Advanced Curmudgeon classes here. No youngsters aloud!

[Shaggy]

I go into restaurant alone. Server sits me right next to the kitchen although there are small tables available in other sections of the room.

OK, I don't have a response here. What would all of you say? Curmudgeonly, not just politely asking for another table. Maybe this isn't an occasion for a retort if you don't want to get something icky in your soup. But this has happened to me and other women and we don't see it happening to men.

No, "you don't want to get something icky in your soup" :lol: , but you do want to sit where you feel most comfortable.

Perhaps ...

"I should prefer that table over there.

If my gastric condition flares up,

we wouldn't want your patrons to think the smells were coming from the kitchen, would we? :) "

The additional benefit of this is, you're virtually guaranteed NOT "to get something icky in your soup" for fear of triggering a toxic gastric attack. :D

[Tanwen]

You want me to get my own food? Will I get a tip?

[KAGU143]

I would probably see it as a form of added entertainment since I would be craning my neck trying to watch everything they do.

I have found that this tends to make the kitchen staff nervous .... for some reason.

(Especially if I have a clipboard or something to write on!)

:lol: :lol: :lol:

-GB

[Tanwen]

I spent 13 weeks at RMCS Shrivenham learning the teqhniques of Method (work) Study - if you think a clipboard makes people uneasy - just try carrying a stopwatch as well....

[rayser]

What would be a good curmudgeonly response when you get REALLY bad service at a restaurant? Say, dirty silverware, hairs, bugs (NOT listed on the menu) or whatever.

-GB

... Something like this .... :D

:lol: good one, Shaggy!!

[Tanwen]

What would be a good curmudgeonly response when you get REALLY bad service at a restaurant? Say, dirty silverware, hairs, bugs (NOT listed on the menu) or whatever.

-GB

... Something like this .... :D

OK, I have problems with perspective..at first I thought that the LH side was a mirror image but then realised it couldn't be... :redface: :redface: :redface: . So, Shaggy, did you really do this???? ;)

[Shaggy]

Aren't there times when Tomato Sauce & Mustard are 'complementary'? :twisted:

"Buggr'em, buggr'em", said Foul Old Ron. (Terry Pratchett - Discworld)

[isillote]

I must be older than you lot, then, because I DO say things....

Like the guy who was trying to impress me in the pub by telling me he'd driven from Manchester to Blackpool in 20 minutes. 'A brick on the accelerator could do the same,' I said, 'and it's got about the same IQ as well.'

Luckily, my friends (who know me) got me out of the pub before his brain cell fired up enough for him to realise that I was insulting him.

Er...I was 25 then.

Possibly self-defence classes attached to the curmudgeonly course would be good.

And my mum, who found that verbal comments re; the next-door neighbour's daughter playing her radio out in the garden at 5am didn't work. However, a bucket of ice-cold water thrown out of the bedroom window onto said neighbour's daughter and radio did work. Very effectively, in fact.

Perhaps there's a curmudgeon gene?

[unembellished]

Hm, does this qualify me?

When there is an old person dawdling slowly in front of me, and I can't get past, I make a sound like a bull whip crack *whichaaaaa!* - this is largely because I am a busy and VERY important person.

[Melon]

Having been directly challenged, I of course can't come up with anything that isn't lame. Not that that will prevent me from pointing out in curmudgeonly fashion when someone else's contribution is lame.

So I challenge fellow curmudgeons to come up with a proper rejoinder when listening to someone (usually) under the age of 25 use the word "like" every second word in their conversation with you. I've not been able to think of one, other than just looking monumentally irritated.

I challenge the person to talk for five minutes without using whichever the annoying word is. It gets the point across and is usually very funny. But maybe not that curmudgeonly?

[Melon]

This is really mean, not just curmudgeonly, but what the hell.

For the woman whose daughter is tarted up: "I think you forgot to put the price tag on your daughter."

Oooh, that is really mean.

How about "I heard they are doing Pole Dancing for Tots at the local library. Are you interested in your daughter attending or are you just going for the look?"

[UvaOxide]

reading this post on curmudgeonliness made me feel sooo much better.

I was thinking this morning about this person who is annoying the heck out of me by trying to "read" my mind. She thinks she has ESP and she is terrible.

She makes me so mad I start shaking, and all of her guesses seem to be quite sexually tainted. It can be so tiresome to be around people who are perpetually stuck in the gutter, but having them apply their crap to you. "I know what you're thinking :P "

.. I just want to scream. "I'm working! get the hell away from me! You have no clue what I'm thinking because I'm thinking about finishing my work and you don't know how to do it!"

