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Incredibly Ace Moments


you*hear*but*do*you*listen

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nerdperson777
On 7/7/2019 at 8:35 PM, firebird8 said:

I used to feel lonely without touch but now I live with cats, one of whom is rather more snuggly than necessary (it's not necessary to ALWAYS sit on me, seriously), and I hadn't considered it related that I'm not lonely living alone now.

 

I was wondering today about massage, as in the kind you get at spa. I had whiplash years ago and ever since I find that if I get a massage every month or two I have a lot less trouble with headaches. Massage has a reputation of being very sensual and even crossing lines into sexual, but in my experience at reputable salons with professional massage therapists, it's, I dunno, very professional and just doesn't feel very intimate somehow. Partly because the therapist is trained to have a certain professionally detached/but kind demeanor and it's not reciprocal, I suppose. And there's generally no emotional connection. Anyway, I couldn't help wondering how much doing this regularly plays into feeling well balanced and not touch hungry, even though there's no emotional connection like many (most?) people would want (need?). 

I've actually started to really like massages.  My university would have massage people come to the school cafes on the Sunday of finals week to give people 10 minute massages.  (There was also a chocolate fountain that I utilized, along with other Finals Week only food.)  I was actually surprised about how light I felt after these massages.  I also realized at some point in time that I was grey/demisensual.  While it's true that I was traumatized when I was younger, in that the only touch I really received from my parents was hitting, I found that I actually do like touch, depending on the person.  I finally realized why that I only felt feelings during hugs with certain people.  I craved hugs from the teacher I got really close to years ago.  Then there was a teacher that I didn't see for a long time.  He gave me a hug and I actually felt something, coming from someone who didn't know how to feel.  I was not really close to him, but maybe he was such a good person, that I was able to feel it?  The first teacher, I'm not so crazy about anymore, but we still talk now.  I no longer crave.  So I guess I get my sensual touch through massages, even if I don't feel emotionally connected to the massage.  They just feel nice and light.  I get really stressed so this is me performing self-care I suppose.  (I'm not good at self-care.)

 

The place I go to for massages, they explicitly have a sign in every room that says "No 'Sexual' Massages".  I actually had an ace moment with this that I forgot about.  I went to get one on Sunday to relieve some tension.  Whenever I go there, they give me a paper to fill out with my name, info, and there are two images of a person on it, front and back.  I meant to circle the thighs as a concentration but I ended up circling the whole area.  After I did that, I realized, "oh my god, I circled the crotch" and tried to scribble it out with my pen.  I guess it was okay because it was the back of the person so it would just be the butt if anything.  The front desk guy said that it was okay and he'll just tell the massage therapist that I meant thighs.  I don't think the place had male therapists since I just saw female names and saw only people I perceived as female.  I think though, these people must have really strong arms and legs.  Sometimes they hang on the ceiling to use their feet a certain way.

 

On 7/9/2019 at 3:24 AM, Strange-quark said:

Seconded! I mean, I sleep with my cuddly toy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I got a Pikachu, but she's kind of been off the edge of my bed for a while..

 

On 7/10/2019 at 2:47 PM, SupercalifragilisticNugget said:

That totally works.  Thanks!

 

18 hours ago, naakka said:

The other day I was so close to come out irl (I really tried, actually). My friend (who I'm not the most close with and whom I hadn't seen for a while, so she didn't know my everyday things) asked me if I already had a boyfriend. I said this exactly "no I don't. I actually haven't been looking for one since I feel happy this way". The last time we met and she asked me the same thing, I said "no, I don't feel like I was ready for dating" (still hadn't found AVEN and didn't know about asexuality). 

 

I thought she'd get the message now (it also bugs me she'd only expect me to be cishet expect all my efforts to not seem like one)... but she proceed telling me "how I should be more active to find one" and started to introduce dating sites and apps such as tinder (I told her I'd tried some but they really didn't seem interesting, like come on, why wouldn't I have used one already if I just really badly wanted to find a date?). The only exciting thing she said is that she have also found some "just friends" on these apps 😆

 

Well, I guess anything you say will never be noticed if you don't explicitly articulate you're an asexual... Anyhow, it still feels weird that anything you say won't be registered like your words couldn't possibly be taken seriously. I'm excited to see where our conversation goes the next time 🤔

There was a girl I mentioned several times that tried to introduce me to Tindr, calling it a "fun game".  I just texted a friend during that time instead because I wanted to hide from this app but I couldn't because the girl was driving us to eat dinner and trying to show me the app while she was driving.

