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PrairieGhost

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PrairieGhost

I edited out the original draft because it took up too much space. Below is my modified version, based on the suggestions of my lovely, supportive audience! If you want to see my original draft, let me know.

I'm thinking about using this as a reference to help out newcomers to AVEN and possibly help answer questions elsewhere on the site. Do you think it's good enough for that? I know at least one person has already found AVEN because this post popped up on Google :blink: So I really really really want to make sure it's accurate and a good read!!!

INTRODUCTION:

In this era of new concepts and lifestyles, it's hard to keep up with the influx of ideas inundating our society. Among them is one that has received very little attention--in fact, most people have never even heard of it. It is asexuality.

Most people only know of asexuality from their science books if they've heard of it at all. In biology, it is used to describe organisms that don't need a male and female to reproduce. When regarding a human sexual orientation, however, it means something entirely different. An asexual is one who does not experience sexual attraction, to any gender or any thing. While they may experience arousal, gratify themselves, or even reach climax, what sets them apart from sexuals is their natural disinterest in engaging in intercourse with another person. Some asexuals--known as repulsed asexuals--are outright repelled by sex and sexual acts, and have no interest even in self-gratification, but others--often called "indifferent" asexuals--are content to engage in sexual acts, though they have somewhat of a "take it or leave it" attitude towards it. There is no clear line in the sand deciding who is sexual and who is an asexual, but for anyone who has felt alienated or out of place in this extremely sexual society, the concept of asexuality can open up a vast new world of potential self-awareness and exploration.

Chapter 1:

Am I Asexual?

The question I see brought up most often when browsing the AVEN (Asexuality Visibility and Education Network) forum is "Am I an asexual?" It's not an easy one to respond to, because as with many self-exploration questions, it is one that can only be answered by the person doing the asking. Do you think you are asexual? If so, there are some questions you should ask yourself to help you on your way to self-awareness.

First of all, do you feel sexual attraction? Many asexuals are attracted to other people, which is why there is such a thing as a "straight-asexual" or a "bi-asexual", but unlike a sexual individual, an asexual doesn't feel sexual urges in response to seeing someone attractive. Wired differently than sexuals, asexuals often express their affection or attraction through unconventional ways, such as holding, cuddling, or even tackling and other rambunctious behavior. If you find that your first thought upon seeing someone attractive is holding their hand, or jumping onto their back for an impromptu piggy-back ride, you may be an asexual, especially if your thoughts don't progress further than these innocent interactions. Many asexuals are confused when their expressions of affection or attraction are interpreted as sexual, simply because sex truly was the furthest thing from their mind. If you are often baffled when someone close to you interprets your actions as sexual in nature, then you may indeed be asexual.

Another question you should ask yourself, especially if you've had sex or been sexually active before is, do you try too hard to fit in to a sexual society? Many asexuals appear to be extremely sexual at some point in their lives, all because they are over-compensating in order to fit in to our sexual society. In this age where sex scenes and innuendos are a norm in movies and sexuality sells in advertising, asexuals that are not yet self-aware can feel overwhelmed. They think, consciously or not, that they ought to be sexual, because that is what people are. Without even realizing it, many asexuals deny a crucial part of their identity, and struggle through their lives trying to be something they are not by embracing a sexual culture that isn't meant for them. If you find yourself thinking, "I should be wanting sex because everyone else does," then it is time for some introspection. Whether you have sex or not, if you find yourself slipping into the conformist mindset of "Everyone else is doing it, so I should be too," then you need to take the time to evaluate what you truly want. Conformity has it's place, but not when it comes to affirming your identity.

Would you be content if you went the rest of your life without sex? Many asexuals have what some consider an enviable ability to simply go without sex altogether. Some asexuals are satisfied with masturbation to relieve any sexual urges while others don't even need the act of self-gratification. If you find you have gone what some would consider an unreasonably long time without sexual gratification and it hasn't bothered you at all, then perhaps you are asexual.

