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Custard Cream

I think I do need to wise up to the horrid fact that not everyone here is genuine. I greet a lot of married newcomers, as I understand the issues from first hand experience. As a direct result, I get a fair number of PMs both from married aces and from sexuals that have married aces. The price I have to accept for supporting people who needs to talk about intimate issues is the risk of playing into the hands of someone nasty.

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Mentioning that I once rented Dude, Where’s My Car? at the age of about 15 has trigged an old memory. There was one scene where a young teenage boy mumbled "I need to be alone now” after being caught fondling a pair of breasts. I thought to myself: “No wonder he needs to think about what he’s done. I’d be pretty embarrassed if that had happened to me!” It should surprise nobody that I have zero interest in masturbation.

 

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15 hours ago, CustardCream said:

I had a bit of a panic yesterday when an Ace friend asked if I realised my avatar (an anime demon) was 'sexy'. 

I was utterly startled and a bit horrified, and if true, it may explain why I was targeted a while ago with dirty PM's. I still don't see that particular demon anime image as sexy. Ah well. #incrediblyacemoments

 Mind you, I had started feeling bad about appropriating someone else's artwork, so I am now a demonic cookie... anyone finding that sexy has a bit of a problem. 

Wait wait. That anime demon was supposed to be "sexy"???
And here I thought it was just cute... People are weird...

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nerdperson777
On 4/13/2019 at 4:06 AM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

It's a drool face on mobile xD

I'm on PC and I still see drooling

 

On 4/14/2019 at 6:16 PM, mistyyy_dayyy said:

When i was little i REALLY wanted to join a convent and become a nun (despite being atheist). i just really wanted an excuse to never have sex

In a senior banquet, I was the only "girl" not wearing a dress.  Some parent said that I looked like a nun.  I was just wearing pretty much all black dress shirt, pants, and shoes.  It was my orchestra attire.  I'm not sure how I looked like a nun.

 

On 4/15/2019 at 7:34 AM, nineGardens said:

Random moments at highschool:

Mathematics teacher explaining how the formula sheet will be in the middle of the exam, and can be removed and used throughout the exam, and that we are free to take home the centerfold.

Rest of class: gets it.

Me: blinks.

Teacher: rolls eyes.

I still don't get it even after being told that it's about the centerhold.

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8 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

That is soo inappropriate.  Especially on AVEN of all places.  I don't understand what year these fools think they're living in.  Have they not heard of porn sites?  It's FREE.  They don't have to bother aces on an ace website.  Which leads me to believe they are messing with people here on purpose.  *smh*

I'm sure there are hundreds if not thousands of methods people like the second one I was contacted by can connect with like minded people. Why trawl/troll a forum for asexuals, of all places?

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On 4/14/2019 at 9:16 PM, mistyyy_dayyy said:

When i was little i REALLY wanted to join a convent and become a nun (despite being atheist). i just really wanted an excuse to never have sex

Reading a quote of this triggered a thought from my teens. I was between college and my first job and had four months off. I was at a friend's parents' house with a bunch of my friends. Someone asked me what I was going to do for four months.

 

My friend's father said, "Bible college". Everyone including me was puzzled.

 

"You could be a preacher. You dont drink, smoke or chase girls", and he tagged me with a nickname that has stuck to this day.

 

In the years since I will drink alcohol...

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Bronztrooper
1 hour ago, will123 said:

Reading a quote of this triggered a thought from my teens. I was between college and my first job and had four months off. I was at a friend's parents' house with a bunch of my friends. Someone asked me what I was going to do for four months.

 

My friend's father said, "Bible college". Everyone including me was puzzled.

 

"You could be a preacher. You dont drink, smoke or chase girls", and he tagged me with a nickname that has stuck to this day.

 

In the years since I will drink alcohol...

If it'd been me, I'd have flat out said that I'm athiest.

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9 minutes ago, Bronztrooper said:

If it'd been me, I'd have flat out said that I'm athiest.

LOL I've never really put much thought into religion. My parents weren't overly religious either.

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Bronztrooper
3 hours ago, will123 said:

LOL I've never really put much thought into religion. My parents weren't overly religious either.

I'm pretty sure my dad is athiest, but all I know for sure about my mom is that she was baptized Protestant.  Religion never really came up, but my dad always jokes about taking us to church (even though I'm pretty sure he never went to church himself).

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Putting my modly hat on here. Having caught up on the overnight conversation, can I remind everyone that should you receive inappropriate messages please report them. Staff cannot see personal messages unless either, we are included in the conversation, or the recipient reports it. Sky 

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Custard Cream
5 hours ago, will123 said:

I'm sure there are hundreds if not thousands of methods people like the second one I was contacted by can connect with like minded people. Why trawl/troll a forum for asexuals, of all places?

