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This Just In to me but well... today I was thinking about it and, despite knowing for a long time about asexuality, and despite not being interested in sex at all since forever and being the person who doesn't get innuendo, I never thought I could be asexual because that was never given to me as an option. It's always heteronormativity and, if you're not hetero, then you're gay, right? I remember trying to answer a sex quiz my friends were sharing (when we were like 14) and I actually went back and forth on "you're attracted to men" vs "you're attracted to women" because neither made much sense to me. In the same vein I DESPISE with a burning passion how sex-centered our society seems to be but I have never exactly been a prude. Sure I am Christian now because I was saved after losing my mom, but back then I was not really that ... morally subservient in those matters. I just legitimately wished people would stop the sex talk and rejected many relationships on the basis of "damn but what if they want to have sex...". And even so. I had to reach this place by, of all things, researching about autism. 

I still don't go around telling people I am asexual but at least, if I must explain anything, I now know I can feel more or less safe and understood by this descriptor. And it's... Good, instead of answering "no, thanks" to the question "sexuality?" actually feeling comfortable in one descriptor.  

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1 hour ago, Hanas said:

And even so. I had to reach this place by, of all things, researching about autism.

IIRC I learned about asexuality because I thought I had Schizoid Personality Disorder due to my apathetic and detached personality. It’s kinda depressing that I had to come to a point where I thought something was legitimately “wrong” about my personality (after years of feeling just fine about myself) to learn about asexuality. 

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A moment from Thanksgiving: My husband and I spent Thanksgiving at my friend's house. After dinner, we were all sitting around the table, and my friend's brother was complaining that the fractions problems his 10 year old nephew was learning in school were too hard and he couldn't help him with his homework. I'm a mathematics professor by trade and I told him I'd teach him about fractions if he really wanted to know. He gave me his full attention, and so on paper I gave him a lesson which he was absorbing very well. At some point during this lesson, he interjected, "you know, this is really turning me on". I said, "oh good - yes it's very exciting to understand math". When next he (jokingly) put his hand on my hand, I realized it wasn't the math he was referring to.

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@Hanas X2 on the sex centred society and heteronormative thinking. A female friend mentioned how over-sexed society is and that not everyone fits in. She was OK with me telling her that I was still a virgin (we've known each other since our teens) and that I identified as asexual.

 

On the heteronormative thinking, I've heard that I must be gay since I've never had a steady girlfriend.

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Custard Cream
1 hour ago, Davida said:

A moment from Thanksgiving: My husband and I spent Thanksgiving at my friend's house. After dinner, we were all sitting around the table, and my friend's brother was complaining that the fractions problems his 10 year old nephew was learning in school were too hard and he couldn't help him with his homework. I'm a mathematics professor by trade and I told him I'd teach him about fractions if he really wanted to know. He gave me his full attention, and so on paper I gave him a lesson which he was absorbing very well. At some point during this lesson, he interjected, "you know, this is really turning me on". I said, "oh good - yes it's very exciting to understand math". When next he (jokingly) put his hand on my hand, I realized it wasn't the math he was referring to.

Yikes...

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Custard Cream
9 hours ago, will123 said:

@Hanas X2 on the sex centred society and heteronormative thinking. A female friend mentioned how over-sexed society is and that not everyone fits in. She was OK with me telling her that I was still a virgin (we've known each other since our teens) and that I identified as asexual.

 

On the heteronormative thinking, I've heard that I must be gay since I've never had a steady girlfriend.

People are strange.  I don't get, and never will get, why being 'straight' is considered so very desirable. Maybe it's just because I'm not.

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33 minutes ago, Arodash said:

I would say what is desirable and should be, is being able to accept your own, and everyone elses sexual orientation

You’d think, but the sheeple don’t like anyone or anything that challenges the life script 

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2 hours ago, Custard Cream said:

People are strange.  I don't get, and never will get, why being 'straight' is considered desirable. Maybe it's just because I'm not.

 

1 hour ago, Arodash said:

I would say what is desirable and should be, is being able to accept your own, and everyone elses sexual orientation

Maybe as @Linda60 posted elsewhere that sometime in the future asexuality will be in the public consciousness and those of us that have no sexual attraction (or interest) aren't looked at as out of the ordinary or worse, 'defective'.

