Rachella Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Hi, I am a 48 yr old mother of one, have been seperated, soon to be divorced for 2 yrs. I have tried dating, and I'm not really into it. The thought of having sex again almost repulses me. I would like to find someone - a companion - to travel with, cuddle and be a partner with. I am pretty sure I am not interested in sex anymore. Problem is that most men are so focused on sex. You feel like there is something wrong with you if you don't want to indulge. They keep hitting on me. Are there men out there, my age or older who are interested in an asexual, but close and sometimes romantic relationship? Am I asexual or am I just past the age of caring about sex any longer? Looking forward to your replies. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Welcome! It's pretty hard to determine yourself whether you're asexual, and almost impossible for anyone else who doesn't know you to do so. You could be repulsed by sex now for any number of reasons. If you never liked sex -- just tolerated it during your marriage, and before -- that's possible. Asexuals span the gamut between liking sex but not being attracted sexually to anyone to be outright repulsed by the idea of sex. You'd have to examine your previous life to see whether this is something new, or how you've always felt. "True" asexuals probably make up about 1-2% of the population (although there's been no census so who knows!). It probably will be difficult--but not impossible--to find a man who doesn't want or need sex. There are probably more guys out there who don't than will admit it, because sex seems so bound up with being "manly." Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Shaggy Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Hi Rachella, and welcome to AVEN Are there men out there, my age or older who are interested in an asexual, but close and sometimes romantic relationship? As a "gamut spanning male asexual" I am please to tell you ... "YES". :) Now you'll probably want to know if there's one on your side of town ... Check the "Vancouver Meet Up" threads ... make yourself known ... There are some wondrous asexys in Vancouver! :D Link to post Share on other sites
Ziffler Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Hi,I am a 48 yr old mother of one, have been seperated, soon to be divorced for 2 yrs. I have tried dating, and I'm not really into it. The thought of having sex again almost repulses me. I would like to find someone - a companion - to travel with, cuddle and be a partner with. I am pretty sure I am not interested in sex anymore. Problem is that most men are so focused on sex. You feel like there is something wrong with you if you don't want to indulge. They keep hitting on me. Are there men out there, my age or older who are interested in an asexual, but close and sometimes romantic relationship? Am I asexual or am I just past the age of caring about sex any longer? Looking forward to your replies. Cheers I agree with what Sally said. Only you can decide for yourself who and what you are and what you want out of life. As for finding an asexual partner? I think it will be extremely difficult but not impossible. Personal experience: I am gun shy and I think you might find many other asexual guys gun shy as well. I once wanted a partner. An asexual partner. The problem was that the women I dated and liked started off saying that friendship was good enough. All they wanted. But eventually the relationship turned to sex and thats when I ended it. Ran very fast in opposite direction. hahaha. After so many failed attempts at finding that perfect 1 person with whom I could share my life with in a friendship relationship, I stopped looking and now have no desire to even attempt it any longer. I suspect every person who tries to get close to me now. I'm gun shy. You know the saying: Been there, done that. I am afraid you might find many like me in our age group. Here is where I think possibly younger asexuals might have an advantage. They havent been through so many negative attempts at a relationship that they might connect before they become gun shy. Good luck, I hope the best for you. Welcome to AVEN :cake: Link to post Share on other sites
starcat Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Hi Rachella and a warm welcome to Aven too :) I'm 49 (soon to be 50) and just discovered my asexuality a couple years ago. I did find that throughout my whole life I was never interested in sex, but did it to keep up appearances, have a relationship, and try to fit in. Seemed like the whole world revolved around sex and I always felt like something was wrong with me because in my world it didn't. But like Sally mentioned, AS people seem to lack that sexual attraction. There is no drive or thoughts about having sex with anyone. It's great to meet you and welcome again to the world of Aven :) Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Hi. I'm 44. I always new I was A, but did not know there was a name for it, or that there were others like me... I found AVEN, and there's like 15,000 or something people in this club... !!! Link to post Share on other sites
