longwinded introduction - may not make any sense at all.

[UvaOxide]

Not sure what I think about the term asexual probably because it has the words 'a and sex' in it.

I wish I was genderless. That we humans could relate to each other without physical characteristic discrimination. That people could transcend beyond the limitations of our human animal and understand who an individual person is with out the subcategories of stereotype.

As many claim, the biggest sexual organ in the human is the brain. So maybe this non-sexual wish to transcend the physical is all in my mind. I've flunked every personality test I've taken from Jr. high school through college at 30, by answering honestly. I am aware technically it's not possible to "flunk" a personality test, but they come back with little notes attached asking the instructor to retest this student because the results are not valid. It's very possible that I just see through the questions because I've been trying to understand how my perspective differs from most people since I was a teenager.. and have conducted several tests of my own over the years. Before I was a teenager I just made up stories and did my best to interact 'normally' with other kids. No one has certified me but from my research I'm NOS (Not otherwise specified / high functioning autism with mild childhood schizophrenia (seems better now, I'm not a schizophrenic adult I'm a writer / artist :). My parents who are / were both nurses, thought that the drugs for mental illness were destructive and kept me away from psychiatric evaluation. Maybe I'm the definition of normal.

I think most "romantic" stuff is.. squishy ? and most sexy movies are embarrassing, like walking in the wrong door at someone's house, and I just don't get most of it, esp. when exaggerated by zoomed in repetitive shots. I do not get most sex jokes, or if I get them conceptually it is rare that I think they are funny. My emotional reaction to porn is to feel sad for the people in the movie (some friends and I watched some movies when I was a teenager). I've also been dragged into a strip joint by friends, I remember walking around afterwards thinking that everyone was "walking meat". Enough about 'publicly displayed sex' I believe that love and sex are not at all the same thing. One is about the human animal and one is about an individual person.

I have found over the years that I am attracted to people, but what quality it is exactly that I'm drawn to seems to be intellectual. My spouse is an impossibly brilliant individual, whom I can never figure out. My friends, the ones that I keep or who keep me also, tend to be on the high end of the smart scale, my oldest friend from Jr. high is now a PhD, others are musicians or cultivate other artistic genius that can't be quantified.

There is a question in the profile page here that asks -- What do I want ?

My answer is a better understanding of what it means to be - to attempt to find meaning in this journey - I don't mean the will and fate of one lifetime but, what completes a soul, why are humans sentient ? why do we ask why ?

There is also many notices here marked 'just for fun' - I'm sorry if my writing style intimidates people, but I do not prefer to deviate from blunt honesty, (maybe it will be seen differently here at AVEN) .. for me trying to understand life and people is 'just for fun'

To that end, and in hopes of meeting other people who like me wish the world was not so sexually skewed. I have found one way to meet people without gender and more limited stereotypes is on the web. (Like here of course :)

I noticed there is a meet up section here. While I am not interested in meeting with people "out on the town". A joke of mine is that -- I really do like people - at a safe distance - when they are not bothering me. If you are interested in "meeting" with other people who wish to transcend physical characteristic discrimination, and stereotypes the closest I've come to being able to achieve this is as an avatar in a 3D virtual metaverse game. I have recently started an IT group in Second Life. IT = individuals 4 transcendence. While I mention it here and welcome anyone to check out the group, I can't of course guarantee that everyone in the IT group is an asexual, (I'm quite sure some aren't), or that I will be on-line at the same time as you. I created this group for anyone who wishes to be or explore a non-sexual cerebral expression of themselves, or for those who seek intellectual or artistic friendships that transcend stereotypes, gender or physical characteristic discrimination, or who relates to that feeling of wanting to escape from the body they were born into for a while and just be.. by the way Uva Oxide is also my SL name and I'm an ent / tree person in there. You can search for my SL name or for the IT group in the game search box.

whew.. this is a really long introduction. Now I wonder if I've got enough guts to keep it here posted. thanks for reading, peace, sincerely Uva Oxide

[zoidberger]

Welcome Uva Oxide!

Good choice to stop by AVEN, there's all sorts of people here with many differing thoughts and perceptions of asexuality. I'm not a huge fan of boxing my personality, so I just relate as I do to other members and try to keep away from a complete definition of who I am.

I'm sure if you take a good look around you'll find some interesting stuff, whether it relates to asexuality and you or not.

Anyways, here's some welcoming !

[Shaggy]

Welcome to AVEN, UvaOxide.

is a traditional gift at this time.

