(SP) Posted May 15, 2004 Share Posted May 15, 2004 http://www.yesportal.com/news.cfm/2411 2012 Mod Edit: The above link doesn't work anymore, but the content can be found here. For future reference: Let's Talk About 'Asexuality'by Darklady 03/18/04Email this Story Print this Story Sex is everywhere. Television, radio, movie theaters, billboards, email inboxes, Janet Jackson's Super Bowl boob, Constitution amendments to "protect" heterosexual marriage, Victoria Secret catalogues, x10 camera ads, shampoo ads, booze ads, cigarette ads -- ads, ads, ads. Sex is everywhere. We know that the prevalence of sex in the media pisses off the more conservative elements in society that believe honest sexual expression leads to the total destruction of society as we know it and, ultimately, Armageddon and Hell. But what about the rest of us? Americans with average libidos are probably bored at worst by the barrage of sexually titillating material available on a daily basis. But what about people with low or non-existent libidos? What about people who just couldn't care less about sex, padded bras, low-slung jeans, pierced belly buttons, and where Jackson got her sunburst nipple guard? Once upon a time, if a person were disinterested in sex, it was taken as a sign that God had selected them for a religious life among the clerics. Clearly, recent sex scandals within the Roman Catholic Church have proven that that merry band of ecclesiastics is not creaking beneath the weight of asexuality. Yet, such do people exist -- and many have no interest in Viagra, Cialis, Vardenafil, yohimbe, vibrators, clitoral stimulation, oral sex, or orgasms. More than that, many of them are entirely happy to be free of the distractions and annoyances that come with a more active sex drive. And, as odd as that may seem to those whose pulses quicken at the scent of their lover's musk or the teasing sight of unexpectedly bare flesh, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to get it on. The trouble comes when sex drives are incompatible. Gays, bisexuals, transsexuals, the non-monogamous and kinky aren't the only folks who go through their lives struggling to accept their differences from the mainstream. Asexual youths experience much of the same sense of alienation -- and find that there is precious little support or information about their kind of different loving. That's why 21-year-old David Jay, a student at Wesleyan University in Middletown, Connecticut started the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN). Jay, who has never had sex and never wanted to do so, became involved with queer politics while in college and "came out" as asexual while doing so. Along the way, he learned a great deal about forming sexual identity communities and the complexities of the diverse sexual paths different people take. Today, AVEN has 800 members who gather online to discuss their experiences, share their joys and sorrows, swap tales, and lend advice. Given how little research has been done on the subject of asexuality, those who come to AVEN are likely to be their own best experts and most have had to deal with accusations of mental, emotional, or physical illness, repression, trauma, abuse -- or pure man/woman hating. According to those involved with AVEN, such claims are simply not true. As Jay sees it, although asexuals can experience the physical pleasure associated with solo or partnered sex, they simply have no urge to do so. Some, including Jay, dabble in masturbation occasionally, but none feel compelled to share the experience with another, although some do so out of a feeling of obligation. The Kinsey Institute has conducted one of the few studies on the subject of asexuality and its preliminary findings agree with the members of AVEN: asexuality is not a pathology, but an identity like any other. Hopefully, AVEN will help not only those that identify as asexual but their friends and partners better understand this form of sexual identity -- and bring likeminded friends and lovers together. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted May 15, 2004 Share Posted May 15, 2004 Well, looky there. Thanks for listing all the things we're not interested in, lady. :roll: Other than that: WOOHOO! Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 15, 2004 Share Posted May 15, 2004 Yay! Good work, YesPortal! That's really fun to say. C'mon everybody, with me: "YESPORTAL!" Link to post Share on other sites
