PerpetualDreamer Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 I'm sure this has been mentioned in the past, but it's something that's been gnawing on my last nerve lately. Okay. Let's cut to the chase. I'm sick and tired of others seeing my feelings for certain special people in my life as nearly invalid because I haven't spent every waking moment with them or engaged in certain physical acts with them. No, I probably haven't been in a "real" relationship(whatever that is), but it's mostly because the other person's need for sex stopped it right in its tracks. It wasn't as if I never told the other person I cared about him, but I guess that wasn't enough. So many people keep telling me I don't understand what true feelings for someone are because I haven't invested enough time with anyone. I'd love to spend a lot of time with someone I care for, but their damn sexual desire always gets in the way! :x Ugh! For a world that's supposedly so open-minded, people certainly don't want to entertain the notion that there's more than one way of expressing your feelings for someone. I'm really fed up with losing friends and people I care about, because any kind of sexual relationship always takes precedence over a friendship. You know, it makes me laugh. If I was interested in trying out some new, perhaps even slightly deviant, sexual trick people would welcome me with open arms. Why does a non-sexual being frighten people so much? I thought there was more to being human than sexual desire. Or maybe I was foolishly optimistic. Yeah, most of that probably bordered on incoherent crap. I apologize. The combination of anger, disgust, and the current hour of the day do nothing to improve my grasp of the English language. Link to post Share on other sites
JimDandy Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 Ugh! For a world that's supposedly so open-minded, people certainly don't want to entertain the notion that there's more than one way of expressing your feelings for someone. I'm really fed up with losing friends and people I care about, because any kind of sexual relationship always takes precedence over a friendship. Yeah, that's the really sucky part about being the way we are. People go in and out of one's life like busboys in a restaurant. You know, it makes me laugh. If I was interested in trying out some new, perhaps even slightly deviant, sexual trick people would welcome me with open arms. Heh! I hadn't thought of that. It's true though; people are much more comfortable around kinkiness than they are around complete indifference. Dunno why. Probably something to do with our stunningly over-sexualized society. Why does a non-sexual being frighten people so much? I thought there was more to being human than sexual desire. Or maybe I was foolishly optimistic. Naw, I don't think so. It just seems like most people can't wrap their heads around the idea that there's more than one way to love. Yeah, most of that probably bordered on incoherent crap. I apologize. The combination of anger, disgust, and the current hour of the day do nothing to improve my grasp of the English language. Don't worry. Nobody's grading anything. (At least, I hope not!) Link to post Share on other sites
mm10646 Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 i guess i see it in an odd way because it seems for the most part in my life that sex has gotten in the way of 'real relationships' instead of helping them grow. and just looking from the outside watching others interact i would have to come to the same conclusion about them too. you see people cheating on their partners...molesting their kids... and wonder just how 'real' their bond is. when i minus sex from the relationship i can focus on who that person is in every real sense. i think it must be hard to evaluate and appreciate a person when you that is in the way. i just compare the 'realness' of my relations over the years. that with my children and grandchildren are the closest and most intense and they are on the purest level. and even in relationships that were "romantic" the less sexual ones were most intimate in the sense of closeness and intensity. so i guess 'real' is in the eye of the beholder. Link to post Share on other sites
Ineptitude Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 I know what you mean, and I agree completely. Several of my friends I never get to see except for during the brief interludes that they're single and need someone to keep them busy. I guess they don't realize how much it hurts to see someone they just met take such precedence over an old friend. As for relationships, it doesn't help either. If you don't want to have sex or at least make out (if you're the religious type that's waiting for marriage), then you must not be in love, right? Thus, since your feelings obviously aren't that strong for the person, they have little trouble leaving. Some days, don't you just want to yell "This love is as real as it gets!!"? Link to post Share on other sites
PlatonicPimp Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 Eh. Most Sexuals are frightened by asexuality because they have never come to grips with thier own sexualtiy. They dismiss it as a biological imperative, becaue it excuses them from feeling guilty about it. But if someone can overcome that imperitive, or if their really isn't one, It forces them to confront the fact that they Choose to be sexual, and that is something most people's protestant programming will make them feel guilty about. Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 So many people keep telling me I don't understand what true feelings for someone are because I haven't invested enough time with anyone. Maddening isn't it?!! Apparently to experience 'true' feelings, you must have sex. Constantly. No exceptions. Link to post Share on other sites
ApolloSeek Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 I know what you mean, and I agree completely. Several of my friends I never get to see except for during the brief interludes that they're single and need someone to keep them busy. I guess they don't realize how much it hurts to see someone they just met take such precedence over an old friend. .... editing With friends like that, who needs enemies? Link to post Share on other sites
mindlife Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 There's a man to whom I am very close, and fortunately, his friends and peers see our relationship as something profound. I've been lucky to avoid the problem of people making little of my feelings. The man to whom I'm close flirts with me a lot even though our relationship is non-sexually intimate. He knows he's my dear one, my dreamboat. Link to post Share on other sites
spacegirl Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 I know what you mean, and I agree completely. Several of my friends I never get to see except for during the brief interludes that they're single and need someone to keep them busy. I guess they don't realize how much it hurts to see someone they just met take such precedence over an old friend. you've hit the nail on the head for me right there. i've been the 'surrogate girlfriend' for many friends in the past, and i've even had someone i thought to be my twin in spirit admit this to me after i finally began to recognize the pattern he'd follow like clockwork--no girl, but spacegirl is there. spill out heart to spacegirl. meet new girl. talk to spacegirl about new girl. get together with new girl, fuck her, blame spacegirl for not keeping in contact, or just no contact at all. rinse repeat maybe you can imagine how i felt after hearing that. needless to say, our five-year friendship has been extinguished, and the photo i kept of him and i has been thrown away (and this is the only photo i ever keep in view). i'm tired of this crap, and i wish i could find friends that last and that can acknowledge me for what i am while still preserving respect for my feelings and the bonds i form with them. it does hurt to realize that you're nothing but filler to a lot of people because you can't give them an outlet for their more carnal needs. maybe they see asexuallity as a sort of buffer; you don't feel like a 'normal' person feels, you can take it! it's almost as if once the sexual roles are stripped from a person and their gender less amplified, so to speak, they're nothing but a sort of household appliance, cyborg, or mediocre distraction--turn it on when you need it, turn it off when you're done, no guilt and no mess do people like us seem real to sexuals? i guess i just can't understand, and maybe this surrogate partner thing is commonplace, but it's horribly frustrating and heartbreaking when you're 'missing a piece,' so to speak :/ Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 You know, it makes me laugh. If I was interested in trying out some new, perhaps even slightly deviant, sexual trick people would welcome me with open arms. Why does a non-sexual being frighten people so much? I thought there was more to being human than sexual desire. Or maybe I was foolishly optimistic. You put that so well. Your English is perfect. And yeah nonsexual beings do seem to frighten people at times, perhaps because people are afraid of what they don't understand. Kate Link to post Share on other sites
gambit_boi Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 that sucks... i know, there's so narrow a angle of understanding with regard to human interaction in general. maybe because most people try to hard to put things into their own frames of referance. there's a big need to "pin things down", it seems. unfortunately (or fortunately?), we don't often have the vocabulary to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted April 25, 2004 Share Posted April 25, 2004 This, my friends, is why I hardly ever let anyone know how I feel :? Link to post Share on other sites
Des Posted April 25, 2004 Share Posted April 25, 2004 Gorax, you hit the male right on the head. Link to post Share on other sites
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