More an erudite introduction than 'longwinded', i think.

And (even as a 'hopeless' Romantic), I relate to much of what you relate :) .

(I love the brutal honesty behind sayings attributed to the Buddha, the late U.G. Krishnamurti and {esp} J. Krishnamurti.)

You seek for

... a better understanding of what it means to be - to attempt to find meaning in this journey - I don't mean the will and fate of one lifetime but, what completes a soul, why are humans sentient ? why do we ask why ?

If you don't find some of the puzzle's pieces on the Boards of AVEN, I'm sure you'll find their outline and direction.

Once again, Well Come.

[je_suis_napoleon]

Welcome aboard! It sounds like you and your spouse have a good, working relationhsip. And as for spelling and grammar - yours is fine! Even if you WERE worried about such things, you'd have no reason to be!

[JustJudy]

Welcome to AVEN, I like what you had to say. I always flunk personality tests as well, and being a very content loner I always prefer my friendships at a distance, it is so much easier to walk away from a computer screen than even a phone call.

You will likely find many asexuals envious of your marital status as it seems a large percentage here truly want to be in a committed relationship just one w/o the hassle of sex.

Congratulations on having the guts to post, grammar and spelling are rarely commented on unless it is just truly horrendous

I hope you enjoy your journey here.

JJ

[Beardless]

Ahoy Uva! There be plenty o' freshly-plundered fer ye!

I be prone to philosophising at times, an' I be aware that I be always concerned o' what what I do shows t' other people about me. That be (perhaps) why I be retreatin' behind a identity that I be knowin' I be able t' keep up here. I be with ye on t' identifyin' wi'out gender - it be far easier t' be doin' that online than on t' streets (though I be plannin' on tryin').

Ye be t' only person who be able t' be labelin' ye. We be neither providin' ye wi' labels or commentin' on ye choice.

An', o' course, ye be welcome o'er at JFF whenever ye wish, though it be best t' be unsurprisable when ye land there.

Welcome aboard!

[isillote]

Welcome!

Your introduction did make sense, and no problems that I noticed with spelling etc (and I'm a proofreader!). Having said that, here on AVEN it's the contents of people's posts that attract attention, not the spelling and grammar. Similarly I think most of us don't care about gender issues - I don't know the gender of many of the people I exchange mails with. You may prefer to use the genderless pronouns adopted by Aleksi, of xe, xyr, etc (can't remember them all, but if you visit JFF and the pretentious third person thread, you'll find them).

I agree with some of your views on public sex. Love and sex are not connected for me, and sex jokes, yes, I also 'get' them, but they're not funny. I find pornography boring at best and disgusting at worst. I'm just completely left cold by it.

In the past during sexual interludes, I often found it useful to escape into my mind and disappear into a fantasy world, to escape from the fact that I was doing something I wasn't that interested in. The distancing you describe I can really identify with, and it was a good way of not letting my partner know that I wasn't interested in the sexual act, even though I did care about them as a person. Now I don't do that any more, because I have a great relationship in which I don't need to pretend. Indeed, I'm at the point where I won't do anything I don't want to, and my partner wouldn't want me to. But it's taken me a long time and a lot of experiences to be so selfish/confident, whichever you would label it.

I've always been attracted to people on the basis of their achievements, intellect, or personality. I am physically attracted to certain types, but if there's nothing beneath the exterior, then I lose interest very quickly. Even as a teenager, when I got my first infatuations with pop or film stars, I would always go off and research them, and if I found them dull or unintelligent, then no amount of media hype could make me see them as attractive any more.

And yes, like you, most of my friends are intellectuals, artists, or very individual and interesting people.

I look forward to more of your posts, and hope to see you in JFF too.

[Ice Maiden]

Your post made perfect sense and I can relate to a lot you say. It's very isolating feeling 'different' which is something I feel all of the time. Even though there is a huge community out there, as this site testifies, we are still a minority in the bigger picture. Sadly, we live in a world obsessed by sex, a word I also hate, even to the point of not wanting to be described as sexual anything. Even gay and lesbian is a direct sexual orientation, but asexual still indicates a sexual element, even though the element isn't present. I guess it's just a word to identify with in any event.

My own feelings towards sex are thus; done it, didn't like it, continued to do it for the sake of a) partner b) fitting in with society, and now never want to do it again.

I don't need to. I'm single now and have been for the past seven months. But that in itself is not easy either for a multitude of other reasons.

