 

I actually also only had a few close friends as a kid/teen(/ever), so I can see the appeal anyhow, all I can say if the outcome is negative for you, don't take it too personally. She might feels more like an acquaintance than a close friend, after so many years.

I know how my friend looks like because her What's App photo was her college graduation photo.  I think she may have changed numbers or deleted it because I no longer see her on the app.  But I found her because she used that same photo.  If I add her as I am now, she might recognize my last name, first name less so.  I mostly just "genderbent" my name so people may not recognize it.

 

5 hours ago, naakka said:

I've never even been to a group sleep-over, since the possibility of "truth or task" type of games felt too intimidating 😆 also, I used to avoid all the secret home parties due to the mental image of "there's so many rooms and dark corners and in every corner some drunken couple will be doing something" 😂

My high school friends had a plan for a sleepover but I really didn't want to go.  My parents said I could go.  This was the first time I really didn't want to go to an outing.  Now I think it might've been my gender issues.  I never really liked being vulnerable.  I didn't think I would even wear my pajamas around my friends.  But most of it was probably me wanting to avoid girl talks.  My friends weren't really the kinds to gossip about boys but that's what I hear happens during sleepovers.  I ended up going to a sleepover the week I started T.  I had come out to my friends a couple months before.  I thought the devoutly Christian mother would have an issue with having a guy in the same room as her daughter.  Everything was actually fine.  The hard part was just actually sleeping and not just using our phones for an hour before.

[A.Ham]

My Incredibly Ace Moment (a bit on the lighthearted side)...

 

Watching a TV show and two characters... ya know... and I jam my contact lens out of my eye in an effort to aggressively cover my eyes lest I see THAT. Now I can't see out of that eye... wait, I CAN'T SEE! So, mission accomplished I guess.

[nerdperson777]

On 5/24/2020 at 4:20 AM, A.Ham said:

My Incredibly Ace Moment (a bit on the lighthearted side)...

 

Watching a TV show and two characters... ya know... and I jam my contact lens out of my eye in an effort to aggressively cover my eyes lest I see THAT. Now I can't see out of that eye... wait, I CAN'T SEE! So, mission accomplished I guess.

I'm guessing you use the hard gas permeable lens.  My mom uses that.  I used the soft lens for just a little bit because I got too frustrated spending 10+ minutes in the morning trying to put a soft lens in.  I managed to accidentally scratch my cornea because I tried to pull it out and I ended up with half a lens.  I like to tell people that I have sharp eyes because of this.  My eyes are very different so I have one almost perfect eye and the other is really blurry, so I used the lens for the blurry eye.  But normally I'm too lazy for glasses either since I can see just fine.  But in the last couple months I feel like I always need to turn up the brightness to see anything and I see and hear things wrong so I can't trust my senses as I used to.

[GeniusWithWings]

My biggest asexual moment was trying to explain why I was asexual to my mom. Her reasoning being along the lines of me having not tried it or I didn't meet the right person. My response was that it was like, "I don't have to sleep with a dog to know I'm not sexually attracted to dogs mom". I think in that moment my mom finally realized that this was an actual thing.

Nothing like comparing the human races to dogs to get your point across.

[nerdperson777]

I remembered that my DnD character is a bard and there are memes about bards trying to sleep with as many barmaids as possible.  I don't know how to play a sexual person, so I guess I'm an asexual bard.

[Custard Cream]

2 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I remembered that my DnD character is a bard and there are memes about bards trying to sleep with as many barmaids as possible.  I don't know how to play a sexual person, so I guess I'm an asexual bard.

Hope your group isn't expecting the typical bardly behaviour... I like being in a mostly ace DnD group, nobody has tried to seduce anyone!

[Celyn: The Lutening]

Horny bards are an old, tired trope and way too boring to play, bring on the asexual bards! Playing against "type" is much more fun. I made my rogue to go against "edgy rogue" stereotype, so character concept was "sweetest softest most wholesome rogue who adores her parents and sister."

I also want to play a chill, party animal Paladin, a gentle, thoughtful Barbarian etc.