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4 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

The place I go to for massages, they explicitly have a sign in every room that says "No 'Sexual' Massages". 

 

I actually had an ace moment with this that I forgot about.  I went to get one on Sunday to relieve some tension.  Whenever I go there, they give me a paper to fill out with my name, info, and there are two images of a person on it, front and back.  I meant to circle the thighs as a concentration but I ended up circling the whole area.  After I did that, I realized, "oh my god, I circled the crotch" and tried to scribble it out with my pen.

On the former, really? I can't believe that a legit clinic would need that. I guess there are some people think all massages finish with

 

Spoiler

a 'happy ending'.

 

(rolling my eyes)

 

On the latter, sorry I had to laugh at that.

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Forest Spirit
6 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

There was a girl I mentioned several times that tried to introduce me to Tindr, calling it a "fun game".  I just texted a friend during that time instead because I wanted to hide from this app but I couldn't because the girl was driving us to eat dinner and trying to show me the app while she was driving.

I'm kind of concerned about the 'while driving' part:ph34r:

And Tindr just seems so superficial... like you choose to get to know people depending on pictures and a few descriptive lines. And sometimes even 'get to know' is exaggerated (as far as I know)

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SupercalifragilisticNugget
16 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

That totally works.  Thanks!

You’re welcome. 👍🏻

 

10 hours ago, Quasar.w said:

I'm kind of concerned about the 'while driving' part:ph34r:

And Tindr just seems so superficial... like you choose to get to know people depending on pictures and a few descriptive lines. And sometimes even 'get to know' is exaggerated (as far as I know)

  It’s pretty disturbing just how many dating apps and sites there are anymore. And considering most of the stories you end up hearing about involving them are fails instead of success, it makes you wonder why they’re such an appeal...?

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I thought that when you said you were talking to a guy, you were doing just that... literally talking to him and were happy to receive his messages/chat like you would like a friend (or at least that's how I feel with my friends? I have a few special ones I get really happy to receive messages from). Oh dear... lol. TIL.... I guess lol. 

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4 hours ago, Strifed said:

I thought that when you said you were talking to a guy, you were doing just that... literally talking to him and were happy to receive his messages/chat like you would like a friend (or at least that's how I feel with my friends? I have a few special ones I get really happy to receive messages from). Oh dear... lol. TIL.... I guess lol. 

Yeah, somehow "talking" became a phase of dating quite a while back. Not everyone uses it. "Talking" might include sex, but probably the relationship isn't exclusive and you wouldn't refer to the other person as your boyfriend or girlfriend etc. In fact, the segment of the population I've heard use it generally aren't ever "dating", they go from that to moving in together and being "engaged" (that just means they live together), and sometimes they eventually get married. You'll also find some people kind of in that same demographic who call someone their husband or wife even though they aren't actually married. After they've been "engaged" for a long time they just switch terms by no rhyme or reason I can figure. 

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Bronztrooper
On 7/11/2019 at 7:41 PM, nerdperson777 said:

I've actually started to really like massages.  My university would have massage people come to the school cafes on the Sunday of finals week to give people 10 minute massages.  (There was also a chocolate fountain that I utilized, along with other Finals Week only food.)  I was actually surprised about how light I felt after these massages.  I also realized at some point in time that I was grey/demisensual.  While it's true that I was traumatized when I was younger, in that the only touch I really received from my parents was hitting, I found that I actually do like touch, depending on the person.  I finally realized why that I only felt feelings during hugs with certain people.  I craved hugs from the teacher I got really close to years ago.  Then there was a teacher that I didn't see for a long time.  He gave me a hug and I actually felt something, coming from someone who didn't know how to feel.  I was not really close to him, but maybe he was such a good person, that I was able to feel it?  The first teacher, I'm not so crazy about anymore, but we still talk now.  I no longer crave.  So I guess I get my sensual touch through massages, even if I don't feel emotionally connected to the massage.  They just feel nice and light.  I get really stressed so this is me performing self-care I suppose.  (I'm not good at self-care.)