[jay williams]

Welcome:

I have been saying since forever that there is no love in lovemaking. I have been in love before. I have experienced romantic passion. I have enjoyed love and passion (I expect) as much as the next romantic. My own emotions and experiences with sex have always been purely devoid of whatever consists of that phenomenon of feeling and being in love.

As a man, I can (and do) enjoy erotic stimulation and pleasure. But I cannot enjoy it by performing an act of attempted procreation. There is no recreation in procreation. Or perhaps procreation is purely recreation and not romantic elation? An act of sex for me may not be the exact opposite of expressing love, but for me it is non-love and close to being anti-love.

I am not disgusted by sex, pornography, etc. I do find sex jokes mostly real stupid actually. Of course, come to think of it I find most jokes of the "canned" variety stupid. By "canned" I mean those jokes that are told and retold ad nauseum. I enjoy humor, but I just want to walk away when somebody starts off with: Did you hear about the bartender and the man with a parakeet....or did you hear about the farmer who had a daughter...etc.

To me you sound positively normal.

There must be lots of men and women who do not want sex. The problem is how we find each other. I have tried those classifieds in the internet, and I get no takers when I suggest I seek a relationship without sex. Why come?

[jay williams]

I think we need to get bold and define ourselves as "asexual". Why don't you post an ad looking for romance and intimacy but with no sex? Oh, of course, point out as well that you are intelligent and have interesting tastes, etc. I bet you will get some takers.

Your post made perfect sense and I can relate to a lot you say. It's very isolating feeling 'different' which is something I feel all of the time. Even though there is a huge community out there, as this site testifies, we are still a minority in the bigger picture. Sadly, we live in a world obsessed by sex, a word I also hate, even to the point of not wanting to be described as sexual anything. Even gay and lesbian is a direct sexual orientation, but asexual still indicates a sexual element, even though the element isn't present. I guess it's just a word to identify with in any event.

My own feelings towards sex are thus; done it, didn't like it, continued to do it for the sake of a) partner b) fitting in with society, and now never want to do it again.

I don't need to. I'm single now and have been for the past seven months. But that in itself is not easy either for a multitude of other reasons.

[Tanwen]

Welcome to AVEN and I hope you'll be happy here. We're a diverse and friendly bunch. Although longer than many introductory posts, yours made perfect sense and I think you'll note that others could relate to your feelings.

Pull up a comfy chair...have some welcome and relax...you're among friends...

Tan

[KAGU143]

Welcome to AVEN!

Your post makes perfect sense to me, and as the moderator here I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with it at all.

I think you will find a lot of kindred souls hovering around this board.

-GB

[Ice Maiden]

I think we need to get bold and define ourselves as "asexual". Why don't you post an ad looking for romance and intimacy but with no sex? Oh, of course, point out as well that you are intelligent and have interesting tastes, etc. I bet you will get some takers.

Your post made perfect sense and I can relate to a lot you say. It's very isolating feeling 'different' which is something I feel all of the time. Even though there is a huge community out there, as this site testifies, we are still a minority in the bigger picture. Sadly, we live in a world obsessed by sex, a word I also hate, even to the point of not wanting to be described as sexual anything. Even gay and lesbian is a direct sexual orientation, but asexual still indicates a sexual element, even though the element isn't present. I guess it's just a word to identify with in any event.

My own feelings towards sex are thus; done it, didn't like it, continued to do it for the sake of a) partner b) fitting in with society, and now never want to do it again.

I don't need to. I'm single now and have been for the past seven months. But that in itself is not easy either for a multitude of other reasons.

Where do I post an ad like that? I live in a tiny rural English village which might sound idyllic but can be very boring! It's difficult enough meeting 'normal' people without trying to find people who think outside of the box! I've now taken to telling men I am asexual to which the replies have been everything from

"Have you seen a doctor,"

to,

"You're obviously not doing it right"

Obviously..

Or do you mean post on this site? Haven't looked at that yet (if it is an option)

[je_suis_napoleon]

I agree with some of your views on public sex. Love and sex are not connected for me, and sex jokes, yes, I also 'get' them, but they're not funny. I find pornography boring at best and disgusting at worst. I'm just completely left cold by it.

Heh, I actually find sex jokes VERY funny. I think it's because I find the whole concept funny to begin with. Not very enlightened of me, I know. I really hope it's not the same feeling people get when they tell ethnic/racial jokes.