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Sociology Project


kat

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Hello!

I am doing a project on asexuality for my Introduction to Sociology class. Included is the list of questions that I am asking. There is a lot of great information already on the AVEN site in different forums, but I cannot and will not take information from these places without permission from the authors. Please feel free to copy and paste sections from other parts of the site or to send me a link to an existing post. I will also be checking for any private messages if you would be more comfortable replying that way. I appreciate any help!

Also, I want to conduct a few interviews that are more in-depth, so if you are interested in participating in that please send me a message. Thanks!

kat

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Right, so the list of questions thing didn't work out. I'll post it soon.

kat

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I'd also suggest taking information from the AVEN Wiki page, if you haven't already, and looking around at articles from the World Watch forum. I would think it would be okay to use quotes from people here, provided you contact them and ask if you could borrow the quote and, if so, how to credit them for their words. I don't know what you're covering in your project so it would be difficult to pull random quotes that I like and send them to you. When is the project due? I'd be happy to volunteer for an interview depending upon when the interview is done.

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Here, finally, is the list of questions.

1. Do you identify as asexual?

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

7. Do you have any other comments?

Thanks!

kat

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1. Do you identify as asexual?

Yes...well, actually anti-sexual would be more accurate

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

About 7 years ago (age 21) I began calling myself anti-sexual. But I didn't know there were others like me until I discovered the asexual community a few months ago (age 28).

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

Peopla assume that you haven't found the right person, that you haven't been "laid right", that you are just lying or trying to portray yourself as superior to them, that you have a medical problem, or that it is all in your head

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

I discussed my general hatred of sex with several therapists b4 finding this community. One told me that I needed to read the Bible b/c the whole reason god put me here was to have sex and I should want to fulfill his wishes. I ran screaming from that one.

The latest one tried very hard to find a reason behind how I felt & to fix it, but eventually decided I was just too stubborn and should break up with my b/f because he put a high value on something that I felt had no value at all.

Obviously, I disagree with both of these assessments. First, I don't believe in god. Second, since the latest therapist gave up on me, I have found this site & my b/f and I are working on understanding each other. Our relationship is better than ever. Breaking up with him would have been a mistake, IMHO.

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

No, I would say hetero-romantic

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

I have been in many - always with sexual people. When I was younger I was essentially indifferent to sex, so it wasn't much of a problem. I would lay there & let him have his sex on me & go on with my day. But the older I got the more angry & repulsed that made me, so in this relationship it is a bigger deal. Plus, for the 1st time, I have a b/f who doesn't want to have sex if it hurts me or makes me cry (in the past my b/fs just ignored my tears and/or pain - also I thought it was supposed to hurt) so he has actively tried to get me to like sex. That is kind of annoying b/c I believe it is futile. At this point though, we have agreed to have less sex, and he is going to try to learn to have sex in a way that hurts me less. He has also learned that intimacy doesn't have to be tied to sex, so he is less emotional about the lack of sex in our relationship.

7. Do you have any other comments?

Nope.

Thanks!

kat

You're welcome!

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1. Do you identify as asexual?

I do, indeed.

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

About two years ago, I found it out through Wikipedia. I then spent 6 months thinking, is this me?, and then joined AVEN in December and "came out" simultaneously.

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

For the most part, the people I know were simply curious about what asexuality was. Some responded with comments like "That makes complete sense for you!" and "I can see that." whereas others would tell me I was a little too young to know. I haven't had any terrible, friendship-ending reactions, so that's good.

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

Doctor, yes. My doctor was testing my hormones for an unrelated condition and said my testosterone was still higher than it should be. I asked if that could potentially be a reason why I had no sex drive, and she looked at me like I had two heads and seven eyes and said that I should be highly sexual, not without a sex drive. She asked if that bothered me, and I said no, it didn't. She shrugged and said, "Might just be how you are." I didn't mention asexuality specifically, but she seemed to be accepting of the idea that I could just "be" like this. And, as she's been my doctor for the last 20 years (Since before I was born), she should now me better, medically, than anyone else.