JojoDay Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Hi,I am a 48 yr old mother of one, have been seperated, soon to be divorced for 2 yrs. I have tried dating, and I'm not really into it. The thought of having sex again almost repulses me. I would like to find someone - a companion - to travel with, cuddle and be a partner with. I am pretty sure I am not interested in sex anymore. Problem is that most men are so focused on sex. You feel like there is something wrong with you if you don't want to indulge. They keep hitting on me. Are there men out there, my age or older who are interested in an asexual, but close and sometimes romantic relationship? Am I asexual or am I just past the age of caring about sex any longer? Hi Rachella, I am 48 and just started being in Aven in October. I was married for over 20 years and had 5 children. My marriage however was full of abuse of all kinds and finally I took my youngest child and left, and am now happily divorced 7 years. Even at domestic violence support groups I went to, there were several there who felt they needed sex so bad they were drawn back to their abusive partners. I could never understand that. At first after my divorce, the counselors I had said, "just give it time" when I told them I had no interest in sex. Well after 7 years I still have no desire for sex. I need cuddling and companionship and friendship. But sex makes me sick. I realized that I have felt this way since I was say 12 or so. In marriage sex was only a tool to keep safe. I refuse to do that again. I think the counselors might want to give up the idea that I'll be all for sex "some time" and let me be happy without it. I guess what I am saying is you may not be asexual, and if you are is that so bad? It's probably time for you to be yourself. Being true to yourself only makes you a better friend, mother, daughter etc. I am hoping that all goes very well for you. Jojo Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Heligan Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Hi,I am a 48 yr old mother of one, have been seperated, soon to be divorced for 2 yrs. I have tried dating, and I'm not really into it. The thought of having sex again almost repulses me. I would like to find someone - a companion - to travel with, cuddle and be a partner with. I am pretty sure I am not interested in sex anymore. Problem is that most men are so focused on sex. You feel like there is something wrong with you if you don't want to indulge. They keep hitting on me. Are there men out there, my age or older who are interested in an asexual, but close and sometimes romantic relationship? Am I asexual or am I just past the age of caring about sex any longer? Looking forward to your replies. Cheers Hi By definition if you arent experiencing sexual attraction, you are asexual... whether this is a long term or short term thing is the question. It is worth considering that you might be demi of course, meaning that you only experience seconary sexual atraction ( i.e. you only find people sexually attractive if you are romantically involved with them already). It might be your lack of ability to get romantically involved that is the issue (this is probably what the counsellors are driving at). Now this could be because you are still healing emotionally, still in love with someone else and not really romantically available, or because of men.... (let me explain that last comment). I was watchin Ally McBeal the other day, the episode with the 17 year old boy and the 39 year old woman ... and they were saying men lock their emotions down as they age, meaning its harder to connect with them. Made me wonder if demis who get back in the dating game later on have a much harder time gettin romantically and hence sexually involved- its a tangled web eh! Link to post Share on other sites
JustJudy Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 [Hi By definition if you arent experiencing sexual attraction, you are asexual... whether this is a long term or short term thing is the question. That could also be the definition of menopaus or peri-menopause couldn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Heligan Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 [Hi By definition if you arent experiencing sexual attraction, you are asexual... whether this is a long term or short term thing is the question. That could also be the definition of menopaus or peri-menopause couldn't it? Erm no not really, the definition of menopause is probably something along the lines of hormones changes and no longer ovulating. What I think you mean is that menopause could result in asexuality. My argument is that the 'cause' if there is one doesnt change the fact she is asexual right now, if she doesnt experience sexual attraction. However, if it was hormonal changes I would think these would affect libido, rather than sexual attraction itself (although of course the two are connected)... but if you still have libido then I would doubt it was hormonal. So I suppose the question to ask is, is there a directionless libido or not? Link to post Share on other sites
starcat Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 I went through surgical menopause at 37. It does have a tendency to decrease libido in some women, but it doesn't effect sexual attraction. Hormones do go crazy, but the body adjusts. For me, it didn't change how I felt about sex at all. It made it a bit more difficult to try and perform (lack of lubrication) but in my case it was a blessing...lol Link to post Share on other sites
JustJudy Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Erm no not really, the definition of menopause is probably something along the lines of hormones changes and no longer ovulating. What I think you mean is that menopause could result in asexuality. That makes sense. I never really had sexual attraction nor an interest in sex but menopause gave me justification I think, people can not accept my lack of interest easier than before. Link to post Share on other sites
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