the reaction of sexuals to us

[dame_wilbur]

I recently made a new friend and told her that I was asexual. She was totally fine with that. But at the same time, she seems almost amused by it. My mom's pointed out that both times I've come back from spending the weekend at her house, she's mentioned my orientation. This doesn't really bother me, but then again, I hadn't noticed it.

When se was introducing me to her friends, she included my sexuality. I'm ok with that. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by my lack of sexuality. But it was just interesting. You wouldn't usually say "This is my friend X, and she's straight." unless being straight was out of the ordinary for the situation.

I guess what I'm asking is for both asexuals and friends/family of aces:

do you find that asexuality is an important part of your friend or how your friends see you?

[AVENCakes]

Yeah... that's weird. "This is my kid, they're asexual." "that's... nice?" I guess asexuality isn't that bad, but there are a lot of things where htat's not just a bad idea, but kinda mean to out someone like that.

[mad_scientist]

I think it's just because it's unusual, a bit of a novelty. I assume homosexuals went through a similar period.

[dame_wilbur]

I think it's just because it's unusual, a bit of a novelty. I assume homosexuals went through a similar period.

that's a good point.

[mad_scientist]

I think it's just because it's unusual, a bit of a novelty. I assume homosexuals went through a similar period.

that's a good point.

Doesn't make it less annoying, though. I mean, what are they even saying? I can't work out whether it's "... so don't bother hitting on them", or "see how tolerant I am, with a "queer" friend?"

[Sally]

That seems quite rude to me. If someone wants to broadcast their orientation to the world, they should be the one to do it, not some friend who includes it in introductions.

[AVENCakes]

Doesn't make it less annoying, though. I mean, what are they even saying? I can't work out whether it's "... so don't bother hitting on them", or "see how tolerant I am, with a "queer" friend?"

Yeah, that is a question. Or if they're just pretending to tolerate and later on you find out that they really didn't (this happened to me once or twice with trans junk). which kinda sucks. I haven't told many people about either, though, so, yeah. ^^;

[Mimicking Sanity]

Doesn't make it less annoying, though. I mean, what are they even saying? I can't work out whether it's "... so don't bother hitting on them", or "see how tolerant I am, with a "queer" friend?"

Hah, a 'defensive' or a selfish implication to those words.

I'd prefer it to be the former.

[SlightlyMetaphysical]

Yes, my friends used to tell everyone new we met. Or everyone who even walked into the room for two seconds.

We've not met any new people for a while, but I think the novelty's worn off, since they don't talk about it among themselves much anymore, and it's just a fact of life.

[thylacine]

Sounds like your "friend" feels uncomfortable about it. I'd find new friends, if I were you!

[sonofzeal]

People crave novelty these days. By being the first to bring up a crazy new concept, she may think she's scoring points. If the behavior continues, ask her politely not to.

[happylife]

do you find that asexuality is an important part of your friend or how your friends see you?

Yes. I do. It's an important part. But I find it important between me and my boyfriend or husband.

I don't like something rather big & serious for me and my partner being kind of belittled by people who don't really know me well.

[Guest disjointed]

It's a bit like saying this is my dog... it's a pit bull?

It's good in a way that she feels comfortable and open with your Asexuality but the this is ... and he is Asexual is a bit much

I would take her to one side (when your both in a very very good mood) and just mention it in a polite and discreet way

otherwise it gives an impression that your her latest toy to parade around

[RandomDent]

On the plus side it's spreading the word. People don't know we exist because we don't tell people.

"We're here, some of us are queer but the main thing is we all don't like sex, get used to it!"

Somehow doesn't have the right ring to it but you see what I mean. We don't have nice big parades telling people we're around.

[mad_scientist]

People crave novelty these days. By being the first to bring up a crazy new concept, she may think she's scoring points. If the behavior continues, ask her politely not to.

Or introduce her to everyone with, "This is my friend X, she's straight."

[Guest disjointed]

I like your thinking mad

[Jibun]

People crave novelty these days. By being the first to bring up a crazy new concept, she may think she's scoring points. If the behavior continues, ask her politely not to.

Or introduce her to everyone with, "This is my friend X, she's straight."

That truly is an awesome idea.

It'd seem strange at first, but then people will understand what exactly you're getting at.

[ClaireE]

I recently made a new friend and told her that I was asexual. She was totally fine with that. But at the same time, she seems almost amused by it. My mom's pointed out that both times I've come back from spending the weekend at her house, she's mentioned my orientation. This doesn't really bother me, but then again, I hadn't noticed it.

When se was introducing me to her friends, she included my sexuality. I'm ok with that. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by my lack of sexuality. But it was just interesting. You wouldn't usually say "This is my friend X, and she's straight." unless being straight was out of the ordinary for the situation.

I guess what I'm asking is for both asexuals and friends/family of aces:

do you find that asexuality is an important part of your friend or how your friends see you?

