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Incredibly Ace Moments


you*hear*but*do*you*listen

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Pentachromacy

Phone rings:

Voice 1: I got you a date. You need to see people.

Me: I don't date. "Hangs up phone."

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This is such a great thread! I‘ve had my share of asexy moments:

1) I was at a family party with my girlfriend (currently my ex). My family was going on and on about how we made such a great couple. My cousin then said, “Yea, she must be really good at what she does ::wink::”, and I replied, “Yea, she is great”, then everyone burst into laughter and “woahs and aahhs!” while I just looked around confused, and my girlfriend looked really embarrassed. (She was sexual, so she knew what they were referring to). I had to wait until we left for it to be explained to me. Oops :huh:

2) A friend from work really likes this girl who sat in the next row, who is known for wearing revealing clothing. Here is how the conversation went:

Him: I would really love to juggle them and hold them…

Me: ::looks towards her, looking for something to juggle & hold:: Juggle what?

Him: Look at them…

Me: ::looks back:: What are you looking at?

Him: Bro! Her b**bs!

Me: Oh! Yea, they’re great…

Him: ::Weird look at me::

3) My friends are planning on taking me to a strip club for my birthday since I have never been to one. They don’t catch my attention and I don't see it as something to get excited over. I don’t want to attend because I think that they will find out about my asexuality right then and there. Nonetheless, I decided to go because if I don’t, it will just look suspicious. After all, what guy doesn’t want to go to a strip club, right?? Anyway, a friend came to my desk and she was telling me how she was going to buy me a lap-dance and that my “dingalong” (her exact word) was going to go “bing” and she stretched her index finger upward, as a phallic symbol of what was going to happen to me. I immediately thought, “Why would that happen?” and about a whole minute later, I remembered that this was something that was supposed to make me…umm…get excited, so I just looked at her and smiled and said, “How about you buy me a drink instead?” My friend had a weird look on her face and then laughed (thinking I was joking), and said, “For real, you’re going to enjoy this lap-dance”... <_<

::sigh::

I'm sure I have more, but these are the top ones that come to mind.

Pibbace

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"I appreciate people letting me live in my happy little head where the streams flow of orange juice, unicorns prance all about, and everybody is celibate."

This was a quote of mine said to a friend quite a few years ago, but it really was a big sign of ace before I knew what ace was.

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen
Phone rings:

Voice 1: I got you a date. You need to see people.

Me: I don't date. "Hangs up phone."

*applause*

I have another one from a while ago: when I was in middle school, my little brother was just learning to talk, and he went through a phase during which he called chocolate pudding "coming." My parents kept telling their friends this, and said friends laughed uproariously. I had no idea what was so funny. I expressed this frustration to my friends at school, but they were too grossed out to explain it to me. I didn't figure out why adults were laughing and middle-schoolers were cringing at my little brother's misspeak until a couple years later.

And does it count as an incredibly ace moment that I'm so happy I just made my 500th post and made it to Asexy A-postle? :P

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Said today at work when an, admittedly, attractive(I appreciate beauty on an artistic level, so I can tell when a woman is attractive) teacher comes into view(I work at a school)

Him: "Would you do her?"

Me: "No."

Him: "Are you gay?"

Me: "No."

Him: "Then yes you would."

Me: Roll my eyes and ignore the comment.

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The thing that alaways annoyes me the most for me is not the "sex" stuff its just the lovey, dovey, whiney stuff, it just drives me crazy, expecally when im watching with a group there all, "Awww, how sweet" and im thinking " wheres the fast foward button"!

:blink:

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Pentachromacy

Today...

Medical Examiner: Jeez, that round went right through the kevlar shoulder joint plate.

Me: It's just a simple scratch on the skin right? I don't have to be here?

Medical Examiner: Looks that way. Maybe we can talk about how this happened over dinner? "With a lustful gleam in eyes."

Me: Maybe you can just let me go, before I inform the chief of medicine that you're hitting on your patients.

:aven:

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I now have my very first legitimate totally ACE moment.

Yesterday me and my mom and sister were watching Top Chef, and a commercial for the Real Housewives of Orange County came on. One of the housewives was trying to seduce this man 8 years younger than her, and I asked why she was doing that, since it looked like he could be her son, honestly. Allison said she was a cougar, and then went on to talk about a film one of her friends made that was called "Calling all Cougars", leaving me confused.

Now, when I heard her say "Cougar", my mind first went to the "Flying Cougars" team that were in the movie "DodgeBall".

Turns out that a cougar is actually a woman who craves sex from much younger men. Weird, huh?

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Mindy: Wouldn't you want to have his babies?

Me: Er . . . no.

Mindy: But I thought you liked him.

Me: I have positive feelings in his general direction, sure, but I don't want babies. Period.

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen
A cougar is a cat.

Take that one up with my aunt.

No, I'm not kidding.

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I just remembered one that's pretty classic. There's this T-shirt I saw that I thought was kinda funny for reasons other than what it was trying to be funny for. It said "Save a tree, eat a beaver." Took me years to finally realize what it actually meant and I only realized what it actually meant when someone pretty much spelled it out for me.

