Incredibly Ace Moments

[AceMissBehaving]

9 minutes ago, Ita25 said:

I don't know if this is truly an ace moment but I hate the idea of "grinding" when people go out dancing. I absolutely love to dance, but when I see people out there rubbing all up on each other, it's just not appealing to me. I'm more understanding of it if it's people in a relationship, but when complete strangers who meet on the dance floor start doing it, that's just so weird to me. You don't even know each other's names and you're grinding your private regions up on each other. 🤢 One time a girl came up and started grinding on me and I legit just walked away...I don't know you like that lol. 

Oh my gosh, so I went with my friends to this really grindy club for a bachelorette party, and I was wearing a dress with a like a huge fluffy petticoat under. We were dancing and though I had no idea at the time, some dude was trying desperately to grind up against me, but couldn’t figure out how to get in around the petticoat. According to my friend watching it was one of the funniest things they’d ever seen. To this day big skirts are my defense against creeps in clubs.

[Ita25]

Just now, daveb said:

Random people do that to each other? 

YES! Crazy, right?! I mean, I'm sure in quite a few cases there's alcohol involved, but I go out dancing a lot(just something I find to be really fun and good exercise as well lol), and I see it happen quite often. I am very much interested in having a relationship with women, I'm just not into sex. So, if I'm out there dancing and a woman dances with me and we have fun, that's awesome, but I get nervous she will want to grind, which I'm just not comfortable with someone I just met. Unlike my friend I go with, I'm not there to meet women, I'm there to dance 😂. If I meet someone nice, that's a good bonus. 

[Ita25]

1 minute ago, AceMissBehaving said:

Oh my gosh, so I went with my friends to this really grindy club for a friends bachelorette party, and was wearing a dress with a like a huge fluffy petticoat under. We were dancing and though I had no idea at the time, some dude was trying desperately to grind up against me, but couldn’t figure out how to get in around the petticoat. According to my friend watching it was one of the funniest things they’d ever seen. To this day big skirts are my defense against creeps in clubs.

I feel for women that like to go out dancing. There are seriously some CREEPS! Guys that will just go right up on women and either grind on them or hover over them. The worst is when the woman makes it so clear they aren't interested and the guy will get MORE aggressive with his attempts. I don't blame women at all for being cautious out there. I actually think I catch a lot of women by shock to see a guy out there legitimately just to dance and have fun, with no woman hunting agenda lol. The place I go mixes in quite a few line dances that limits the amount of creepiness that could take place, thank goodness. 

[Anonymous Axolotl]

50 minutes ago, Ita25 said:

I don't know if this is truly an ace moment but I hate the idea of "grinding" when people go out dancing. I absolutely love to dance, but when I see people out there rubbing all up on each other, it's just not appealing to me. I'm more understanding of it if it's people in a relationship, but when complete strangers who meet on the dance floor start doing it, that's just so weird to me. You don't even know each other's names and you're grinding your private regions up on each other. 🤢 One time a girl came up and started grinding on me and I legit just walked away...I don't know you like that lol. 

This is one of the reasons I avoid dancing, and I'm baffled why something like this is socially acceptable. I personally think it's along the lines of flashing someone. They're both (in the terms of strangers being involved) often non-consensual sexual displays done in a vulgar manner. Wouldn't grinding with strangers constitute as sexual harassment? Where is the line drawn for one being considered totally fine and the other a criminal offense? (Other than explicitly showing privates, as in the case of flashing.) I don't get it, but maybe that's just another ace thing.

[Mary2000]

I have seen people do it but for some reason the few parties that I have gone to it doesn't last much. My girl friends do it with each other depending on the song but even with their boyfriends they don't do it much. But then again I always end up leaving early because someone always starts to smoke pot and I don't even know how people can stand to be in a closed room with that smell, so I never payed much attention to the grinding; maybe I subconsciously ignored it, I tend to do that a lot when something just doesn't want to register in my brain.