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nerdperson777
5 hours ago, Davida said:

A moment from Thanksgiving: My husband and I spent Thanksgiving at my friend's house. After dinner, we were all sitting around the table, and my friend's brother was complaining that the fractions problems his 10 year old nephew was learning in school were too hard and he couldn't help him with his homework. I'm a mathematics professor by trade and I told him I'd teach him about fractions if he really wanted to know. He gave me his full attention, and so on paper I gave him a lesson which he was absorbing very well. At some point during this lesson, he interjected, "you know, this is really turning me on". I said, "oh good - yes it's very exciting to understand math". When next he (jokingly) put his hand on my hand, I realized it wasn't the math he was referring to.

The math geek in me loves your story but the ace in me is disappointed in that guy.  I thought about a time when I was 10-12 and I was playing an online game.  Someone had the username "LetsMultiply".  I said that I liked math too.  I was so disappointed when it wasn't that kind of multiplication.

 

3 hours ago, Custard Cream said:

People are strange.  I don't get, and never will get, why being 'straight' is considered desirable. Maybe it's just because I'm not.

I saw some posts where a teacher would say that lesbian relationships weren't desirable because two girls perfectly understand each other and they'll never want to leave the relationship.  So it's funny that the straights are saying that it's bad to be in a relationship with someone where there's no arguments.

 

 

Some of my online friends started a new DnD game today, since we probably don't remember the campaign we stopped last year.  One of them brought her girlfriend so we have an additional player.  So those two are flirting with each other in the game.  I forsee lots of relationships because her character is poly.  I don't know if that girl is poly herself.  The third girl is a charlatan so she goes around seducing people.  So we were all gathered for a job that was apparently a lot of money.  The one giving us the assignment said that the merchant who hired us is in some building so if we wanted to argue for more, go ahead.  The charlatan said that she would "f* around" with the merchant to try and get more money.  I asked "literally or not literally?"  No definite answer.  Girl #1 said that we were all hoes in this game.  I said except for me I suppose.  Later she writes about types of hoes, she's a monster hoe (because her girlfriend is playing a hybrid character), the girlfriend is a party hoe (because she acts insane and got drunk at the bar), charlatan is professional hoe, and I'm a literal hoe for gardening (because my character is in tune with nature).  When we get outside, hybrid girl asks if she can ride me because I'm a Centaur.  I said that she rather not.  Girl #1 says "can't relate".  I said that I didn't hear that and walked ahead.  With all the things going on, it's kinda hard to not act so ace.

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I told that I have never experienced sexual attraction to any one and my friends looked shocked.

For a moment I forgot that asexuality was a minority and was surprised that that they are surprised. Luckily they are cool with it ^^

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2 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

The math geek in me loves your story but the ace in me is disappointed in that guy.  I thought about a time when I was 10-12 and I was playing an online game.  Someone had the username "LetsMultiply".  I said that I liked math too.  I was so disappointed when it wasn't that kind of multiplication.

 

I saw some posts where a teacher would say that lesbian relationships weren't desirable because two girls perfectly understand each other and they'll never want to leave the relationship.  So it's funny that the straights are saying that it's bad to be in a relationship with someone where there's no arguments.

 

 

Some of my online friends started a new DnD game today, since we probably don't remember the campaign we stopped last year.  One of them brought her girlfriend so we have an additional player.  So those two are flirting with each other in the game.  I forsee lots of relationships because her character is poly.  I don't know if that girl is poly herself.  The third girl is a charlatan so she goes around seducing people.  So we were all gathered for a job that was apparently a lot of money.  The one giving us the assignment said that the merchant who hired us is in some building so if we wanted to argue for more, go ahead.  The charlatan said that she would "f* around" with the merchant to try and get more money.  I asked "literally or not literally?"  No definite answer.  Girl #1 said that we were all hoes in this game.  I said except for me I suppose.  Later she writes about types of hoes, she's a monster hoe (because her girlfriend is playing a hybrid character), the girlfriend is a party hoe (because she acts insane and got drunk at the bar), charlatan is professional hoe, and I'm a literal hoe for gardening (because my character is in tune with nature).  When we get outside, hybrid girl asks if she can ride me because I'm a Centaur.  I said that she rather not.  Girl #1 says "can't relate".  I said that I didn't hear that and walked ahead.  With all the things going on, it's kinda hard to not act so ace.

Lol you are literally the ace representation on that game. Go you, I would be cheering for your character were this a book. 