My thoughts on this tend to go to really dark places now I have been forced to think about it.  I am sure it's only actually a few stray individuals just having some sick fun, but hypothetically at least:

a) we are real people, being ourselves, posting very personal and intimate things. Anyone joining the forum can follow and usually PM anyone they like.

b) we are often confused by sexual advances, which means we can be slow to realise we are being manipulated.

c) many of us are virgins, and none of us want sex. I don't want to say anything else there, but there are people who would get off on the thought of that.

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa
17 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

WTF??  I'm starting to wonder if allos are signing up on AVEN just for sh*ts & giggles.  I know for a fact there are some here who aren't ace and neither are their current partners.  They're usually the ones who get their kicks from heckling everybody in the forums.  *smh*

Yes there are more than a few...it's the equivalent of the old 'Bedlam hospital' days to them.

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ChaoticHetergenousMixture
3 hours ago, Quasar.w said:

And on the topic of being 'too quiet, not talkative, not smiling much':

It really messed with my self-esteem getting such comments over and over again while growing up because it made being me aka very introverted and not that sociable or talkative into something negative and something I should change, which I simply can't. I can act more outgoing and talk to people more and stuff but it's just that, ACTING. And it's pretty exhausting!! Forcing myself to fit in has damaged relationships, my mental health and never worked anyway. So when people complain about that nowadays it just really ticks me off... when I feel like it I try to explain why I am like this but some people are just ignorant af!

 Some examples:

 I've been described as 'quite quiet' once, which I actually find kinda funny because it's almost the same word but completely different meaning... english is weird sometimes.

People forced me to be more sociable as a child and teen, to which I can only say: PLEASE NEVER DO THAT TO YOUR KID/STUDENT/WHATEVER!!

 A (very extroverted) male study colleague once actually complained about me talking so little out of (in my head) no-where which was so weird and just why?? Does it really hurt peoples feelings if I don't say anything when I don't feel as if I could contribute something to the conversation or just don't have anything to say??

 SMALLTALK IS HELL. the end.

 I don't think I have a 'resting bitch face', or at least no one has ever said so, but rather a 'resting blank face' due to not being very expressive through my face (or body language) since INTROVERSION:ph34r: I remember one time in (~)high school where a classmate asked me if I was happy and I answered yes, because I actually felt quite well that moment, but she then said 'well, then smile more'. Like, what? Why is that a problem? I know it makes me hard to read but running around smiling all day just feels so artificial to me...

  

And I've never understood the 'OMG I can't talk to people of the opposite sex', as if we were different species or something. Like seriously. I tend to get along better with men or let's just say 'not that feminine people', probably due to being more of a tomboy myself Idk. But as long as we share similar interests and your nice and respectful and just not a douchebag I might talk to you... if I'm not busy non-socializing in my head:P

YES! I've felt this way most of my life!!

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Emi68912706
On 4/16/2019 at 3:42 PM, Quasar.w said:

And on the topic of being 'too quiet, not talkative, not smiling much':

It really messed with my self-esteem getting such comments over and over again while growing up because it made being me aka very introverted and not that sociable or talkative into something negative and something I should change, which I simply can't. I can act more outgoing and talk to people more and stuff but it's just that, ACTING. And it's pretty exhausting!! Forcing myself to fit in has damaged relationships, my mental health and never worked anyway. So when people complain about that nowadays it just really ticks me off... when I feel like it I try to explain why I am like this but some people are just ignorant af!

Some examples:

I've been described as 'quite quiet' once, which I actually find kinda funny because it's almost the same word but completely different meaning... english is weird sometimes.

People forced me to be more sociable as a child and teen, to which I can only say: PLEASE NEVER DO THAT TO YOUR KID/STUDENT/WHATEVER!!

A (very extroverted) male study colleague once actually complained about me talking so little out of (in my head) no-where which was so weird and just why?? Does it really hurt peoples feelings if I don't say anything when I don't feel as if I could contribute something to the conversation or just don't have anything to say??

SMALLTALK IS HELL. the end.

I don't think I have a 'resting bitch face', or atleast no one has ever said so, but rather a 'resting blank face' due to not being very expressive through my face (or body language) since INTROVERSION:ph34r: I remember one time in (~)high school where a classmate asked me if I was happy and I answered yes, because I actually felt quite well that moment, but she then said 'well, then smile more'. Like, what? Why is that a problem? I know it makes me hard to read but running around smiling all day just feels so artificial to me...

 

And I've never understood the 'OMG I can't talk to people of the opposite sex', as if we were different species or something. Like seriously. I tend to get along better with men or let's just say 'not that feminine people', probably due to being more of a tomboy myself Idk. But as long as we share similar interests and your nice and respectful and just not a douchebag I might talk to you... if I'm not busy non-socializing in my head:P

You have perfectly described me too. I can't count the number of times people have said that I'm too quiet. It can get super annoying. Are they telling me because they think I don't know?? I have never understood why people feel the need to fill the silence. If I don't have something to add to a conversation, I'm not going to speak up. Some people seem to just blabber on about nonsense for no reason. I also have been told multiple times that I don't smile enough. Even if I'm perfectly happy, it's just not natural for me to plaster a smile on my face. 