 

[nerdperson777]

3 hours ago, Ita25 said:

I don't know if this is truly an ace moment but I hate the idea of "grinding" when people go out dancing. I absolutely love to dance, but when I see people out there rubbing all up on each other, it's just not appealing to me. I'm more understanding of it if it's people in a relationship, but when complete strangers who meet on the dance floor start doing it, that's just so weird to me. You don't even know each other's names and you're grinding your private regions up on each other. 🤢 One time a girl came up and started grinding on me and I legit just walked away...I don't know you like that lol. 

I've wondered about that too.  I remember for my high school prom, I saw this one girl.  I knew her pretty well I guess, as an acquaintance.  She was the only one who went to the same elementary, middle, high school, and eventually college as me.  She was a pretty smart, clean girl.  I mean as in, even while getting good grades, she never ended up in bad groups to my knowledge.  So during prom, I saw her grinding and I thought this was really weird.  I may not have known the word for it at the time, but it definitely looked sexual.  That was one of two parties I've been to where I got disappointed because people I trusted to some extent were doing "bad things".  The other party was in college when I got stressed out by going to a place with alcohol and some guy from my club (underage) was drinking.  He told me to drink so that I could relax a little.  I was totally not relaxing with all this drinking.  I had a headache that lasted until the next day.

[Forest Spirit]

3 hours ago, daveb said:

Random people do that to each other? 

Yep. It happened to me once when I was 16 (one of the 3 times that I actually went to a disco thing, yey peer pressure). A random guy started to do that towards (? horrible english) my back... but the really weird thing was that I was wearing my small shoulder bag so he basically mainly rubbed against that. Don't ask me why😅

At that time I didn't know yet that I'm ace (or that asexuality exists at all) and it was just strange... not uncomfortable (probably due to alcohol, and yes I was allowed to drink if anybody wonders about that) but I didn't really understand it and why this is supposed to be 'what normal teens do' but yeah, one of the many hints that I've missed about not being allosexual!

[Aloney]

3 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said:

Oh my gosh, so I went with my friends to this really grindy club for a bachelorette party, and I was wearing a dress with a like a huge fluffy petticoat under. We were dancing and though I had no idea at the time, some dude was trying desperately to grind up against me, but couldn’t figure out how to get in around the petticoat. According to my friend watching it was one of the funniest things they’d ever seen. To this day big skirts are my defense against creeps in clubs.

Haha, did you know that actually was the purpose of some historical petticoat trends? Personal space! Apparently gentlemen of the time hated those things, but all girls were just happy about it :'D Not that they would have even thought of grinding in those eras xD And I admit it amuses me to sometimes use a huge petticoat under a skirt, no one can sit near me!  

[Aloney]

Oh, a thing about underage drinking came to mind, sorry, not exactly an ace moment or anything 😅 But anyway! So, where I live the concept of underage drinking is a little different, since, the legal drinking age is 18. The eighteenth birthday is actually a super big deal to some, because at that age, you are permitted to drive, legal to get married, allowed to drink and can vote, all in the same year. But this one time we went to California for a family vacation since my mother was temporarily teaching there, and my sister, already 21 at the time, was kind of annoyed that every restaurant we went to, the waiters gave suspicious looks at her if she ordered something alcoholic with us, and one time, she was pissed because she forgot her ID at our hotel and couldn't have anything, which wasn't the bad part, but the way the waiters seemed to treat her like a kid, they brought her like a free soda or something when me and my parents got like a beer or something 😅 She is a very mature person and had already been of drinking age for three years, at that point  

[Custard Cream]

4 hours ago, Ita25 said:

I don't know if this is truly an ace moment but I hate the idea of "grinding" when people go out dancing. I absolutely love to dance, but when I see people out there rubbing all up on each other, it's just not appealing to me. I'm more understanding of it if it's people in a relationship, but when complete strangers who meet on the dance floor start doing it, that's just so weird to me. You don't even know each other's names and you're grinding your private regions up on each other. 🤢 One time a girl came up and started grinding on me and I legit just walked away...I don't know you like that lol. 

Yikes, I think I would walk away too. Or warn them off. Or possibly both, depending on my mood. 