[KAGU143]

Hm, does this qualify me?

When there is an old person dawdling slowly in front of me, and I can't get past, I make a sound like a bull whip crack *whichaaaaa!* - this is largely because I am a busy and VERY important person.

No, that isn't enough to qualify you since you seem to be under the impression that "old" and "dawdling" are somehow both: 1) affiliated, and, 2) somehow negative.

This improper interpretation of events indicates that you still need aging and are not *quite* ripe enough to be a curmudgeon, although you might be headed in the right direction.

Proper curmudgeonly behavior has to be backed up by a certain amount of life experience. Without that all-important qualifier it is only rudeness.

-GB

[isillote]

reading this post on curmudgeonliness made me feel sooo much better.

I was thinking this morning about this person who is annoying the heck out of me by trying to "read" my mind. She thinks she has ESP and she is terrible.

She makes me so mad I start shaking, and all of her guesses seem to be quite sexually tainted. It can be so tiresome to be around people who are perpetually stuck in the gutter, but having them apply their crap to you. "I know what you're thinking :P "

.. I just want to scream. "I'm working! get the hell away from me! You have no clue what I'm thinking because I'm thinking about finishing my work and you don't know how to do it!"

How about: 'so have you not picked up the fact that I think you're a complete arsehole yet, or are you just being tactful in not telling me you have?'

Or to "I know what you're thinking." - "Clearly not, or else you wouldn't still be standing here talking to me."

[Melon]

I must be older than you lot, then, because I DO say things....

Like the guy who was trying to impress me in the pub by telling me he'd driven from Manchester to Blackpool in 20 minutes. 'A brick on the accelerator could do the same,' I said, 'and it's got about the same IQ as well.'

Luckily, my friends (who know me) got me out of the pub before his brain cell fired up enough for him to realise that I was insulting him.

Er...I was 25 then.

Possibly self-defence classes attached to the curmudgeonly course would be good.

And my mum, who found that verbal comments re; the next-door neighbour's daughter playing her radio out in the garden at 5am didn't work. However, a bucket of ice-cold water thrown out of the bedroom window onto said neighbour's daughter and radio did work. Very effectively, in fact.

Perhaps there's a curmudgeon gene?

Usually I think of a good cumudgeonly response about 48 hours after the event, does this make me a slow curmudgeon? Any ideas on how to speed up the process? LOL

Or I think of things and laugh, but don't actually do it. For instance next door there is a yob in his twenties who likes to do "it" in the garden in the late evening with the latest of his string of girlfriends, and we keep hearing floating over the fence sighs of "Oh John, oh Joooooohhhhhnnnnn" - many a time I have said we should all go out into the garden and wait by the fence and join in the cries when she reaches her climax, thus hopefully terminally embarrassing both. Unfortunately it would likely get us our camper van vandalised by him or one of his mates in response.... sigh.

We did cure another neighbour of loud music out in the garden by going out and singing along well out of tune and loudly every time he put it on. He now listens indoors.

[unembellished]

Hm, does this qualify me?

When there is an old person dawdling slowly in front of me, and I can't get past, I make a sound like a bull whip crack *whichaaaaa!* - this is largely because I am a busy and VERY important person.

No, that isn't enough to qualify you since you seem to be under the impression that "old" and "dawdling" are somehow both: 1) affiliated, and, 2) somehow negative.

This improper interpretation of events indicates that you still need aging and are not *quite* ripe enough to be a curmudgeon, although you might be headed in the right direction.

Proper curmudgeonly behavior has to be backed up by a certain amount of life experience. Without that all-important qualifier it is only rudeness.

-GB

Right, I see where I have gone wrong. I will set about 'experiencing' myself and apply again later. Thank you GB.

[isillote]

No, I disagree. I think we should allow young curmudgeons in, as there is, to me, a difference between rudeness and curmudgeonliness. Rudeness is direct and offensive. Curmudgeonliness is often indirect and offensive. It also involves a certain world-weariness, which, admittedly, increases with age and experience, but nevertheless, I feel apprentice curmudgeons should be welcomed and cherished on this forum.

It is never too young to start. I, for one, would welcome you aboard, Unembellished.

[Tikva]

This is really mean, not just curmudgeonly, but what the hell.

For the woman whose daughter is tarted up: "I think you forgot to put the price tag on your daughter."

