are you muslim and in an asexual relationship?

[coolandcute]

I'm just wondering. We hear of so many other subgroups among asexuals but hardly anything about asexual Muslims. Maybe it's something like being a minority within a minority. If anybody would offer their experiences, I would gladly appreciate it. Thanks.

[Kelly]

This is a good thread and I hope that we have responses. Muslims do appear to be a minority here. According to the Religion Poll:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?&am...e=show&st=0

0% (out of 52) of AVENites are Islamic, as of this post. I know that we have some, since it is so popular in the world and AVEN is worldwide.

Thanks for bringing the subject up. :)

[Skylark]

There was a Muslim guy who posted an intro in the Intro forum not too long ago...

[Hallucigenia]

I am currently compiling and analyzing results from the Official AVEN Survey, and 1 respondent (out of just under 300) identified as Muslim. So it's not a common thing, but they do exist...

[Sally]

It might be more difficult for Muslims to hear about/access AVEN due to family/religious pressure -- it's a pretty "normative" society.

[jr1]

keep spreading awareness

[Samarkand]

I'm an asexual Muslim. Funny I should see this today because I was figuring out how to reconcile my identity with my religion earlier today. Sally is sort of right. Islam doesn't encourage celibacy and marriage is part of faith. There's a lot of emphasis on family and it doesn't shy away from sex unlike, say, Christianity. For example, celibacy doesn't make one closer to God. There are however cases in history where saints have chosen to not marry.

I would hardly call asexuality in Islam as a minority within a minority. Figure-wise, it is the second largest religion in the world. Anyway, back to topic on hand:

It's frustrating, for me, as I am not an aromantic asexual and most Muslim men (okay, most people) would want children upon marriage. It is the only permissible way for me as a woman to have a relationship with a man since we're not allowed to date and I'm not partial to that either. However, if I do marry, I intend to continue being celibate. I was actually discussing this with a friend. He asked if I would be alright with a polygamous relationship where I will be able to have a nonsexual relationship with my husband and he can have a sexual relationship and children with another wife. I find it perfectly fine. I guess it's not for everyone but as I would prefer to raise adopted children with a partner, it works fine for me.

And it's usually my 'disclaimer' when it comes to men interested in me: "No sex, no children of our own. Take it or leave it."

[DaniTheGirl]

Samarkand,

I was wondering if the situation you hypothesized,

He asked if I would be alright with a polygamous relationship where I will be able to have a nonsexual relationship with my husband and he can have a sexual relationship and children with another wife

is likely to happen? Is there precedent for something like that, wherever you live? I'm lucky enough to be in a relationship with another asexual, but if I weren't I also would be happy to find a man who would be willing to have a loving relationship with me and a sexual relatinship with someone else, but that's so far from the mainstream here in good ol' Wisconsin, USA that it would raise a whole 'nother bundle of issues. If that's a situation you can look forward to as possible, I envy you.

[Samarkand]

Samarkand,

I was wondering if the situation you hypothesized, is likely to happen?

It was actually an indirect marriage proposal coming from him. As to whether it is likely to happen, in theory it works well there are known scholars who have done similar things. They are men though so I suppose they just provide a home and money for their wives but no sex and children and since women can't have more than one husband, the wives might have been widows with children or something. It's a selfless gesture on the men's part in that case to upkeep women who may not be as desirable as younger unmarried women. I've known cases of first wives finding younger wives for their husbands so that they can take over the sexual needs.

However, as I am paranoid, I declined. I would rather have him marry first than have me as the first wife because I wouldn't want to have to 'satisfy' his sexual urges when he has yet to find another woman.

Oh dear me Dani, I envy you. I'd much prefer to be with an asexual man. Have yet to find one that's as into sports as he is into intellectual pursuits!

[DaniTheGirl]

However, as I am paranoid, I declined. I would rather have him marry first than have me as the first wife because I wouldn't want to have to 'satisfy' his sexual urges when he has yet to find another woman.

Ha, I know exactly what you mean. I was once someone's second girlfriend, he'd been with his other for over two years, and (although I know dating is completely different from marriage) it was nice to feel like a lot of the pressure didn't fall to me...

