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46 minutes ago, SunlitMoonlight said:

when i came across those "for those of you who had your sexual awakenings cause by..." articles on buzzfeed.

and i'd seen the movies and being very ace was like "uuuhh what is this 'awakening' you speak of" so i read it and did you know this one person had their sexual awakening like at age 11  and im over here being very ace and 17 and i just found it extremely mind boggling

 

 

Yes the whole "awakening" thing is most unclear, unless of course it is from a well deserved nap, that is the only awakening I understand.

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Just for the heck of it I went to some chat rooms I used to, and it didn't take long before I felt like I knew part of why I left there and didn't feel like going back. Someone talks to me and says they're looking for something new, and then later I find out what they mean (that they're 'horny'), and wanted to have a good time aside form her husband. 'Sigh'.

I underestimated how tired I am of sexual stuff. Would be nice if there were more nice places to chat where it's not mostly what people are after.

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Just wanted to say you guys REALLY help sometimes, just by existing 👍 It still happens that close family members say stuff like “Why don’t you want to be with someone? Romantic relationships are nature’s way, why go against it?” But now I can respond “And what about all these people in the aven community that have a similar opinion to mine? Are we all against nature???” And they kinda shut up 😂 They love me, but damn, some things we don’t see eye to eye hahah. It’s alright, it never gets more offensive than this. It can still suck, but that’s how far they go.

 

And yes, I’m aware many aven members are in relationships or open to them, I was referring to the ones that aren’t interested altogether. You all rock though!

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9 minutes ago, Barbara101 said:

Just wanted to say you guys REALLY help sometimes, just by existing 👍 It still happens that close family members say stuff like “Why don’t you want to be with someone? Romantic relationships are nature’s way, why go against it?” But now I can respond “And what about all these people in the aven community that have a similar opinion to mine? Are we all against nature???” And they kinda shut up 😂 They love me, but damn, some things we don’t see eye to eye hahah. It’s alright, it never gets more offensive than this. It can still suck, but that’s how far they go.

 

And yes, I’m aware many aven members are in relationships or open to them, I was referring to the ones that aren’t interested altogether. You all rock though!

That'd be aromantic people, since they're not driven to want romantic relationships. Many asexuals love romance and want relationships.

 

It's good if you can feel like it's ok to be how you are though.

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10 hours ago, Barbara101 said:

 And yes, I’m aware many aven members are in relationships or open to them, I was referring to the ones that aren’t interested altogether. You all rock though!

 

10 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

That'd be aromantic people, since they're not driven to want romantic relationships. Many asexuals love romance and want relationships.

It was about 13 years after I identified as asexual before I looked into what 'aromantic' was. It was a major facepalm moment for me. "I've been aro since my early 20s! I just didn't know it". (I was 57 at the time)

 

When friends were 'pairing up' I had no interest. Yes I had girl 'friends' but that was all we were, friends.

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I've got four close straight friends who've never been in a relationship, which makes me - an aroace who once ended up in a rather awkward relationship for a few months - the group's top guru in all things romantic. As my friends are going through their often short-lived adventures in the murky waters of dating, they come to me with their troubles and questions.

 

Recently I've been approached with inquiries starting with things like "master, please help me" or "answer this, sensei". Time after time I remind them that I honestly have no idea how they should tactically approach flirting or what would be the proper plan for their second date, and that as a matter of fact they'd be better off asking anyone but me.

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14 hours ago, Onomatopoet said:

and that as a matter of fact they'd be better off asking anyone but me.

Hm, this makes me wonder... I also often find myself in a position where friends spill their relationship woes and I do feel that - regardless of my orientation and lack of experience - I do give valid advice. To myself I tend to explain this as having a neutral outside view, unrestricted by personal (bad?) experiences or expectations. As such, I sometimes feel even more qualified tht allosexuals, because I offer a sort-of-scientific or at least neutral perspective on their issues. So maybe it is not despite, but because of your orientation that your friends seek your expert advice?

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9 hours ago, Concinnity said:

To myself I tend to explain this as having a neutral outside view, unrestricted by personal (bad?) experiences or expectations. As such, I sometimes feel even more qualified tht allosexuals

At least this is what I tell my friends, hah. Might be some truth to it too, but at the very least it's a quality joke so thanks for bringing it up!

One time an allo friend studying to be a doctor half-convinced me that aces have been crucial in human evolution as they haven't been bothered by romantic drama and have focused on fostering orphans and taking care of the community. Probably far from the truth but I love the idea.

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1 minute ago, Onomatopoet said:

Probably far from the truth but I love the idea.

Seems like evolutionary self-harm to produce asexual individuals to raise sexual offspring, resulting in a genetic dead-end of the asexual genes.

 

However, and reminding me of yet another "hindsight is 20/20" prime asexual moment:
Ducks (Mallards?) quite frequently form male pairs that steal the offspring (of one of these males) from the female in order to raise them with a much higher success rate than male-female pairs (due to having two strong protectors).