Oooh, that is really mean.

How about "I heard they are doing Pole Dancing for Tots at the local library. Are you interested in your daughter attending or are you just going for the look?"

:lol: :lol: :lol:!!!!

reading this post on curmudgeonliness made me feel sooo much better.

I was thinking this morning about this person who is annoying the heck out of me by trying to "read" my mind. She thinks she has ESP and she is terrible.

She makes me so mad I start shaking, and all of her guesses seem to be quite sexually tainted. It can be so tiresome to be around people who are perpetually stuck in the gutter, but having them apply their crap to you. "I know what you're thinking :P "

.. I just want to scream. "I'm working! get the hell away from me! You have no clue what I'm thinking because I'm thinking about finishing my work and you don't know how to do it!"

Mindless Twit: "I know what you're thinking :P "

Curmungeon response: "Then why the hell are you not wearing protective head gear?"

Mindless Twit:

[Tikva]

reading this post on curmudgeonliness made me feel sooo much better.

I was thinking this morning about this person who is annoying the heck out of me by trying to "read" my mind. She thinks she has ESP and she is terrible.

She makes me so mad I start shaking, and all of her guesses seem to be quite sexually tainted. It can be so tiresome to be around people who are perpetually stuck in the gutter, but having them apply their crap to you. "I know what you're thinking :P "

.. I just want to scream. "I'm working! get the hell away from me! You have no clue what I'm thinking because I'm thinking about finishing my work and you don't know how to do it!"

Oh, I think this is a perfect response! It's part of Avenite, 'Purissiums' signature:

"If I want to know what's on your mind, I'll splatter it on the wall and see for myself" Provided by Starscream, known around JFF as Screamikins."

[unembellished]

No, I disagree. I think we should allow young curmudgeons in, as there is, to me, a difference between rudeness and curmudgeonliness. Rudeness is direct and offensive. Curmudgeonliness is often indirect and offensive. It also involves a certain world-weariness, which, admittedly, increases with age and experience, but nevertheless, I feel apprentice curmudgeons should be welcomed and cherished on this forum.

It is never too young to start. I, for one, would welcome you aboard, Unembellished.

I am glad you think so - as I am confident (with my hospitality back ground and cornflake dryness) that I am at the very least, a junior curmudgeon

[UvaOxide]

reading this post on curmudgeonliness made me feel sooo much better.

I was thinking this morning about this person who is annoying the heck out of me by trying to "read" my mind. She thinks she has ESP and she is terrible.

She makes me so mad I start shaking, and all of her guesses seem to be quite sexually tainted. It can be so tiresome to be around people who are perpetually stuck in the gutter, but having them apply their crap to you. "I know what you're thinking :P "

.. I just want to scream. "I'm working! get the hell away from me! You have no clue what I'm thinking because I'm thinking about finishing my work and you don't know how to do it!"

How about: 'so have you not picked up the fact that I think you're a complete arsehole yet, or are you just being tactful in not telling me you have?'

Or to "I know what you're thinking." - "Clearly not, or else you wouldn't still be standing here talking to me."

:cake: :lol: "Yes! is there a polite way to say -- "please don't talk to me again ever ?"

Anyway isillote thanks for making me laugh.

[isillote]

I don't know about polite, but a good way of stopping those horrible people who invade your personal space when talking to you, or even worse, touch you:

"Excuse me, I don't wish to be rude, but could you move back just a little? It's just that the smell of your breath is making me feel sick."

It worked really well on a creepy boss I once had. Not only did he not touch me again, he didn't touch ANYONE again. It was a last resort. Most people don't touch me because of my icy aura. He was a persistent exception. Until then.

[Tanwen]

For someone who keeps interupting you when you're trying to work..."If you don't have anything to do can you go and not do it somewhere else."

[osito]

I go into restaurant alone. Server sits me right next to the kitchen although there are small tables available in other sections of the room.

OK, I don't have a response here. What would all of you say? Curmudgeonly, not just politely asking for another table. Maybe this isn't an occasion for a retort if you don't want to get something icky in your soup. But this has happened to me and other women and we don't see it happening to men.

There's nothing to be said--not prior to action, anyway.

A curmudgeon would get up and go sit at the table of her choice.

I have done this, actually, and was challenged by the waitress whose quadrant that noisy, next-to-the-kitchen table was in.

I told her that I could not sit at that table and enjoy my meal.

I was grumpily handed over to another waitress.