(SP) Posted May 16, 2004 Author Share Posted May 16, 2004 I get the feeling that as more and more articles are written,we're going to get less and less enthusiastic about them(not that this was some great article...)anyway we are also mentioned herehttp://www.sexnewsdaily.com/issue/b511-031704.htmlabout our other article, but they write their own thing about it...It is some 'sex news site' though so caution if you do not like that sort of thing... 2012 Mod Edit: The above link doesn't work anymore, but the content can be found here. Relevant text: Chronicles of the 21st Century Asexuals of the world unite! If you're reading SND! this may be a foreign concept to you. But there are legions of people in our sex-saturated world who do not experience sexual feelings. These people are known as asexuals or, in the cruel words of the Cro-Magnons hanging out on the corner, "freaks of nature." Or, in the disappointed words of would-be lovers, "You're sexually repressed! or "You hate (men) (women)!" But now asexuals aren't taking it any longer. They're coming out and joining AVEN, the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, where they can hob-nob online with other asexuals. What does it feel like to be asexual? In the words of 51-year-old Nancy, "I wondered what was wrong with these people. I had no interest in sex at all. I felt like a clinical observer, observing another species. I didn't identify." Which got to be a problem when Nancy wanted to be in a relationship. In fact, just to make sure everything worked, Nancy tried masturbating. Yep, everything worked. "But I still don't see what all the fuss is about." The 800-member (and growing) AVEN is the brainchild of 21-year-old David Jay, now a student at Connecticut's Wesleyan University. Find out what biology and neurology has to say about asexuality, meet a few asexuals, find out how they deal with a sexless life, and dispel a few myths you may believe. It's all on Josey Vogels' MyMessyBedroom.com:http://www.mymessybedroom.com/columnshow.asp?id=112 Go right to the source. Check out AVEN:http://www.asexuality.org Link to post Share on other sites
IT Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 More great work, sacredprofaneI much prefer the link to the 'My Messy Bedroom' site at the end of the sexnewsdaily.com article:http://www.mymessybedroom.com/columnshow.asp?id=112It's great that the word is spreading. 2012 Mod Edit: The above link doesn't work anymore, but the content can be found here. For future reference: No Sex Please.. Nancy felt like a freak back in high school when all her typically teenage friends were obsessed with talking about sex, dating and making out. "I wondered what was wrong with these people. I had no interest in sex at all," the 51-year-old Washington woman tells me over the phone. "I felt like a clinical observer, observing another species. I didn't identify." In fact, Nancy has only ever had sex once in her life -- with a boy she fell in love with at age 19 -- and then only, she says, because she figured "it wouldn't kill her." Nancy soon realized, however, that not wanting to have sex with people you fall in love with doesn't always go over so well. "I've learned that I shouldn't start something I can't finish," she explains. As a teenager in the 70s, someone like Nancy would probably indeed be called a "freak of nature." She preferred "asexual," a word she came up with on her own, but says, "I always thought I was the only one." Better late than never, she recently searched online and found AVEN, the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org). Nancy, who has been happily married for the last six years to a mentally disabled man "with a wonderful sense of humour and a low sex drive," admits she feels a bit jealous because nothing like AVEN existed for her through those brutal teenage years. "I can't imagine how different my life would have been if I had found a place to meet others like me," she laments. That's partly why 21-year-old David Jay started AVEN two years ago. "In high school, I spent a lot of time struggling with my sexuality," explains Jay, a student at Wesleyan University in Middletown, Connecticut, who has never had sex. "People talked about having crushes on people, and all that hokey, 'do you like someone,' 'do you like, like someone,' stuff and I didn't get it. I had no frame of personal experience to understand what people were talking about." Jay got involved in queer politics in college and learned a lot about the complexities of sexuality and the importance of forming communities around sexual identity. He "came out" as asexual and quickly recognized how little information was available on the subject. Since starting AVEN, 800 members have now found a place to discuss, commiserate, and share stories. Most amusing are the predictable responses that sexual people always offer to those with an inability to feel sexual attraction: You're sexually repressed/you haven't had sex with me/you hate men/you hate women/you've experienced sexual trauma and are afraid to have sex/you haven't met the right person. But, Nancy argues, she's met plenty of "right" people, she certainly doesn't hate men or women, and she says the asexuals she's met have suffered no more sexual trauma than the rest of us. And as for the plumbing, it's just fine, thank you very much. "I've masturbated," she admits. "Everything works, but I still don't see what all the fuss is about." While the idea of never wanting