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

Nope. Some weeks I have my, "I hate everyone" phases, but... Who doesn't? :P

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

All my past relationships have been with sexual people. I was never able to put a word to how I felt, so my partners never explicitly knew that I was asexual. They did know, however, that I wasn't interested, and, yes, that caused a lot of problems, be it because I was a confused mess or because they were sexually frustrated. My most successful relationship was with someone who identifies as gay, as he and I (I'm female) were not sexually interested in one another.

7. Do you have any other comments?

None, but good luck with your project! I hope you can get the responses you need, and if you have any further questions, ask away!

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1. Do you identify as asexual?

Yes, indeed I do.

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

I didn't have an identity or orientation until I searched for one. I never thought about it, and didn't have any knowledge of orientations (the words "heterosexual," "homosexual," "bisexual," and so on) until I taught myself. I think I missed out in that conversation because I never showed any interest in sexual activity, and therefore didn't develop meaning in order to feel an urge to identify. Everyone around me was discussing things that I wasn't interested in, but tried very hard to understand. I spent somewhere around 4 years during my adolescence mimicking other people, but feeling nothing behind the words. After I got away from a group of friends who were very relationship-oriented and who I didn't want to be around because they treated me differently due to my "imposed interest" in the male gender, I just started to accept that I'd have to be left out of that part of life with my peers. I don't know why I was compelled to do so, but when I was 14 years old I started searching on the Internet... I think I might have been trying to educate myself about what other people were talking about around me. I then found AVEN, started reading people's stories, and it clicked.

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

"Oh, so... you reproduce with yourself?" - Confusion of asexuality with asexual reproduction.

"Hahaha, sure you are." - Disbelief.

"It's not possible according to evolution, you must have something wrong with you."

"Are you sure you haven't experienced some sort of abuse when you were younger?" - The answer is No.

Asexuality isn't something I talk about a lot, but I taught a lecture a month ago and I got a lot of questions about how it is possible for people who are asexual to experience arousal, masturbate, and experience some level of aesthetic attraction. It seems that everyone thinks that sexuality is obviously attributed to these experiences, so they found it weird that you can have physiological responses and still not be interested in sex.

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

I have not. When I was at a therapist for a brief point in life it was when I didn't have an orientation but was in a relationship that was very troublesome. However, I have spoken to a professional (professor) about it and without knowing that I identified that way they alluded to there being some sort of external factor that must cause it. I then told them I was asexual and I think it made them realize that asexuality was a lot more real, so they changed their view. I'm not sure if that was because they didn't want to offend me, though.

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

I'm not sure. I don't have an interest in a relationship because I don't have time and find it kind of pointless if I'm not going to put effort into a relationship at this point in my life, which wouldn't be fair for the other person. I could see myself being with someone in the future, though. I keep romanticism/aromanticism open, depending upon who I meet.

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

I was in a romantic relationship that was semi long-distance for about a year with someone who was sexual. I felt pressured into the relationship because my parents kept implying that other people around me were dating, so when someone became interested in me and I took them up on the offer. I wasn't aware of asexuality at that point, but when I reflect on the relationship it makes sense why it didn't work very well. I was only in the relationship because I enjoyed talking to him, and I think he was interested in more.

7. Do you have any other comments?

Nope! Feel free to ask more questions.

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LaLunaVerde

1. Do you identify as asexual?

Indeed, I do

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

Well, I realized that I did not enjoy it when my lovely boyfriend stuck his tongue in my mouth...and listening to my friends discuss what they were doing with their boyfriends...I realized that just did not appeal to me. AT ALL. Fearing something was wrong with me, I talked with my mom, who took me to see God knows how many doctors and psychologists. And then I found AVEN via a random link in a facebook group and sighed with relief.

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

“You're just a repressed lesbian”

“You just haven't been with me yet.”

“You are denying/refusing to accept a gift from God.”

“You need more therapy”

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

Yes. Before finding AVEN, I was forced to see a therapist who diagnosed me with a disorder and gave me meds that didn't work. When I told therapist about AVEN, therapist said I was just trying avoid dealing with issues leading me to repress my sexuality.

