Article on Asexuality in Edmonton Newspaper

[whoamiwhowasi]

No sex, thanks

What does it mean when you always lack a libido?
Jennifer Parks, edmontonjournal.com
Published: Friday, March 07

In a world where sex sells everything from food and clothing to tropical holidays and real estate, sexual desire is considered a common currency.

But ever tried buying a soda pop in Mexico with Japanese Yen, or a lap dance in Las Vegas with pounds or pesos?

Some people just aren't buying.

Rest of story at above link.





2014 Mod Edit - For future reference:

No sex, thanks

Unlike celibacy -- the choice to abstain from sex -- an asexual person does not experience sexual attraction.

BY EDMONTON JOURNAL MARCH 7, 2008




In a world where sex sells everything from food and clothing to tropical holidays and real estate, sexual desire is considered a common currency.

But ever tried buying a soda pop in Mexico with Japanese Yen, or a lap dance in Las Vegas with pounds or pesos?

Some people just aren’t buying.

An estimated one per cent of the world’s population, according to some researchers, simply aren’t interested in doing the horizontal mambo.

No sex? Seriously?! Not tonight, not EVER?

Unlike celibacy -- the choice to abstain from sex -- an asexual person does not experience sexual attraction, according to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), an online community created for asexual or questioning individuals.

As carnal creatures, some of us may find it difficult to wrap our lustful brains around a life without libido.

After all, according to classic theories of human motivation, isn’t sex nothing less than a basic human need?

Let’s consider this: asexuality exists throughout the plant and animal kingdoms. For example, an estimated two per cent of sheep aren’t interested in having sex with other members of the herd. And some flowering plants “bloom” without the need to cross-pollinate.

So, whether you think asexuality is a natural phenomenon or a genetic anomoly, is it really such a stretch that it would also pop up in the human kingdom?

Cijay Morgan’s story lets us walk a mile in her shoes.

The 44-year-old Edmontonian realized she was asexual the same way she discovered she was short; other people started growing taller than her.

“As teenagers, we all had pop stars on our walls, but eventually my friends wanted to do more than meet them, or go to the movies and hold hands. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to do more than hold hands,” says Cijay, who figured she was just a late bloomer.

“By the time I realized I wasn’t like others, I really didn’t care anymore.”

She compares her adolescence to riding an elevator in a huge department store.

“Second floor -- dating. Third floor -- serious dating. Fourth floor -- gay relationships ... None of these floors were of any interest to me. Finally, the door opened to ‘asexuality’ and more specifically, ‘single asexuals who are happy to be so,’ and I finally stepped out of the elevator.”

No longer “dis-oriented,” Cijay found her asexuality to be “liberating.”

She came out to her friends and family four years ago, and today she identifies as an asexual lesbian: she desires intimacy with another woman, just not of the sexual nature.

“I’ve never looked at a person and wanted to have sex with them, but being intimate -- holding hands, cuddling, etc. -- I crave it like anyone else,” she says.

After all, we’re all human.

If Cijay had the opportunity to experience sexual pleasure, would she take it or leave it?

“Naw. I’m just not remotely interested,” she says. “I’m not broken. I mean, I obviously don’t have the piece of wiring others got, but nothing needs fixing.”

Some sex therapists are skeptical that asexuality in humans really exists.

Cory Hrushka, a certified sex therapist practising in Edmonton, says in 15 years he’s seen hundreds of patients who identified as asexual, but none turned out to be.

“Asexuality exists 'in theory,' as a point on a line in the spectrum of sexuality, but I’ve yet to see it in practice,” says Hrushka. “It always ends up being medically based, trained or traumatized into them.”

He prefers to call asexuality “hypoactive sexual desire,” which can be caused by any variety of things: low testosterone, medication side-effects, depression, endocrine problems, chronic illness, worry, sexual trauma, performance anxiety or partner conflict, among other things.

“Some people are struggling with their bisexuality. They don’t want to be gay so they become asexual,” says Hrushka. “Or they grew up in a strongly conservative or religious family where sex was considered evil, so they choose not to be sexual.”

Hrushka adds that 80 to 90 per cent of people who were sexually abused become hypersexual or asexual.

“It’s a behavioural choice, but deep down the desire is there; you’ve just got a good leash on it.”

Cijay agrees that asexuality can be based on environmental learning, biology or childhood trauma, but it’s not always the case -- and she’s living proof.

“What I know is the truth I am living and a sex therapist can never know that,” she says

To complicate matters, there’s been little scientific or scholarly discussion of asexuality. Is it a “legitimate” orientation, hormonal imbalance, pathology, closeted homosexuality, social retardedness, a cry for attention or nature’s way of controlling population?

Theories abound -- some less enlightened than others -- but no “litmus test” exists to determine if someone is asexual. So why don’t we just ask them?

The AVEN website offers this important insight:

“Asexuality is like any other identity -- at its core, it’s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out.”

Hrushka admits asexuals may not come to therapy because they’re already happy with themselves.

“I would love to get into a talk. I’d expect there’s an anomaly somewhere. I mean, if you touch your genitals and it feels good, why wouldn’t you have sex -- unless you have ‘aversion’ to sexuality?” says Hrushka. “There’s lots of questions I’d ask.”

It might be a heated discussion, but asking is always better than consigning someone to a neat, little box.

