Incredibly Ace Moments

[Guest]

15 minutes ago, naakka said:

 You just can't imagine you're something that does not exist in your worldview.

THIS!! Can we get this on a billboard please? That’s why I think it would be helpful to have asexuals represented in media so more people could say “I feel the same way!” And might find themselves sooner.

 

 I found the word that describes my feelings when I was 17 / 18 {I don’t remember the month so I can’t say how old exactly, I want to say probably 17} and I was so relieved. It’s like wait, so there are OTHER people that feel this thing too? So I’m not “weird” or “just haven’t found the right person yet?”

 

Although I probably should have known from a young age. My dad would make fun of me for being a mysophobe and would say stuff like “wait until you hear about boyfriend stuff.” I was 8. I didn’t even know what that meant but I was like “THAT’S DISGUSTING.” And I felt disgusted. Like if he thought being put off by the stuff I was put off by was weird I did not want to know how much worse it would get.

 

 I still don’t think he gets it. My sister and i were talking about the in our opinion absurdity of spending like $10,000 dollars on a wedding dress and mentioned if we ever get married we don’t want any of that. Then my dad went “YOU GUYS WANT TO GET MARRIED? You’ll probably never get married.” Like  - _- First of all NO it was a HYPOTHETICAL, and second of all THANKS. 

 

I didn’t know not wanting to frick frack means I should die alone /s.

[WanderingKate]

Not sure if this counts as an aro or ace moment or if it even really qualifies as a "moment" Yesterday my coworker got very excited over flirting with our other coworker because he was smiling and very receptive to it. She was  grinning from ear to ear and giggly for the next hour, genuinely quite happy. A while later she asked if I thought he was cute, and I said yes...because I do. He's quite obviously the most attractive guy that we work with, to the point that I would say he could probably model. I realized that unlike her and the other girls, although I found him pretty it had *never* occurred with me to flirt with him. Even when I was completely single. If he had flirted with me, I probably just would have gotten eeked out, despite finding him beautiful. It was barely a thing, but I did have a brief moment of shock realizing that when romantic and sexual people like someone, they actively want to flirt and get attention from them and try to date them and the person's attention makes them happy. Obviously I've lived long enough and watched enough romantic movies to know all of this in theory. I just have been so into my work recently and my friends have too, we haven't really talked about sex or romance...for a moment I kind of forgot it exists  

 

[Bronztrooper]

2 hours ago, WanderingKate said:

Not sure if this counts as an aro or ace moment or if it even really qualifies as a "moment" Yesterday my coworker got very excited over flirting with our other coworker because he was smiling and very receptive to it. She was  grinning from ear to ear and giggly for the next hour, genuinely quite happy. A while later she asked if I thought he was cute, and I said yes...because I do. He's quite obviously the most attractive guy that we work with, to the point that I would say he could probably model. I realized that unlike her and the other girls, although I found him pretty it had *never* occurred with me to flirt with him. Even when I was completely single. If he had flirted with me, I probably just would have gotten eeked out, despite finding him beautiful. It was barely a thing, but I did have a brief moment of shock realizing that when romantic and sexual people like someone, they actively want to flirt and get attention from them and try to date them and the person's attention makes them happy. Obviously I've lived long enough and watched enough romantic movies to know all of this in theory. I just have been so into my work recently and my friends have too, we haven't really talked about sex or romance...for a moment I kind of forgot it exists  

 

Honestly, from time to time I forget that sex is a thing that nearly everyone else does, so I know how that can be

[Guest]

On 10/28/2019 at 2:02 PM, AceMissBehaving said:

A friend just posted an inspirational quote of “you deserve great orgasms” and my brain instantly chimed in with, “girl I deserve way better things than that”

This is so me. 

 

Someone was talking about some Netflix and chill and when I first heard the meme it took me ages to realize chill actually meant sex ...  Like literally ages 

Edited November 1, 2019 by Guest

[Bunnymoon]

I always thought I "didn't know how to flirt." Turns out, I just don't do it because I have no need for it. 

[AceMissBehaving]

5 hours ago, Hanas said:

This is so me. 

 

Someone was talking about some Netflix and chill and when I first heard the meme it took me ages to realize chill actually meant sex ...  Like literally ages 

Same! I thought “well that sounds awesome”. I’m glad I’m not dating and didn’t have to discover the mistake on that one the hard way.

[cp1213]

I just realized that:

 

you can (verb) my (noun) at any time

 

will sound like an sexual innuendo. Always. 

[Skycaptain]

@Arodash, "try it, you might like it" is a common response

 

I think it reminds me of golf, I can get the putter out, but still the hole evades my intentions 

[crazy ace]

4 hours ago, cp1213 said:

I just realized that:

 

you can (verb) my (noun) at any time

 

will sound like an sexual innuendo. Always. 

you can decapitate my head at any time.

...

OMG YOU'RE RIGHT!

[AngelofMusic997]

17 hours ago, Hanas said:

This is so me. 