And finally, perhaps the most important question you should ask yourself is, "Do I feel sexual?" If the answer is "No" then there is a very strong probability that you are asexual. After all, no one knows you better than you do.

Chapter 2:

Myths About Asexuality

One of the many challenges of being asexual is explaining it to friends and loved ones. Asexuality is a relatively unheard-of orientation, and unlike homosexuality, there are no pride parades, no bumper stickers, and no movies portraying the asexual community. Most people cannot wrap their brains around the idea that there really are human beings out there with no interest in sex, and when greeted with an open asexual, shower them with bad advice and assumptions about why they have such an unusual orientation.

Perhaps my favorite of the obnoxious responses is, "You just haven't met the right person yet." No asexual wants to hear that, particularly those that are in a relationship. Telling an asexual "You haven't met the right person yet" is like telling a straight man that he just hasn't met the right guy. Unfortunately, most people can't accept that, and persist in their firm belief that there is no human being who truly, honestly, just isn't interested in sex. They assume there must be something wrong with your current relationship, or your relationships in the past, and no amount of head-butting will ever change that in most circumstances.

Another response I hear often is, "You must have had bad experiences." Many sexuals assume that if someone isn't interested in sex, then they must not have had good experiences with sex. In some cases this is true--many borderline cases are pushed over the line into full-blown asexuality when it becomes unpleasant or even painful, or if an experience leaves them feeling used or degraded. However, this is not always the case. Most asexuals who have experienced sexual intercourse had nothing but favorable experiences, and yet their lack of interest continues. This is because asexuality is not a response to factors in one's life, but the way one's mind is wired from birth. As with homosexuality and heterosexuality, a person is born asexual, not made.

A more baseless accusation I've seen stated is that an asexual must have a poor body image or low self esteem. This is just downright silly, because many of the most sexual people I know were also some of the most insecure about their looks. The truth is, many asexuals feel great about themselves and the way they look, and aren't troubled by some notion of poor body image or dinged esteem. When surveyed, asexuals are found to have the same amount of self-confidence as their sexual counterparts. While some asexuals do suffer from a lack of confidence, they do not define asexuals as a whole.

Perhaps the only assumption that has any potential merit in the asexual debate is that the asexual just has a low libido. This is often proved false, particularly for those that regularly engage in forms of self-gratification and those that experience arousal. Furthermore, treatments intended to remedy low libido often have no effect on an asexual, and may even exacerbate the problem. While there are instances where a low libido is confused with asexuality, as a general rule, the two do not go hand-in hand.

Another myth about asexuality claims that asexuals are generally not affectionate and don't enjoy things like kissing, hand-holding, or cuddling. The unfortunate truth behind this belief is that many asexuals become frustrated when their actions are interpreted as sexual. Rather than risk arousing or misleading their partner, they refrain from affectionate behaviors they might otherwise enjoy, due to a simple lack of communication.

Among other myths regarding asexuality is the belief that most asexuals are female, or that one can choose to be asexual. From my experience, there are as many men as women who identify themselves as asexual, and one can no more choose to be asexual than they can choose to be homo- or heterosexual.

The only way to fight misunderstandings like these is through persistence. Many people will start to concede the validity of your claims after they have seen you "walk the walk" for long enough. Granted, some will never come around, but in cases like that, you can do nothing but ignore their ignorance. After all, better that you be self-aware than live a lie.

Chapter 3.

Asexual, Repulsed Asexual, Anti-Sexual, Aromantic

Asexuals comprise of a greatly varied group of people, ranging from the indifferent "take it or leave it" asexual to the repulsed asexual who wants nothing to do with the act. The difference is significant and should be noted, because with so little awareness of asexuality as a sexual orientation, it is important that we understand just what asexual means.

