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2 hours ago, Laplace said:

If someone wants my food, they must ask nicely or offer food in exchange. My family shares stuff at restaurants all the time, but a trade is always required unless the food is explicitly freely given.

 

Apropos of nothing, why must every song playing at work be about love or something similar? I just want a song to play that isn’t about relationships and romance for once 😩.

Put in a request for War Pigs or She's Got The Jack

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12 hours ago, i.r3beka said:

Wait what? I’m very confused she told you to go sit with her in class and then told you to do homework because you’re distracting her?

 

That’s, I don’t know.  There is something there but I don’t know the word to describe it.

 

You know what that’s like? That’s like when you go out to eat and someone says they don’t want fries / sauce and then when your food comes they take your fries and steal your barbecue. 

 

It’s just a somewhat contradictory choice of actions and words.

 

Good luck trying to figure that out. That’s confusing af.

 

Obligatory ETA

  Hide contents

I’m not fanatical about sharing fries the sauce thing kills me though. I guess I am the only person in my circle of friends and family that thinks double dipping is gross.

 

I hate it when people do that with fries

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On 11/30/2019 at 12:35 AM, Amy94 said:

One thing I dread about the Christmas season is all the relatives asking if I'm dating and if I want kids. So many of my relatives are the old fashioned religious type and I've had my grandma say 'Once you have kids you'll love them'. I think thats a terrible idea - get pregnant, have kids AND THEN be sure you want them?! 

Imo that's insane. People give long lectures about how you shouldn't get a cat or a dog on a whim, like you should prepare, be certain you'll want to keep it for years and be able and motivated to take care of it even if there was a difficult phase in your life. And the same people tell you "you should try having kids, I'm sure you'd love it".

 

No, I need to be 100% certain for a long period of time I really want to have a child, be able and motivated enough to take the responsibility for decades, actually feel like something was missing in my life without a child. If I don't feel (never have felt) any of these, I doubt a rush of hormones during pregnancy and birth giving is enough to completely change my whole persona so radically. I don't want to play a roulette like that on expense of another human's life, human's who is helpless and completely innocent.

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Even in my 20s before friends in my social circle started to get married and have children, I knew I wasn't interested in fathering any children.

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On 11/29/2019 at 5:35 PM, Amy94 said:

One thing I dread about the Christmas season is all the relatives asking if I'm dating and if I want kids. So many of my relatives are the old fashioned religious type and I've had my grandma say 'Once you have kids you'll love them'. I think thats a terrible idea - get pregnant, have kids AND THEN be sure you want them?! 

my older aunts and uncles dont believe asexuality is real - they say it's 'invented by young people looking for attention". my aunt said that and I said 'that doesn't make sense since hardly anyone knows about asexuality. if i was going to use my orientation for attention id use one people would recgnoise like gay' (for the record I would obvioulsy never do that, just making a point).

 

I was getting stressed just thinking about my family's annual Kris Kindle on my dads side of the family - an entire day with all my relatives. last time they told me I looked like an elf (because I am short and was wearing a green dress) and I got so many comments about it i asked to be taken home early. I think I left after about half an hour.

That is rude af. I’m sorry your family is like that. That’s the response I got from someone too.

 

You could try a few things. 

 

Tell them you don’t care enough about their esteem to want their attention.

 

Tell them that heterosexuality is something they made up as a coping mechanism because nature tricked them into following animal instinct and breeding

 

Spoiler

This might sound harsh, and I can’t say it’s true for everyone, but in my experience most people don’t actually  want kids. They either have them by accident or think they want them because they don’t realize they turn into actual people.

 

My brother had my two nieces by mistake because his high school girlfriend got knocked up.

 

My one relative never talked about having kids, didn’t show interest in having kids, or really thought about how she could afford them, until she accidentally got pregnant AGAIN. 

 

My cousin, the same one i mentioned early, wanted kids and loved being house wife until her son grew up to be gay. Then when he came out she broke down in tears because she “always hoped her children wouldn’t turn out gay.”

 

This is a cross generational thing. There you have a gen Xer {I think it’s called, he’s 46}, a millennial, and a boomer.

 

People need to stop encouraging others to just go have kids. Having kids sucks. Just google “I regret being a mother” and see what people say. The problem is nobody thinks about that, they think about using the baby as an accessory, a way to “carry on then family name,” a way to pin down a spouse, or something to do because it’s a “woman’s greatest achievement.” Or some bs. 