[Laplace]

6 hours ago, Ita25 said:

I don't know if this is truly an ace moment but I hate the idea of "grinding" when people go out dancing. I absolutely love to dance, but when I see people out there rubbing all up on each other, it's just not appealing to me. I'm more understanding of it if it's people in a relationship, but when complete strangers who meet on the dance floor start doing it, that's just so weird to me. You don't even know each other's names and you're grinding your private regions up on each other. 🤢 One time a girl came up and started grinding on me and I legit just walked away...I don't know you like that lol. 

Damn straight savage lol.

 

Grinding is like one of those weird animal mating rituals you see on wildlife documentaries. I don’t understand how the **** it’s like considered okay or even flirtatious in a good way to just go and hump someone like a dog 🙄. Like, I’d expect more refined mating (I guess?) behavior for an “intelligent” (I try not to roll my eyes when I refer to the human race as intelligent sometimes) species but that’s not how it works 😐. I mean, I just don’t dance in the first place (a landed fish flops more gracefully than me 😛), but if someone tried to grind on me, it’d be like one of those record-scratch moments where I’d just turn to them and be like, “WTF are you doing? 🤨🤨🤨”

[operalover]

7 hours ago, Aloney said:

Haha, did you know that actually was the purpose of some historical petticoat trends? Personal space! Apparently gentlemen of the time hated those things, but all girls were just happy about it :'D Not that they would have even thought of grinding in those eras xD And I admit it amuses me to sometimes use a huge petticoat under a skirt, no one can sit near me!  

 

By the gods, I love those fashions! I always wanted to have Scarlett's gowns. I got into EGL fashion but I never had the money to be serious about it and I prefer floor-length skirts anyway. My other favourite is 16th century skirts and stays.

[bookwormgirl]

14 hours ago, Ita25 said:

I don't know if this is truly an ace moment but I hate the idea of "grinding" when people go out dancing. I absolutely love to dance, but when I see people out there rubbing all up on each other, it's just not appealing to me. I'm more understanding of it if it's people in a relationship, but when complete strangers who meet on the dance floor start doing it, that's just so weird to me. You don't even know each other's names and you're grinding your private regions up on each other. 🤢 One time a girl came up and started grinding on me and I legit just walked away...I don't know you like that lol. 

All of this. When I was 16, I was at a dance with some people I knew from high school and surprised them by dancing (I was a very shy kid and even now this is out of character for me). One of them tried to grind against me and I IMMEDIATELY pulled away and turned to him, palms up, and said "no, *his name*, no". He waved me off and went elsewhere.  

 

Really though, why would you assume I want to dance like that? Bleh. 

[AHAL]

A recent conversation I encountered at work:

 

Colleague 1: did you know this rugby player is still a virgin?

Colleague 2: really? How old is he?

Colleague 1: 23 I think

Colleague 2: oh wow, what does he look like?

 

Me: *sits in uncomfortable silence biting my tongue*

 

So basically my understanding from this conversation is if you don't have sex you're either too young or too ugly 🤔

[Sir Lancelop]

So my family and I were discussing each other’s sleeping habits:

”Dad, you snore so loud!”

”Hey at least I don’t pull the sheets over to my side.”

Me: “ugh, sleeping with a partner sounds horrible, if I had a SO, I’d make sure we slept in separate rooms.”

”Yeah that relationship would never work.”

Me (in my head): “Oh no, guess I’ll just have to live with sleeping peacefully and waking up feeling amazing forever.”

[Acing It]

2 hours ago, AHAL said:

So basically my understanding from this conversation is if you don't have sex you're either too young or too ugly 🤔

You should have told them exactly that! 🙂

[Laplace]

2 hours ago, Sir Lancelop said:

So my family and I were discussing each other’s sleeping habits:

”Dad, you snore so loud!”

”Hey at least I don’t pull the sheets over to my side.”

Me: “ugh, sleeping with a partner sounds horrible, if I had a SO, I’d make sure we slept in separate rooms.”

”Yeah that relationship would never work.”

Me (in my head): “Oh no, guess I’ll just have to live with sleeping peacefully and waking up feeling amazing forever.”

I flop around like a landed fish when I sleep sometimes so it’d be unbearable for anyone to sleep alongside me 😅.