 

Speaking of which, I thought I should try to get over my visual novel writer's block by writing a typical dating sim, because there is nothing more typical and usual than those, right? And suddenly I find myself being nitpicky about cultural details. I swear I was trying to overcome writer's block by just writing about attractive charcters and now I have pretty much a book on host clubs and zero relationships written and, well, at least now the block is so bad I finally have the will to go back to my usual stories. 

It's like that one time when I was trying to write a kink meme prompt because I had a really cute idea for the backstory, and I did the Most Extensive Research On Earth on Japanese love hotels, only to get bored of writing as soon as it got to the sex scene thus frustrating myself and readers. Being into fictional romance but sex aversive ... Is a pain not many people understand. Lol. 

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5 minutes ago, cp1213 said:

For a moment I forgot that asexuality was a minority

I completely forget that people have sex. I went with my neighbor-dormmate (dormmate-neighbor? what do you call the guy who is one dorm down from you?) to the dorm complex community center because we were suppose to have a meeting with the RA, turns out it was cancelled but my neighbor-dormmate asked at the desk if he could have a free condom. Apparently they give them out free but honestly the thought that anyone would need a condom didn't cross my mind and for a brief moment there I was mystified why he needed that.

Then it hit me, the majority of people have sex.

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19 minutes ago, Aebt-Ætheling said:

I completely forget that people have sex. I went with my neighbor-dormmate (dormmate-neighbor? what do you call the guy who is one dorm down from you?) to the dorm complex community center because we were suppose to have a meeting with the RA, turns out it was cancelled but my neighbor-dormmate asked at the desk if he could have a free condom. Apparently they give them out free but honestly the thought that anyone would need a condom didn't cross my mind and for a brief moment there I was mystified why he needed that.

Then it hit me, the majority of people have sex.

For sex ed the teacher handed out condoms and I was like why would we need this in the first place?

Then I realized that teenagers have sex as well and they have to know how to prevent having a child. It didn't apply for me though so I threw it away. 

Also, interestingly,  before I knew that I was asexual, I thought everyone was asexual and only like people aesthetically. It was a big surprise for me to know that only 1% of the population are ace. 

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57 minutes ago, cp1213 said:

For sex ed the teacher handed out condoms and I was like why would we need this in the first place?

Then I realized that teenagers have sex as well and they have to know how to prevent having a child. It didn't apply for me though so I threw it away. 

Also, interestingly,  before I knew that I was asexual, I thought everyone was asexual and only like people aesthetically. It was a big surprise for me to know that only 1% of the population are ace. 

Remember When they gave free condoms during sex ed class at like first day of uni (In a health related field) and I actually handed them out to my parents because I did not have any intention of using it and it would be ruined in my bag and I still had zero friends there but it would be a waste to throw away. The level of awkwardness honestly... 

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1 minute ago, Hanas said:

Remember When they gave free condoms during sex ed class at like first day of uni (In a health related field) and I actually handed them out to my parents because I did not have any intention of using it and it would be ruined in my bag and I still had zero friends there but it would be a waste to throw away. The level of awkwardness honestly... 

lmao. The reason I threw it away because it was expired as well, so even if there was an occasion it would be useless. 

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1 hour ago, Arodash said:

I kept mine in my wallet because thats what I was told teenage boys need to do. Wanna know what happened? It exploded. Lubricant everywhere inside my wallet. 

After reading this I just have to post this:

 

 

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Quote

 

I saw some posts where a teacher would say that lesbian relationships weren't desirable because two girls perfectly understand each other and they'll never want to leave the relationship.  So it's funny that the straights are saying that it's bad to be in a relationship with someone where there's no arguments.

 

What?? I have no firsthand experience with relationships but I always thought homoromantic relationships,  or homosexual ones if you think about sexual people, seem like they’d work better and be less turbulent. 

 

I don’t know if relationships are anything like friendships, so maybe my perspective is off, but I’ve always had mostly female friends. For some reason I get along better with other girls. In fact in high school the only guy in our group was just sort of there, he didn’t seem to be interested in the conversations or going out after school.

 

Also potential TW for dysphoria if any of my trans people don’t like this biological thing equated to femaleness 

 

Spoiler

I also think, at least in my opinion, sharing your life with a girl instead of a guy would make that time of month easier.

 

A coworker and I were talking at work one time about all the stuff you can use a tampon for {you know like stopping bullet holes, etc} and one of our male coworkers was like “that’s disgusting!!!” Like...how? it’s an object. Talking about what it’s usually used for could be disgusting yes, I’ll grant that, but just as an object it’s whatever. 