sex seems hard for most of us to accept, Nancy likens it to putting a straight man into a world that says, "now you have to be attracted to men." Unfortunately, very few studies have been done to explain asexuality. Jay knows of one study being done at the Kinsey Institute. Their preliminary findings seem to back up what most asexuals already believe: asexuality is not a pathology. It is just something some people are, an identity. Described from a biological standpoint, asexuality refers to an organism with no sexual organs that reproduce -- like the one-celled amoeba -- by simply dividing itself into two. Asexuality as applied to humans is more about dividing sexual response from sexual attraction. Jay explains that while sexual activity can feel good (he admits he masturbates though not all asexuals do), it's not something you're compelled to act upon with another person. "It's possible to have the neuro hardware kicking out sexual sensations, but those sensations have to be interpreted by higher centers of the brain as sexual attraction," explains 44-year-old Don from New Mexico, who has a background in biology. "You can feel pleasure and not associate it with sexual attraction. It's just hard wiring." Don has never had sex and considered himself "heterosexual and celibate" until he discovered AVEN last September. "I didn't think it was unusual that I never wanted sex, because I thought I was waiting for marriage," he explains. "I figured sooner or later it was going to change but I eventually realized it wasn't going to." That's because celibacy (a choice) is very different than asexuality, which is an identity, explains Jay. "Asexuality is not about sexual purity or taking a moral stance against sex," he tells me. "It's also not virginity related. It's not like you lose your asexuality if you engage in sexual activity." In fact, some asexual people who are in a relationship with a sexual person will have sex and still consider themselves asexual because they are simply doing it to please their partner. For the rest of us, a relationship without sex is usually just considered a friendship. "We have so many ridiculous conventions surrounding relationships and dating," he explains. "I like the idea of being able to start with a clean slate in terms of what my expectations of relationships are, and how I want to be intimate with people. It is both scary and exciting." Which is why a community like AVEN is so welcome. "It feels great to find people who are able to discuss the topic in a meaningful way and not regard you as some kind of dangerous person, which so many people do when you tell them you're not into sex," says Don. "After all, it seems absurd to see us as dangerous -- I'm not going to get anyone pregnant, spread disease, or sexually abuse anyone. When I see the damage done by sexual relationships, maybe my way of life isn't so bad after all." Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 I agree, sacred, that after a while it will not be as exciting to see us mentioned I think that will be some time off. We will be a minority--an unbelieved in minority, no less--for a long time, I think. Tressa: YESPORTAL sounds like a computer in a science fiction movie. Everyone gets their orders from YESPORTAL. (Sorry, I watched Logan's Run last night.) Cate Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Woah, those are both great! Did those who were quoted in both articles (David and Nancy) know they were going to be quoted in the articles? or did the articles just sort of happen? They BOTH mentioned AVEN, nifty. And, I don't think I'll get bored of seeing articles about asexuality...ever. Or at least not for QUITE a long time! Kate Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Odd... I don't REMEMBER being interviewed by anyone from yesportal. Maybe they put that together from existing articles? Good press though. Link to post Share on other sites
IT Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Odd... I don't REMEMBER being interviewed by anyone from yesportal. Maybe they put that together from existing articles? Good press though. Sounds like the usual sort of thing that most of the news media get up to... ...but yes, good press indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Borrible Cal Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 It was lovely to read a thoroughly positive, sympathetic and unpatronising article for a change (even if they did cheat by lifting info from the site rather than asking direct questions--and even if it didn't say anything we didn't already know). Thanks for the link! Borrible Cal. Link to post Share on other sites
mcsquared Posted May 27, 2004 Share Posted May 27, 2004 Thanks for listing all the things we're not interested in, lady. No kidding. Didn't think there was a coorelation between not having a pierced belly button and being asexual. :P Link to post Share on other sites
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