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

Nope.

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

Yes, not since realizing my asexuality though. It was with a sexual person and it led me to realize my asexuality—which eventually led to the demise of the relationship.

7. Do you have any other comments?

As opposed to the common responses I listed in my response to question 3, I view asexuality as a gift and am working to see how I, as an asexual person can use this gift to contribute to society in a positive way. :)

I'm more than willing to participate in a more in-depth interview. :)

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1. Do you identify as asexual? Yup.

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality? Well... I'm 43, and never in my life have I ever felt any of the so-called "needs" that everyone around me goes on and on talking about all the time. They'd talk about this one is hot, that one is hot, and they'd like to do this one and that one, and I'd be like, what's wrong with everybody? Am I the only sane person in this world? So... then I saw something in a local paper (it was "Dear Abby, is my husband asexual?"). So I looked it up... I was like... Oh good, other nice, rational, sane people for me to talk to!

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced? Most people around me (in real life, not online) don't even know what asexuality is. They just think I'm an old maid. They go, "We're gonna find you a husband!" "No! Please don't!" I can't explain it to them. They've never heard the term. They probably wouldn't believe me, anyway...

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not? My gyn kept asking, "Are you having sex?" So I told her. I was amazed that she had even heard of it, since medical schools most likely skip over that stuff. She goes, "I suppose I should stop asking if you're having sex?"

5. Do you identify as aromantic? Yup.

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person? I used to date only because girls are brought thinking they are supposed to date. I never really liked dating. It's really dull. This guy wanted to marry me two weeks after meeting me. He was kind of unstable, anyway. He wanted me to quit college, quit my job, and become of all things... a housewife. It took me a while to get rid of him. I'm glad I'm asexual. There's no reason to go through the ridiculous dating ritual anymore. I like seeing friends (if only they'd get off my back about running my personal life) so I'm not antisocial, but I see all this romantic stuff as rather phony and ridiculous and unnecessary.

7. Do you have any other comments? I just wish my friends and co-workers would quit trying to fix me up with someone. People are signing me up for these stupid dating clubs without my permission, too, and that's not right.

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1. Do you identify as asexual?

Yes, I do.

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

About 4 months ago. I went through high school trying to figure out if I was straight or lesbian (because I couldn't care less about guys, but I wasn't sexually attracted to girls either). I knew in the back of my head that I could be asexual (I vaguely knew about asexuality from my school's GSA), but I didn't realize that I could be emotionally attracted to women, and still be asexual. I figured sometime I'd just start having crushes like everyone else. Then I checked out AVEN one day out of curiousity and realized that I definitely fit the definition of asexual.

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

Haven't come out, so no conversations about it yet.

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

See #3.

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

Maybe. I'm not sure that I'm romantically attracted to people, but I would like to find someone to live with in a nonsexual relationship eventually.

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

Briefly, with a sexual (I assume) guy, but I cut it off pretty fast when I realized that I wasn't attracted to guys.

7. Do you have any other comments?

No. I would be willing to do a more in depth interview though, if needed.

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1. Do you identify as asexual?

Yes if I must. I could also identify as gay but mostly I prefer not to label myself anymore.

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

Since the age of 14 or so I'd been questioning my sexuality. I didn't really get what people meant when they looked at women and noted that they were "hot". I figured it must have been because I was gay. A good 4 years of wondering if that was true or not I started wondering about this Asexuality thing I'd read about on a (GYUK forum post) which eventually lead me to AVEN.

After a few weeks of reading through the forum posts and smiling whenever someone else put into words something that I'd always thought but couldn't express, I joined and now have my first anniversary coming up. Things are definitely better now that I've found another 14,000+ people who hold similar feelings and world views.

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

"what's that?" - usually accompanied by a confused look

"That's, like, amoeba, and stuff, isn't it?" - again confusing asexuality with asexual reproduction like xSTELLA said.

After some explanation (and it always takes some amount of explaining) responses tend to go more along the lines of:

"Well I don't get it but if you're happy..."