 

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5 hours ago, Aebt-Ætheling said:

I completely forget that people have sex. 

...

Then it hit me, the majority of people have sex.

Even if I rationally do know that people normally do have sex, it just seems so very unlikely to me. The better I know the person, harder it gets to me to remember they too are probably having an active sex life.

 

4 hours ago, cp1213 said:

Also, interestingly,  before I knew that I was asexual, I thought everyone was asexual and only like people aesthetically. It was a big surprise for me to know that only 1% of the population are ace. 

I relate on every level. I only get aesthetically attracted to people, so any time I saw a sexual scene on movie, heard that some of my friends were having sex etc. I only felt the aesthetic part. Like I get you admire their appearance, but I always thought it was a rational choice for people to have sex, no matter how unplanned it was.

- hookup? You train yourself to be good at sex with the right person (or you're so drunk that the "breeding instinct" kicks in).

- friends with benefits? You actually wish to have a relationship with them whether you realize it or not and sex is the most intimate way of bonding (or so I was told).

- with a friend? You're not attracted to them but want to show them they're still loved and can one day find the right person. Kinda like a form of comforting? Maybe also helping each others to get better at sexual rituals?

- cheating? You want to collect "attractiveness points" from as many people as possible to please your ego and love the rush of adrenaline for the chance of getting caught. Maybe your everyday life is too boring?

- with a date? You want to prove them you care and trust them so much that you're ready to go this far with them. For me, the saying "go all the way" have always sounded like a "dare game challenge" rather than referring to something enjoyable.

- in the relationship? You want to show your partner you love them so much that you'd do great sacrifices on daily/weekly basis. Or you want to have a baby. No joke, I thought for the longest time that sex on relationship is just a ritual to prove your commitment (longer the couple has been together, less sex they often have, so I thought when they'd been long time together there's no such an urgent need to prove your commitment anymore) lol.

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ElasticPlanet
7 hours ago, cp1213 said:

For a moment I forgot that asexuality was a minority and was surprised that that they are surprised.

I've understood my aceness for a few years now, but I still get this same surprise all the time.

 

7 hours ago, cp1213 said:

before I knew that I was asexual, I thought everyone was asexual and only like people aesthetically.

Ah yes. I mean, I've felt romantic attraction since the usual age for that sort of thing, but I never suspected that the words 'sexual attraction' really meant anything. So in effect I also thought everyone was ace. Just as I couldn't imagine anyone really wanting to be either female or male - without having the words for it I thought everyone was agender.

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At work, we have lockers to secure our stuff in while we’re working, but they aren’t assigned so you have to remember the number. Yesterday, I accidentally forgot the number so I was going through all the goddamn lockers. A female coworker who greets me somewhat regularly saw me and realized what I was doing and voiced their sympathy. Then they asked if I wanted them to call my phone to make it ring, but I had my phone on me at the time. I know it seems like an innocuous offer to help but in hindsight it seems odd cause they immediately suggested it and I don’t know anyone who’d leave their phone in their locker. Everyone carries their phone on them nowadays 😅. Did I just have an ace (or I guess it’s more aro) moment where I essentially denied giving someone my number? Or if it was just a simple offer to help, it could’ve been a two way aro/ace moment cause I imagine someone who was infatuated with the person in question and was more aware would’ve agreed to the plan to get the coworker’s number.

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AnotherAce💜

I think I always got the jokes, but never thought they were funny. I also never understood why girls talking about crushes would giggle so much. 
I remember one aro moment was when I asked my mom why EVERY song was about love, wasn’t there other things to sing about? Lol

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DarkStormyKnight

OKAY I JUST REALIZED THAT IT'S "CUFFING SEASON" AND NOT CUDDLING SEASON LIKE WTF GUYS

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18 minutes ago, DarkStormyKnight said:

OKAY I JUST REALIZED THAT IT'S "CUFFING SEASON" AND NOT CUDDLING SEASON LIKE WTF GUYS

What does that mean? Someone made a snap about being cuffed by a cop this cuffing season and I am very confused.

 

Unless it’s repugnant then don’t tell me. Not sure if I want to know. 50% don’t want to be confused and 50% think ignorance is bliss 

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22 minutes ago, i.r3beka said:

What does that mean? Someone made a snap about being cuffed by a cop this cuffing season and I am very confused.

 

Unless it’s repugnant then don’t tell me. Not sure if I want to know. 50% don’t want to be confused and 50% think ignorance is bliss 

Well, it's 100% sexual. This one I actually do know!