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I just remembered one that's pretty classic. There's this T-shirt I saw that I thought was kinda funny for reasons other than what it was trying to be funny for. It said "Save a tree, eat a beaver." Took me years to finally realize what it actually meant and I only realized what it actually meant when someone pretty much spelled it out for me.

Why would I want to eat a beaver? Wouldn't I choke on their big buck teeth that they cut the trees with?

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ButternutSquash
I just remembered one that's pretty classic. There's this T-shirt I saw that I thought was kinda funny for reasons other than what it was trying to be funny for. It said "Save a tree, eat a beaver." Took me years to finally realize what it actually meant and I only realized what it actually meant when someone pretty much spelled it out for me.

What does it mean? (seriously)

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Hallucigenia
I just remembered one that's pretty classic. There's this T-shirt I saw that I thought was kinda funny for reasons other than what it was trying to be funny for. It said "Save a tree, eat a beaver." Took me years to finally realize what it actually meant and I only realized what it actually meant when someone pretty much spelled it out for me.

What does it mean? (seriously)

A "beaver" is a slang term for female genitalia (but, then, what isn't?) so it was a reference to oral sex. Although it's funnier if you take it literally, because oral sex doesn't affect trees one way or the other.

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yeah I think I wrote about that one a few pages back... but I used to love that saying, "save a tree, eat a beaver," as I thought it was just made of silly randomness.... unfortunately I later found out they weren't referring to beavers at all!

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Watching Two and a Half Men, my little sister has to explain some of the jokes to me. I just remember this one:

Two people are laying in bed, when the man asks the woman to ask him out to a ceremony-thing;

Woman: *pretending to beg* "Will you please come with me..?"

Man: "Okay, but afterwards, we're discussing that ceremony!"

I just looked at her, "HUH?"

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen
I just remembered one that's pretty classic. There's this T-shirt I saw that I thought was kinda funny for reasons other than what it was trying to be funny for. It said "Save a tree, eat a beaver." Took me years to finally realize what it actually meant and I only realized what it actually meant when someone pretty much spelled it out for me.

What does it mean? (seriously)

A "beaver" is a slang term for female genitalia (but, then, what isn't?) so it was a reference to oral sex. Although it's funnier if you take it literally, because oral sex doesn't affect trees one way or the other.

"Beaver?" That doesn't even make sense! For crying out loud, what isn't a colloquialism for something sexual these days? *shakes fist at the world*

Watching Two and a Half Men, my little sister has to explain some of the jokes to me. I just remember this one:

Two people are laying in bed, when the man asks the woman to ask him out to a ceremony-thing;

Woman: *pretending to beg* "Will you please come with me..?"

Man: "Okay, but afterwards, we're discussing that ceremony!"

I just looked at her, "HUH?"

I agree, "huh?"

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I just remembered one that's pretty classic. There's this T-shirt I saw that I thought was kinda funny for reasons other than what it was trying to be funny for. It said "Save a tree, eat a beaver." Took me years to finally realize what it actually meant and I only realized what it actually meant when someone pretty much spelled it out for me.

What does it mean? (seriously)

A "beaver" is a slang term for female genitalia (but, then, what isn't?) so it was a reference to oral sex. Although it's funnier if you take it literally, because oral sex doesn't affect trees one way or the other.

"Beaver?" That doesn't even make sense! For crying out loud, what isn't a colloquialism for something sexual these days? *shakes fist at the world*

I guess it's actually been used for many many years. I think it was the 20s or 30s that that slang was used... I could be wrong though.

Watching Two and a Half Men, my little sister has to explain some of the jokes to me. I just remember this one:

Two people are laying in bed, when the man asks the woman to ask him out to a ceremony-thing;

Woman: *pretending to beg* "Will you please come with me..?"

Man: "Okay, but afterwards, we're discussing that ceremony!"

I just looked at her, "HUH?"

I agree, "huh?"

It's a joke referring to both parties orgasming at the same time.

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen
Watching Two and a Half Men, my little sister has to explain some of the jokes to me. I just remember this one:

Two people are laying in bed, when the man asks the woman to ask him out to a ceremony-thing;

Woman: *pretending to beg* "Will you please come with me..?"

Man: "Okay, but afterwards, we're discussing that ceremony!"

I just looked at her, "HUH?"

I agree, "huh?"

It's a joke referring to both parties orgasming at the same time.

I hate humanity. Seriously, that joke makes no sense to me. I really resent sex jokes because they make me feel so awkward when I have no idea what the deuce is going on. Am I just more ace than an amoeba or...

Oh, wait.

That took me a while.

Excuse me, I am going to go shower and turn on pure hot water to burn that out of my conscious mind forever. Or maybe I'll just slam my head repeatedly against a wall.

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The week after I first heard of the definition and defined myself as asexual, so many of these moments poped to my mind while I was thinking - stupid, it was so clear! How didn't you figure it out earlier? ><

I can't remember them all now, but here is one:

Before knowing I was asexual, I had a boyfriend for a month. Obviously, it didn't work out.

