How do you define celibate?

[AVENCakes]

Okay, there's been a bit of argument over whether or not asexuals can be celibate (they can choose to have sex, but don't desire to. Basically the argument is whether or not you have to desire sex to be celibate). So, this is just to find out what most people think of celibate as. :)

[Aimeendfire]

thank you for making it ^_^

and I voted that it implies the desire to have sex..cause thats just the way I've seen it all my life

[Starscream]

I voted other, because I think it could mean both.

[Sarifus]

I don't really know...I would think it was like abstinence. So it was a purposeful direct choice not to do the thing - implying that you had some level of desire to do it and you specifically chose not to. But meh. If celibacy just means not having sex, plain and simple, then I'd say anyone could be celibate if they just lead a life without sex.

[CrazyCatLover]

I've always thought that celibacy was an active choice to ignore sexual feelings.

Here is dictionary.com's definition:

noun

1. a person who abstains from sexual relations.

2. a person who remains unmarried, esp. for religious reasons.

–adjective

3. observing or pertaining to sexual abstention or a religious vow not to marry.

4. not married.

[waterbear]

I voted other. I'd say someone is celibate if he/she intends to not have sex, that is someone is celibate if he/she declares himself/herself to be celibate and acts the part. However, I would not say that someone who is open to having sex is celibate even if that person does not have sex.

[zoidberger]

thank you for making it ^_^

and I voted that it implies the desire to have sex..cause thats just the way I've seen it all my life

same here

[AVENCakes]

I've always thought that celibacy was an active choice to ignore sexual feelings.

Here is dictionary.com's definition:

noun

1. a person who abstains from sexual relations.

2. a person who remains unmarried, esp. for religious reasons.

–adjective

3. observing or pertaining to sexual abstention or a religious vow not to marry.

4. not married.

The definitions don't always match what people think it means, though. So that's waht we're trying to figure out- how people see it.

[Forensic]

Not having sex, no desire qualification involved.

If asexuals can have sex, then celibacy is a qualification that can apply to them. I don't think a priest, required to be celibate, would be fufilling their requirement if they simply didn't want to have sex despite doing so.

[Dame du Lac]

Other.

Celibacy is refraining from both marriage (or a similar relationship) and sexual activity. This is different from sexual abstinence (not having sex at all regardless of relationship status) and chastity which implies either no sexual activity due to not being married or only appropriate sex within marriage (e.g. not having affairs, flaunting your sex appeal towards people outside the relationship etc).

Examples:

RC priests are celibate - they are not allowed to marry or have an intimate relationship, nor have sex (because celibate people are meant to also be abstinent in religious contexts).

Nuns and monks take a vow of chastity; they live in single sex communities dedicated to serving God outside the context of marriage and therefore are also expected to be sexually abstinent.

Lay religious people and non-RC ministers may be dating and developing relationships which they hope will lead to marriage. They are not celibate but they should be (in theory at least) chaste and that chastity would involve sexual abstinence.

[Aimeendfire]

Celibacy is refraining from both marriage (or a similar relationship) and sexual activity.

interesting..I've never heard it being used with that definition. this puts a new light on whether you can be a celibate asexual.

[Sally]

Examples:

RC priests are celibate - they are not allowed to marry or have an intimate relationship, nor have sex (because celibate people are meant to also be abstinent in religious contexts).

But unfortunately, some of them (we have no idea how many) were not celibate and in failing in being celibate caused children much harm. It makes me wonder whether religiously-mandated celibacy is advisable.

[LL Cool R]

How common is the term celibate anyway? I've seen it only in two contexts up to now, with the Catholic church and here on AVEN. It could be that the German equivalent (my native language and therefore what I mostly hear/read is German) is less common than the English term, however I still connect it with religion or other "higher" reasons making a person deliberately choose to abstain from sex. If they abstain from sex for other reasons, I'd talk of abstinence, which I think is more generic. Also, it has some connotations for me, I think of e.g. alcohol abstinence, which is mostly for medical reasons.

Who did come up with the celibate asexuals? This term is only needed to distinguish asexuals who choose to have sex from those who don't have sex. Still, it's complicated. Would you talk of abstinent asexuals? Propably not, but why?

[Aimeendfire]

we like to complicate simple things :P

it started here http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?sho...p;#entry1044030

[Sally]

If an asexual is in a relationship with a sexual and has sex, they're not celibate even though they're asexual. If they don't have sex, they're a celibate asexual.

[CrazyCatLover]

I've always thought that celibacy was an active choice to ignore sexual feelings.

Here is dictionary.com's definition:

noun

1. a person who abstains from sexual relations.

2. a person who remains unmarried, esp. for religious reasons.