"Well done, I'm proud of you" (more of a coming out thing)

"I envy you, life would be much simpler without sex" - this one was a nice surprise.

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

Never have although a friend of mine is a psychologist in training. I wonder what she'll make of it.

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

Nope. Certainly a level of romanticism here. ^_^

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

I'm in a romantic relationship now. With an AVEN forum mod no less. Both of us are asexual and we even met at one of the regular London meet ups. The fact that she's a woman is what made me give up on labels. I've stopped trying to apply logic to attraction.

7. Do you have any other comments?

My asexuality doesn't define me. Well it does but only to the point that it's my sexual orientation. There are other aspects of me that are more prevalent like my pony tail and my odd mix of various rock genres and electronic dance music. I suppose they just come up in conversation more often than the sex I'm not having...

Think that covers it, anything you want me to elaborate on you can PM me anytime. Good luck with the project. ^_^

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1. Do you identify as asexual?

Yup.

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

Looked it up for a friend, then realised there were a lot of people here saying thing I could relate to...it was very strange, but also something of a homecoming moment. Kinda like 'OMG there are other people like me!'

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

"That explains a lot." - one of the first people I told. He was very drunk and trying to balance on an escalator at the time though, so that may not be a totally accurate reaction.

"Cool. I can see that." - a fairly common reaction.

"Does this mean I don't have to babysit any grandchildren then?" - my mother

"Don't get it, but whatever. It's your sexuality." - The reaction of most of my close friends, including my best friend.

Then there was the so-called best friend who made my life hell over it. She twigged early on in our friendship that I wasn't bothered about sex (long before I found AVEN), and promptly pressured me into having a lot of sex I didn't want to have, with a lot of people I didn't care about. She walked out of my life almost exactly a year ago and I can honestly say I don't miss her in the slightest. I have a better best friend now who doesn't understand my asexuality, but accepts it regardless.

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

I discussed it with my 'therapist', AKA Mental Health Advisor (feels really odd calling her a therapist), and to my mild surprise she didn't question it all, and moved straight onto how I felt about being asexual. I spluttered for about five minutes at her complete lack of shock or questions, then told her about how amazing it was finding AVEN. She thought it was marvellous.

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

Only when my boyfriend snores :P

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

Am in a relationship, with a non-mod no less ;)

7. Do you have any other comments?

Plenty, but none specifically related to this.

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DaniTheGirl

1. Do you identify as asexual?

Yep

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

I discovered this site by accident awhile ago and remembered it. I came looking for answers when a discussion with friends made me realize I was really rejecting sexuality from my life, and I came here looking for answers

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

The only IRL person i've tried to talk to about it said I probably just hadn't found the right person yet. i found that so ridiculous that I haven't tried to talk to anyone else about it, nor have I brought it up with her again.

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

No but I'd like to.

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

Kinds fof. I guess I identify as unromantic as I'm not really into all that mushy romance stuff, but I'm currently in a relationship that I enjoy.

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

Yep, a few. The one before now I didn't know about asexuality, and his drive for sex became a breaking point with us. Currently, I'm identifying--with his knowledge--as asexual, and he has a very low sex drive. We have sex occasionally, at his instigation, and are physically affectionate in other ways.

7. Do you have any other comments?

If you want more in-depth answers PM me.

xDani

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1. Do you identify as asexual?

I tend to not identify, generally going around as an amorphous blob. But if asked, that's what I'll say.

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

I realised that I was not what was expected of me on leaving secondary school and realising that the people in all those irrelevant-to-me school-based dramas were supposed to be younger than me. Then I read an article in the New Scientist (http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn6533) and discovered I wasn't alone.

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

I always thought of you as a plant. Admittedly, this was one of my best friends, in jest. I've never told anyone who questioned it, except...

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

...the on-call psychologist at my night in hospital. She didn't seem to understand the concept, and as I'd been awake for 40 hours (a contributing fact to me being in hospital in the first place) I wasn't explaining it well. She was checking whether I was mad because I had been talking to myself and an annoying beepy machine, so sexuality or lack of it was not really the main subject of the conversation.