Labels help science make sense of things. But the diversity of human experience is more fluid than that; it defies strict categorical imperative.

Consider the following common scenarios:

- Some nights you would rather just hug or share conversation with your significant other than have sex.

- You find yourself attracted to some people, while not at all to others.

- You entertain the fantasy of a particular sexual encounter -- gay, lesbian, threesome, orgy -- but if presented with the opportunity in reality, it would not turn you on.

- You masturbate sometimes without the desire to include your mate.

Pretty “normal,” right? Now, what if you always felt that way?

Some asexuals fantasize or masturbate, some even have sex -- although romantic attraction is usually the motivator, not lust.

It’s a cosmic leap, but one worth taking, if the alternative is intolerance.

[Angelica Soprano]

Not the usual rubbish filled article either - surprisingly. I can see why there's an aversion to seek psychiatric/medical help, though.

[snafu]

Thanks for posting this link!

It's funny, I live in that province, and I was just in Edmonton last weekend for the 2nd time in my life.

Some green comments in that article, but some good too.

I admire the asexual person who was interviewed for this article, it must take a lot of courage.

Way to go!

I also like the scenario list at the end of the article...

Not sure if there are any asexual rednek around... ;)

[A-listed]

The article isn't bad. I think that it gave too much space to the sex therapist, however. He is unlikely to see us, precisely because we won't seek "therapy" for our natural sexual orientation. I'm also not sure that he would be able to distinguish asexuality from the various conditions that he described.

Some of his comments also seemed awfully simple-minded. If he can't even distinguish genital sensations from sexual desire, he shouldn't be allowed to work as a sex therapist.

[DavidG]

Good article, not-so-good therapist.

Some of his comments also seemed awfully simple-minded. If he can't even distinguish genital sensations from sexual desire, he shouldn't be allowed to work as a sex therapist.

True. Odd to see that a newspaper can do a better job of understanding asexuality than a sex therapist can...

[Cicero]

A nice article, well done to the author and to cijay!

[cijay]

double post

[cijay]

Thanks for posting this link!

It's funny, I live in that province, and I was just in Edmonton last weekend for the 2nd time in my life.

Some green comments in that article, but some good too.

I admire the asexual person who was interviewed for this article, it must take a lot of courage.

Way to go!

I also like the scenario list at the end of the article...

Not sure if there are any asexual rednek around... ;)

Courage my ass LOL. Like I told Jennifer, I am a lazy lazy person. I do the articles so I don't have to come out! LOL.

Good article, not-so-good therapist.

Some of his comments also seemed awfully simple-minded. If he can't even distinguish genital sensations from sexual desire, he shouldn't be allowed to work as a sex therapist.

True. Odd to see that a newspaper can do a better job of understanding asexuality than a sex therapist can...

I don't think it's odd at all. Journalists are meant to be open minded while a lot of therapists (sex and otherwise) are 'schooled' to detect the 'abnormal' and 'fix' it. To be fair to the therapist, perhaps it didn't come across in the artcle but the therapist said that he'd never seen a 'genuine case', not that they didn't exist. I haven't been in his line of work, perhaps he never HAS seen one. I compared it to an obstetrician who is either male or has never had a baby. The doctor knows all the textbook things, the schooling, the manner, knows what's normal and what's not and can usually catch the baby (I won't use the word deliver, it's the mother who delivers the baby) but s/he doesn't know what the mother is going through physically or emotionally as far as pain and experiences.

So it's like, the sex therapist is a 'teacher', s/he has been through school, read the text books and has the certificate on his/her wall but I'm the professor because I didn't have to read a book, pay for classes or listen to some boring ass teacher who also doesn't know the truth.

A nice article, well done to the author and to cijay!

Thank you -yes, I think she did a great job of the article. I was glad I could do it because I won't be in Edmonton 'til June but we got it done through e-mail.

[EGAD!]

I suppose it wasn't bad...but they are still spewing out the same dogma about how we must have been abused, are religous zealots who have been brainwashed to be sex phobic or something is wrong with our hormones.

And was it just me or did anyone else find this statement troubling...

Hrushka adds that 80 to 90 per cent of people who were sexually abused become hypersexual or asexual.

I can't help but get the impression he is using the word asexual here to mean people who don't have sex whereas we use it to mean we have an abscence of physical/psychological drive to be attracted to people because of sexual interest.

The second thing that bothers me about that statement is he lumps hypersexual and asexual together rather than giving a separate statistic for approximately how many turn out to be hypersexual and how many turn out to be asexual. I would be interested to know what study this information is based on.

And the problem I have with assuming being overly religious = asexual is this. It is my observation that being overtly religous and being made to feel ashamed of sexual feelings is a two way street where a person can become either incredibly obsessed with their sexuality, and likely be closeted about it or they could become completely uninterested in acting sexually in any way because of feelings shame.

My second objection is that enough has not been done to adequately account for temporal issues. To show a cause and effect relationship you have to show that B happened as a result of A. I think it is likely the case that asexuals are more religious in at least attending to religious services is because it gives them a sense of meaning and purpose. If having sex, having a family and kids does not make you happy chances are you are going to find something else to fill the void.

Granted very little research has been done so neither us nor the "experts" can prove anything definitively one way or the other, but it still gets annoying that there seems to be too little acknowledgement that there is just a lot we just don't know for sure.