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Jealousy


Guest Heligan

Jealousy  

  1. 1. Are you sexual or asexual and do you get jealous or not?

    • Asexual: get jealous
      75
    • Asexual: never been jealous
      50
    • Sexual: get jealous
      4
    • Sexual: never been jealous
      0

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I get very jealous over songwriting. I've been like that ever since I can remember.

Anything else, no. It's just limited to songwriting in my case.

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Yes, I definitely get jealous. But it's something that I recognize when it happens, so I try to move past it because I don't want to be feeling it.

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I, personally, prefer the term unnecessarily protective to jealous... I like the status quo and that nutty protectiveness comes out against someone trying to change it, be it in terms of people or non-people things. *is incredibly change-averse*

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  • 3 weeks later...

If I have been jealous, it hasn't been pronounced enough to matter... and I'm asexual, by the way.

-Katie

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I'm asexual and have been jealous. Not the kind of jealous you describe though, more like I want that relationship with that person too, nerver wanted the others to stop their friendship. In this connection it is probably worth mentioning that I only have been jealous/envious on certain friendships never relationships.

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Asexual and i have been known to get jealous from time to time but not very often

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  • 1 month later...

Yeah...just a bit territorial. Not in the psychotic sort of way, but I have caught myself doing public displays of affection (leaning, touching, holding hands) to "mark" my S/O as mine. And in the past I had a few choice words for those who tried to targeted donors of mine. It doesn't help that objectifying the world is my natural mode of perception. One I have to make a conscious effort to switch out of.

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Being jealous just means we don't want to lose something, like a relationship, or a reputation for doing something well. Jealousy seems natural to me, nothing to be ashamed about. I don't think it means you have low self-esteem, either.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Heligan
Being jealous just means we don't want to lose something, like a relationship, or a reputation for doing something well. Jealousy seems natural to me, nothing to be ashamed about. I don't think it means you have low self-esteem, either.

Its not shame that is the issue really, just motivation- Im trying to leave value judgements out of it and just work out what it is, and why some feel it and some dont.

The natural thing-well yes that is what people who feel jealous say, it seems natural to them; but then thats what sexuals say about sexual attraction too LOL

Jealousy is not about just not wanting to lose something, there are differences. When we lose something we generally do not feel jealous about it... we feel upset, angry if it was stolen or damaged.

Situations that involve jealousy tend to be about ownership of people, (envy being the possessions/ achievements etc of other people).

Its possible for me to outline a scennario where jealous is or isnt felt... what I am trying to establish is what the x-factor is that makes it diferent. Say a person is in a commited romantic relationship and the partner leaves. Is there a difference if the person leaves for someone else?

  • What Im saying is to me being left is the issue, it is irrelevant to me if the person leaves for someone else- it may even make it easier for me- because presummably they were lying to me prior to going - so what I lost wasnt worth as much as I thought. Sure I would be a bit embarrassed if it had been going on too long and I had just not noticed, but thats about it in the self esteem area.
  • But I know many other people to whom it would be the reverse, being left for someone else would add jealousy to the hurt and anger (at broken promises, general mess caused) they felt. What is it that makes them add jealousy?

You say it isnt related to low self esteeem (Im not arguing just curious) its a very difficult thing to prove one way or the other as you have to gauge self esteeem and jealousy somehow- both are a bit slippy.

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Yes, I've been jealous, mainly because I'm insecure. 'A' is my friend and can't be yours or if zhe is zhe will think less of me. On a good day I can take it, but catch me on a bad one and I'm unbearable.

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I wasn't really clear, now that I reread my post. When I've been jealous, it's because I don't want to lose someone to somebody else, i.e. to a person that might be more interesting/nice/better looking than I am. Since there are those people (many of them), it doesn't mean you have low self-esteem when you're jealous; it just means you're realistic. My long-time partner was always looking at other women during our relationship and actually had several side relationships. Although I knew he and I had something that the others didn't have with him, I still was jealous because I wasn't always sure *he* knew that. It was a horrible feeling.

That wasn't clear, either.

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Guest Heligan
I wasn't really clear, now that I reread my post. When I've been jealous, it's because I don't want to lose someone to somebody else, i.e. to a person that might be more interesting/nice/better looking than I am. Since there are those people (many of them), it doesn't mean you have low self-esteem when you're jealous; it just means you're realistic. My long-time partner was always looking at other women during our relationship and actually had several side relationships. Although I knew he and I had something that the others didn't have with him, I still was jealous because I wasn't always sure *he* knew that. It was a horrible feeling.

That wasn't clear, either.

I do see what you mean about it being realistic rather than low self-esteem, to think you partner may have more of their needs met elsewhere especially if you are asexual and they are sexual.

And it is always sad when we lose people we would really want to keep in our lives, especially when its supposed to be a commited relationship. And yes you do have to weigh in the emotional intelligence of your partner, and it does get a bit confusing as to whether you are worried they may throw out the relationship they value more, just on a hormone driven fling.

Maybe the problem is how I view relationships, they are a want not a need, we can pretty much survive losing anyone... we might not like it but we can do it (and Im certainly not saying unscarred). Jealousy seems to deny that, it seems to hype up love; from a want into need... a need that must be guarded because survival depends on it- maybe this was once true but it isnt true for the majority of us anymore.

Unfortunately this argument of letting go of those you love, especially if they can get their needs met better elsewhere- has a high risk of leaving you alone, ultimately (of course as long as you raise kids first its not an evolutionary relevant thing).

Maybe jealousy is just part of the mating display, certainly some folk I have dated in the past seem to need to see it- and to an extreme extent on one occassion-

Definately not compatible with me- to start with it was like, well thats an inappropriate/open comment about that woman, what am I supposed to say I have no opinion on her, Ok if pushed I would say she looks a bit short and squat to me- but Im not going to say that about someone!- you seriously want something other than this bemused look?- ah is his some kind of game,I dont think I can provide this jealous response you are fishing for!).

So maybe it does have some point in telling people we feel as if we need them, maybe its sexy to be needed rather than wanted ( I prefer wanted myself though).

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  • 4 months later...

I don't really get jealous in relationships. But I get jealous of some of the things other people own.

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  • 4 weeks later...
AkiraCoinTykiGotBetaMuffin

Ive never been jealous, never gotten the idea of jealousy, to me it sounds illogical.

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ProdeFemme

I suffer jealousy. And suffer is precisely how I would describe it :(

I try desperately to put the kibosh on it and keep myself in check when it rears it's head, but I have a horrible jealous streak in me. Combined with a violent temper it makes for a pretty horrid mix if I don't channel my energy.

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heatdissipation
I wasn't really clear, now that I reread my post. When I've been jealous, it's because I don't want to lose someone to somebody else, i.e. to a person that might be more interesting/nice/better looking than I am. Since there are those people (many of them), it doesn't mean you have low self-esteem when you're jealous; it just means you're realistic. My long-time partner was always looking at other women during our relationship and actually had several side relationships. Although I knew he and I had something that the others didn't have with him, I still was jealous because I wasn't always sure *he* knew that. It was a horrible feeling.

That wasn't clear, either.

No, that was actually a great explanation for how I feel as well. I used to feel envious quite often, but I think that's changed along with my priorities in life. Now I'm jealous - not often, but when it happens, oh boy! In my case, I think it's a bit of a large ego/lower self-esteem paradox. Now that wasn't clear. :P

Anyway, I find it difficult to believe that any person has never been envious OR jealous. I suppose I'm just biased.

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Starscream

I've been jealous before, but not anymore. When I see people expressing jealously (over protective), it gets on my nerves.

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