 

But...there's a specific season? Why?? And why now? Why not summer? Wouldn't this be an applicable activity all year? I...don't get that part of it.

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17 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I saw some posts where a teacher would say that lesbian relationships weren't desirable because two girls perfectly understand each other and they'll never want to leave the relationship.  So it's funny that the straights are saying that it's bad to be in a relationship with someone where there's no arguments.

I don't really get it either.  As someone who's parents have argued a lot (they haven't been together in almost as long as I can remember, but they both stuck around to take care of me and my sister), and has heard of my dad having plenty of arguments with his on-again, off-again gf, I really can't see how it's desirable to have disagreements in a relationship (teasing disagreements can be fun because both sides are just teasing each other light-heartedly and are just trying to get a rise out of the other, but true disagreements can't be good for a relationship when they're common).

 

Reminds me of when I was talking with a coworker at one of my previous jobs and at one point he mentioned that he'd dated a Puerto Rican woman at one point.  I mentioned that my gf back in high school had been Puerto Rican and then he asked me if she'd ever chased me with a knife.  I just looked at him with a "WTF" look and told him that she never did.  He just said "You haven't lived until you've been chased by a Puerto Rican woman with a knife."

 

I later reasoned that somehow guys find that kind of stuff 'hot', not that I understand it.

 

16 hours ago, Hanas said:

Being into fictional romance but sex aversive ... Is a pain not many people understand. Lol. 

I know what you mean.  Personally, I don't do sex scenes ever and I never plan to (keeping to T-rated kind of stuff), but I like romances and I'm still figuring out how to write them myself.  If people get mad that I don't put smut in my fanfics, well, that's too bad for them.

 

13 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

Also potential TW for dysphoria if any of my trans people don’t like this biological thing equated to femaleness 

 

  Hide contents

I also think, at least in my opinion, sharing your life with a girl instead of a guy would make that time of month easier.

 

A coworker and I were talking at work one time about all the stuff you can use a tampon for {you know like stopping bullet holes, etc} and one of our male coworkers was like “that’s disgusting!!!” Like...how? it’s an object. Talking about what it’s usually used for could be disgusting yes, I’ll grant that, but just as an object it’s whatever. 

 

I've had no problems buying pads when necessary (I'm a guy) and idk how guys my age or older can be so disgusted by the idea.  Like, I can kind of get being disgusted when first learning about it in sex ed/biology, and maybe up to 17 years old, but by that point guys should just be like "Ok, it's a natural body process and even though I don't have to personally experience it, others do so I should just accept it."  Seriously, it's like they're still stuck in their 13 year-old mindset of "Eww, girl stuff" and it's utterly ridiculous.

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DarkStormyKnight
2 hours ago, Catpaws said:

Well, it's 100% sexual. This one I actually do know!

 

But...there's a specific season? Why?? And why now? Why not summer? Wouldn't this be an applicable activity all year? I...don't get that part of it.

It's sexual? It was explained to me (since I had no idea until recently) as just wanting to be in a relationship during the winter season.

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24 minutes ago, DarkStormyKnight said:

It's sexual? It was explained to me (since I had no idea until recently) as just wanting to be in a relationship during the winter season.

I know another definition, then. And it's one I definitely do not feel comfortable internet-searching just to double-check/confirm while at work!

 

1 hour ago, Arodash said:

Well. Maybe because its the rutt season? Its when Bucks mate with doe to make ADORABLE Fawn

This is funnier than you may even know, since the definition I heard has zero involvement with making babies.

 

EDIT: Wait, holy crap, I think I might have gotten my euphemisms mixed up! Mentally erase anything I've said about this, because I think I'm wrong. Sorry!

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2 minutes ago, Arodash said:

You are forgiven strictly because of the name catpaws

Aw, thanks!

 

I was going to try to justify it as "another ace moment" but I think it's probably just me. ;) Serves me right for trying to be knowledgeable without checking my sources first!

 

*fades back into the lurker shrubbery*

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1 hour ago, Arodash said:

You will bring us a shrubbery! For I am a knight who says.... Ni!

All I found was this herring. And some very small rocks.

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Custard Cream
1 hour ago, Arodash said:

On a daily basis I threaten to tickle my kitty's toe beans. This earns me a glare that Medusa her self would be proud of

Kitty is right to be annoyed. Anyone threatening my toe beans could expect pain. If I had toe beans. Which I don't.

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