Davida Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 I see this thread is way old, but maybe some of you are still around. I am brand new to AVEN. I can see how absence of a dirty mind and obliviousness to innuendo are indicative of ace tendencies. The other day I was catching up with a recently divorced friend who was telling me last time I saw him that he is trying to meet a younger woman to date because he wants to have more kids. I had to refrain from asking him, "Have you found a nice young lady to inseminate yet?" On the other hand, I am usually the one to make the dirty joke. In fact, I sometimes feel it's a compulsive habit where I need to filter what I say depending on the circumstances. I believe it's due to grossly overcompensating to pass as sexually normative for so long. Like if I brought some nastier-than-thou attitude to the scene and made people laugh, I wouldn't have to experience the pain of feeling like a damaged weirdo so much. I do think dick jokes are honestly hilarious, though. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 @Piece of Cake i hate that word its disgusting. 🙅🏻♀️ I’m so thankful to be asexual and mostly only talk to people that are the same for that very reason. The language is cleaner and isn’t disgusting Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Solitary Lotus Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 @Davida I think you were looking at the beginning of this thread. When you click on the initial link it shows you the posts made at the thread’s inception . You have to go to the last page of it to find the new stuff. Also welcome, we’re so glad that you joined! Here’s some customary cake! 🎂🎂🎂 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bronztrooper Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 On 10/15/2019 at 9:32 AM, Laplace said: Yeah, after college I never want to have to share a bedroom ever again. Snoring, going to sleep at weird times, etc. That’s just having someone sleep in a SEPARATE bed in the same bedroom. Like, the fact I’d have to potentially SHARE a BED with someone while in a relationship or after a one-night stand is probably enough on its own to deter me from both. Also, I apparently kick my feet a lot when I sleep so that’d be problematic too 😆. I've had to share places and sometimes beds with multiple people (mostly family) for all my life, so living on my own is something I really want, but can't afford. It's generally not an issue in terms of sleeping (though, with the young kid in the house (she just turned 4 today), my sleeping schedule has taken a big hit due to having to watch her), but my issue is not really having any real sense of privacy. Hell, I haven't had a proper bed and/or room of my own for the better part of 8 years now and atm, my PS4 (which I bought with my own money) is used more by others than by myself, which is very frustrating. Really, having my own place seems more like fantasy and a possibility. As for decorating rooms, I never really had anything for the walls or anything due to having to move every couple of years or so- honestly, I didn't really have much of anything that was 'for show', so I can't really relate to the posters and stuff on bedroom walls. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fraggle Underdark Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Personally I don't mind sharing a bed with a partner but I'm a furnace so cuddling while sleeping is just a recipe for waking up in sweat. Quote i hate that word its disgusting. 🙅🏻♀️ I’m so thankful to be asexual and mostly only talk to people that are the same for that very reason. The language is cleaner and isn’t disgusting I'm demi but I dislike it too, and it's obviously not even close to the worst out there. Huh I hadn't thought of this before but being gray-A might have something to do with my dislike for words like that. I don't mind sex and with the right person I've enjoyed it but I always feel awkward describing it or the relevant anatomy. I go with the medical terms but that feels strange too, in context. And when a partner tried to get me to talk dirty I was like "how about no". Definitely...not happening. I get that it's roleplay and doesn't require actual sexism or being dismissive of a partner but still no. I used to feel like a prude for that but maybe that's some of the gray-A. With respect to having hot people on walls that always felt way too personal for me. I've had sexual attraction for one real person and some fictional characters but why on earth would I put sexy posters on my walls? I don't need to advertise my sexual feelings to others! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
naakka Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 3 hours ago, fragglerock said: And when a partner tried to get me to talk dirty I was like "how about no". Definitely...not happening. I get that it's roleplay and doesn't require actual sexism or being dismissive of a partner but still no. I used to feel like a prude for that but maybe that's some of the gray-A. I think the main point in roleplay/dirty talking is sexual chemistry. As an ace I can get in theory why people like that stuff, and I also get it's just play and "not real". But I still don't have any desire to participate myself as I lack the sexual chemistry towards anyone, so there's nothing to play with for me. It would feel just awkward, uniteresting and forced. Like when you were a kid and a relative bought you the type of toy you had absolutely no interest in - you knew how to play with it but playing with it gave no true pleasure for you and you just pretended to please someone else. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zagadka Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 i find that sexual language still has an impact. If nothing else, it can make people uncomfortable (especially sex repulsed people), even if they aren't interested in sex. I feel some kind of tingle, good or bad, from overly sexual things. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
