being who i am

[mm10646]

i am just so glad to have found this site!!!! i can not say my life was ever miserable because of my lack of sexual interest.....in fact aside from my struggles with what other people think i should feel in terms of sex my life is so rich and full i am overwhelmed at times. doesn't some of that have to do with noticing and relishing the small, simple things in life? things that may go unseen if i were a sexual person. it just appears to me that so much beauty and knowledge is pushed aside for the pursuit of (and importance placed on) sex. i am a very spiritual person and so this side of my life is very rich too. each day i awake to a life that is brimming full and have so much to look forward to. so much to learn, so much to feel, so much to love, and on and on. never have i felt deprived because i am not sexual. to me it just lifts the veil so i can see more clearly how really wonderful life is. my only problems have been in trying to comform to what society thinks i should be. and now i am just grateful to have found others who are content and accept this way of life also. i am still surprised that there are others!!! :D

[snowplow]

I'm glad you found AVEN. I remember feeling relieved as well when I found this. If I recall right, I read for a few years before actually joining.

I can understand the source of your feelings that you may experience more because you are asexual. I'd have to question the notion that sexual people miss out on parts of life because they are too busy trying to get sex. That would be an unfair characterization, I think, of most folks, for whom sexual expression is just one aspect of their lives. They are our engineers, teachers, social reformers, humanitarians, businessmen, plumbers, politicians... hardly having sex full-time!

There are other things besides sex that people get involved with that potentially take away from the fullness of life- addiction to drugs or alcohol, for instance.

[mm10646]

you are right on that and i do not mean to imply that most or all sexual people are thinking of only that. i do know that far more people are sexual than non sexual and certainly accomplish great things. but i flip through the channels at night and i see tons of references to sex. and even some people who appear to have 'full' lives and are strongly sexual seem to me to govern their affections, priorities and relationships based on their sexual needs. there are just so many negatives that result from sex. certainly this does not mean that all sexuals have these negatives but you can not exhibit these negatives unless you are sexual. how many crimes are sex related? not to say this is the case with all sexuals. so i think you are right but not totally. sex does bring a lot of baggage with it. and even doctors, engineers, ect drag that baggage to all their relationships. i think too that there is just so much more to life than sex and yet everywhere around there is reference to it. which is exactly what makes a person strive to be sexual even if they are not and feel that something is wrong with them if they are not sexual.

[KAGU143]

I think sexuals and asexuals are pretty evenly matched when it comes to activities that don't directly involve other people.

The biggest difference that I can see, not surprisingly, involves relationships with others.

I feel that sexuals are often unable to fully connect with another person because they are unable to get past their reaction to that person's physical form.

The reaction can be either positive or negative, and can vary in intensity from a mild interest or disinterest to outright "love at first sight" or revulsion.

And all of this can occur without a single word being exchanged! :roll:

I like to pretend that asexuals are more likely to withhold judgement until they actually MEET the person.

In MY perfect world, peoples' true personalities would be as outwardly visible as their height, weight, and skin color.

It sure would simplify things.

-Greybird

[Des]

That reminds me of a lesbian standup's routine, and it made a lot of sense. About halfway through it she told a joke that revealed that she was a lesbian and then she went on with it and said

"I know there are people out there going 'oh, so that's what a lesbian looks like. Maybe I'll sketch her for future reference.' See, the thing you really hate about us is this: we look like you."

Pretty much every form of discrimination involves a difference that is readily visible. But someone's sexual orientation, all stereotypes (and any T-shirts you happen to be wearing) aside, that's what makes conservative, homophobic heterosexuals so uncomfortable: they're not exactly sure who they're afraid of. They're afraid they might get to like somebody and then find out he/she is gay, etc. and then feel different.

[Friendly]

Hi, and welcome! I've only been posting here for a couple weeks, but isn't it great? I've met some great people and read some interesting stories. I agree with you totally that the sex-free life is awesome. I mean there're so many things we don't have to worry about as asexuals - STDs for example. But don't be too hard on the sexuals. Most of my friends are, and it usually seems like I'm the one living down the hole (but it's a nice hole, I like it) while they are out there doing stuff I'd never think of doing (not including sex). An example of that is, sometimes my friends talk about bands that are apparently really popular, but I've never heard of them 'cuz they haven't really filtered down into my hole yet.

Anyway, see you around the board.

[Vicious Trollop]

An example of that is, sometimes my friends talk about bands that are apparently really popular, but I've never heard of them 'cuz they haven't really filtered down into my hole yet.

Friendly, I was just wondering, is this because you are A somehow? Or because you are an introvert, loner &c (just speculating)? Do you feel your asexuality itself limits you from these experiences, or is this coincidence?