First, there is the repulsed asexual. A repulsed asexual is the extreme case of asexuality, and is not only not interested in sex, but is downright disgusted by it. They perhaps have it the hardest in this sex-obsessed society, because sex is everywhere they turn. In movies, in advertising, in TV, and even in the news, there is no escape for the repulsed asexual. To make matters worse, the people closest to them often don't understand their mindset, and are largely unsympathetic, resulting in arguments, misunderstandings, and alienation. A relative may pressure an asexual to settle down, or a well-meaning friend may try to "hook them up" with a sexy acquaintance. It is especially difficult for a repulsed asexual that is in or seeking a relationship. Asexual/sexual relationships are hard enough as it is, but for many sexuals, a relationship without sex is not a relationship at all. The repulsed asexual must search long and hard to find a person that they are compatible with not only in their values and beliefs, but in their sexual disinterest as well.

The aromantic is something else altogether, and while aromantic and asexual often go hand-in-hand, it is possible for there to be aromantic sexuals as well. An aromantic is simply someone who is not interested in romantic love. They, too, struggle in our society. After all, how many songs, movies, tv shows, advertisements, books, and conversations center around romantic love? For someone disinterested in romance, their struggle of self-awareness takes on a whole new dimension. After all, it is often considered admirable to abstain from sex, but for one to abstain from love is a difficult concept for most to understand. The aromantic also faces a challenge in that they do not neccessarily want to spend their life alone or forgoe the joys of raising a family--they just don't need the hassle of a mate, with or without the sex. Some lucky aromantics find lifelong friends that they can be perpetual roomates with, but for most, things don't work out that way.

Anti-sexuality is another category altogether. Anti-sexuals have a very negative opinion of sex, and may be either sexual or asexual. Unlike asexuality, anti-sexuality is a perspective, not an orientation, which is why an anti-sexual can be either sexual or asexual and is made, not born. Anti-sexuals believe sex is immoral or wrong for a variety of reasons, including religious beliefs and personal opinion, but while they may share similar qualities with some forms of asexuality, the two should not be confused.

There are countless other shades of gray in the asexual community, including the indifferent asexuals, who may be quite content to engage in sexual acts, though they remain "asexual" due to their lack of sexual attraction or urges. Indifferent asexuals face their greatest struggle when trying to achieve self-awareness. While a repulsed asexual has no doubt in their mind that they are not sexual, an indifferent asexual may struggle for years trying to adopt a lifestyle that is not suited to them. Indifferent asexuals are the ones most commonly asking the question, "Do you think I count as an asexual?" because while they may experience arousal, sexual pleasure, and participate in intercourse, deep down they are not sexual beings and feel out-of-place in a sexual society. Indifferent A's are the ones most likely to end up in doomed relationships, particularly before they become aware of their asexuality. In the beginning, they are active, and their sexual partner is happy, but eventually, sexual burnout occurs and the asexual reverts to their natural state of being. The sexual partner becomes frustrated, hurt, even angry or bitter, and the relationship fails. Becoming self-aware can allow an indifferent asexual to approach relationships and sex from a new angle, and can allow for even sexual/asexual pairings to thrive over the long term, which I will discuss in a later chapter.

Chapter 4:

Asexual in a Sexual Society

We live in an age where sexuality inundates our culture. It is in everything, from our movies to our shampoo, and it is a source of great frustration for many asexuals. Our sex-obsessed society causes many unaware asexuals to over-compensate and behave in an extremely sexual manner because that is what they believe is normal human behavior, but in the end, they only feel frustrated and burnt out after months or even years of denying their true nature. Some asexuals, in response to their frustration, become total hermits to avoid the pressures of their sex-crazed world, but it doesn't have to be that way. Unfortunately for most, the concept of asexuality never reaches their ears or eyes, and they are left to wonder endlessly, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I make my relationships work? Why can't I fit in? Why don't I want the things everyone else wants?" Alienated by their own ignorance, unaware asexuals struggle continuously with their own sense of identity and value.