 

Someone was talking about some Netflix and chill and when I first heard the meme it took me ages to realize chill actually meant sex ...  Like literally ages 

It took me months to figure it out. (I think I had to google it at one point because I was too embarrassed to ask!!)

[Liana]

6 hours ago, Arodash said:

Does anyone else feel very offended when you come out as asexual and someone says to you either you don't know what you're missing or how do you know you don't like sex if you've never had it? And I understand some people have questions when you first come out because a lot of people don't really know what a sexuality is but after you've explained to them what it is and they still come forward with said statements it comes off as very intentionally ignorant

I mostly just get told that I’m a late bloomer. Because yes, everyone around me has already developed these feelings and interests and I haven’t, which means that it’s “only a matter of time” and not that I just don’t have interest in it. Other people have turned snobbish and constantly try to argue that my experiences are “obviously” fake and that I’m simply lying to myself. 

[AngelofMusic997]

2 minutes ago, Darth Plagueis the Wise said:

I mostly just get told that I’m a late bloomer. Because yes, everyone around me has already developed these feelings and interests and I haven’t, which means that it’s “only a matter of time” and not that I just don’t have interest in it. Other people have turned snobbish and constantly try to argue that my experiences are “obviously” fake and that I’m simply lying to myself. 

I'm sorry to hear that you have people like that in your life too. My parents have harped on your first point ("late bloomer") and my ex argued for the latter point ("obviously fake. you can't be bc [selfish personal reasons]")

[Liana]

2 minutes ago, AngelofMusic997 said:

I'm sorry to hear that you have people like that in your life too. My parents have harped on your first point ("late bloomer") and my ex argued for the latter point ("obviously fake. you can't be bc [selfish personal reasons]")

I’ve avoided telling my parents, not because I’m worried about that, but more because I don’t see it going well saying that the only male within the current generation of the family has no interest in having kids (I’ve never dated anyone and my family already has bets on what I’ll name future children). I’ve avoided dating so far because I don’t see a relationship working out with someone that isn’t asexual as well.

[daveb]

One thing about me being an older ace, I'm way beyond "late bloomer" stage.  

[AceMissBehaving]

10 minutes ago, daveb said:

One thing about me being an older ace, I'm way beyond "late bloomer" stage.  

You say that, but even though I feel old as time itself on here sometimes, I still hear that fair voice saying “maybe you’re a late bloomer”

[will123]

7 hours ago, Arodash said:

Does anyone else feel very offended when you come out as asexual and someone says to you either you don't know what you're missing or how do you know you don't like sex if you've never had it? And I understand some people have questions when you first come out because a lot of people don't really know what a sexuality is but after you've explained to them what it is and they still come forward with said statements it comes off as very intentionally ignorant

I've told a few friends and acquaintances that I'm asexual. They may not have heard of asexuality before, but after explaining it to them and my reasons for identifying as such, they were quite accepting of it.

 

I've interacted with them since and it's a non-issue with them going forward.

[Custard Cream]

If I was going to 'bloom' it would have happened by now.  I've learned to fake it convincingly though.

[naakka]

4 hours ago, Darth Plagueis the Wise said:

I’ve avoided telling my parents, not because I’m worried about that, but more because I don’t see it going well saying that the only male within the current generation of the family has no interest in having kids (I’ve never dated anyone and my family already has bets on what I’ll name future children).

You can't apply logic when there's a hole in your expectations, a lost piece. If asexual isn't an existing sexual orientation in their minds, they'll never come up with it, no matter how much evidence pointed to that direction. Heck, I struggled to come up with this orientation for years, even if I know myself better than anyone (I'm sure it's the same story to a lot of us). Ace-erasure is an issue in the society.

[Zash]

20 hours ago, cp1213 said:

I just realized that:

 

you can (verb) my (noun) at any time

 

will sound like an sexual innuendo. Always. 

I use "verb the adjective noun" as a euphemism  for sex.

[daveb]

10 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said:

You say that, but even though I feel old as time itself on here sometimes, I still hear that fair voice saying “maybe you’re a late bloomer”

Well, I'm 63. When would I "bloom" if I haven't yet?  

Personally I have no doubts that I won't.  

[fuzzipueo]

54 minutes ago, daveb said:

11 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said:

You say that, but even though I feel old as time itself on here sometimes, I still hear that fair voice saying “maybe you’re a late bloomer”

Well, I'm 63. When would I "bloom" if I haven't yet?  

Personally I have no doubts that I won't.  

I doubt, as I'm nearing my 50th birthday now, that I will ever experience this so called "late blooming" either.

[daveb]

I think I was around 52 when I learned about asexuality. No depression about it at all. It was actually more of an enlightening, and a relief in a self-knowledge, self-empowerment sort of way. With self-knowledge comes self-power.  

