Advanced Curmudgeon classes here. No youngsters aloud!

[isillote]

Why not? Isn't making your grandchildrens' lives a misery one of the perks of having had to rear children and finally get rid of them, only to have them trying to foist THEIR offspring on you...

[Sally]

Oh, but grandchildren (unless you have to completely raise them) are really pretty nice, because eventually they go HOME. A complete lack of the awful, heavy responsibility you had with your own children. When they go home you can complain about their behavior with your friends, so you have the best of both worlds: bitching and lack of responsibility.

[Tanwen]

Somebody else got three of my fun years and I got their working years, and the grandchild bit came along at the same time as the working...definately looking forwatd to the barking bit...:D

[Hammerhead]

Why not? Isn't making your grandchildrens' lives a misery one of the perks of having had to rear children and finally get rid of them, only to have them trying to foist THEIR offspring on you...

Really? I thought the job of grandparents was to spoil the grandkids rotten making the lives of your kids miserable. :)

[Tikva]

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who

comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about

only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this,

I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a

pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and

suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family.

For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to

live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty,

the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave

back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.

For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.

For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm

doing it as a public service. Now piss off.

:lol: That's great Shaggy!!

But I agree with Tanwen. Somebody stole most of my first 20 years.

However.

I'm taking back those years NOW!!! :P

[JojoDay]

Grandchildren are definately for indulging (I hate "spoiling"). I already bought play-doh on sale for mine for Xmas, while snickering aloud in the store knowing that the parents were going to give me "looks that kill" when the children open their gifts.

Grandchildren are great, they go home, you don't have to support them (just buy little gifts), they love you without strings attached, and those little people say the darnedest things providing hours of entertainment :D

[isillote]

You lot are making me wish I'd had grandchildren...but without the kids to mess up the in between bit.

Talking about C-word (banned in my house until December) gifts, how about drum kits, trumpets, or even better, one of those annoying automated toy doll things that say the same three phrases over and over, in a sickeningly drawly American accent?

If I don't have any kids of my own to make miserable, at least I can help to make others so... :twisted:

[Næt.]

one of those annoying automated toy doll things that say the same three phrases over and over, in a sickeningly drawly American accent?

Like McCain's wife...'Maverick, Maverick, Maverick'.

[Tanwen]

one of those annoying automated toy doll things that say the same three phrases over and over, in a sickeningly drawly American accent?

Yeh, some people think it's funny to activate them in the shop and (when we're working on toys) they periodically go off..I spend half the night locating the offending toy (usually buried at the back of the shelf) and switching the darned things off!

My granddaughter lives with us, so I can't exactly send her home when she gets obnoxious - just to her room :P Trying to stay one step ahead of her keeps my brain going though.

[Tikva]

Tanwen!!!!

Where'd your dragon go??? :( :o

[Tanwen]

It will return. The current av is the Royal British Legion's 'Poppy'. Remembrance Day is 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. A time all personnel killed in all wars (and subsequent conflicts) are remembered. Last year, they raised £30million of the £80million to support ex servicemen and their families by the sale of a simple paper poppy.

'For The Fallen

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning

We will remember them.

'For our tomorrows, they gave their today'

[JustJudy]

Why not? Isn't making your grandchildrens' lives a misery one of the perks of having had to rear children and finally get rid of them, only to have them trying to foist THEIR offspring on you...

Really? I thought the job of grandparents was to spoil the grandkids rotten making the lives of your kids miserable. :)

That's exactly how I see it! I even have a sweatshirt that says:

Grandma's rules:

Love them

Spoil Them

Feed them sweets

and SEND THEM HOME

[JojoDay]

Why not? Isn't making your grandchildrens' lives a misery one of the perks of having had to rear children and finally get rid of them, only to have them trying to foist THEIR offspring on you...

Really? I thought the job of grandparents was to spoil the grandkids rotten making the lives of your kids miserable. :)

That's exactly how I see it! I even have a sweatshirt that says:

Grandma's rules:

Love them

Spoil Them

Feed them sweets

and SEND THEM HOME

I have something similar. A magnet that says "Welcome to Grandma's House. Children spoiled while you wait."

[Sally]

It will return. The current av is the Royal British Legion's 'Poppy'. Remembrance Day is 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.

Oh good, it'll be back! Thank you for helping us remember everyone who died in the service of their country.

[Guest epiccentury]

How about going over to them, armed with clipboard and pen, and saying something like:

"Excuse me, I couldn't help observing that you seem completely incapable of controlling your child. I'm writing a book about how bad parenting can lead to children becoming criminals in later life, and wondered if you'd allow me to interview you, and follow up on your child's criminal career in, say 10 years."

Trouble is, they'd probably say yes, and be flattered....

*goes off to think again*

Oh, that's witty. :lol:

Last time I was at a restaurant there was a group sitting two tables away with some obnoxious children (probably first year kids, if not younger). They were jumping around and yelling while they waiting on their meal. My partner and I were almost finished with our dinners and she pointed to me that they were swearing. I finished my meal and walked over to the table. I looked at whom I assumed was one of the parents and said "If you don't mind, I'd like to use the roll of tape in my car to restrain your children, that is unless you have the spine to do it your self". I walked away and went out to my car which as parked right out side the window, went to the boot and pulled out a roll of gaffers tape and waved it at the window, threw it back in, we got in the car and left.

[BunnyK.]

(I didn't read the whole thread, so if this is a repeat, sorry)

Does it get me any curmudgeon-in-training points if I point out that this thread should really be titled "No youngsters ALLOWED", not "no youngsters aloud"?