Edited by Emi68912706
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57 minutes ago, Emi68912706 said:

You have perfectly described me too. I can't count the number of times people have said that I'm too quiet. It can get super annoying. Are they telling me because they think I don't know?? I have never understood why people feel the need to fill the silence. If I don't have something to add to a conversation, I'm not going to speak up. Some people seem to just blabber on about nonsense for no reason. I also have been told multiple times that I don't smile enough. Even if I'm perfectly happy, it's just not natural for me to plaster a smile on my face. 

👆THIS! 🙌

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nerdperson777
On 4/16/2019 at 7:16 PM, will123 said:

LOL I've never really put much thought into religion. My parents weren't overly religious either.

Same.  My parents went to a Catholic elementary school, at least my mom did.  She often prides herself on knowledge so she would occasionally educate me on the story of Jesus or the three Trinities so that I'd have a basic understanding.  Once I got handed a mini New Testament on my way to class and I didn't know how to navigate the book.  I guess it didn't help anyway.  As for my dad, he doesn't tend to remember anything.

 

9 hours ago, Emi68912706 said:

You have perfectly described me too. I can't count the number of times people have said that I'm too quiet. It can get super annoying. Are they telling me because they think I don't know?? I have never understood why people feel the need to fill the silence. If I don't have something to add to a conversation, I'm not going to speak up. Some people seem to just blabber on about nonsense for no reason. I also have been told multiple times that I don't smile enough. Even if I'm perfectly happy, it's just not natural for me to plaster a smile on my face. 

My parents taught me to stay quiet, probably because they didn't want me to say or do anything that would affect their reputation.  Even if we had an incident before meeting with people, mom would say that I needed to smile for them.  If I was scolded right before and was crying, she would stop yelling at me just so I'd stop crying enough for whoever we were seeing not to notice.  So then often I'm not sure when is the right time to stop or start an argument.  We go see people with these fake smiles and I often wonder why.  When it's friendly people like relatives or family friends, we're still putting on mask, when they say that we should be at ease with them.  I should've known there was a problem long before.  There was one time we saw one of my mom's cousins and I didn't want to sit in the middle seat.  I think one of my cousins once told me it was the "bitch" seat so I didn't want to be there.  My dad reasoned (not very well) that I was the smallest one so I should be in the middle.  I was not the smallest one so he said the youngest one instead.  The entire outing was my mom telling me to accommodate.  Yes, she was all for me accommodating her, to avoid conflict.  No one wanted to accommodate me.  I laid low for a while but nothing was getting better for me.  The stupid fake smiling was just too much for me after a while.

 

 

On a lighter note, I'm always taking my roommate literally.  One day they said, "it smells like ass."  I asked, since they're sexual, "you know how it smells like?"  Last night they said "it smells like pussy."  I did the same thing so they said, "well, I haven't stuck my face in one.  It just smells bad!"

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WinterWanderer

Went on a date yesterday. Invited him up to my apartment to meet my cat. Realized that he probably thought I meant more than just meeting my cat 😅😅😅 oops!

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Forest Spirit
22 minutes ago, Rynn said:

Went on a date yesterday. Invited him up to my apartment to meet my cat. Realized that he probably thought I meant more than just meeting my cat 😅😅😅 oops!

And here's me thinking that there wouldn't be anything better than being invited into someones apartment, which for me is a private space so nothing I'd just do casually, to meet their probably cute and fluffy cat ❤️

Did your cat approve of him? (most important thing in dating! For sure:ph34r: not making that up)

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WinterWanderer
8 minutes ago, Quasar.w said:

And here's me thinking that there wouldn't be anything better than being invited into someones apartment, which for me is a private space so nothing I'd just do casually, to meet their probably cute and fluffy cat ❤️

Did your cat approve of him? (most important thing in dating! For sure:ph34r: not making that up)

No, she didn't want to meet him. But I think she was mad at me because it was after 11pm (two hours past our usual bedtime). She is only ever rude to me, or indirectly rude to strangers because she's mad at me 😂 

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43 minutes ago, Rynn said:

Went on a date yesterday. Invited him up to my apartment to meet my cat. Realized that he probably thought I meant more than just meeting my cat 😅😅😅 oops!

So no works of art to view or coffee?

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30 minutes ago, Rynn said:

Went on a date yesterday. Invited him up to my apartment to meet my cat. Realized that he probably thought I meant more than just meeting my cat 😅😅😅 oops!