I tried to give this as an example to my dad once for the natural occurence of homosexuality outside of just the human race and its self-worth in humanity. He was incredulous that I would define homosexuality as two individuals (ducks) of the same gender raising non-biological kids together because.. wait for it... those male ducks don't have sex with each other! Well, it was obvious to him, but for me, I was like... "Sex? Why would they need sex for a partnership?" Duh.

 

I didn't say that out loud though. For me it made perfect sense. Guess those ducks really are just homoromantic, then?

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2 hours ago, Concinnity said:

the asexual genes.

 

Ace genes? Curious idea! I've always thought of aceness as rather a lack of specific genes combined with growing up environment.

 

This is a quality duck story (or Ducktale if you will). I've never gotten used to people seeing sex as such a fundamental part of relationships. Also the story reminded me of this 100% unrelated yet amazing video:

 

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2 hours ago, Concinnity said:

Seems like evolutionary self-harm to produce asexual individuals to raise sexual offspring, resulting in a genetic dead-end of the asexual genes.

Evolution happens at the level of populations, not individuals. If the population does better when there are some individuals with a particular trait, then that trait will be likely to persist in a percentage of the population. Granted, a trait that is controlled by a dominant allele on a single gene and that prevents the individual from reproducing would be unlikely to persist, but most traits are not that simple. 

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3 hours ago, Concinnity said:

Seems like evolutionary self-harm to produce asexual individuals to raise sexual offspring, resulting in a genetic dead-end of the asexual genes.

 

Are you familiar with the gay uncle hypothesis? the idea is that an animal that isn't interested in having children with thus have more resources, and be able to help out their siblings children, resulting in a greater number of surviving children in that family.

 

Basically, having gay or ace kids reduces the amount of grandchildren born, but increases the number of surviving grandchildren. So having some chance for it to occur is a net benefit.

 

And of course, we aren't slaves to genes and evolution.

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lilsciencenerd

already posted but would like to add:

 

I grew up fantasizing about the hot boys in my school liking me.....so that I could reject them and assert my Powerful Woman-ness. I daydreamed about how I would reject them and how cool my classmates would think I was. not one of those daydreams ended with me & a boy getting together. HAHA anna u absolute idiot how did you not even suspect you were ace

 

I did this my entire childhood/school life and only made this connection today. at least I'm consistently dumb;) 

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Question was asked today among my friends: 
"Are you a boobs or butt person?"
Me: "neither, but I like muscles" XD

Honestly feels like they were objectifying people but I guess it's a preference thing. I just cannot understand this question lol

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This might be gross I don't know

Spoiler

Another time my friends (who were all lesbian and bi) were talking about whether they were a top or a bottom.  They asked me what I was, and I was about to ask if participating was mandatory, but someone said I was probably a bottom so I just went with it.  Anyways, later I tried to imagine myself doing it, and I can't at all, everyone is fully dressed, I am watching it from a third person perspective, neither of the people look like me, but the person on the bottom has a confused and slightly scared expression, and it's a cartoon. It's also frozen in place so they aren't even making out.

"I grew up fantasizing about the hot boys in my school liking me.....so that I could reject them and assert my Powerful Woman-ness. I daydreamed about how I would reject them and how cool my classmates would think I was. not one of those daydreams ended with me & a boy getting together. HAHA anna u absolute idiot how did you not even suspect you were ace"

I DO THE SAME EXACT THING LITERALLY ALL THE TIME

 

Also, does anyone know of a petition to change the abbreviation bf to mean best friend instead of boyfriend? lol

 

Edited by Catradora worshipper
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Just now, Catradora worshipper said:

This might be gross I don't know

  Reveal hidden contents

Another time my friends (who were all lesbian and bi) were talking about whether they were a top or a bottom.  They asked me what I was, and I was about to ask if participating was mandatory, but someone said I was probably a bottom so I just went with it.  Anyways, later I tried to imagine myself doing it, and I can't at all, everyone is fully dressed, I am watching it from a third person perspective, neither of the people look like me, but the person on the bottom has a confused and slightly scared expression, and it's a cartoon. It's also frozen in place so they aren't even making out.

I DO THE SAME EXACT THING LITERALLY ALL THE TIME

 

Also, does anyone know of a petition to change the abbreviation bf to mean best friend instead of boyfriend?

 

Just use bff, since it already exists. ;)

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2 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Just use bff, since it already exists. ;)

haha I'm dumb 🤦‍♀️

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3 minutes ago, Catradora worshipper said:

haha I'm dumb 🤦‍♀️

Nah you just want good friends to be more common :)
*hug*

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3 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Nah you just want good friends to be more common :)
*hug*

*hug*

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On 11/1/2020 at 1:58 PM, Onomatopoet said:

I've got four close straight friends who've never been in a relationship, which makes me - an aroace who once ended up in a rather awkward relationship for a few months - the group's top guru in all things romantic. As my friends are going through their often short-lived adventures in the murky waters of dating, they come to me with their troubles and questions.