Unless you mean that youngsters here should just grumble under their breath...

*wanders away, grumbling*

[Sally]

Having just read another thread where Greybird mentions an old cartoon called Miss Peach which features a clubhouse door that says "No Girls Aloud", I think she meant this thread title as a joke. But I have to admit that I hadn't noticed the [intentional] misspelling before. If I'd seen it in a post on this thread I probably would have barked back like the curmudgeon that I am.

Wander back, Bunny, you have established your creds as a curmudgeon!

[Lekzýs]

Talking about C-word (banned in my house until December) gifts, how about drum kits, trumpets, or even better, one of those annoying automated toy doll things that say the same three phrases over and over, in a sickeningly drawly American accent.

It amazes me just how early shops nowadays start stocking things for the 25th of December; I don't remember being able to buy decorations and trees and getting catalogues for It through the door in early October when I was young(er).

And why on earth do people need to buy Hallowe'en things in August: is mid-October too late to purchase your tacky decorations and cheap, flimsy, silly-looking masks?

[Næt.]

I LOVEDS YOUALL

AND GOID LVES YOU ALL!

[Sally]

I LOVEDS YOUALL

AND GOID LVES YOU ALL!

Fish, you little piscine twit, take your Goid back into the tank with you. Drunk doesn't equal curmudgeon. Sheesh. You can come out again when it's C'mas but only if you stop with the all-caps.

There's been an aluminum foil C'mas tree in my local all-in-one store since before Halloween. It does not improve my mood.

[AntiBubble]

Hmph.

Can I come and be an apprentice curmudgeon?

[isillote]

Oh, Bubble, I think you qualify for full curmudgeon status without serving an apprenticeship!

And while we're on about the C-word...do we really need Valentine's cards on 26th December?

And Easter eggs before Lent?

My localish garden centre had C-word displays up in AUGUST!!!! I bought a 10ft rowan tree there in May, and it took me half an hour to carefully manouevre it past all the delicate glass, orchids, and other delicate stuff to the checkout.

Next year I'm going to buy another tree in August (even if I don't want it), just so I can inadvertently lay waste to the C-word displays....

GRRRRR....

[AntiBubble]

I had a feeling I might do isi.

Harrumph.

Really have had it up to here with what is apparently 'my' generation. I actually wish I was older so i wasn't associated with them

Is it really my problem that in musical terms they wouldn't know culture if it deep-froze and throttled them? Why is it so shocking that I happen to like classical music?

Bah humbug.

As for the C-word, I am happy to say there is no sign of it in this house and there bloody well won't be until at least halfway through December! OK so I have Frankinsense and Myrrh secnted candles on my desk, but that's because I like the smell, and I'd have them all year round if the damned shops sold them.

[Sally]

Well, I fry latkes in December but I'm not sure I'm ready to do that either. The damn things smoke up the house and it takes forever to make them, and by the time the last one's done the others are cold. Latkes are made with oil, egg, potatoes, and matzo meal. When they're cold they're the heaviest, most dyspeptic things on earth. Hot, they aren't much better, unless you smother them with sour cream and applesauce. No wonder Jews take a lot of antacid pills.

Then there's the Hanukkah candles: you have to remember which night to start, how many to light each night, and which way: left to right? Right to left? Will I be kicked out of the group if I do it wrong? You have to put the candlestick in the window but keep it out of the way of the curtains and hope that little neighborhood urchins don't throw rocks at your window because they don't know what it is.

Other than that, I LOVE December. Unless it snows, because I live on a hill and am chicken to drive in the snow and ice.

[unembellished]

Why must there be a celebration for anything? Its just another reason for manufacturers to mould more plastic pollutants and rattle them off to the ignoids as 'presents' -oh- and make children happy - ew, how pointless. And what a revolting sound young people make when they are happy. I need to lie down. *cough*

[Shockwave]

I'm trying to remember the last time I celebrated a holiday. I'm pretty sure it wasn't this year.

[Sally]

What we need is a Holiday From Holidays when all we do is sit at our computers and spew electronic digust.

Wait, that's what we're doing now.

[Tanwen]

Couple of people I know buy their C-presents in the January sales and put them in the loft till the time. Tried it with cards once...couldn't find the darned things and ended up buying more!!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

[Sally]

I have a friend who buys presents whenever there are sales and then he just goes to the stash and picks something likely out for birthdays, C'mas, H'kah, E'ter, W'ever holidays. Everyone who gets them knows he does that so they don't feel like he really shopped for them, specifically. Half the time he doesn't even remember what he wraps up for people. But then he's a guy; whaddya expect. -_-

[osito]

Ooooh, is it time to trot out the Tom Lehrer Xmas songs yet? :twisted:

Christmas time is here, by golly,

Disapproval would be folly.

Deck the halls with hunks of holly,

Fill the cup and don't say when.

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,

Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens.

Even though the prospect sickens,

Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,

Your fellow man you must adore.

There's time to rob him all the more

The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense, 'll

Send some useless old utensil,

Or a matching pen and pencil.

(„Just the thing I need, how nice!“)

It doesn't matter how sincere it is,

Nor how heart felt the spirit,

Sentiment will not endear it,

What's important is the price.

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,

Advertising wondrous things.

God rest ye merry merchants,

May ye make the Yuletide pay.

Angels we have heard on high,

Tell us to go out and – buy!

So let the raucous sleighbells jingle,

Hail our dear old friend Kriss Kringle,

Driving his reindeer across the sky.

Don't stand underneath when they fly by.