Can I ask where you live? Not in a creepy, stalkerish way, I am just wondering :-)

[Samarkand]

Can I ask where you live? Not in a creepy, stalkerish way, I am just wondering :-)

I'm from Singapore :) Back in school, it seemed like a bunch of people were asexuals, could be the grades-oriented culture though LOL.

[Carsonspire]

This is a really interesting topic.

Thanks for bringing it up. I hope to see more people respond.

~Carsonspire

[Elf people]

Well, it says that I'm Muslim on my passport. Ironically our secular governments could not face the public loss of approval (the whole governments are office seeking assumption in polisci) from a primarily Muslim populace to get rid of this label on the passport. The current government of course would never even consider it.

Hence, unless one is Armenian or Jewish and a citizen of Turkey one has the Muslim label on the passport.

My family and my social "grouping"-didn't want to call it 'class' at the risk of sounding either elitist or socialist lol- are non practicing. Or more than that we are areligious though not atheistic.

I've always been asexual and always had that label on my passport but I don't know if you'd count me as I'm bound by none of the laws of the religion (in fact uttering the word 'sharia' is accusatory in my country lol).

It's interesting to read about others' experiences as asexuals who follow Islam though. I'd always wondered...

And please do not take offense-any negative remark on my part is a result of my secular upbringing and is purely political in nature.

[coolandcute]

Hey guys and gals,

Thanks for your enthusiastic replies. I got bogged down with life but I am back. Actually,

there are more Muslim asexuals out there than you might imagine. Being here on AVEN the last few years, I've talked to only a few others but once I posted on a site in my city that is not aimed at any religious group and several people replied. So I figure there are as many Muslim asexuals out there as there are x% of asexuals in any community, although I do agree that the percentage of asexuals seem higher in certain communities. I don't see a relationship or romance happening for me and my asexuality is just one of the reasons for that. Plus, it's hard to meet someone who is Muslim and whom I like or have things in common with where I live. I have considered the possibility of being in a relationship with someone who's not Muslim but I am not sure how that would work out. (For instance, the other person ordering pork during dinner. A big no, no as far as I am concerned. I had a recent bad experience with a girl who called herself my friend in this regards.) But the thing is, I am not sure about relationships in general. I think they might not even be the right term for me. Just being friends or a companion with someone I like would be more than enough. Theoretically if there were to be any romantic feelings, the other person would at least have to believe in God. I couldn't be in love with someone who didn't believe in God. Otherwise, it would be too painful.

[cuteyhoney]

well, technically I am an asexual Muslim, but I'm not very religious so I don't know if it counts. I respect most religions but I am pretty rooted against most Organized religions. just my own feelings. I was born Muslim, and I follow the fundamentals of Islam (and many other religions) by trying to be a good person and do what's right, but it depends how you guys look at it.

I could just be some spiritual but not Muslim 'regular' Asexual. haha

My family does not yet know that I am Asexual though so I'm not much help there.

[fulcrum]

Hey guys and gals,

Thanks for your enthusiastic replies. I got bogged down with life but I am back. Actually,

there are more Muslim asexuals out there than you might imagine. Being here on AVEN the last few years, I've talked to only a few others but once I posted on a site in my city that is not aimed at any religious group and several people replied. So I figure there are as many Muslim asexuals out there as there are x% of asexuals in any community, although I do agree that the percentage of asexuals seem higher in certain communities. I don't see a relationship or romance happening for me and my asexuality is just one of the reasons for that. Plus, it's hard to meet someone who is Muslim and whom I like or have things in common with where I live. I have considered the possibility of being in a relationship with someone who's not Muslim but I am not sure how that would work out. (For instance, the other person ordering pork during dinner. A big no, no as far as I am concerned. I had a recent bad experience with a girl who called herself my friend in this regards.) But the thing is, I am not sure about relationships in general. I think they might not even be the right term for me. Just being friends or a companion with someone I like would be more than enough. Theoretically if there were to be any romantic feelings, the other person would at least have to believe in God. I couldn't be in love with someone who didn't believe in God. Otherwise, it would be too painful.