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

No. I'm Bi-romantic (specifically, people with a sense of humour). I generally refer to anyone I love as an Awesome.

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

No. The Awesome people in my life are already taken, apart from one, who's in the process of attempting to become taken. Then again, he hasn't told them that he's wanting them, and he hasn't told me who it is... I can live in hope, can't I?

7. Do you have any other comments?

I am going to be doing some "talking therapy" to hopefully help with depression. If sexuality comes up, I'll be sure to report back.

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Keshet Yashua Ithycus

Hello, Has anyone ever thought about making a search string onto this website that relates like answers.yahoo.com? Could we? Everyone promote it because you read it here. I invite everyone to write the webmaster and add a section that lets us search the forum in question form. And Questions Asked and Answered for a rating. Lets get involved! :)

1. Do you identify as asexual?

Yes, since the day I was born of God I've known I have been born Asexually. By the Word of God being conceived without sexual relations; God proves His ultimate authority is centered upon the basis of equality that Asexuality best represents in the flesh.

"Those that receive the second ressurrection neither marry nor are given into marriage but are made likened unto the angels of God (who had no gender).

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

It was back in 1994, when I picked up vessel of Gods righteousness, and He led me thru the Cross unto salvation. There was no sex involved, in fact, sex was completly without regard!3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

They assume normally that it's some major disorder because sexuality has always been the freudian front. There are some psychologists that just don't realize that being chosen by God to be Asexual is not a choice but an acknowledgement after the fact, a baring of witness. Some psychologists will even go so far as to automatically assume that to even to identify with Asexuality proves that we must have had some huge sexual misconception or truama in our lives and that the whole Asexual identification is just a defense mechanism, more than a true catagory of human identification, that is deserving of political powers and it's protections.

5. Do you identify as a romantic?

Yes, actually... I kinda do. See, I feel that in my being born again, I have come here to fullfill my Father's will in life. That keeping my body chaste while in the world I prove my worship of God by the Agape Love that people witness in my life, rather than by sexual affirmations.

I have also been romatic and I did have sex before in my life, not for over a year now and I have gone as long as 13 years.

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

I found that in relations with a women one time that the whole perception of her body suddenly in the middle of sexual relations took upon it this masculine appearance, instantly putting and end to the sex and the relationship. Seriously, This girls body literally began to change into a male right in front of me!

7. Do you have any other comments?

Jezebel is real. Don't take any chances! :) Jesus Loves Ya!

D= Don't Deny it Deal with it!

E= Everyone is F*#ked, don't feel like the lone ranger!

L= Listen to what other's have to say!

T= Think about it for your self (situation)

A= Ask if you need Help!

It's not Vainity to care about how able and comfortable God is in our life! It's sanctification in process!

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Guest Heligan

1. Do you identify as asexual?

Yes, although if there were other explainations that worked as well or better to explain me I would consider them. Its not that I want to experience sexual attraction; but I would like to get rid of the fear-phobic reaction that some offers of sexual/romantic initimacy provoke in me.

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

About 5 yrs after I stopped experiencing sexual attraction, I noticed and thought, odd! I guess it was never a big deal. Anyway I wanted kids so it was a problem to getting relationships started and getting pregnant. So I did a search on net for 'frigid'; found a few things on wiki that seemed to be about libido (my libido is fine), eventually the only symptom that fit was lack of sexual attraction and asexuality. Though I do still worry that phobic fear doesnt really fit (althought quite a few of us have fear reactions so Im not alone). Nothing seems to 100% fit, asexuality fits best as there is only one criteria and I have it.

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

Ive only told 2 people, one of them ignores it and still acts like Im a whore (he is a Christian, I think he thinks Im a liar). He said 'If some held you in their arms and told you they would look after you forever, I think you would come around pretty quick.' Some response eh!, but ultimately dismissive if poetic lol The other accepts it to some extent,, but I dont think she really gets it.

