Mummmeeeeee Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 Hi everyone. I've done a lot of thinking and soul searching since my 2nd divorce, 4 years ago and, just last week, I finally came to the conclusion that I DON'T LIKE SEX. Once I admitted it, everything in my life made sense. As a teenager, I really didn't care whether or not I had a boyfriend, except for the fact that it made me feel different from everyone else. Once I started having sex, at age 18, I felt different (again) because it really didn't do much for me. I guess I did it because that was the normal thing to do, and I wanted to be normal. I kept trying - kept looking for what everyone else had found. When I didn't find it, I just pretended - so I would be like everyone else. Anything relating to sex has always made me feel uncomfortable. I don't like to discuss it with friends. I don't enjoy the sex scenes in movies. I hate those invitations to sex-toy parties. The only time I ever think about sex is to wonder why I never think about sex! I wasn't in love with my husband, when I got married, at 21. I think I was just in love with the IDEA of being in love. It was nice to have a friend, to have company, but sex was not enjoyable and, eventually, I just tried to stop all physical contact. Naturally, that marriage ended in divorce. My second marriage produced 2 wonderful children - which is about the only good thing I can think of that comes from sex. It, too, ended in divorce when I just couldn't stand the physical stuff anymore. Of course, there were other reasons the mariage ended, and those were what I used to explain to everyone, and to myself, what went wrong. Being on my own has been a revelation. I've watched those who have sex in their lives and I've realized that I want none of it. I have no desire to have sex with anyone, male or female. I don't need someone to "complete" me. People can't believe I've been single for 4 years and I'm still not interested in "finding someone". I not only dislike sex, I also dislike sharing my home, my decisions, my life, with anyone else. I plan to enjoy the rest of my life, doing what I want, when I want. Finding a partner doesn't fit anywhere into the equation. A psychic recently told me that I had to clean up some "affairs of the heart". I didn't know what she was talking about as I didn't think there was anything to clear up. I guess I was wrong. Now that I've cleared up this matter, I feel relieved..... like I've found something that I've been looking for all my life. I don't plan to "come out" to anyone, except perhaps some female friends with whom I get into lengthy discussions about many things. If it comes up in conversation, so be it. If not, I'm fine with that too. I'm the one who needed to know this about myself. And now I do. Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
starcat Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Thank you for sharing and welcome to Aven. I think it's customary to hand out some cake, so here you go :) I have to admit that it was a wonderful feeling and release to finally admit to myself "I don't like sex and want no part of it anymore!" Although it has left some struggles in my marriage. Hopefully we can work them out, if not, then like you...I have no qualms about living alone and staying that way. Glad to hear you have finally become settled. It took me finding Aven to really get to that point and realize I wasn't alone or crazy in my thoughts. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucinda Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Hello Mum! Welcome to AVEN!! :) I think those sex toy parties are a hoot. A friend of mine wanted to host one over at our place because we didn't have any kids under foot. I think the sexual gals were more embarassed than I was ... unless they had had a couple of glasses of wine first. Everybody is sorta expected to oooohhhh and aaahhhh over this stuff. When the rep passed around a $25.00 jar of chocolate goop, I said, "Wouldn't it be cheaper to buy a bottle of Hershey syrup and squirt it all over him?? But you all know Matt. He would probably jump up and say, 'What the hell are you doing??' <LOL>". And that tingly mess, I asked, "You put that stuff WHERE??". The rep said there would be no eating of food during the demonstration. I guess she was afraid we would get crackers and clam dip on the long feathers that she said we could do unspeakable things with. <LOL> When she brought out the boa, I asked her to show us how to dance with it. She said, "Just use your imagination." I said, "No, no, you must give us demonstration!". OMG!! What a riot! Then came out the serious stuff including dick shaped soap. <LOL> I said, "Good grief! What if my mother-in-law, the snoop, came over? How would I explain THAT??". <LOL> Needless to say, I didn't buy anything, but everyone else did. I found the entire event extremely amusing. I think a good time was had by