It would seem to me that asexuality would be just as home with muslims as with anyone else. The purported shortage of them here is representative of the fact that muslims are such a tiny minority in America. I would guess that some of the stricter Islamic code regarding sexual behavior wouldn't be incompatible with an asexual lifestyle.

[maridelea]

well, technically I am an asexual Muslim, but I'm not very religious so I don't know if it counts. I respect most religions but I am pretty rooted against most Organized religions. just my own feelings. I was born Muslim, and I follow the fundamentals of Islam (and many other religions) by trying to be a good person and do what's right, but it depends how you guys look at it.

I could just be some spiritual but not Muslim 'regular' Asexual. haha

My family does not yet know that I am Asexual though so I'm not much help there.

That's pretty much how I am, as well. I'm Muslim by birth, and I follow the basic pillars of Islam, but when it comes to all the nit-picky little miniscule things that some of my Sunday School teachers expect me to follow (like not playing the clarinet), I just kind of go my own way. I like the "big picture" of Islam, but I'm not extremely strict in my beliefs.

Relationships-wise, I personally wouldn't be against a relationship with someone who was non-Muslim, so long as they were asexual and a good person. I'm not one to let religion determine whether or not I can have a relationship with someone (my mother, however, would probably have something to say about this), and I've met a lot of non-Muslims who are a lot better than some of the Muslims I know. Everyone's different, I s'pose.

But then again, I'm still only a teenager and have little experience with relationships, so I don't know if I should be talking.

I have a question: Would a romantic relationship between two asexuals of the same gender be objectionable in Islam? I've always wondered about that.

[abdju]

It's good to see we do indeed have some Muslims on here, it certainly makes a change from other forums I've been on in the past where everyone was ready to discuss how Islam sees these sexuality issues but not being in or having been in the religion themselves...

I am not Muslim now, but was up until seven years ago, and I was also also in an Islamic marriage, though that's now ended. Alas, my spouse was rather more sexual than me, though it was not that which ended our relationship. I think it's a double edged sword in Islam with asexuality. For women you do have the option of being a second/third/fourth wife, though that is making the assumption that because someone is asexual they are OK with polyamoruous relationships. Some of of us are, of course, but it's hardly a universal rule.

Secondly, that doesn't help if your a man...

Both of these things though assume that one cannot find either another A partner who is Muslim, or a sexual partner willing to compromise. Although Islam is more open about sexual issues in general, I think it's important to remember that Islam places emphasis or harmonious and caring personal relationships, so there is always room for compromise from the point of view of the spirit of the religion. So, on a personal level, I don't think that anyone who is A should feel they have to go along with anything for the sake of pleasing God.

The real issue is awareness and family/social pressures. Having fallen foul of that one, I fear I have little useful to really add, except that these things rarely fail teach you who your friends and family really are.

[Tom Nook]

I have a question: Would a romantic relationship between two asexuals of the same gender be objectionable in Islam? I've always wondered about that.

wow, it's great to see other Muslims on here! I was beginning to think I was the only one, haha. Anyways, regarding this particular question, from what I've read, being homosexual isn't haram (forbidden) per se, but rather the sexual acts (ie anal) involved in it are, as they are for heterosexual people as well. A person could even receive extra blessings if they are gay because of the difficulty in not giving in to temptation. Contrary to what the mainstream media reports, that is what true Jihad (struggle) is about - struggling with yourself to follow the right path.

Another person also mentioned how Islam places a strong emphasis on marriage. The driving reason for that is to avoid promescuity, which is considered haram in Islam. However, if a person does not wish to marry simply because they do not want to, and they do not fornicate, then there is no problem. You can read more about this here:

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satelli...d=1123996016648

[LostInThoughts]

I am a muslim, too, although being of Turkish origin, born and raised in Germany, quite secular and hardly practising.

Islam has a kind of two-edged understanding of sexuality that tends to confuse and exploit especially us women. On the one hand, girls are expected to be chaste virgins (with no sexual desires) and refrain from any sexual activity until they get married; once they are in a marriage, they are expected to subject their body to the sexual needs of their husband.

