What's happening to me?

[jan]

I consider myself to be asexual. I'm female and I have female and male friends. I'm not particularly attracted to neither. I do like looking at people with a good physiques. I just like people in general however, I don't always like being with or around alot of them.

But lately, I think I've developed a crush on this girl. I make it a point of being nice to her, I pass by her office just to talk or say hi and I feel as though I really like her. Now even though I like her, I don't know what I want her for!!!! What would I do with her?

It feels weird. Why do I like her? Why do I want her friendship? I'm confused too. I think she likes me too (or she's very nice) because she always takes the time out to talk to me. We spent five minutes talking last week and I got so nervous, I started to leave. She was blushing after we finished talking. I wonder what that meant?

Anyway, I don't really have a question but all I know is that I like her.

[ghostslinger]

By no means am I a sociologist or psychologist, but I do have speculations which might be reasonable considering the situation.

Perhaps you have just found someone you click with on a subconcious level?

Perhaps this is just a random phase?

Oh. by the way, many people like people in general and don't always like being with or around them a lot.

My advice is to just keep talking. Maybe you'll find an answer soon enough.

Best of luck!

[Kurai-Tenshi_Niks]

That's trippy :D

Keep talking to her, you might find out great things about her and yourself.

[kt8]

I'm going through the exact same thing! I'm not sure exactly what to do, actually...

But it is exciting.

[catfancy]

Ah, yes. I am also going through the exact same thing and I don't know what to do. I have crushes now and then, but nothing really ever comes of them. This is a big one, though.

I'm not sure if you feel the same way, but...I wouldn't even know what to do if something were to come of it! In my case, nothing will, though.

[osito]

Asexuals can form romantic attachments--rip-snorting ones, meaningful ones. I have had that happen, and even though one of those was over 40 years ago, we are still in touch (she lives in eastern Washington) and some of the same strong feelings exist.

Some people reflect deep parts of ourselves back to us, and awaken us to their existence when we've almost forgotten about them. Those are very special people. While it appears to be true for sexuals that, if this attraction is mutual that sex should follow, that says nothing about asexuals' access to this.

I hope you and your friend can negotiate the awkwardness and go forward with this wonderful friendship.

Best of great good fortune to you.

As for what you would do, or what should come of it...well, just because sex isn't in the picture that doesn't mean you can't do any of a number of other great things together, assuming the deep attraction is mutual. Chase a shared dream. Travel to Tibet, co-author a novel.

Of course it could be a problem if the other person is sexual, oops, and wants sex. So at some point you got some 'splainin to do, and hopefully a strong friendship will endure. My "forever-friend" is sexual, married with 5 grown kids. Sex doesn't matter. It's off in a dusty, remote corner somewhere (where it belongs :lol:).

[elelend]

Snap! I've had one and only one 'crush' in my life. It was very alien to me and dominated my thinking for a while (a year?) Then it went away just as quickly. All very strange. Like you I didn't know quite what it meant, I didn't want to do anything about it, only talk to the person and be in his company all the time. It didn't get me any closer to learning what sexuality is. Now that it went away I'm even more confused and have to keep reminding myself it did happen . . .

Good luck!

[jay williams]

Here is my 4 cents:

First of all, there is nothing wrong with liking somebody. Fact is, I think it is normal to like somebody---to even like somebody a whole lot! Many folks have best friends as well as lovers.

You sound like you may be wondering if your attraction here is of a sexual/erotic or romantic nature. I can't answer that. But I can tell you that you should not be afraid of your own feelings. Since you identify as asexual, there is no reason to believe that you are going to rush in and do something wrong! Furthermore, do not be afraid if you have a fear that you are experiencing gay/lesbian feelings. (I totally believe that most people on this planet are bisexual to a more or less extent.)

Do not ignore this woman. Do not ignore your wanting to be around her. Let the acquaintance run its natural course. This could be a relationship of a lifetime. Let it play itself to a conclusion after you have given it all the time you can give it. (I have had crushes and wound up ignoring them, and I have forever regretted it since I always wondered what could have happened)

Why not ask your friend to have a drink after work---or to go lunch---or dinner? To take in a movie together? Or to go to some event in town that you both like?

Feel free to tell this woman that you enjoy talking to her, or that you find her interesting, or such. Find out what you both like or have in common. Perhaps she has an interest that would intrigue you?

You ask:

"I don't know what I want her for!!!! What would I do with her?"

Just let the friendship flow. Even if the woman is married or has a relationship with another, so what? You just become friends. Just explore getting to know her as well as you can! Live life!

Lastly, what if you develop a physical fondness for this woman? I doubt that physical expressions would be exercised very quickl. Eventually, after knowing each other you will have learned if she ever had any romantic or crush feelings for others of her own gender, her thoughts, experiences, etc. What if it ever got physical? It might turn out to a mutual enjoyment of holding hands and cuddling! How horrifying would that be! LOL

I consider myself to be asexual. I'm female and I have female and male friends. I'm not particularly attracted to neither. I do like looking at people with a good physiques. I just like people in general however, I don't always like being with or around alot of them.

But lately, I think I've developed a crush on this girl. I make it a point of being nice to her, I pass by her office just to talk or say hi and I feel as though I really like her. Now even though I like her, I don't know what I want her for!!!! What would I do with her?

It feels weird. Why do I like her? Why do I want her friendship? I'm confused too. I think she likes me too (or she's very nice) because she always takes the time out to talk to me. We spent five minutes talking last week and I got so nervous, I started to leave. She was blushing after we finished talking. I wonder what that meant?

Anyway, I don't really have a question but all I know is that I like her.