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

Not discussed it a length, but initial response was fairly dismissive.

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

Almost, but still get occassional romantic reaction.

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

I have not been in a relationship since I became asexual. Prior to that I did have sexual relationships, there was never a great emphasis on sex; they were generally based in friendship.

7. Do you have any other comments?

No

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1. Do you identify as asexual?

I certainly do

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

The first time I put a name to the way I was was a few months ago when I found this site. Even then, there was no epiphany or world-shattering discovery. I was just like, "oh yeah, that's me. hooray." I don't even remember how I found the site.

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

Well I've only told one person so far, so I don't know about common. That one conversation was good though, they were very accepting and didn't ask that many questions. I know that some of my friends react badly to things like it, like one is really creeped out by androgyny. I can only imagine what she'd think of asexuality. Yeah, I haven't had that many conversations about it.

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

No, never. I'd kind of like to, though. Not because I think it's a problem, but just to know what would be said. It would probably tell me some stuff about myself too.

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

I'm not really sure about this one. I've never felt anything romantic like a crush or anything, so I'm starting to face the facts and call myself aromantic. I would love to be romantic, and I'd love a really close relationship, but I think my ideal one is more platonic than romantic. Just a really deep, genuine friendship that I'm totally comfortable in.

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

I've never been in any romantic relationship unless you count a "date" in grade 6 when he was too nervous to do anything and I just treated him like a good friend, which he was.

7. Do you have any other comments?

None of any real insight.

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Hello, all! Thank you so much for all of your help!

Although I would absolutely love to interview all of you in person, I have neither the time nor the money to do travel all around the world. :( The best way to conduct interviews might be through private messages, but there's also the possibility of a chat room- that way multiple people could contribute at once. We would probably have to have several for those in very different time zones. If anyone has any brilliant ideas for another method, please let me know.

For my write-up, I will need names to go with responses since "Persons A-X" could be extremely confusing. I don't really want to use people's screen names, so I was thinking of inventing random names like Anna or Charlie. However, if you have responded and would like to request a particular pseudonym, please inform me!

I will be contacting those of you who have idicated a willingness to be interviewed in the near future.

Thanks again for all your input!

kat

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Let's get something organized. With the chat room, we have the ability to make a separate room for the purpose of interviewing for this, so that might be nice to try. We could set a time on a weekend, say, Saturday or Sunday at 12:00 PST, 15:00 EST, and 20:00 GMT. That would work for most people.

If people don't want to be available by chat on some given weekend, then PM works as well.

I'd be willing to do either, and you can quote me under my real name.

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Are people available this Saturday, April 3rd at 12:00 PST, 14:00 CST, 15:00 EST, and 20:00 GMT? If not, what would be a good time to set up a chat room? Also, I'm a bit of a dinosaur, so I'm going to need instructions for how to set up a chat room in the first place. :)

Thanks!

kat

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It should be easy to set up... If you go into the chat, there is a bar near the top of the browser that says "Add". Add a new, public room, title it something like "Interview" or something, and voila!

If you want any help with it, I can show you how to set one up the night before hand, but I won't be able to be around on Saturday for the interview.

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aamesxdavid

.i am available on both skype and aim. .if there is a chat room or anything, i can be there. :)

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Are people available this Saturday, April 3rd at 12:00 PST, 14:00 CST, 15:00 EST, and 20:00 GMT?

Umm...I assume you mean May 3rd? :huh:

May be there, may not, depending on work x

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I'd be happy to participate, but by my calculations that time is 6am on Sunday for me. My birthday Sunday. So, um, no thanks. If you want to talk to me some other way/time, I'm fine with that though.

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LaLunaVerde

That'll work for me, as long as you meant May

I don't have a time machine, unfortunately. =(

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We had what I consider to be a successful chat on May 3rd from 2:00-6:30pm CST- thanks to everyone who participated! If you weren't able to join us but still have more to say, please post here or pm me. I'll put my final report up here when I'm done writing it.

Thanks again, all!

kat

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  • 1 month later...