I never really realized how much I actually enjoyed being physically close (strictly non-sexual stuff like hugging and cuddling) to people I'm emotionally close to until I had my gf in high school.  Originally I thought I only liked hugging my sister, but apparently not, lol.

 

As for massages, my only experience with it was one time my dad took me to this one hair cutting place geared towards men (the theme was basically what you'd expect) and they went all out for first-time customers- hair wash, steamed towel for your face, and shoulder massage.  The massage part made me nervous, but when I realized that they had a hand-held device they used for it, I felt better about it.  As for the massage itself, it didn't feel 'good' or anything, it just felt like something was vibrating on my shoulders.

 

tbc, I was in my early-mid teens at the time and my dad had made the choice to take me there, but the part I liked the most was the steamed towel.

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6 hours ago, firebird8 said:

Yeah, somehow "talking" became a phase of dating quite a while back. Not everyone uses it. "Talking" might include sex, but probably the relationship isn't exclusive and you wouldn't refer to the other person as your boyfriend or girlfriend etc. In fact, the segment of the population I've heard use it generally aren't ever "dating", they go from that to moving in together and being "engaged" (that just means they live together), and sometimes they eventually get married. You'll also find some people kind of in that same demographic who call someone their husband or wife even though they aren't actually married. After they've been "engaged" for a long time they just switch terms by no rhyme or reason I can figure. 

I never knew that "talking" would mean "unofficial dating" in English. It sounds the same as "seeing" in Finnish. You can be "seeing" someone, it's more than "just friends" but less official than "dating" and still can lead to engagement. 

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Just now, naakka said:

I never knew that "talking" would mean "unofficial dating" in English. It sounds the same as "seeing" in Finnish. You can be "seeing" a girl or a guy, it's more than "just friends" but less official than "dating" and still can lead to engagement. 

We use "seeing" that way, too. As in "are you seeing anyone?" or "I am seeing someone". Never heard of "talking" being used that way though. Maybe a younger generation thing? Is no verb safe?! :P 

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30 minutes ago, daveb said:

We use "seeing" that way, too. As in "are you seeing anyone?" or "I am seeing someone". Never heard of "talking" being used that way though. Maybe a younger generation thing? Is no verb safe?! :P 

Haha exactly! Just like any verb could be used as a synonym for sex, anything could apparently mean dating as well 🤣 

Now than you mention, I think I've heard "are you seeing someone?" in English before 🙂

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24 minutes ago, naakka said:

Haha exactly! Just like any verb could be used as a synonym for sex, anything could apparently mean dating as well 🤣 

Now than you mention, I think I've heard "are you seeing someone?" in English before 🙂

Aro/Ace Person: ”So I’ve been working with Mr./Ms. X...”

People: ”What?! I didn’t know you were dating!”

A/A: ”I mean I’ve been standing in the general vicinity of...”

People: ”It’s that serious!? 😯

A/A: ”OKAY, I’VE EXISTED ON THE SAME PLANET AS...!”

People: ”Wow! You two are super close! 😉

A/A: “STOP APPROPRIATING BASIC WORDS! Hdjabffixnxvgajbxbxb 😠😡🤬

 

An exaggeration (hopefully) but it feels like it’s like that sometimes. 😐

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Forest Spirit
2 hours ago, daveb said:

We use "seeing" that way, too. As in "are you seeing anyone?" or "I am seeing someone". Never heard of "talking" being used that way though. Maybe a younger generation thing? Is no verb safe?! :P 

If 23 counts as 'younger generation' then I've literally never heard of 'talking' being used to imply anything else then... well communicating with another person:huh: I'm so confused now! 'Seeing' someone makes atleast a bit of sense (although not that much in my brain) but well... in German we have the equally weird 'mit jemandem gehen' aka 'going with someone'. Now I really get the feeling that no verb is safe anymore:ph34r:

Well maybe I'm just secretly... hearing someone since a few weeks:lol: you know, since we've already covered sight, speech and movement. And taste or smell would sound way too creepy...

 

PS: I know that I'm the opposite of up-to-date with slang and 'the younger generation' but still... this just seems ridiculous to me (and always has)

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Anthracite_Impreza

It depends how you say talking. If you say you were talking to your long term neighbour it's probably gonna be taken as just that. If you say you've been talking to 'a boy/girl' it'll be seen in a dating way.