all. I can understand why you would feel awkward, though. It's wonderful that everything now makes sense to you. Enjoy! Lucinda Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Hi everyone. I've done a lot of thinking and soul searching since my 2nd divorce, 4 years ago and, just last week, I finally came to the conclusion that I DON'T LIKE SEX. Once I admitted it, everything in my life made sense. As a teenager, I really didn't care whether or not I had a boyfriend, except for the fact that it made me feel different from everyone else. Once I started having sex, at age 18, I felt different (again) because it really didn't do much for me. I guess I did it because that was the normal thing to do, and I wanted to be normal. I kept trying - kept looking for what everyone else had found. When I didn't find it, I just pretended - so I would be like everyone else. Anything relating to sex has always made me feel uncomfortable. I don't like to discuss it with friends. I don't enjoy the sex scenes in movies. I hate those invitations to sex-toy parties. The only time I ever think about sex is to wonder why I never think about sex! I wasn't in love with my husband, when I got married, at 21. I think I was just in love with the IDEA of being in love. It was nice to have a friend, to have company, but sex was not enjoyable and, eventually, I just tried to stop all physical contact. Naturally, that marriage ended in divorce. My second marriage produced 2 wonderful children - which is about the only good thing I can think of that comes from sex. It, too, ended in divorce when I just couldn't stand the physical stuff anymore. Of course, there were other reasons the mariage ended, and those were what I used to explain to everyone, and to myself, what went wrong. Being on my own has been a revelation. I've watched those who have sex in their lives and I've realized that I want none of it. I have no desire to have sex with anyone, male or female. I don't need someone to "complete" me. People can't believe I've been single for 4 years and I'm still not interested in "finding someone". I not only dislike sex, I also dislike sharing my home, my decisions, my life, with anyone else. I plan to enjoy the rest of my life, doing what I want, when I want. Finding a partner doesn't fit anywhere into the equation. A psychic recently told me that I had to clean up some "affairs of the heart". I didn't know what she was talking about as I didn't think there was anything to clear up. I guess I was wrong. Now that I've cleared up this matter, I feel relieved..... like I've found something that I've been looking for all my life. I don't plan to "come out" to anyone, except perhaps some female friends with whom I get into lengthy discussions about many things. If it comes up in conversation, so be it. If not, I'm fine with that too. I'm the one who needed to know this about myself. And now I do. Thanks for listening. Welcome. There's no need to 'come out' to your friends, no matter how lengthy the conversation becomes. It's not something they need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJudy Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Welcome mumeeee, your story sounds very familiar I've also been married and divorced twice and been single since 1994. Only during this past 14 years have I come to understand and accept (happily!) my asexuality. I am happier now than I've ever been in entire life living alone and not trying to pretend that I'm a sexual person. I've never been to a sex toy party and never would but I used to have a drinking buddy that would bring me "things" lingerae, toys, he thought it would turn me on, it didn't turn me on it just made me think of him as a total pervert! Link to post Share on other sites
Ziffler Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 Congrats on discovering yourself. Isn't it a relief? I don't think there is any freedom more important than learning who we are and then accepting ourselves as we are. I am happy for you, that you made that discovery. Enjoy the rest of your life. It's a blast doing what you want, when you want and how you want. Link to post Share on other sites
< retired > Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 ...I hate those invitations to sex-toy parties... Why don't I ever get invited to sex-toy parties? Sigh. Everyone else is having so much fun... :( Welcome to AVEN. Have some :cake: Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 What? You mean those silly things they were selling weren't Tupperware??? Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 Hmmm...when I was young in the 40s-50s, sex was a taboo subject. Those were REALLY Tupperware parties back then. People didn't even have double beds in movies. Now I think WE are the new taboo: people who DON'T like to have sex. We are on the cutting edge! Link to post Share on other sites
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