Simply being aware of who and what we are can remedy so much of what troubles us in life, and that holds true in all things--not just our sexuality. By being aware of who we are physically, spiritually, and--yes--sexually, can allow us to approach each situation as ourselves rather than as whatever facade we have created to survive in our society. Once an asexual becomes are of the concept of asexuality and begins to wonder if indeed that concept applies to them, they open the door onto a whole new world of individual discovery. The journey of self-awareness is not a quick nor easy one--it can take a lifetime to truly understand yourself, and sometimes we do or experience things in our efforts at self-discovery that we're not very proud of later. However, the rewards of being self-aware are tremendous, and it is important to make the effort. Doing so will benefit not only your own emotional and mental state, but your relationships, your career, and your future as well.

Being an aware asexual in a sexual society makes it easier to take the pervasive sexuality of our culture in stride. No longer feeling pressured to embrace sex, an asexual is free to ignore it, just as they would any other element of life they have no interest in. Movies with sex scenes become more tolerable, advertisements featuring innuendos and blatant sexual references no longer fluster them. All in all, life becomes far more bearable and far less nerve racking.

For some, however, simply being aware of their asexuality isn't enough. For a repulsed asexual, no amount of self-awareness will soothe the irritation, disgust, or nausea generated when bombarded by sexual activity in films, tv, and advertising. The best we can hope for is that by simply knowing who we are and by letting others know who we are, we can perhaps mitigate some of the rampant sexuality in our culture and allow for a happy middle-ground.

Chapter 5:

Sexual/Asexual Relationships

We've heard the story a thousand times before--a couple gets together, has a great few months or years, and then abruptly, on partner loses all interest in sex, and the other partner is left hurt, confused, and angry. There are any number of reasons for such a drama to unfold, but a surprisingly common one is simply asexuality. More specifically, an unaware asexual. All too often, unaware asexuals get into a new relationship and try to be sexual to please their partners--after all, for most sexuals, a relationship without sex is not a relationship at all. Unfortunately, it usually ends in disaster, as the asexual almost invariably achieves burnout and can no longer muster the enthusiasm to gratify their partner. The heartbreaking part of this scenario is that the asexual may love their partner as deeply and completely as anyone could ever love another human being, but they are simply not wired in the same way as their partner. Rather than wanting to express their love through sex, they would be more comfortable through other forms of interaction--snuggling, kissing, massages, gazing lovingly into their partner's eyes, and so on. In fact, many asexuals are extremely sensual, responding very well to touches and caresses that are not sexual in nature, and for this reason, they often try to express their affection through these means and are confused when their sexual partner doesn't respond to them the way they expect.

Yet, despite all the problems, asexual/sexual relationship can prosper--and do! It is not easy, but nothing that was ever worth doing was easy. As with any relationship, you must be self aware. Think of it as though you were a piece to a puzzle--you have to know what shape you are before you can find the one you fit with. This holds true no matter what aspect of your identity you are facing, be it your religious beliefs, your desire for children, your goals in life, or your sexuality. A relationship can only prosper if those involved know themselves well enough to know someone else.

Furthermore, it is important for both partners to be open with each other. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, particularly when dealing with something as unconventional as asexuality. A sexual partner usually has difficulty understanding that someone can love another person without experiencing sexual attraction, so it takes a lot of work on the asexual's part to show their partner how much and how deeply they care for them. It is important that the sexual partner understands that asexuality is not a choice but a state of mind bestowed upon us at birth. As much as we love them, as much as we want them to be happy, we cannot change the way we are wired.

Some asexuals--particularly indifferent asexuals--are willing to engage in sex to gratify a sexual partner, and in cases like these, a compromise can be reached in which the sexual partner is satisfied but the asexual partner does not feel used, degraded, or ashamed. For many, scheduled intimacy can take a lot of the stress out of an asexual/sexual relationship, because an asexual needn't worry that their expressions of affection will be mistaken for foreplay, and a sexual knows they will be gratified regularly. Also, having the power to say "No." can do wonders for a relationship. Just knowing that your partner won't be bitter or make you feel guilty for denying them sex can take a lot of the stress out of being asexual, and will greatly benefit the relationship!