naakka Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 2 minutes ago, Zagadka said: i find that sexual language still has an impact. If nothing else, it can make people uncomfortable (especially sex repulsed people), even if they aren't interested in sex. I feel some kind of tingle, good or bad, from overly sexual things. I feel like I can sometimes enjoy it on movies, books etc (like, how clever people can be writing the dialogue and how strong chemistry the characters seem to have), but I'm not the artist myself 😂 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fraggle Underdark Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 (edited) Trying to figure out for myself why I mind a lot of those words. I think it has to do with the fact that for me sex is something inherently connected to respect and affection and there's nothing even dirty about it. And some of those words would be fine on their own, e.g. referring to something by using another word for cat. But allosexual use of those words so frequently has different connotations and it feels hard to escape those connotations if I use the word. Talking dirty is a further extension of that by deliberately talking to someone in a way that does not imply respect or affection. I would be very grossed out if I personally talked that way, even in role-play. But on top of that if the role-play is supposed to involve the degradation or humiliation of the other person then my personal emotional response is "so why on earth would I want to have sex with them?" ETA: I hope this was clear from previous discussion but I don't look down on people who are into kink or approach sex differently. These are just my feelings about what behaviors and experiences I personally have. My feeling is honestly "that's totally fine for other people but for me nope". Edited October 17, 2019 by fragglerock 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
iyote Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 I keep catching myself thinking that asexuality is the default sexuality. For instance, I'll think of my friends as ace until they say something clearly allo, and then I'll be surprised. When I was thinking of coming out, I caught myself thinking that there wasn't really a point to coming out since being asexual is standard / the default assumption. Because it's been subconsciously ingrained in my head that most people are like me, and I can't wrap my mind around the concept that sexual attraction is a real thing that the vast majority of people experience. 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fraggle Underdark Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 @iyote Haha yes I used to do that all the time. It's easy sometimes not to see allosexuality, e.g. my coworkers most of the time in the office. And then we'd go out for a happy hour and the stories and the flirting come out and I'd be like "oh yeah they're allosexual all the time even if they don't look it". Plus, I think some part of my mind wants to just assume people are asexual because then it doesn't have to keep in mind this other level. I could just ignore their sexuality, usually, but I like being able to understand and predict people and that means having an awareness of what they're thinking and that means having an awareness of their allosexuality. e.g. when two of your allo friends are dancing together in the corner and gazing into each other's eyes then their libidos are probably up and they're going to be really focused on what they're currently doing. That activity right there might justify the whole evening for them. And a part of my mind is like "it seems like a lot of work to keep all that in mind, do I have to?" 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 The only poster I have on my bedroom walls is the periodic table of the elements. Putting a person on my walls would be rather stressing. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pheedre Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 2 hours ago, iyote said: I keep catching myself thinking that asexuality is the default sexuality. For instance, I'll think of my friends as ace until they say something clearly allo, and then I'll be surprised. When I was thinking of coming out, I caught myself thinking that there wasn't really a point to coming out since being asexual is standard / the default assumption. Because it's been subconsciously ingrained in my head that most people are like me, and I can't wrap my mind around the concept that sexual attraction is a real thing that the vast majority of people experience. God I wish! Lol, I can't get AWAY from sex being thrown in my face between social media and TV etc, and my perverted coworkers lol. Can i switch with you?? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Rather than swapping pictures of intimate body parts, swapping pictures of our pets 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anommamous Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 4 hours ago, Poe's Creep Meta said: The only poster I have on my bedroom walls is the periodic table of the elements. Putting a person on my walls would be rather stressing. Having the periodic table on my wall would be stressful to me LOL 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 44 minutes ago, Anommamous said: Having the periodic table on my wall would be stressful to me LOL Haha, it's just me liking weird stuff I guess! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anommamous Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 47 minutes ago, Poe's Creep Meta said: Haha, it's just me liking weird stuff I guess! Nah, not weird. Currently I'm taking a Chemistry class, and I don't like the instructor's style. Consequently, I'm having a hard time with it. I can't wait to never walk into a chem class again! 