Silly Green Monkey Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 Well, supposedly, guys feel pleasure when their prostate is stroked, which I'm not sure if dumping can do. Link to post Share on other sites
guardianoftheblind Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 [gross]I find holding it in creates an interesting feeling, though the actual excretion is only enjoyable as a relief of pressure.[/gross] Sex is gross to me or makes me feel uncomfortable when it's either without love or when it's used to market something, and especially when it's both. When I think of someone having sex with me whom I don't care about, it does indeed feel like someone invading my home and making a mess. When I think of being in love with someone and sharing my body for mutual satisfaction and an expression of love, then it feels like I'm inviting a friend into my home, giving them a tour, having a fun time with them, and they're simultaneously doing the same to me. I don't like sex in entertainment unless it's part of a meaningful story, if it's just there to sell a product or a TV show then I find it gross and pathetic. I don't like to see kissing and making out in public. It feels like people are showing off. There can be a time and place for everything, but a school hallway is not the place to cop a feel or swap spit. And to be quite honest, watching others makes me jealous that I don't have someone in my life to share that with. Link to post Share on other sites
Harvey the Pooka Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Ever watched a choir on "mute"? Pretty dumb, senseless yawnig, no more. Now imagine the same feeling, amplified a zillion times: that's how sex appears to one without sex-drive. Copulation IS generally gross, and everyone could observe this grossness if only manages to get detached from the "pre-programming" to relate idea of "sex" with the idea of "pleasure". In particular, I find the following aspects repulsive: 1. it's sticky and stinky 2. it involves dirt 3. it's a subtle enslaving: it's a selfish, basic instinct that, very slyly, abuses the idea of love for the sake of procreation 4. it is too heavily marketed, burdened by social contexts often involving prestige and similar crap, and often irremediably deatched from love Good reasoning, guardianoftheblind. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly Green Monkey Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 It's also very repetitive and boring. I saw some lesbian scenes and some heterosexual scenes on latenight tv, and it seemed to go on forever. Didn't even look like they were even doing anything. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Ever watched a choir on "mute"? Pretty dumb, senseless yawnig, no more. Now imagine the same feeling, amplified a zillion times: that's how sex appears to one without sex-drive. Copulation IS generally gross, and everyone could observe this grossness if only manages to get detached from the "pre-programming" to relate idea of "sex" with the idea of "pleasure". this is brilliant! When I was doing the pre-interview for Gabrielle in New York, I compared being without sex drive to being in a room where everyone was laughing and having a good time...and I didn't speak the language. People can come over and shout at me to get me to understand but if they're not speaking my language I'm not going to understand it and that's it. Anyway, if it's okay, if the interview goes, can I use that? I promise I won't pretend it's my concept. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue_Liminality Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Copulation IS generally gross, and everyone could observe this grossness if only manages to get detached from the "pre-programming" to relate idea of "sex" with the idea of "pleasure".In particular, I find the following aspects repulsive: 1. it's sticky and stinky 2. it involves dirt 3. it's a subtle enslaving: it's a selfish, basic instinct that, very slyly, abuses the idea of love for the sake of procreation 4. it is too heavily marketed, burdened by social contexts often involving prestige and similar crap, and often irremediably deatched from love You speak volumes of truth, my friend. That is why I will never understand something as disgusting as sex can ever be seen as pleasurable, or even beautiful. But sex in many people's mind is automatically connected to love, emotion, intimacy, etc, and that mental connection, though clearly unfounded, is prevalent in society. Too bad us sexuals are too low in numbers to actually change that misconception. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig-Andrews Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 :D Arghgh!! - I feel like I've found my tribe!!! you guys/gals are so articulate! and I...oh my! words fail me! :P :P I so agree with the posts here in this thread and I looovvveeee KLIMT's work :!: ... DIVINE.. waaaa-waaa Link to post Share on other sites
98slbrookes98 Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 I actually think you have a point. Its true that I sometimes do that as I'm not comfortable with it but I have recently become more relaxed about t. I don't actually mind reading about it, studying it or even acting it any more but it is still awkward although I try not to show it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrysalid Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 [self edit] Link to post Share on other sites
Borrible Cal Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I don't find the idea of sex in the abstract gross or squicky (profoundly dull, yes, but that's another thing altogether), but the instant I try mapping the idea onto my own body--for instance, in the way that imaginative involvement with a text such as a sex scene in a film, tends to impose on one--I am repelled. It's a question of where one's personal, physical limits lie, I guess. Borrible Cal. Link to post Share on other sites
Curious Kelly Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 Harvey the Pooka wrote: Copulation IS generally gross, and everyone could observe this grossness if only manages to get detached from the "pre-programming" to relate idea of "sex" with the idea of "pleasure". In particular, I find the following aspects repulsive: 1. it's sticky and stinky 2. it involves dirt 3. it's a subtle enslaving: it's a selfish, basic instinct that, very slyly, abuses the idea of love for the sake of procreation 4. it is too heavily marketed, burdened by social contexts often involving prestige and similar crap, and often irremediably deatched from love You speak volumes of truth, my friend. That is why I will never understand something as disgusting as sex can ever be seen as pleasurable, or even beautiful. But sex in many people's mind is automatically connected to love, emotion, intimacy, etc, and that mental connection, though clearly unfounded, is prevalent in society. Too bad us sexuals are too low in numbers to actually change that misconception. _________________ ~*~*~Blue~*~*~ Me a sexual *cowers* Had to say something about the above cause found it a little shocking. I think how you feel about all aspects of sexual identity is a personal thing and is partly about how you perceive things emotionally. Sex is neither inherently dirty or clean, pleasurable or repulsive, it's all relative, it just depends on your feelings or viewpoint. I think people should be wary about strong condemnation of other people's sexual behaviour because it could be interpreted as prejudice. Completely agree tho that society portrays sex as a compulsory part of love, and it certainly shouldn't be that way! Guess I'm saying I don't think it's a wise move politically to alienate sexuals by telling them they are somehow wrong, because acceptance, understanding and education work both ways. Surely different sexual identities are just DIFFERENT, one is no more inherently right or attractive than another? Link to post Share on other sites