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I've been reminiscing on my past and I found a good one! So in secondary school, I really didn't want a relationship. The thought seemed daunting to me. I now know it was due to my sexuality, but back then I was genuinely worried that someone would ask me out. In order to avoid that, I created an entirely fictional boyfriend who, according to me, lived in Hamburg, Germany. A lot of people believed in that story and after a while, everybody though I was in a long-distance relationship. Just as planned, hahaha! 😆

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Anthracite_Impreza
3 hours ago, daveb said:

What if you say you've been talking to a car? ;) 

Off to Broadmoor with you.

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Anthracite_Impreza
10 minutes ago, daveb said:

I guess that's a reference to 

Yep, it's a well-known phrase here meaning "you're mental".

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I was at Leipzig Pride today and saw a lot of ace, Demi and aro flags. Also asexuality was explicitly acknowledged by the organizers as part of the community. Was a beautiful day and I am happy I went there even if I am tired now.

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AceMissBehaving
4 minutes ago, Bloc said:

I was at Leipzig Pride today and saw a lot of ace, Demi and aro flags. Also asexuality was explicitly acknowledged by the organizers as part of the community. Was a beautiful day and I am happy I went there even if I am tired now.

This makes me so happy!

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18 minutes ago, vanilla black tea said:

this is more an aro moment ... someone told me she broke up with her boyfriend. i asked how she was doing. she thought i meant how is she coping having lost the love of her life, but i really meant how is her housing situation because she had moved countries to be with him.

That housing situation sounds really serious, I think your priorities are great

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At grocery store, bf and I are ace:

 

Bf: I am going to put a camera on my BUTT to watch you DO IT.

Me: ... honey, rephrase that.

Bf: why? Why would I rephrase that?

Me: ... you want to put a camera on your back in order to record me being a ninja.

Bf: ... uh huh.

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Comrade F&F
29 minutes ago, Sean-Kat said:

At grocery store, bf and I are ace:

 

Bf: I am going to put a camera on my BUTT to watch you DO IT.

Me: ... honey, rephrase that.

Bf: why? Why would I rephrase that?

Me: ... you want to put a camera on your back in order to record me being a ninja.

Bf: ... uh huh.

*had to read that two times to get it*

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17 minutes ago, Feys&Florets said:

*had to read that two times to get it*

He accused me of being a ninja, and I said he had no proof; therefore,  he reasoned that he could record me sneaking up on him as proof that I was a ninja.

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26 minutes ago, Sean-Kat said:

He accused me of being a ninja, and I said he had no proof; therefore,  he reasoned that he could record me sneaking up on him as proof that I was a ninja.

OK now it make sense. My thinking was off on a tangent (in a sexual way).

 

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18 hours ago, daveb said:

We use "seeing" that way, too. As in "are you seeing anyone?" or "I am seeing someone". Never heard of "talking" being used that way though. Maybe a younger generation thing? Is no verb safe?! :P 

X2 

 

I've heard 'seeing' used over the years (probaby said it myself) but never have I heard talking used in that way.

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Fluffy Femme Guy
1 hour ago, will123 said:

I've heard 'seeing' used over the years (probaby said it myself) but never have I heard talking used in that way.

It's totally a thing, but it's very context dependent.
"I'm going to see my grandma!" is very different from a parent asking their adult child that they haven't met up with in some time (maybe because of college,etc.) "So, are you seeing anyone?"

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2 minutes ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said:

It's totally a thing, but it's very context dependent.
"I'm going to see my grandma!" is very different from a parent asking their adult child that they haven't met up with in some time (maybe because of college,etc.) "So, are you seeing anyone?"

:)

 

Yes, that's how my nephew and I described the 'social situation' of a girl that we know. She had been 'unattached' since last August. Recently she had posted a couple of pics with a new guy. Last week she mentioned his name in a post. Before this, someone asked us about her and we said that we think she's seeing someone. I think it is kind of an open-ended description of a couple. 

 

I was talking to her and said it was nice that she had a new friend. I said, "I take it that you mentioned him by name so that certain people would stop messaging you?" "Yep, but some people don't get the hint!" She had told me not long after her break up last year she was getting messages from guys that had a high 'ick' factor (and that's from an 'adult's' viewpoint. 

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21 minutes ago, will123 said:

talking to her

be careful how you phrase that! :lol: :P 

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