–adjective

3. observing or pertaining to sexual abstention or a religious vow not to marry.

4. not married.

The definitions don't always match what people think it means, though. So that's waht we're trying to figure out- how people see it.

Yes, I thought listing the denotation might make it easier to compare and contrast for those who are so inclined.

[LL Cool R]

we like to complicate simple things :P

it started here http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?sho...p;#entry1044030

... and I played along from the start ... sometimes I like such discussions ;)

[Aimeendfire]

:lol: my brain must have turned off there for a second then ..

and yeah I guess the word celibacy isnt really that common..its not like im going to introduce myself as a celibate asexual anytime soon

[TheFool]

If you have the opportunity and capability to have sex and choose not to, with or without the desire to, then you're celibate in my book. Not that it means much to me, but that's how I would define it. So if I was forced to apply it to myself, I guess I would call myself celibate. Luckily it doesn't really come up in conversation.

[metalgirl2045]

Given the large number of asexuals who do have sex, I think celibate asexual is a very valid term. If it's possible to have sex without the desire, there should be a word for not having had sex and planning to never do so without any reference to desire. I'm not aware of a better one than celibate.

[vashsunglasses]

Celibacy is an attitude as well as a behavior. A celibate person doesn't just abstain from sex, they attempt as best as they can to abstain from thinking lustful thoughts and also from masturbation.

[iff]

i think celibacy is very mjuch forced on a person by religious personell or religious obligation

[Preskom]

I'm french... so when you say celibate...I think "celibat"

Witch means...um... no being in a couple.

So yeah, I din't read the english dictionairy, but I always supposed it was that too in english...

celibate "celibat" celibacy "celibataire"

So... someone who has not a boyfriend/girlfriend CAN still have sex... one night stands, some fuck friends. It's irrevelent.

Now, as I see it, your celibate is much the same as abstinence? I read some of the post and it seems to be the same: not having sex.

And now "celibate asexuals"... would means asexuals that don't want sex, don't even masturbate...???

I would be one...

But then, I think people would be a bit mixed up if I said that in french...since I have a boyfriend...

I'm a bit mixed up now... I'll go read some dictionairies.

[Astryda]

For me, celibate is when someone intentionally decides to don't have sex (doesn't matter if he desires sex/has a sex drive or not).

[iff]

For me, celibate is when someone intentionally decides to don't have sex (doesn't matter if he desires sex/has a sex drive or not).

yeah, celibacy is a choice

we are born asexual

[square peg]

I've tended to think it could mean either, but as the definitions use the word abstinence, I suppose it depends on what that means. If you know about alcohol but have no desire to drink it and so don't, are you abstaining? Dictionary.com's definitions suggest not, I think, because if you're holding yourself back from doing something, the impulse is there.

[friend4life]

I've never thought of celibacy as wanting sex. I would be more inclined to think that the appropriate word for that is "abstinence". Celibate to me means that you just don't have it regardless of how you feel.

[Guest Heligan]

I also thought it could mean either.

The thing that confused me about it was if it included masturbation or just sexual interaction with others.

[squiggle]

celibate - Hmm. a peculiar word. I always thought that it just meant people who're choosing not to have sex.

-Which I'm choosing to do.

Somebody who's sexual might have to try hard to be celibate.

But it involves no effort being celibate if you're ace

[cait]

I think the word "want" in the first option is misleading. "Not having sex, whether you want to or not" may imply that you want sex but can't have it for some other reason. When you are celibate you specifically want not to not have sex. Whether or not you have a desire is not important in celibacy. Just as long as you choose--because you want--not to have sex, for whatever reason (religious or otherwise). If you choose not to have sex for your religious or other reasons, it doesn't matter if you're asexual or have no sex drive, you are still celibate if you have made the decision for a base purpose. I'm pretty sure celibacy always has a purpose underlying why you are not having sex.

With asexuality, there is generally no higher gain from not having sex, you just don't feel like it.

That is my understanding.

And now that I think of it. I'm curious about the differences in celibacy and abstinence. It seems to me that celibacy is a life-long dedication to some higher purpose and you live your life without sex and stick by those terms. With abstinence it seems more like it could be a temporary thing, mainly within the teenage population, as a way of saying you want to protect yourself from STIs, or you want to save yourself til marriage. I assume you can consider yourself abstaining even if you don't wait til marriage, but wait til the moment you think is right to cease abstinence. Although you probably don't specifically need to have a time to quit abstaining if you are, so it could be permanent. It's just that the rules are not quite so rigid as celibacy, which generally do have religious or spiritual connotations. Abstinence is more a way of protecting yourself or waiting until you feel the time is right.

What do other people have to say of abstinence?