How did you handle it when...

[Guest Tabula Rasa]

people in relationships rub their social standing in your face? I've had this happen to me quite a few times. In college, girls did what they could to make it more than obvious that they indeed had a boyfriend. My first college roommate never called her boyfriend by his name; she said "my boyfriend..." several times during the day, knowing how that made me feel. I've also found that some people almost strategically mention their significant other to simply let others know they are taken. I'm very socially aware.

So how did you (older asexuals) handle situations/comments such as these?

[SlightlyMetaphysical]

It really annoys me when girls try to elevate themselves by their rubbing their relationships in people's faces. But it's more pity than anger...

[cijay]

people in relationships rub their social standing in your face? I've had this happen to me quite a few times. In college, girls did what they could to make it more than obvious that they indeed had a boyfriend. My first college roommate never called her boyfriend by his name; she said "my boyfriend..." several times during the day, knowing how that made me feel. I've also found that some people almost strategically mention their significant other to simply let others know they are taken. I'm very socially aware.

So how did you (older asexuals) handle situations/comments such as these?

I always felt so sorry for them having to validate themselves with "my boyfriend-my boyfriend" that I didn't really worry about how I was handling it because I wasn't the one with a problem.

[Asexydragon]

I always felt so sorry for them having to validate themselves with "my boyfriend-my boyfriend" that I didn't really worry about how I was handling it because I wasn't the one with a problem.

I don't notice it much because I don't hang around people like that, but if I did, yeah I'd feel more sorry for them than feel annoyed. I used to hate that 'my boyfriend could bash your boyfriend', or 'I'll tell my boyfriend and he'll bash you' talk, I felt it really promoted the image that girls are weak and can't defend themselves. I realize there are times and places where it is beneficial to have a male companion to act as a kind of bodyguard (my older sister knows), but it becomes ridiculous when these girls use their boyfriends as threats against the smallest things

[Whisperkin]

Myself - I felt sorry for them that they needed a significant other to make themselves feel human. Often it was the case that if they didn't have a boyfriend they were moaning about that, or in the process of getting a new one.

I still don't understand it - my sisters have started doing that now that they're in college, and it drives me nuts. One of my sisters is extremely boy mad and acts a little depressed at times when she's not in a relationship/her feelings aren't reciprocated.

[carried in bags]

i hate it when you are over at a friends house and he has some of his other friends over, all of them a in a relationship. or staff nights out, thats the same thing. theyll start clucking how theyre gonna find me a girlfriend cos im the only one there whos single/solitary and theyll just sorta say to me 'aww, you'll meet the right one someday'

i know its done out of love, but its annoying. i stay mute like the social freak i am.

[Ziffler]

people in relationships rub their social standing in your face? I've had this happen to me quite a few times. In college, girls did what they could to make it more than obvious that they indeed had a boyfriend. My first college roommate never called her boyfriend by his name; she said "my boyfriend..." several times during the day, knowing how that made me feel. I've also found that some people almost strategically mention their significant other to simply let others know they are taken. I'm very socially aware.

So how did you (older asexuals) handle situations/comments such as these?

I guess it goes over my head. Like Airplane jokes, because I dont see anything wrong with mentioning ones boyfriend/girlfriend or significant other. I am happy for those who find relationships. I'm single because I choose to be. I could very easily have one of those 3 month relationships that go around today for myself if I wanted one, but I don't.

So to answer your question. I didn't and don't handle comments like that because they don't affect me one way or another.

[newgirl]

Unlike Ziffler, I'm single by no choice but I've never had a person ever mention their significant other to me over and over again. The question i mostly get, why haven't i gotten married or had kids?

[Sally]

I was married and had kids and then afterward had a long relationship, so people know I did. However, I've often felt that some other women are somewhat sorry for me because I am not "coupled" now. The ones who've been coupled most of their lives show some unwelcome pity; the ones who have been living alone for some time don't, because they understand how much more free it is to live on your own. Between coupled and uncoupled, it's almost like the difference between sexual and asexual: the sexuals/couples don't understand how the asexuals/uncoupled actually don't mind/enjoy their ways of living. Sex isn't necessary, nor is being manacled to someone.

Ironically, I find that married men my age find me somewhat attractive. I thought that would stop with age, but no -- I think it's the supposedly "available" label of the woman alone, and also they are interested in an independent woman. The women sometimes are a bit touchy. If only they knew how much I am NOT interested in those guys!