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ColeHW34 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 6 hours ago, Poe's Creep Meta said: The only poster I have on my bedroom walls is the periodic table of the elements. Putting a person on my walls would be rather stressing. Same. Or actually have the actual elements except the particularly nasty "blow up in your face", "eat through your skin" or "give you radiation poisoning" kind of elements. Then maybe get a indoor garden type thing. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 6 minutes ago, Member114264 said: Same. Or actually have the actual elements except the particularly nasty "blow up in your face", "eat through your skin" or "give you radiation poisoning" kind of elements. Then maybe get a indoor garden type thing. That reminded me of xkcd's periodic wall of the elements ^^ 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ColeHW34 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 16 minutes ago, Poe's Creep Meta said: That reminded me of xkcd's periodic wall of the elements ^^ I guess it does, doesn't it? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
iyote Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 51 minutes ago, Pheedre said: God I wish! Lol, I can't get AWAY from sex being thrown in my face between social media and TV etc, and my perverted coworkers lol. Can i switch with you?? Nah I get that sometimes too. I'm just persistently dense about it. My friends will make sex jokes or sexual comments occasionally, and it only really occurred to me recently that they actually experience sexual attraction, and they're probably serious about some of their remarks. I just figured they were ALL jokes. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pcctheant Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 My friend made me read a part of this book and I thought it was just two people kissing in a closet. Turns out they were having sex. I then became extremely confused because literally all I knew about that series was that scene and eventually people kiss on the Ferris Wheel. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fraggle Underdark Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 @pcctheant Do you mean that people kiss on the ferris wheel in the series, or that you thought kissing on the ferris wheel meant sex IRL? BTW welcome! Per tradition, welcome cake 🍰 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cp1213 Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Friend: You should be in a sexual relationship with him. Me: You meant an asexual relationship lol. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Amy94 Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 My two best friends are very different - one doesn't like talking about personal things in public or discussing things like periods at all, the other is the opposite and always making sex jokes. I'm probably in between, in that I don't really mind but I'm not very aware of the language. I remember in secondary school (when I would have been around 13/14) some girls in my class asked me if I had met any boys, and I was like 'Well obviously, i don't just only know females' and then later I found out 'met' was the slang for french kissing - I was actually told that by my younger sister. And whenever I see new terms on the internet, I always ask my friend to google them, since I don't like googling things if there is any chance it could be sex related. Also, is that movie you're talking about Love Simon? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ElasticPlanet Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 On 10/17/2019 at 6:43 AM, iyote said: I keep catching myself thinking that asexuality is the default sexuality. For instance, I'll think of my friends as ace until they say something clearly allo, and then I'll be surprised. Yeah... I mean, in the 4 years or so that I've known what the words 'sexual attraction' actually mean, I'm still somehow surprised every single time I come across someone who actually experiences that. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Barbio Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 Spoiler alert, don't read this if you haven't made it all the way to the end of Spyro: Year of the Dragon: Spoiler I (finally!) beat the third Spyro game today, and I couldn't stop giggling over Spyro's reaction to seeing Hunter and Bianca kissing. "Another hero falls victim to the plague of love"? That sounds exactly like something a purple dragon would say. Spoiler Also, I want to tell Bianca that she shouldn't date Hunter because "he's a cheat-ah". /end corny jokes Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 It’s kinda hilarious how devoid my life is of romance and sex. My parents have been divorced for the majority of my life (and none of them are dating anyone or planning on remarrying), my brother is not dating anyone (to my knowledge), and I have never been in a relationship. It just has zero presence unless it’s introduced by an outside force. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MCLoves Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 I hate shirtless guys. Can’t stand them at all, be it in real life or in movies, games, etc. Drives me crazy. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MCLoves Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Sex scenes in movies disgust me. Hearing people I know talk about having sex with their significant other is disgusting. That stuff’s personal and none of my business. I shouldn’t see or hear anything about it. It’s gross. Don’t involve me. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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