[DorAce]

Okay, so... before realizing I'm ace, whenever I liked a guy and he'd hug me and I could feel that there was something... going on down there for him... I would feel kind of... betrayed?? And feel like he doesn't appreciate me the way I appreciate him, or something like that. And once I got myself to tell my brother about how mad this made me and why it seems XY didn't appriciate me because they just get hard instead of enjoying my hug, and then he had to explain to me that you can appreciate a person and love them and "still" get hard, and actually that's how most people work, and it just shows how much they are enjoying my hug. I felt like everything I thought I knew about the world just turned upside down.

 

Oh and one more. On my like second date with my ex, talking about sports, I told him that I'm afraid of balls. It took me like two years afterwards to understand why he was laughing back then.

[Sir Lancelop]

34 minutes ago, Laplace said:

I flop around like a landed fish when I sleep sometimes so it’d be unbearable for anyone to sleep alongside me 😅.

I can’t fall asleep if there’s noise personally, and I’m pretty sure I snore sometimes so it’s a win-win situation for everybody really.  Nothing to be ashamed about, we can’t control our sleeping habits.

[Sir Lancelop]

41 minutes ago, DorAce said:

Okay, so... before realizing I'm ace, whenever I liked a guy and he'd hug me and I could feel that there was something... going on down there for him... I would feel kind of... betrayed?? And feel like he doesn't appreciate me the way I appreciate him, or something like that. And once I got myself to tell my brother about how mad this made me and why it seems XY didn't appriciate me because they just get hard instead of enjoying my hug, and then he had to explain to me that you can appreciate a person and love them and "still" get hard, and actually that's how most people work, and it just shows how much they are enjoying my hug. I felt like everything I thought I knew about the world just turned upside down.

 

Oh and one more. On my like second date with my ex, talking about sports, I told him that I'm afraid of balls. It took me like two years afterwards to understand why he was laughing back then.

People get like that when hugging you? As a male I can’t imagine.  Sounds horrible.

[Fluffy Femme Guy]

2 hours ago, DorAce said:

Okay, so... before realizing I'm ace, whenever I liked a guy and he'd hug me and I could feel that there was something... going on down there for him... I would feel kind of... betrayed??

Similar thing with me, realising that

 

[1] Some people get aroused from that kind of thing

 

and

 

[2] Realizing that often 'person a' LIKES the fact that 'person b' is getting aroused.

[Zagadka]

2 hours ago, DorAce said:

Okay, so... before realizing I'm ace, whenever I liked a guy and he'd hug me and I could feel that there was something... going on down there for him... [...]  then he had to explain to me that you can appreciate a person and love them and "still" get hard, and actually that's how most people work, and it just shows how much they are enjoying my hug. I felt like everything I thought I knew about the world just turned upside down.

For a lot of men, erections can hit automatically under the slightest breeze (or rub of the pants), much less in a physical contact situation. It can be embarrassing a lot of the time, and have nothing to do with sexual thoughts or desires. And also while sleeping. I don't personally know how frequently that happens in most asexuals, but it still happens.

[Bronztrooper]

3 hours ago, DorAce said:

Okay, so... before realizing I'm ace, whenever I liked a guy and he'd hug me and I could feel that there was something... going on down there for him... I would feel kind of... betrayed?? And feel like he doesn't appreciate me the way I appreciate him, or something like that. And once I got myself to tell my brother about how mad this made me and why it seems XY didn't appriciate me because they just get hard instead of enjoying my hug, and then he had to explain to me that you can appreciate a person and love them and "still" get hard, and actually that's how most people work, and it just shows how much they are enjoying my hug. I felt like everything I thought I knew about the world just turned upside down.

Wait, that actually happens?????  That just sounds incredibly awkward and embarassing

 

3 hours ago, Sir Lancelop said:

I can’t fall asleep if there’s noise personally, and I’m pretty sure I snore sometimes so it’s a win-win situation for everybody really.  Nothing to be ashamed about, we can’t control our sleeping habits.

For me, it helps me go to sleep if I leave the TV on playing a movie.  I hate trying to sleep in a dark, quiet room.