 

Here’s the thing. If someone genuinely wants kids as an end in themselves, if someone wants kids for the sake of raising them into healthy adults, go for it. 

 

But if anyone wants kids for any other reason they should really rethink bringing a whole entire person into an overpopulated planet. Seriously. Like if anyone is going to cut off their kids for being gay just don’t have any ever.

 

 

Tell them that you’re sorry they have such a shallow view of life that they’d pity someone a lack of frickfracking but don’t think to pity a lack of exposure to art, literature, culture, the pursuit of science or virtue. {Not saying you lack any of these higher order desires for lack of a better word, just trying to prove a point. Aristotle would not like these people.}

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9 hours ago, Arodash said:

Wait wait wait. Sith Lords eat fries?????

You never heard of (Sith) Lord of the Fries?

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On 12/6/2008 at 12:13 AM, SpaceBat said:

I feel just like this! Like, I'm attracted to the way people look, I can identify who I have 'crushes' on. I love to snuggle and be close and talk, and have good relationships. Just, whenever things start to lead to sex and kissing, I get bored. Very, very bored. My current relationship, though, I love the stupid boy :blush: so I make compromises.

But back to the main idea of this thread, I guess my moment is more like a string of moments. Whenever I would be kissing someone, or seeing sex scenes in movies, I would see the person getting all into it, like it was something they had to be doing to fully enjoy life. I used to think everyone was always faking the extreme interest like I do, just I never understood why. I mean, I get the whole 'we need sex to have babies thing', but I never got why people would want to be sexual any other time. So I brought it up with my friends while watching a movie once.. I don't remember which movie, I just recall getting some very strange looks. I believe someone told me to wait till my hormones kicked in, as well. Which I, of course, was confused by :lol:

I'm the exact same way! Although, I haven't worked up the nerve to talk to anyone about it....

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17 hours ago, Arodash said:

Wait wait wait. Sith Lords eat fries?????

 

6 hours ago, Arodash said:

Ah yes. Darth Friesish a great Sith General during the Old Republic during the Sith Wars

 

7 hours ago, daveb said:

You never heard of (Sith) Lord of the Fries?

 

I'm sure @Sithmaster WinterDragon would like to chime in here.

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Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Fries 🍟? I thought not. It's not a story the Burger King would tell you. It's a McDonald’s legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of Fast Food, so powerful and so wise he could use the Grease to influence the starch to create fries... He had such a knowledge of the Grease that he could even keep the ones he cared about from frying. The dark side of the Grease is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unhealthy. He became so wealthy... the only thing he was afraid of was losing his franchise license, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his assistant everything he knew, then his assistant fried him in his sleep. Ironic, he could save others from frying, but not himself. 🙃🙃🙃

 

I never really got why people would think I would identify as aromatic/asexual for attention. 1). Theses orientations not very recognizable and 2). People of these orientations typically want people to pay LESS attention to them romantically/sexually. Openly identifying as either of these will probably lower my appeal to other people if anything.

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19 hours ago, Arodash said:

Wait wait wait. Sith Lords eat fries?????

Yes they do 

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14 minutes ago, Laplace said:

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Fries 🍟? I thought not. It's not a story the Burger King would tell you. It's a McDonald’s legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of Fast Food, so powerful and so wise he could use the Grease to influence the starch to create fries... He had such a knowledge of the Grease that he could even keep the ones he cared about from frying. The dark side of the Grease is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unhealthy. He became so wealthy... the only thing he was afraid of was losing his franchise license, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his assistant everything he knew, then his assistant fried him in his sleep. Ironic, he could save others from frying, but not himself. 🙃🙃🙃

 

I never really got why people would think I would identify as aromatic/asexual for attention. 1). Theses orientations not very recognizable and 2). People of these orientations typically want people to pay LESS attention to them romantically/sexually. Openly identifying as either of these will probably lower my appeal to other people if anything.

Agreed on that last part. It’s more asking to be left alone then anything

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nerdperson777
On 11/29/2019 at 11:41 AM, Catpaws said:

I was today years old when I learned about this euphemism. I...could have gone many more years without knowing. 😭

Sorry about that.  I have been finding myself in many innuendos lately by my roommates.  When we had that kitten a month ago, it was playing with our current cat under the door.  I said that they were playing footsies.  But apparently that was related to a footjob.  How would've I known that this was also sexual?  The first time I heard of it, I accidentally touched a cousin's foot under the table a few too many times and she asked if I was playing footsies with her.  I thought footsies was just playing feet under a table!