My dear friend,

Thanks for the very useful topic. I know it's been a while since last post, but I really like to participate, at least my answers might be useful to others as theirs were to me. And I should admit this topic made me regret being too busy to check AVEN website.

And here are my answers...

1. Do you identify as asexual?

According to what I've found in AVEN: Sure I do. Actually I'm more of a "Straight Asexual", as I get attracted to men regarding to their gender and not women (I'm female by the way). Let me explain it more:

I'm not anti-people as I get friends with other people just for their personality for the sake of friendship (I'm indifferent to their gender as much as their race, religion... believing none would 100% represent their true self), but I never sense the desire to have sex (or even fantasize of that) with anyone and anything! I'm not against sex (as some might think), I'm just indifferent to it, I don't feel the way sexuals feel about it[This was the asexual part]

But I can sense when a very handsome man is attractive. All the celebrity posters on my bedroom wall are of handsome male artists(no nudity of course!). I'm even able to kiss a man but not a woman (no sex with either of course). I realize and appreciate beauty -in people, nature, ...- but I only sense that special gender-type attraction to men (while I don't enjoy seeing them naked!) [That's the Straight part I guess]

2. When and how did you discover your asexuality?

Not so long ago. In fact it's less than a year that I made sure -finding AVEN helped a lot. As I wasn't aware of asexuality, it took me quit a long time to figure out which orientation I belong to. I didn't have desire for sex from the beginning but I tried queries, and test including actual relationships to make sure. One of the main reasons I like to help asexuality become more recognized by public is to make it faster and easier for other asexuals to realize their orientation. It was kind of hard and long for mine [i'm 23].

3. What are some common responses to and questions about asexuality that you have experienced?

"You're making that up/ denying yourself/ trying to look wise..." - Some stupid people won't even give themselves a chance to listen and figure out

"You had a bad experience...." - I haven't but they think they're Dr. Phil or something...

"You haven't been with me yet" - just arrogant narcissists

"You haven't got the chance..." - that's just sick and sad, not only I had/have many good chances, I've seen almost every type of people being able to have a chance and that's just sick what they say.

-- Knowing my parents, I don't have plans to tell them anything! And I also didn't tell most people. => Sorry but that's just not easy. Unlike most religions ours is against celibacy (which asexuality would look the same to them, although it's very different), so It would get pretty hard getting older this way !

4. Have you ever discussed your asexuality with a physician or therapist? If so, what was their response? Do you agree? Why or why not?

No. I thought they would give me drugs and won't accept me. Even if they would, what help could they give me?

5. Do you identify as aromantic?

No. I'm just not that romantic. I don't like these things, but that doesn't mean I can't love. I'm not usually that stone-hearted people think I am! I just think there are too many serious matters in world and life that one would be concerned with these things. (I don't know how u define romantic but: How can I cry for a relationship with another fool like myself, while children are starving to death in the streets! )

6. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how did asexuality play into it? Was the relationship with another asexual or with a sexual person?

With my asexual ex-boyfriends, asexuality just add more trouble, still wasn't the actual reason for disagreement and breakup since I haven't realize it much yet. I never actually been in a romantic relationship with an asexual although I really like to at least experience it -I haven't been among other asexuals. My relationships is just close friendships I have with my sister, my best friend (she is straight asexual too - which helped our friendship lasts longer), my gay (male) best friends (besides having no sexual desire in me, they can respect my orientation almost as much as I respect theirs). I also have a few asexual good friendship with some sexuals (they don't know about my orientation, usually happily married or at least in a very serious promising romantic relationship with someone else), but I never had a real asexual romantic relationship with anyone although I like too (doesn't hurt that much tough!). Still I don't have any special problem being asexual.

7. Do you have any other comments?

I already talked a lot ! I just want to add that I believe it's a trouble (at least for me) trying to get into a relationship with another asexual not knowing how to say if they're actually asexual. I know most people here are asexuals like me, but if I meet someone and tell them I'm asexual, how can I expect them to believe it while I can't say if someone else is really asexual? How can we be recognized by others? (I guess I'm too obvious though)

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