I peeyoed the first one, of course, but that is a curmudgeon's privilege. :)

[osito]

I am glad you think so - as I am confident (with my hospitality back ground and cornflake dryness) that I am at the very least, a junior curmudgeon

And if all highly advanced curmudgeons took aspiring junior curmudgeons as understudies, how much more curmudgeonly the latter would be when they reached their golden years. And how much more appropriately counterpointed the world would be.

Yes!!!! :lol:

(a bit later) HOT OFF THE PRESSES! A stellar example of unabashed, courageous curmudgeonry:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081020/ap_on_...football_charge

BLUE ASH, Ohio – Police in Ohio say an 89-year-old woman is facing a charge of petty theft because neighborhood children accuse her of refusing to give back their football.

Edna Jester was arrested last week in the Cincinnati suburb of Blue Ash.

Police say one child's father complained that Jester kept the youngsters' ball after it landed in her yard. Police Capt. James Schaffer says there has been an ongoing dispute in the neighborhood over kids' balls landing in the woman's yard.

Jester said Monday she has received many calls and didn't have time to discuss the matter any more.

Jester is to appear in court next month. The maximum penalty for a petty theft conviction in Ohio is six months in jail and a fine of up to $1,000.

[isillote]

I am glad you think so - as I am confident (with my hospitality back ground and cornflake dryness) that I am at the very least, a junior curmudgeon

And if all highly advanced curmudgeons took aspiring junior curmudgeons as understudies, how much more curmudgeonly the latter would be when they reached their golden years. And how much more appropriately counterpointed the world would be.

Yes!!!! :lol:

(a bit later) HOT OFF THE PRESSES! A stellar example of unabashed, courageous curmudgeonry:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081020/ap_on_...football_charge

BLUE ASH, Ohio – Police in Ohio say an 89-year-old woman is facing a charge of petty theft because neighborhood children accuse her of refusing to give back their football.

Edna Jester was arrested last week in the Cincinnati suburb of Blue Ash.

Police say one child's father complained that Jester kept the youngsters' ball after it landed in her yard. Police Capt. James Schaffer says there has been an ongoing dispute in the neighborhood over kids' balls landing in the woman's yard.

Jester said Monday she has received many calls and didn't have time to discuss the matter any more.

Jester is to appear in court next month. The maximum penalty for a petty theft conviction in Ohio is six months in jail and a fine of up to $1,000.

I actually thought you were within your rights to keep a child's ball if it came in your garden, providing you didn't destroy it, and could demand that an adult call to collect it.

But ARRESTING her! what?! Surely to God the police have got better things to do with their time than get involved in petty disputes like this. When I was a kid, if my ball had repeatedly landed in a neighbour's garden, my parents would have told me that it was my own fault if it wasn't given back, and that I needed to practice my directional kicking accuracy.

*feels glum about her anticipated senility, which she hoped would involve impaling footballs on spikes around her property, followed by the heads of the offending children.*

[unembellished]

I need help on this one, because it appears to be a CONSISTENT gripe/problem:

Sitting down to my quiet morning coffee in a cafe and reading the paper in peace. Noisy children and parents arrive and sit within my hearing vicinity. Parents refuse to discipline screaming child/toddler - sometimes not even acknowledging the dreaded thing until I look up with a scowl.

or

Children running around like wilderbeasts in restaurant/fast food joint/cafe. Parents continue to chat because it is 'their time' and gossip is far more interesting.

Please, please HELP me.

There is involved...

[Sally]

Hmmmm...other than screaming at the parents, I guess...

"Look, you'd better read your silly parenting books again! The place to ignore your kids' bad behavior is at HOME, not in public!"

or

"Maybe YOU can ignore your children, but the REST OF US can't!"

Not really very curmudeonly.

[isillote]

I assume you want something legal? In which case my first thought of beating said parents to a bloody pulp (with your walking stick, of course, which is where the curmudgeonly bit comes in) is not suitable....

Will try to think of something. Problem is, all remarks to such parents will have to consist of words of no more than one syllable, due to probable IQ...which does pose a challenge...

*goes away to ponder*

[isillote]

How about going over to them, armed with clipboard and pen, and saying something like:

"Excuse me, I couldn't help observing that you seem completely incapable of controlling your child. I'm writing a book about how bad parenting can lead to children becoming criminals in later life, and wondered if you'd allow me to interview you, and follow up on your child's criminal career in, say 10 years."

Trouble is, they'd probably say yes, and be flattered....

*goes off to think again*