 

On 11/29/2019 at 3:59 PM, Laplace said:

Also yeah the relationship questions from relatives during the holidays are balls. As the eldest son in an Asian family with very few male relatives, there is a mounting pressure to date, marry, and have children. Dad’s relatives are also traditional and religious so that adds to it 😐.

At first I wondered if you were my cousin.  Then I noticed he would never say "balls" in that way, we have enough male cousins, and you're in California.  My cousin is in Washington State.  I really wonder if my cousin is ace and/or aro because he has no interest in relationships at all.  He's visiting this Wednesday, but it feels weird to ask when I'm not that close with him and he may not know a single thing about any of the letters of the community.

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52 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I thought footsies was just playing feet under a table!

I absolutely thought it was too. Right up until this minute.

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@Catpaws

 

Wait what?! You mean it isn’t? 

 

@nerdperson777

 

That’s......eh.

 

Why must everything have some sexual undertone to it?

 

Spoiler

Flor clarification by “eh” I meant a vocalization of disgust not eh like indifference when you have to wait five extra minutes for something.

 

I’m not good at onomatopoeia. Maybe eghk would have been a better spelling  for that vocalization. 

 

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53 minutes ago, Catpaws said:

I absolutely thought it was too. Right up until this minute.

me too 😲

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1 hour ago, Catpaws said:
2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I thought footsies was just playing feet under a table!

I absolutely thought it was too. Right up until this minute.

I still think it is. 

 

Some people will make anything into a sexual euphemism, but that doesn't mean everyone else takes it that way.

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Custard Cream
3 hours ago, Catpaws said:

I absolutely thought it was too. Right up until this minute.

*sudden embarrassment* oops, err, what? Oh dear. Isn't it?

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I only think of “footsies” as a fighting game concept. 😕

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8 hours ago, daveb said:

I still think it is. 

 

Some people will make anything into a sexual euphemism, but that doesn't mean everyone else takes it that way.

Oh good, I was worried there for a bit. I miss most of the euphemisms, even on a good day.

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For part of my adolescence, I grew up thinking that, if/when I ended up finding a partner, that person would have some kind of outward deformity or otherwise be viewed as "unattractive" by the general public, because I could not understand for the life of me why everyone was only attracted to "pretty people". If personality is what really counts, then why do people care so much about who's "hot" or "not"??

 

Fine, you can have all the outwardly pretty people; I don't care.

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On 11/29/2019 at 5:59 PM, Laplace said:

I wish people who say things like that would stop and think about the implications of what they’re saying. It’s kinda disturbing to think that being impregnated and then giving birth somehow fundamentally and forcefully changes your beliefs like you’re being taken over by a mental parasite that induces some sort of variant of Stockholm Syndrome. 

 

Also yeah the relationship questions from relatives during the holidays are balls. As the eldest son in an Asian family with very few male relatives, there is a mounting pressure to date, marry, and have children. Dad’s relatives are also traditional and religious so that adds to it 😐.

I feel you on that last part. I’m literally the only male of the current generation on my dad’s side...

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1 hour ago, Darth Plagueis the Wise said:

I feel you on that last part. I’m literally the only male of the current generation on my dad’s side...

In the circle of relatives I see regularly, it’s just my brother, my kid cousin who’s only 7, and myself. Both my brother and I seem to have no romantic prospects at the moment, though I’m fairly certain my brother is not aro ace. He still looks up to me a lot even at 23 years of age though which is partly why he hasn’t been in relationships either (I haven’t provided any examples for him to go off of 😅). So yeah...our male bloodline might end with us. Also, after working retail, I’ve found that screaming children might just be the most intolerable sound ever, as callous as that may sound. It is advanced auditory torture on par with hearing the same godforsaken song on the store speakers like 20 times a day. So even if I did get into a relationship, kids aren’t likely.

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nerdperson777

I found out earlier that Spongebob is asexual.  He was often coded as gay because he acts feminine and is emotionally close with his best friend Patrick.  Apparently the creators said that in an article.  Comments were saying that sponges were asexual already, so that was a joke.  Then I found this revelation ironic because the show was known for putting so many innuendos under the kids' noses without them realizing it, so it was entertaining for both the kids and their parents who watched with them.  Reading the innuendos now, I still don't get why those are a thing.