Anyhow, around that time I used to define myself as bi, being [not] attracted to both genders the same. One day, a friend of mine asked me why was I defining myself as bi. My answer was, "I'm keeping my options open. Who knows who I might fall inlove with, and I don't want to close my mind and get set on one gender". And he said that's fine and all, but have I ever been attracted to both genders? Actually, his exact [translated now, though] words were: "Well, we know you're attracted to guys, because you had a boyfriend. But have you ever been attracted to girls?" And my first thought was - actually, having a boyfriend doesn't say a thing about me being attracted to guys.

In retrospect, I just don't see how did I not understand it earlier in life :X

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen

I know I'm posting up a storm in this thread, but I had a bit of an ace moment last night. My nuclear family and I were eating cake around a table with my aunt and her boyfriend; this was part of my little brother's 8th birthday celebration. I was talking about how one of my college friend's birthdays was also on that day, at which point it came up that I would be 19 at my next birthday. My mom said she had heard that "nineteen [was] the sexiest word there is." My response was: "How can a word be sexually appealing?" And my mom went, "Well, it's not underage, but it's, you know, young enough..." and I was trying not to look confused/horrified when my aunt's boyfriend saved my ass by saying "Hey, that's you own daughter you're talking to!"

"How can a word be sexually appealing?" Gah...you*hear*but*do*you*listen for the fail...

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Oh, I remembered one!

When I was about 13, I think, it was the time when a lot of couples started to go out in our class.

So one day, one of my close friends asks me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I said no. He asked me why, to which I replied - it's stupid, it's not like it's gonna change anything about our relationship, we'll be exactly the same one with the other, besides the fact we'll be called "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". It's simpley stupid.

He was really insulted and that's probably where our friendly relationship ended.

[Only years from then I figured out he was trying to kiss me that day.]

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Shrine Maiden

This one I don't remember at all but my mom told me about it:

I was about 3-4 yrs old and playing in the park. Then a little boy comes and tries to hug me and tells me he wants to marry me at which point I kick at him and punch his face and go to my mom crying.

But here's a recent conversation:

Friend: You're moving to a new flat.

Me: Yeah

Friend: You'll buy a new bed *wink*

Me: Yeah

Friend: A double bed...*wink, wink*

Me: No, double's too big, don't need it, I'd rather put an extra bookcase.

Friend: ...

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I just dont understand all the sex jokes... What makes them funny? :huh: People talk about sex, and i just get confused... I dont see why its 'needed for marriage' and why people have to talk about it so much.

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evilminininja

Oh god... I have had plenty of ace moments:

1) I was in fourth grade and some I was introduced to the phrase "screw you." During gym, we were playing some form of dodgeball which I kick ass in, and everytime i hit a person i said screw you, which was everyone in the class. Afterwards I was humiliated when everyone was laughing at me asking "do you even know what that means?" Yikes, traumatizing!

2) Convo:

frined "why don't you date? So may guys like you"

Me "I don't date guys"

Friend "Oh... so you're gay..."

Me" What?"

From then, I have learned to phrase my sentences much better.

3) Yesterday:

Guy"Okay, here is a dirty pick up line: Hey, my ears are cold, let me use your thighs as earmuffs"

Me :blink: :blink:

Girl "Hahaha, stupid evilminininja! You don't get any, do you? nerd"<--- we are friends and she jokes with me all the time.

4) Pretty much every day in high school and middle school. There are so many new words that mean stuff I don't know. Like aflac, chode (ugh, i almost threw up at that one) and a million more that I just stopped caring. I like living in my own little head and having the highest grades...

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But here's a recent conversation:

Friend: You're moving to a new flat.

Me: Yeah

Friend: You'll buy a new bed *wink*

Me: Yeah

Friend: A double bed...*wink, wink*

Me: No, double's too big, don't need it, I'd rather put an extra bookcase.

Friend: ...

HA HA HA! I had the same thoughts! I had this twin bed I slept on all my life. When I was 21 or so, my mom finally convinced me to get a bigger bed, but she had to point out that my feet were hanging over the edge while I slept. It was comfortable, I didn't think it was a problem.

evilminininja:

WTF is "aflac" supposed to insinuate? A queef? I only know of the duck on the insurance commercials.

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evilminininja

I wasn't sure what aflac meant but a group of guys were shouting that towards me as I was walking down the hallway. Oh how I love highschool

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Today...

Medical Examiner: Jeez, that round went right through the kevlar shoulder joint plate.

Me: It's just a simple scratch on the skin right? I don't have to be here?

Medical Examiner: Looks that way. Maybe we can talk about how this happened over dinner? "With a lustful gleam in eyes."

Me: Maybe you can just let me go, before I inform the chief of medicine that you're hitting on your patients.

:aven:

good for you!

what did your doctor do then? i bet the look on their face was priceless

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"Ah, imagine sex in the shower"

"That would cost a lot in hot water bills"

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