 

52 minutes ago, Zagadka said:

For a lot of men, erections can hit automatically under the slightest breeze (or rub of the pants), much less in a physical contact situation. It can be embarrassing a lot of the time, and have nothing to do with sexual thoughts or desires. And also while sleeping. I don't personally know how frequently that happens in most asexuals, but it still happens.

Also, it can happen completely at random regardless of stimuli (or lack thereof).

[Forest Spirit]

9 hours ago, Acing It said:

You should have told them exactly that! 🙂

Second that! I think a lot of people don't realize how such world views/comments are actually mean...

 

11 hours ago, Sir Lancelop said:

So my family and I were discussing each other’s sleeping habits:

”Dad, you snore so loud!”

”Hey at least I don’t pull the sheets over to my side.”

Me: “ugh, sleeping with a partner sounds horrible, if I had a SO, I’d make sure we slept in separate rooms.”

”Yeah that relationship would never work.”

Me (in my head): “Oh no, guess I’ll just have to live with sleeping peacefully and waking up feeling amazing forever.”

So far I've never been able to sleep well with another person in the same room or double-bed due to the noise (doesn't even have to be snoring) and motions of that person. Just have a light sleep and am very sensitive, and insomnia ^yey sleep^. So any future partner would have to deal with separate bed rooms most of the time😅 can't be helped!

 

5 hours ago, Zagadka said:

For a lot of men, erections can hit automatically under the slightest breeze (or rub of the pants), much less in a physical contact situation. It can be embarrassing a lot of the time, and have nothing to do with sexual thoughts or desires. And also while sleeping. I don't personally know how frequently that happens in most asexuals, but it still happens.

My best friend (male) explained that to me and that it's really annoying (like it happened while jogging f.e. so yep... bad situation). I'm actually glad I don't have to deal with that myself... one of the only times I prefer to be female. Although I'm not sure if it also has to do with ones libido maybe? Idk.

But yes, it's awkward when this happens while hugging and I just try to avoid and/or ignore it

[Laplace]

9 hours ago, DorAce said:

Okay, so... before realizing I'm ace, whenever I liked a guy and he'd hug me and I could feel that there was something... going on down there for him... I would feel kind of... betrayed?? And feel like he doesn't appreciate me the way I appreciate him, or something like that. And once I got myself to tell my brother about how mad this made me and why it seems XY didn't appriciate me because they just get hard instead of enjoying my hug, and then he had to explain to me that you can appreciate a person and love them and "still" get hard, and actually that's how most people work, and it just shows how much they are enjoying my hug. I felt like everything I thought I knew about the world just turned upside down.

This is half of the reason I give really awkward hugs where I avoid making the other person’s lower half with my lower half. Or I give hugs from the side. I don’t want to appear like I’m trying to press up against the other person, and while I typically have a great deal of control over my body, I don’t want to tempt my automatic nervous system into going into “make a ****ing baby even though you don’t want to” mode. If that happened while I was hugging a woman, I’d commit seppuku cause the other option would be a slow painful death from embarrassment.

 

Also, that ties into more reasons why I’d be a terrible person to literally sleep with. I sometimes flop like a fish when asleep, and I’m a guy with typical guy problems in the morning. If an awkward hug is bad, just think about that same problem but you’re potentially half-naked and sharing the same bed. So I’ll gladly keep to sleeping alone. 😐

[AHAL]

9 hours ago, Acing It said:

You should have told them exactly that! 🙂

I know, I felt like I should but it's all still fairly new to me and I think if I'd have lectured them I think I'd have ended up 'coming out' to them.

I work in an educational environment and each year we have to do some form of equality and diversity training and next month we are doing LGBT+ Awareness training. I'll be intrigued to see if we have any + or it'll all be LGBT (maybe if my previous training had covered the + I'd have figured out myself sooner!) but I'm thinking this might be a good time to educate my colleagues!

[griffinej5]

7 hours ago, Quasar.w said:

Second that! I think a lot of people don't realize how such world views/comments are actually mean...