I have not thought much about the asexual thing for the last year or so really to be honest – too many other interesting things happening in my life in that period but yes I am pleased it is now a conscious part of my “identity” and is something I want to explore. I told a friend about it who I knew I could trust to be respectful about it. She was flattered I’d trusted her to tell her this and although she just could not imagine it and had lots of questions at the time it has faded into the background now as something she knows about me that we seldom discuss. I know she has explained the word “asexual” to a friend of hers as we were out at a pub once and he happened to say something about their conversation but innocently. I would be cautious about who I told because I don’t want to be defined by that so that it is the first thing people remember about me!

[je_suis_napoleon]

Asexual: It's the new gay!

[Asexydragon]

This why I haven't told anyone except my sister. Anyway, I have enough on my plate trying to explain that I'm gay, without having to throw asexual in there as well. Otherwise people probably think I'm just attention seeking

[Raisin]

"We're here, some of us are queer but the main thing is we all don't like sex, get used to it!"

That's hilarious. XD

[mad_scientist]

Everyone I've told just accepted it, and after the standard confused question session it never really comes up much.

[maat]

Hmm, the last person I told this to was a (hetero)sexual male. His response was something along the lines of "I don't believe in that". It was quite hurtful, more so because I actually cared about him.

[Astryda]

I had some guy I really cared about, I thought we can be happy together. Once he told me he needs to have sex almost everyday, and always at any party. I told him I'm asexual, they he got mad, surprised etc... and tried to "explain" me that it's not possible to be asexual. I know I can give him what he needs, also I know I'm not able to let him sleep with other girls. so I left this relationship.

[sexless sexual]

I didn't know there was such an orientation as "asexual" until this morning. How do I react?

Well, except for all the emotional morass surrounding the fact that I learned this in relation to my sexless marriage -- and I'm still trying to sort out reactions to that -- it's very similar to how I feel about race, religion or other sexual orientations.

When I first learned that there was such a thing as gay/lesbian, my reaction was mostly curiosity, I suppose. I simply didn't "get" it. And I could not figure out the mechanics. (I was very innocent far longer than normal.) Once I figured out the mechanics, I still didn't "get" it, but I don't have to. Then, I had the opportunity to talk to a gay couple who were open enough to let me ask all my questions -- personal, graphic, stupid and insightful. They simply kept answering until I ran out of questions. And now I "get" it.

This is how it's been for me today concerning asexuality.

How do I refer to people? Well, it depends on the context, really. If being Black has a specific relevance to what I am saying, then I will specify that I am speaking about someone who is Black. Otherwise, I refer to a woman or a man or a friend or ... whatever the appropriate subject is. If being Catholic is relevant to the point I'm making or the story I'm telling, then I mention it. Otherwise, I mention what IS relevant to the point I'm making.

I don't see color, I see complexions. I don't see religions, I see a common search for answers. I don't see sexual orientations, I see loving couples and reflect how much society needs loving couples in any size, shape or gender. I see individuals. No two people are the same, so, we are all different. There is simply a lot of leeway in how different we are to one another. Since we are all different, there is no race/religion/sexual classification that will do more than generalize. Individuals have to be taken... well, individually.

That's how I see it, anyway.

[Maniah]

This why I haven't told anyone except my sister. Anyway, I have enough on my plate trying to explain that I'm gay, without having to throw asexual in there as well. Otherwise people probably think I'm just attention seeking

Heh. late reply, I know.. But if you wait till later once things ahve calmed down, then they will really think you want attention and your trying to drag it out :P

[Charmed]

I think it's just because it's unusual, a bit of a novelty. I assume homosexuals went through a similar period.

Yea. My sister and her bf keep on bringing up the fact that i'm gay and it's really annoying! I'm gay so what? That's just a small part of who I am, there's a lot more to me than who I fall in love with.

[naelNY]

I don't see color, I see complexions. I don't see religions, I see a common search for answers. I don't see sexual orientations, I see loving couples and reflect how much society needs loving couples in any size, shape or gender. I see individuals. No two people are the same, so, we are all different. ... Since we are all different, there is no race/religion/sexual classification that will do more than generalize. Individuals have to be taken... well, individually.

That's how I see it, anyway.

awesome

[Tool1989]

That seems quite rude to me. If someone wants to broadcast their orientation to the world, they should be the one to do it, not some friend who includes it in introductions.

I agree. It is a personal matter and doesn't need to be said to others.

[baffroom]

Yeah... that's weird. "This is my kid, they're asexual." "that's... nice?" I guess asexuality isn't that bad, but there are a lot of things where htat's not just a bad idea, but kinda mean to out someone like that.

I agree. Thats like if you had a gay friend, and introduced him to everyone as the "gay guy" or something along those lines, like they're nothing more than their sexuality. It diminishes them as a person and is rude i think