LOL!! 😂

 

Yeah that's an incredibly ace moment alright.  *hands you some cake* 🍰

 

I don't know if it's because I like animals or if it's because I'm ace, but I would love for someone to invite me in and introduce me to their pets.  I consider that to be an emotional bonding gesture.  Like...don't aquaint me with your family, introduce me to your kitten.  That means a whole lot more.

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1 hour ago, Rynn said:

Went on a date yesterday. Invited him up to my apartment to meet my cat. Realized that he probably thought I meant more than just meeting my cat 😅😅😅 oops!

And did you use the word cat or another word for cat?

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WinterWanderer
52 minutes ago, Zebrafinch said:

 

And did you use the word cat or another word for cat?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I didn't even think of that!

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2 hours ago, Zebrafinch said:

 

And did you use the word cat or another word for cat?

Beat me to that one :P:P

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5 hours ago, Rynn said:

Went on a date yesterday. Invited him up to my apartment to meet my cat. Realized that he probably thought I meant more than just meeting my cat 😅😅😅 oops!

Someone could use the...”alternative” word for cat in a similar invitation and I’d still think it’s just about the animal. I’d literally be like, “Oh you own a cat? 😯 Cats usually like me for some reason.” or if I’m feeling particularly stupid, “Oh, I’m allergic to some cats so hopefully my allergies don’t act up. 🙃” Oh jeez, I don’t even want to imagine the hilarity that would ensue if I said something like, “Does it shed a lot? I can’t get close to it if it does cause I sometimes have allergies.” 😖😫 How to get told to go home 101 🙃.

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9 hours ago, Laplace said:

 “Does it shed a lot? I can’t get close to it if it does cause I sometimes have allergies.” 😖😫 How to get told to go home 101 🙃.

That's actually a great way to explain asexuality with a metaphor x'D

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9 hours ago, Laplace said:

Someone could use the...”alternative” word for cat in a similar invitation and I’d still think it’s just about the animal. I’d literally be like, “Oh you own a cat? 😯 Cats usually like me for some reason.” or if I’m feeling particularly stupid, “Oh, I’m allergic to some cats so hopefully my allergies don’t act up. 🙃” Oh jeez, I don’t even want to imagine the hilarity that would ensue if I said something like, “Does it shed a lot? I can’t get close to it if it does cause I sometimes have allergies.” 😖😫 How to get told to go home 101 🙃.

LMAO!!! 😄😂😄😂😄😂

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SilverstarTBS

My most asexual moments are in the shower when I'm looking at myself and wondering why anyone would ever want anyone else to see them naked. I don't ever want anyone to see me naked and I don't want rinsed anyone naked either. I can't stand the thought of anyone touching me in a sexual way either. Then I'm filled with asexual pride and joy. I'm immune to one of the most powerful earthly pleasures. Fear me!

 

Then like 3.27 seconds later..."but am I really asexual????"

 

 

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On 4/16/2019 at 8:42 PM, Quasar.w said:

And on the topic of being 'too quiet, not talkative, not smiling much':

It really messed with my self-esteem getting such comments over and over again while growing up because it made being me aka very introverted and not that sociable or talkative into something negative and something I should change, which I simply can't. I can act more outgoing and talk to people more and stuff but it's just that, ACTING. And it's pretty exhausting!! Forcing myself to fit in has damaged relationships, my mental health and never worked anyway. So when people complain about that nowadays it just really ticks me off... when I feel like it I try to explain why I am like this but some people are just ignorant af!

Some examples:

I've been described as 'quite quiet' once, which I actually find kinda funny because it's almost the same word but completely different meaning... english is weird sometimes.

People forced me to be more sociable as a child and teen, to which I can only say: PLEASE NEVER DO THAT TO YOUR KID/STUDENT/WHATEVER!!

A (very extroverted) male study colleague once actually complained about me talking so little out of (in my head) no-where which was so weird and just why?? Does it really hurt peoples feelings if I don't say anything when I don't feel as if I could contribute something to the conversation or just don't have anything to say??

SMALLTALK IS HELL. the end.

I don't think I have a 'resting bitch face', or atleast no one has ever said so, but rather a 'resting blank face' due to not being very expressive through my face (or body language) since INTROVERSION:ph34r: I remember one time in (~)high school where a classmate asked me if I was happy and I answered yes, because I actually felt quite well that moment, but she then said 'well, then smile more'. Like, what? Why is that a problem? I know it makes me hard to read but running around smiling all day just feels so artificial to me...

 

And I've never understood the 'OMG I can't talk to people of the opposite sex', as if we were different species or something. Like seriously. I tend to get along better with men or let's just say 'not that feminine people', probably due to being more of a tomboy myself Idk. But as long as we share similar interests and your nice and respectful and just not a douchebag I might talk to you... if I'm not busy non-socializing in my head:P

I understand exactly what you are describing, its so refreshing to see someone else explain this  

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