 

Recently I've been approached with inquiries starting with things like "master, please help me" or "answer this, sensei". Time after time I remind them that I honestly have no idea how they should tactically approach flirting or what would be the proper plan for their second date, and that as a matter of fact they'd be better off asking anyone but me.

I also had an allo friend ask me about his breakup (prior to me knowing about asexuality and never having a girlfriend). Other aces have posted the same. I don't know if they're asking us because we give off some signal :P or just because we're friends.

Edited by will123
added 'never having a girlfriend'
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2 hours ago, will123 said:

I also had an allo friend ask me about his breakup (prior to me knowing about asexuality and never having a girlfriend). Other aces have posted the same. I don't know if they're asking us because we give off some signal :P or just because we're friends.

Last time a friend asked me for relationship advice was probably in the early 1970s. :P 

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52 minutes ago, daveb said:

Last time a friend asked me for relationship advice was probably in the early 1970s. :P 

Does that bother you? :P

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56 minutes ago, daveb said:

Last time a friend asked me for relationship advice was probably in the early 1970s. :P 

I've only come out to one person so far, a close friend I consider a sister. And a large part of coming out to her was because she constantly came to me for advice. It was kinda funny, cause I first told her that I truly wasn't qualified because any advice I could give would be from a logical and rational perspective. And imo relationships seem devoid of any logic in the first place, lol. :blink:

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Anarchist Kaos

I was with some friends hanging out and one of them made a comment about how I'm actually fairly attractive and she doesn't understand how I don't have a girlfriend, one of my other friends responded by saying that maybe I like guys and the last one just said "I don't he likes anyone", at which point someone else just switched the topic as I was panicking wondering if they'd think I'm dumb for if I said I really don't like anyone that way.

 

I'm not really out to my IRL friends, I don't feel they need to know, they know I'm probably not straight since I tend to be fairly androgynous and very much play up those aspects of my appearance, I mean I even wear make-up sometimes, but I'm pretty sure they think I'm gay or bi.

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2 hours ago, will123 said:

Does that bother you? :P

Nope. I just meant, I guess I don't give off any signal that makes people confide in me for relationship advice. Not that I have many friends either. Just an observation, no judgement. 

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9 minutes ago, daveb said:

Nope. I just meant, I guess I don't give off any signal that makes people confide in me for relationship advice. Not that I have many friends either. Just an observation, no judgement. 

I only had it happen once and that was back in the late 90s.

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I haven't really been asked any questions regarding relationships by anyone, let alone my friends, though when it comes to my friends, they're either single, or have no real issues with their relationships (one has been married for..... 30 years, I think(?), another has a bf in Ireland while he lives in the UK, and another has a bf (AFAIK) and a kid- the rest are single).  Most I've had was one of my friends (the one who has a kid) telling me about how her (now ex-)bf was being an asshole and a bit controlling (criticizing her interests and appearances, demanding she stop hanging out with certain people, stuff like that) and I told her what I thought of the situation (basically that the guy was being an asshole and that she shouldn't change anything about herself because of that).  I did ask her about it, though, and she said that she'd talked about it with some of her friends irl too, so it's not like she was asking me for advice- more that she just needed to talk about it with someone.

 

17 hours ago, meningalmadi said:

Question was asked today among my friends: 
"Are you a boobs or butt person?"
Me: "neither, but I like muscles" XD

Honestly feels like they were objectifying people but I guess it's a preference thing. I just cannot understand this question lol

It's more that some people care more about asses when it comes to physical/sexual attraction and others care more about boobs.

 

And I agree with you, muscles are nice- specifically on women (imo, at least)

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13 hours ago, Osiyo_Waya said:

I've only come out to one person so far, a close friend I consider a sister. And a large part of coming out to her was because she constantly came to me for advice. It was kinda funny, cause I first told her that I truly wasn't qualified because any advice I could give would be from a logical and rational perspective. And imo relationships seem devoid of any logic in the first place, lol. :blink:

I'm considering coming out to my brother purely because he keeps trying to talk to me about his romantic life as if I should understand his (a straight person's) perspective and it's getting a bit annoying.

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6 minutes ago, Cee Fox said:

I'm considering coming out to my brother purely because he keeps trying to talk to me about his romantic life as if I should understand his (a straight person's) perspective and it's getting a bit annoying.

Sounds like my thinking who I first came out to. My friend who had in the past thought his romantic pairings would interest me.

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16 hours ago, daveb said:

Nope. I just meant, I guess I don't give off any signal that makes people confide in me for relationship advice. Not that I have many friends either. Just an observation, no judgement. 

I honestly wish this was the case for me, lol.

 

For whatever reason, I seem to give off a very approachable vibe. Friends tend to come to me for advice a lot, and I remember back in school kids who I swore I had never said a word to would know my name and just start conversations with me out of nowhere. I couldn't tell you how many times I'd be out in public, and some random stranger will just start chatting with me casually as if we're old buds catching up. I'm a low key, keep to themselves type of person, and I always seem to stand out in a crowd. I mean, I suppose there are worse ways to be received, but still, it's odd.

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