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8 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I found out earlier that Spongebob is asexual.  He was often coded as gay because he acts feminine and is emotionally close with his best friend Patrick.  Apparently the creators said that in an article.  Comments were saying that sponges were asexual already, so that was a joke.  Then I found this revelation ironic because the show was known for putting so many innuendos under the kids' noses without them realizing it, so it was entertaining for both the kids and their parents who watched with them.  Reading the innuendos now, I still don't get why those are a thing.

Personally, idk what to think about Spongebob being asexual.  On one hand, yay, representation, but on the other hand it feels kind of disingenuous because, as you said, sponges are biologically asexual in terms of reproduction.

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ElasticPlanet
On 12/1/2019 at 3:58 PM, will123 said:

Even in my 20s before friends in my social circle started to get married and have children, I knew I wasn't interested in fathering any children.

It took you that long? By about 10 (even when my understanding of how babies are made was still missing some very important details) I was absolutely certain I wanted nothing to do with keeping a baby alive ever under any circumstances. Everything I've reluctantly been forced to hear about parenting in the 30+ years since then has simply compounded that another 5 times over. It's not just that I 'don't get it' - I am actually horrified by so much of it. I'd bleach a lot of those facts out of my brain if I could.

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ElasticPlanet
18 hours ago, Darth Plagueis the Wise said:
On 11/29/2019 at 11:59 PM, Laplace said:

Also yeah the relationship questions from relatives during the holidays are balls. As the eldest son in an Asian family with very few male relatives, there is a mounting pressure to date, marry, and have children. Dad’s relatives are also traditional and religious so that adds to it 😐.

I feel you on that last part. I’m literally the only male of the current generation on my dad’s side...

Sorry to hear you're under pressure there - that's not fair at all. I reckon my branch of my (rare) surname will die out with my generation, and I've never been made to feel like that would be a problem or 'my fault'. Frankly, surnames exist to help tell people apart, not to score points against other surnames in some hideous patriarchy game, so if it goes, it goes. I'd rather hack my own head off than be a parent, and I have got... real stuff to be doing.

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6 hours ago, ElasticPlanet said:

It took you that long? By about 10 (even when my understanding of how babies are made was still missing some very important details) I was absolutely certain I wanted nothing to do with keeping a baby alive ever under any circumstances. Everything I've reluctantly been forced to hear about parenting in the 30+ years since then has simply compounded that another 5 times over. It's not just that I 'don't get it' - I am actually horrified by so much of it. I'd bleach a lot of those facts out of my brain if I could.

I too knew at a very young age. For the longest time I just assumed I'd eventually "get" it, but I never did. Whenever a relative would give me a doll (which luckily ever happened just a few times), I felt like I was supposed to take care of it or I was an evil heartless kid 😂 but I really wasn't inspired to play with dolls of any type, I didn't have that nurturing instinct while some of  my friends already looked like little mums as kids. Nowadays my friends are having their first babies. And while I think they can be cute and funny and interesting to follow their development, I still just don't feel like I needed to have a child of my own. I mean, I've never had that "baby fever" and I can't even imagine a child in my life. If I happened to somehow have a child, sure I'd do my best to take care of it. But it's not one of my greatest dreams and future plans.

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ElasticPlanet
4 hours ago, naakka said:

For the longest time I just assumed I'd eventually "get" it

Er... really? Nothing like that ever crossed my mind. Just as it hadn't occured to me (until I was an adult) that not wanting sex might leave me with a shortage of possible compatible partners, the same applies to not wanting any children.

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6 hours ago, ElasticPlanet said:

Er... really? Nothing like that ever crossed my mind. Just as it hadn't occured to me (until I was an adult) that not wanting sex might leave me with a shortage of possible compatible partners, the same applies to not wanting any children.

Yea! I thought I was just a "late boomer" on many things related to sexuality and having a family... just recently I've slowly started to believe (let myself to believe) that this is the status quo for me since there's no signs of change of any kind 😅

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8 minutes ago, naakka said:

Yea! I thought I was just a "late boomer" on many things related to sexuality and having a family... just recently I've slowly started to believe (let myself to believe) that this is the status quo for me since there's no signs of change of any kind 😅

I'm similar that I'm just now figuring it out, mainly because I do have a high libido during certain times of the month but I really don't want to have sex, I've been trying to be "normal" for years and now it makes sense why I'm not. Just broke up with my boyfriend because of everything that has been going on.

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