It is also important that the sexual partner compromise as well. It isn't enough that the asexual make allowances for their sexual partner--the sexual partner has to pitch in too! A good example is one asexual/sexual couple that worked out the arrangement that whenever they were to be intimate, the asexual partner received a lengthy, full-body massage beforehand. Thus satiated in her own preferred way, the asexual was more than happy to return the favor, and gratify her sexual partner. Thus, the relationship was never one-sided, nor was undue pressure put on either partner to perform in a certain way.

Just as it is unfair to ask an asexual to behave like a sexual, it is unfair to ask a sexual to remain completely celibate. If you are an asexual that simply cannot engage in sex in any form, then it is unlikely that you will be happy in a mixed relationship. While some sexuals are deeply understanding and even able to forgo their desire to make love to their partner, most will feel neglected, used, or unloved, just as an asexual would feel used and unhappy if they were pressured into sex. It is important to talk to your partner and understand how they think and feel about your relationship, and determine through ample communication how best to handle your differing sexual mindsets. Most sexuals require some form of sexual gratification, and it is important not to ignore the needs of your partner. Be fair, be kind, but most importantly, be true to yourself.

Chapter 6:

Reaching Out to a Possible Asexual

As I've stated before, the biggest problem with being asexual is that most people haven't heard of it, so it's a very difficult thing to go through when you don't even know what it is. Unaware asexuals are plagued with thoughts of "what's wrong with me?" and "I love this person so much--why don't I want to have sex with them?" If you know someone who you suspect is asexual, approaching them about the subject can be difficult. Depending on the person, you may be able to ask them directly about it--"Do you think you might be asexual?"--or you may need to work it into the conversation, so as not to upset or offend them. "I read an article online the other day about this thing called asexuality--it's really something else." Only by spreading awareness can we help the countless people out there struggling with an identity they don't understand in a society that doesn't understand them. If you have a friend, loved one, coworker, neighbor, or anyone else that you believe is asexual, reach out to them. Speak to them. You may just be the key to unlocking their self-discovery.

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Not a bad start. It could probably use more editing than I can provide, but one thing that jumped out at me is that you say that all antisexuals are asexual, even linking it as a degree of asexuality. However, there are a number of antisexual sexuals, who, for whatever reason, see sex as bad/evil/a scourge upon all humanity/etc. Antisexism is actually more of an opinion of sex, rather than a symptom of asexuality. There are a number of antisexual asexuals, but the two do not go hand-in-hand.

Other than that, though, not a bad start at all.

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PrairieGhost
Not a bad start. It could probably use more editing than I can provide, but one thing that jumped out at me is that you say that all antisexuals are asexual, even linking it as a degree of asexuality. However, there are a number of antisexual sexuals, who, for whatever reason, see sex as bad/evil/a scourge upon all humanity/etc. Antisexism is actually more of an opinion of sex, rather than a symptom of asexuality. There are a number of antisexual asexuals, but the two do not go hand-in-hand.

Other than that, though, not a bad start at all.

Thank you.

I was of the understanding that anti-sexual simply applied to an asexual with a natural, strong aversion to sex. I wasn't aware that it was applied to sexuals that believed sex was evil/wrong as well.

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emmarainbow

I don't know if I'm alone on this, but I don't really like being called 'borderline' - I really and honestly don't fancy people. My behaviour shouldn't make me 'borderline' ase. However, discussing ase people who are fine with sex is a good move! I'd just rather we were called plain ol' asexuals, rather than somehow 'less' asexual than those who do refuse to have sex.

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Hallucigenia

It might help if you told us what this was going to be used for when it's done... unless you've already done that somewhere and I'm just being an idiot. Thanks.

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PrairieGhost
I don't know if I'm alone on this, but I don't really like being called 'borderline' - I really and honestly don't fancy people. My behaviour shouldn't make me 'borderline' ase. However, discussing ase people who are fine with sex is a good move! I'd just rather we were called plain ol' asexuals, rather than somehow 'less' asexual than those who do refuse to have sex.