[fuzzipueo]

46 minutes ago, Arodash said:

So. I have a question about your older ages and dealing with asexuality, for one, when did you learn about it? And two did you ever experience uh.... well depression because of your orientation and what it might mean for future relationships? Just lookin for some advice

A fair question. While I was in my forties when I learned the actual terms for asexuality and aromantic, I pretty much knew what I did not want in my life (sex or romantic relationships) from 13 and 15 respectively. I never gave more than a passing thought to getting married and never had anyone pressure me on the subject growing up - it was a non-issue, which I gather is rather outside the norm for a lot of aces.

 

I did experience a lot of confusion and loneliness, but not from those things. Mine came from being extremely shy, introverted, and being interested in subjects others were not. I've always been a big fan of SF and Fantasy, Doctor Who was my go to for comfort viewing (still is), and just not being the most social person, I felt rather outside the accepted social groupings. Also, at lunch I tended to put on my earphones, put my Walkman on repeat[1], and read books. I was in my early 20s before I found the people I still call friends (it's such an important date I remember: 3rd Friday of February in 1990). For the first time I found people whose interests and, dare I say, weirdness, matched my own. They're an open minded bunch too, so my coming out several years ago was no big deal either.

 

My best suggestion is to find your people. Join a club doing an activity you love to do. Volunteer your time, if that's your thing. Take a fun class in something you've been wanting to learn, outside of school. Be open to different kinds of relationships (the word refers to a lot more than just romantic relationships after all).

 

________________________________

[1] wore out a lot of batteries that way LOL - kids today will never know the joy of having a tape drag!

[Nick2]

3 minutes ago, Arodash said:

Well thats kind of how I have always kept myself busy, volunteering, I am hopefully starting with a horse rescue soon volunteering to help take care of the horses. I prefer animals to humans. Becoming an EMT made me 10X more introverted lol

I did not realize there were horses on the moon.😉

[nerdperson777]

14 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said:

You say that, but even though I feel old as time itself on here sometimes, I still hear that fair voice saying “maybe you’re a late bloomer”

My dad would do that.  His rationale is that I'm always going to be younger than him so I'll always be a child, even when I'm 40.  And with elders, he'll always be right and the authority, so he "will" be right about the late bloomer.

 

9 hours ago, Arodash said:

When your at work in the utility truck doing inspections on hydrants and jamming out to old school disney songs 😎

 

"Mysterious as the dark side! Of the moon!" 

Actually, I have a plan of recording me singing Reflection, the ultimate AFAB trans song.  It's going to start super deep and then high for the rest of the song.  It definitely will fit the lyrics.

 

I guess I said something else weird last night.  I told my roommates that I lost my job so we had a little conversation about what we're going to do moving forward.  Somewhere in there the girl who's basically supporting us was asked her goals.  She grabbed one of the cats, held it at her crotch and said that she was going to get something represented by this cat.  *cat in an awkward position*  The other roommate said, yes you can get a pussy.  I said that we can finally have one that can go outside.  Apparently that meant it's for the world to see.

[griffinej5]

So, someone told me the other day that some schools were off Friday for All Saints Day. The only All Saints I know of are the late 90s/early 2000s British Girl band, so this of course set me into listening to some music I haven’t heard in years. So, I realized what this song is actually about, and among other things, what the Jimmy being referenced actually is. 

All Saints Bootie Call

[naakka]

@daveb @fuzzipueo somehow it's very soothing to have aces of the older generations here on the forum. Like, I can tell to my brain "look, there really is a sexual orientation called asexuality and you're not just wasting your time not doing the things you don't know you would love to do as you have been constantly told". Like, it's alright to remain this way and I shouldn't feel like I needed to give excuses for being me.

[daveb]

8 hours ago, naakka said:

@daveb @fuzzipueo somehow it's very soothing to have aces of the older generations here on the forum. Like, I can tell to my brain "look, there really is a sexual orientation called asexuality and you're not just wasting your time not doing the things you don't know you would love to do as you have been constantly told". Like, it's alright to remain this way and I shouldn't feel like I needed to give excuses for being me.

Yep.

 

I lived most of my life up until my late 40s thinking I was missing out on something. Then I got into a long term (also long distance) relationship, which broke up after a while, and a few months after that is when I discovered AVEN. Having those experiences are why I am so sure where I stand now.  

[will123]

10 hours ago, naakka said:

@daveb @fuzzipueo somehow it's very soothing to have aces of the older generations here on the forum. Like, I can tell to my brain "look, there really is a sexual orientation called asexuality and you're not just wasting your time not doing the things you don't know you would love to do as you have been constantly told". Like, it's alright to remain this way and I shouldn't feel like I needed to give excuses for being me.

 

1 hour ago, daveb said:

Yep.

 

I lived most of my life up until my late 40s thinking I was missing out on something. Then I got into a long term (also long distance) relationship, which broke up after a while, and a few months after that is when I discovered AVEN. Having those experiences are why I am so sure where I stand now.  

Yes, there are us older folks on here. Glad to seeing younger folks finding out about asexuality.

 

Dave, maybe if asexuality was more visible, there wouldn't be those of that think we're 'something' just because it's expected of us?

 

I always thought I was straight since I KNEW I wasn't gay...

[Barbio]

This is more or less how I've always imagined my sex life: