Jump to content

So happy to find you all


CherSK

Recommended Posts

Finding this sight has made me feel like I have found my place finally!

As a teen, I was extremely promiscuous, it continued into my 20s and 30s. After my second divorce, it was time to try and take stock of what was happening in my life. I came up with the realization that I hated sex, why? Because I "THOUGHT" my body was broken. I never "FELT" what everyone went on about with sex, the wonderful feelings, etc etc etc. I stopped dating after that because I felt like a fake, I knew my reaction wasn't the expected one, and it was more stress then not. As I continued trying to sort my self out, I realized that the bottom line was I hated sex, but that it was the only way that I felt I would be loved (I had to put out to get the love I so desperately needed).... growing up when I did, sex and love seemed to be badly merged.

I started doing searches to see if this was a common problem and I found this sight. Yes I am asexual, but that doesn't mean I am not attracted to others, am romantic, and would love a companion to share the rest of my life with. But, I don't do the club scene any more, I live in a small place, there isn't much to do here, and it seems everything ends with sex.

So how do you meet other asexual people? So you dont' have to go thought the "rituals" anymore?

Thanks for being here

Link to post
Share on other sites
Finding this sight has made me feel like I have found my place finally!

As I continued trying to sort my self out, I realized that the bottom line was I hated sex, but that it was the only way that I felt I would be loved (I had to put out to get the love I so desperately needed).... growing up when I did, sex and love seemed to be badly merged.

Welcome to AVEN :cake::cake::cake:

Glad you joined and posting. I hope you find everything you are looking for here in our little community.

As for your little statement above. I grew up in the 60's, the Free Love Generation. But it wasnt about LOVE at all, it was all about sex.

All of my relationships failed because instead of wanting Love and Romance, the girls I dated wanted sex. Which scared me to death and I ran the other direction until finally I stopped trying to find Love anymore.

It is a shame that asexual boys can't find asexual girls during that period of time that LOVE and romance is still the desire of their hearts. Maybe with a new awareness that Asexuality exists, it might be possible for the next generation to get what we of the older generation didnt have much hope of finding.

Again, I am happy you joined and hope that you make many friends and join in on as many conversations as you feel like contributing to.

Here have a few more pieces of cake. :cake::cake::cake:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Angelica Soprano

Welcome, join the club of many like you, and have some CupofTea.gif to swill down the :cake: you'll be offered. :)

(we're working on wine and cheese sticks)

Link to post
Share on other sites
< retired >
So how do you meet other asexual people? So you dont' have to go thought the "rituals" anymore?

So far, I've only been able to ensnare sexuals and then drive them bonkers. A nice, passionate, affectionate, asexual babe would be a nice change of pace.

Welcome! Have some :cake: :cake:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've now put 4 ads (4 separate ads over time) in Craigslist "Platonic Only" and sometimes get nothing and sometimes get guys who think they can convert me. Of course, I'm in my 60s so many of my usual age cohort are either braindead, totally dead, or not looking on Craigslist. I've tried different ways of wording the ads -- to no avail. And I live in a metropolitan area. I've also done ads for other asexual women -- got one response who was in her 30s. I'm guessing that most older people just don't realize they're asexual unless they just happen upon some mention on-line (as I did). And many older people don't do computers as much as younger people do, and don't look on-line.

One odd piece of knowledge I've gained from responses has been that there is apparently a bunch of younger sexual guys out there who are looking for what are called "cougars" -- older sexual women. This disgusts me even more than I was already.

If anyone has tried any similar ads and had success, let us know. You can't exactly plant a sign in front of your house" "Any other asexuals out there?"

Link to post
Share on other sites

No ads for me. I met Keith (KBRD143) and became involved in a relationship with him quite by accident.

I only know of a few asexual relationships which started online, and all of them came about right here on AVEN. So far, two that I know of have led to marriage.

The one thing they all had in common was that they originated with people who posted frequently and openly and who also were very active in the community. None of the people were particularly needy or desperate, they were just being sociable and getting to know each other in a friendly manner.

I don't know of any infrequent posters who have managed to find partners here, but that doesn't mean that it hasn't happened. (PM's are private, after all! ;) )

I really, truly believe that the key to finding a partner, asexual or not, is to do some research and find out what people really want. There are literally dozens of self-help books addressing this topic. Any one by itself will probably be almost useless, but a bunch of them taken together will reveal some common threads that hold true for the large majority of people.

And - believe it or not! - looks are not at the top of the list for most people!

You know how some people seem to have an almost magical ability to relate to others, and to win their respect, their trust, and their affection?

Well, it turns out that it isn't magic. It is a skill that can be learned, but it usually requires some painful self-evaluation and willingness to change - not just your actions, but your thinking as well.

With me it required a lot of UN-learning to start with, because I had a LOT of bad habits, but I think I still made some progress ... eventually.

I haven't even attempted to broach this topic in the main part of the board because I don't think the younger members would be ready to hear it. I remember being young, and when I was young I expected other people to accept me as I was. I saw little need for tact or other various kinds of social niceties, and I thought that was a sign of strength rather than weakness. The very suggestion that I might have been causing my own problems would have been "fightin' words!"

I had to grow up some before I realized that other people could choose from LOTS of prospective partners, and that I needed to change the way I acted if I wanted to be noticed and remembered in a positive way.

Even after all of this time, I still consider myself to be a work in progress.

Sometimes I think that other people instinctively know what to do to relate to each other. I have no idea where they learn it or how. All I know is that it was never natural for me, and I had to make a concerted effort to study and learn the behaviors that seemed so effortless for my peers and those around me.

Dating skills would only be a small sub-category on a very long list.

I wonder ... how many of you have found yourselves in the same situation?

-GB

Link to post
Share on other sites

What Greybird says is very true -- We all essentially have to be salespeople of our own best qualities (once we determine what they are), and we have to know our market.

What makes it tough, however, is that we aren't in the same market as what I think is the majority: sexuals. After a long-enough marriage, a very long relationship, and several shorter "dances", all with sexuals, I don't want to start up anything -- even any kind of exploration -- with anyone else I'm going to disappoint because I'm asexual. The other person being asexual is non-negotiable; but then, of course, it's whether we are compatible, etc. If I don't meet any compatible asexuals, then I'll be fine with firmly-non-romantic friends of both genders. But I'm not giving up yet.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all your wonderful comments, and the welcome to the group. When I made my realization and stopped even looking I began to realize that I actually am happy for the first time in my life to be alone. I am, and always have been a bit of a loner, so I'm fine with my situation. I have freinds in Second life that I have known for years via other chat mediums, and they all understand me. I notice there is a group in Second life now for this group, which was promicing.

I will continue to read and learn from all of you that have been enlightened way before me lol

Cher

PS, The only place I have found so far to put in personals, seem to be mostly for Christain kids and such who are saving themselves for marriage, not quite what I am wanting, I'm not Christain so really don't want to use that angle in my communication.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Um ...

Okay, this is kinda embarrassing, but I thought I was in a different thread when I made my post above. Can I blame that on a senior moment? Please? *tries to hide*

And I'm supposed to be a moderator, too ... sheesh! :rolleyes:

'VERY Sorry about hijacking your introductory post, Cher. :blush:

Welcome to AVEN! Would you like some more cakex2.png ?

And, I know it's a little early, but I have some bev.png too, if you would like.

Enjoy!

(Don't mind the random people wandering around looking lost ... we're just the staff.)

-GB

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...