 

So far I've never been able to sleep well with another person in the same room or double-bed due to the noise (doesn't even have to be snoring) and motions of that person. Just have a light sleep and am very sensitive, and insomnia ^yey sleep^. So any future partner would have to deal with separate bed rooms most of the time😅 can't be helped!

 

Any time I sleep around other people, I will stay up until everyone else is asleep. If I’m in a hotel with someone else, or I’m forced to share a bed for some reason, I will stay up until I’m certain the other person/people are sleeping. 

[Acing It]

8 hours ago, AHAL said:

I know, I felt like I should but it's all still fairly new to me and I think if I'd have lectured them I think I'd have ended up 'coming out' to them.

I work in an educational environment and each year we have to do some form of equality and diversity training and next month we are doing LGBT+ Awareness training. I'll be intrigued to see if we have any + or it'll all be LGBT (maybe if my previous training had covered the + I'd have figured out myself sooner!) but I'm thinking this might be a good time to educate my colleagues!

I'm in the same position. In my case, because the trainer was internal, I had the chance to discreetly and tactfully train her on the +, or at least asexuality. Not sure what my colleagues thought about asexuality as not a word was uttered about it afterwards, so could be good or not. I'm not sure. Good luck!

[AHAL]

10 hours ago, Acing It said:

I'm in the same position. In my case, because the trainer was internal, I had the chance to discreetly and tactfully train her on the +, or at least asexuality. Not sure what my colleagues thought about asexuality as not a word was uttered about it afterwards, so could be good or not. I'm not sure. Good luck!

Our training is internal too so it sounds like a very similar situation. I suppose if we talk about it in the training, even if no one speaks of it again, then at least hopefully it will be at the back of their minds and they might think about it before judging someone. The best we can do is raise awareness and educate people, who knows, it may make a difference! 

[Hinatoy]

I’m usually very good at both getting and making sexual jokes. Actually, growing up and to this day I’ve been quite interested in sex, but for all the wrong reasons. There was a specific moment in my life though that traumatized me a little bit, since then I’ve decided to educate myself on the matters of sex in order not to get embarrassed like that ever again.

 

Basically, in 7th grade, I with my classmates were waiting outside our classroom for our teacher to come back from some meeting. I suddenly felt a strong need to go to the toilet and it took some time. When I returned, my female friends asked me if everything was okay (I mean, of course the first thing girls would think is that your period has started). The boys, on the other hand, started giggling and the most mischievous of them whispered to me, “You’ve been masturbating, haven’t you?” Well, I did not know what the word meant. I thought it was some kind of a disease, something like vomiting. I also didn’t read the room well, I guess. I just blurted out, “Masturbating?!” Of course, our teacher had to approach us at that exact moment. Everyone looked terrified, the teacher was furious. Of course, she quickly understood that I didn’t not know the meaning of the word and scolded the boys. My female friends then tried to explain what the word meant, unsuccessfully at that. I didn’t get why you would touch yourself for pleasure in a public toilet. I came to the conclusion that it was a bad word (at the time, I thought it was a swear word), but couldn’t remember it, so I kept asking them to repeat it. Yikes 😅 

 

Since then, I just assume people always make sexual innuendos everywhere they can. I’m usually right, and it also helps me pretend like I’m a very sexual, (want to be) banging dudes left and right kind of girl. It doesn’t always work out this way though.

 

The other day, I met with a couple of my friends over fried chicken. All of us are university students, and two of my friends are students of rivaling universities. The first university’s mascot is an eagle, the second university’s is a tiger. The two universities made songs teasingly calling each other “chicken” and “kitten”. Of course, everybody sitting at the table started making jokes. I went ahead and made — in my mind — a silly “they say you are what you eat” joke. I thought it would get a couple of chuckles at best. I mean, we’re eating fried chicken and they also call you a chicken, what’s so smart about that? To my surprise, my friends started literarily roaring with laughter, rolling on the floor, giving me hi-fives and generally overreacting. I tried very hard to not look confused. It took me a good 5 minutes to realize I just made a joke about someone “eating pussy”. Soooo embarrassing! They still remind me of this every time we meet. Another reminder that people see sex everywhere, should not forget about that.

Edited June 29, 2019 by Hinatoy