I understand your point... It's just difficult coming up with terminology for all these different aspects of the orientation. It's important to me to explain the various possibilities among asexuals, and applying some form of terminology to it makes it easier, I thought.

I'll have to think on it, see how I can re-word it later.

Hallucigenia--Didn't really have anything in mind for it yet... Was just typing it out to get it out of my head, really.

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Dame du Lac

I think overall it is very good PrairieGhost. There are a couple of points:

1) In Chapter 5 you need to replace the word "chastity" with the word "celibacy". I know that quite often today these words are used interchangeably by many people but chastity does not mean not having sex; rather it is about appropriate sexual behaviour and is normally used in a religious context. So a married couple can be chaste but still have sexual intercourse. Celibacy is the correct word for refraining from sex.

2) The use of "anti-sexual" and "borderline". Like the others have said above these aren't really the correct terms for what you are trying to say. Normally on AVEN we use repulsed asexual and indifferent asexual to denote those who are personally revolted by the thought of sex (or at least when it involves them) and those who just don't find anyone attractive and just aren't interested. Both are considered fully asexual (and on AVEN the indifferent asexuals come up as the bulk of the community on the census forum). There are people who are borderline or "gray" (me, for one!) who may enjoy sex and choose to engage in it for reasons other than sexual attraction or who experience attraction on such a rare basis that they are more asexual than sexual. The use of the term gray upsets some people and it is also confusing to people learning about asexuality for the first time. I would probably go with pointing out that some indifferent asexuals engage in sex for a number of reasons and leave it at that!

3) Aromantics. This is a difficult area because one or two aromantics from here are in relationships that from the outside look romantic because they are exclusive, intimate and they love their partners, but they don't experience romanctic feelings in the way others do. Perhaps you could say something along the lines of "some aromantics do not want to be involved in any sort of close or emotionally intimate relationship and some desire a partner or close friend to "love" but do not experience romantic love for others. They may or may not want physical affection/closeness."

4) You may want to include a piece on what asexuality is not. This covers two issues: one is the criticism from therapists and the like who sometimes accuse us of not being qualified to say whether someone is or is not asexual. For this you need to point out that sudden loss of sexual attraction, loss of libido and other similar problems should be checked out by a doctor. The other is anti-sexuality. As Ithilorn said anti-sexuality is a very negative attitude towards sex that can be held by sexuals as well as asexuals. Repulsed asexuals are not necessary anti-sexual; they may be personally revolted by the idea but completely accept that sex is normal and natural for most people, and are happy for others to do it.

5) And one last, rather pedantic, point. On the low esteem front, you probably can't say that "the percentage is no greater that among sexual people" as the research hasn't been done so this can't be backed up. You could say instead, that asexuals display the same range of self-esteem and confidence levels as you find anywhere (which you can back up by directing people to AVEN!).

I know this is long and negative sounding, so I'll say again - this is very good!

Have lots of :cake: for your efforts.

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PrairieGhost

Thank you, Dame du Lac--I really appreciate the input, and you did a great job with making it sound constructive instead of just criticism! lol

The Self Esteem comment was based on a study I saw someone on AVEN post a while back where he actually surveyed a bunch of people, sexual and asexual, and effectively disproved the belief that asexuals generally have a lower self-esteem than sexuals.

I should try to find the thread so I can reference it properly.

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Dame du Lac

That's okay PG. I just wanted to add that I especially liked chapter 6 encouraging people to broach the subject with people they think might be asexual. It would encourage general awareness and then people might be more willing to talk about themselves in these terms.

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PrairieGhost
That's okay PG. I just wanted to add that I especially liked chapter 6 encouraging people to broach the subject with people they think might be asexual. It would encourage general awareness and then people might be more willing to talk about themselves in these terms.