In both cases, women do not have any control over their own bodies - it's either parents, society or the husband who decides over the female sexuality.

This might sound a bit harsh - apologies to the true believers here - but I perceive a lot of what defines Islam as inherently misogynistic.

[naelNY]

I am a muslim, too, although being of Turkish origin, born and raised in Germany, quite secular and hardly practising.

Islam has a kind of two-edged understanding of sexuality that tends to confuse and exploit especially us women. On the one hand, girls are expected to be chaste virgins (with no sexual desires) and refrain from any sexual activity until they get married; once they are in a marriage, they are expected to subject their body to the sexual needs of their husband.

In both cases, women do not have any control over their own bodies - it's either parents, society or the husband who decides over the female sexuality.

This might sound a bit harsh - apologies to the true believers here - but I perceive a lot of what defines Islam as inherently misogynistic.

i am Kashmiriyat, so im not sure that counts as muslim. but it definitely is a religion that encompasses Muslim beliefs but also SanatDharmist (hindu) and Christian beliefs.

and, btw, frankly alot of what defines both Christianity and Islam are both misogynist. for example, the Bible when mentioning Virgins, is usually referring to Females only. :(

[Mariiia]

Finally some Muslims let know about them on this site. I've been looking for such more than a year.

[Ephilei]

Disclaimer: I'm a Christian, not a Muslim, but I spent a while studying Islam. So this is all just my semi-informed opinion.

I think a plural marriage with an asexual wife would be just fine. Muhammad had a number of wives he married older and he may not have had sex with them. He also married Aisha 3(?) years before having sex with her. But if the husband demands sex, then you're in trouble. Of course, you have to be in a country where that's tolerated.

I don't think Islam would allow a sexless marriage between two people of the same sex. For the same reason Islam doesn't allow dating in most interpretations. It's not so much about the sex as it is about Islam establishing a way of orderly life and that order is always male+female. However, committing to another person of the same sex for life without calling it marriage, without raising children and without sex would probably be as acceptable as celibacy. Unfortunately, there will always be people who don't understand and think you're really gay but hiding under this "asexual" thing.

A reason there are so few Muslims on here is that this site is mainly American where there are pretty few Muslims. And in Islamic countries/cultures, there's the assumption that everyone will be heterosexual so asexuals will be slower to realize it than places where diverse orientations are recognized.

[anonanonanon]

Oh, fantastic, so there ARE other Muslims on here!

I'm not as practicing as I should be, but I do follow most of the Islamic teachings.

I don't really feel strongly against the idea of marriage being for procreation. I believe love can and should exist beside that goal. [To me, it'd just be romantic love as opposed to sexual attraction, and I don't want children for other reasons]

Anyways, hoping some of you are still active on the site, so I can get to know you more :)

[nope]

another muslim here (not a very good one though) ! yerp...thats all i pretty much had to add....

[kriptotem]

I'm an asexual Muslim, too. Also my partner is.

[never odd or even]

disclaimer: christianity can be quite open with sexual issues too. some churches more than others. same as every other culture, each to his own, if you know where to look, you'll find it.

although now i've said that, i've never seen islam be 'open' about sexual issues before.... in my experiences, islam can be much less open than christians on a lot of things. i wont deny the misogyny on both sides, and i do not think that it is at all right, and like to challenge it, along with various other religion loopholes for unreasonableness....

[Smitty]

I'm a Jew, but good to know there's other people "of the book" on here...

[Cazz333]

I have a question: Would a romantic relationship between two asexuals of the same gender be objectionable in Islam? I've always wondered about that.

In Christianity it is acceptable as long no sexual acts are done or civil partnerships in a church as marriage and sex are supposed to be procreation + pleasure according to The Word a.k.a Bible. In I slam I gather from my less well- read Qur'an it's roughly the same give or take traditions and such.

[Batman's Ace]

and, btw, frankly alot of what defines both Christianity and Islam are both misogynist. for example, the Bible when mentioning Virgins, is usually referring to Females only. :(

I don't understand how that's misogynistic. Please explain?