Oh, definitely. It changed my life when I realized that no, there's nothing wrong with me--I'm just different. It helped me handle relationships better, it vastly improved my self-esteem, and it made life in general a lot more tolerable. If I can help someone else achieve something like that, it would be great.

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  • 2 weeks later...
In_Omnia_Paratus

I think it's great :D, couple of spelling mistakes but thats nothing to worry about. maybe work on the anti-sexual Aromantic section. It is a little confusing.

you are a good writer though.

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PrairieGhost
I think it's great :D, couple of spelling mistakes but thats nothing to worry about. maybe work on the anti-sexual Aromantic section. It is a little confusing.

you are a good writer though.

Yeah, I'm probably just going to have to rewrite that entire chunk. x_x

Thank you!

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  • 2 weeks later...
Dame du Lac

Excellent! The rewritten bit on indifferent and repulsed asexuals and the difference between asexual and antisexual is much clearer.

Any idea where you're going to post it yet?

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In_Omnia_Paratus

yay awesome, I understand the Aromantic and repulsed/anti sexual parts now :D

I'd say its about done.

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ReturntoWaldenPond

I'm really glad you included the bit about it being a myth about asexuals not being affectionate and so forth. I have a very strong romantic drive and I love to cuddle and hold hands and so forth. I wish that I could do that with all my friends; male, female, whatever without being looked at as being "gay" or whatever. I also can fall in love and want to have a meaningful relationship (I am married). Thank you for going through all the effort of doing this! ^ - ^

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PrairieGhost

:D Thanks guys!

Still no idea what I'm actually going to do with it... Anyone got any suggestions?

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asexual1976

A few more points in addition to what Dame du Lac wrote above.

Introduction

but others--often called "indifferent" asexuals--are content to engage in sexual acts, though they have somewhat of a "take it or leave it" attitude towards it.

I'm not quite sure I understand what a "take it or leave it attitude" means. It somehow sounds as if asexual are playing hard to get or have specific preferences they want fullfilled in order to agree to sex.

Chapter 1

2nd paragraph : "asexuals often express their affection or attraction through unconventional ways, such as holding, cuddling, or even tackling and other rambunctious behavior."

I'd strike the "unconventional ways" as cuddling, holding etc. is quite common among sexuals as well.

3rd paragraph : "Many asexuals appear to be extremely sexual at some point in their lives, all because they are over-compensating in order to fit in to our sexual society."

I'm not sure this is actually true. You might consider replacing "Many" with "Some".

Chapter 2

Among other myths regarding asexuality is the belief that most asexuals are female, or that one can choose to be asexual. From my experience, there are as many men as women who identify themselves as asexual, and one can no more choose to be asexual than they can choose to be homo- or heterosexual.

I'd strike that part about there not being more females than males, as there really hasn't been any detailed reasearch and our own AVEN (non-scientific poll), does suggest a female:male ration of about 2:1 (see http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?showtopic=24599)

Chapter 3

1st paragraph : Again the "take it or leave it" part which I do not fully understand.

A side note : You may want to re-define indifferent asexuals to be more inclusive. The way you lay down the options, it sounds like there really are only two types : The repulsed asexual which can't even bear to hear about sex and the indifferent asexual who has sex frequently but doesn't particularly care about it. That excludes others (like me) who wouldn't want to have sex, and would find it quite difficult to compromise in a relationship to the effect of having sex, but on the otherhand are quite comfortable talking about sex as such as matter of general or scientific interest.

Chapter 4

"Our sex-obsessed society causes many unaware asexuals to over-compensate and behave in an extremely sexual manner because that is what they believe is normal human behavior, but in the end, they only feel frustrated and burnt out after months or even years of denying their true nature."

I agree that there are probably many asexual that engange in sexual activities out of desperation or compromise to keep a relationship with a sexual partner alive, but I'm not quite sure that there are many the behave in an "extremly sexual manner".

Otherwise a good article !

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  • 4 months later...

Brilliant article. I would like a copy of your draft.

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