maila Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 [gross]I find holding it in creates an interesting feeling, though the actual excretion is only enjoyable as a relief of pressure.[/gross]Sex is gross to me or makes me feel uncomfortable when it's either without love or when it's used to market something, and especially when it's both. When I think of someone having sex with me whom I don't care about, it does indeed feel like someone invading my home and making a mess. When I think of being in love with someone and sharing my body for mutual satisfaction and an expression of love, then it feels like I'm inviting a friend into my home, giving them a tour, having a fun time with them, and they're simultaneously doing the same to me. I don't like sex in entertainment unless it's part of a meaningful story, if it's just there to sell a product or a TV show then I find it gross and pathetic. I don't like to see kissing and making out in public. It feels like people are showing off. There can be a time and place for everything, but a school hallway is not the place to cop a feel or swap spit. And to be quite honest, watching others makes me jealous that I don't have someone in my life to share that with. Very well said, i totally agree. Having sex with another person makes you vunerable, and i think that people who have casual sex forget that. I dont really think that i would have sex with total stanger simply for that reason. I am a very private person who only lets certain people into my circle. So putting my naked body out there just anyone to touch is out of the question. But sex with someone you love is complety different. In the end i think it all comes down to trust. Knowing that you can trust that person doesnt make the act disgusting at all. Link to post Share on other sites
maila Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 and I've noticed that alot of people that are Asexual say that they find sex gross? How exactly is it gross? I could certainly see how some people who are not attracted to it could find it unappealing but alot of the posts are somewhat like, "I can't stand watching sex scenes", "When I read a book or watch a movie I usually skip over that part", or when sex is mentioned, a few "*squrims*" even.I don't find any discomfort in thinking about sex, watching sex or talking about sex, I'm just not attracted to it. But I guess this is one of those, "to each their own" things... I agree with everything you said. I perosnlly dont find the act gross at all, i am just simply indifferent to it personally. Asexuals are in the majority, and i think that we have to accept the fact that sex is a big part of many people's lives. This is why we will always see it in books, tvs, magazines etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 Curious Kelly and maila--the antisexual people on the board (and there are a few) don't represent the majority of AVENites. Most of us are fairly indifferent about it. We occasionally get posts from people saying that we're all antisexual, but to me it seems like an incredibly small portion of the site. And I read the entire site. It probably stands out more to you because you disagree with it--I know if I find something offensive it gets more of my attention than the things I identify/agree with. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
maila Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I dont necessarily find someone who thinks sex is gross as offensive, that is their opinion and i respect that. But it did seem as if alot of people on this site did, maybe that was just my misconception, sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 It's a perfectly valid point to bring up, because other people feel the same way, but I just wanted to let you know it's not the prevalent attitude. Also, some asexuals go through an antisexual phase when they first come out--sort of a backlash. 'Oh! So there ISN'T anything wrong with me, I'm just asexual! Well, screw you sexuals for making me feel inadequate for all that time!' Like that, but then they settle down. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Curious Kelly Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 Thanx Cate! I feel welcome now :-) :-) :-) Is true, I was feeling a bit annoyed about the stuff that a few individuals have posted that I felt attacked feelings and behaviour that are right FOR ME. This place is so cool tho...really intelligent discussion of sexual identity and relationships! I've got a really niave question to ask tho...sorry if it's stupid but i'm so curious... do asexual people like to flirt? If so, what kinds of flirting? Please, anyone, tell me all about it!!! I'm fascinated! :-) Sometimes I think sexual people flirt in a non-sexual way... not sure if it's comparable tho... very confusing hehe! Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 Some asexuals flirt. It depends. Some don't because they're not interested in that sort of thing/don't think about it or because they don't want to feel they're leading someone on. Others only flirt if it's with someone they feel safe. I know at least on VERY flirty asexual, but she is only that way with other asexuals, as far as I can tell. HOW do we flirt...just like anyone else, I suppose. This is a horrible metaphor, but it's the only one I have at my disposal--you know how babies flirt? Or animals when they want your attention? They give you the big eyes and the giggles (the babies do that, not animals) and are just generally irresistable until you have to smile at them or pay attention to them. It's like that. I haven't been around any asexuals in real life and flirting is very much a visual thing so I can't say for certain how/if many asexuals flirt, but I'm sure some do. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Vicious Trollop Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 Sometimes I act flirtatious when I'm nervous and uncomfortable. Problematically, I am most nervous and uncomfortable, and therefore most flirtatious, when I sense that a guy is interested in me. In order to converse with him civilly, I revert to some strange giggly, touchy jokester self that I realize only encourages guys, but in the moment I'm rarely able to stop myself. I don't think I ever flirt intentionally, though, except perhaps with close friends and gay males, in which case it's utterly meaningless. Link to post Share on other sites
Curious Kelly Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I love flirting cos its so lovely to see someone's face light up when they realise you're saying they're great! :-) People don't half misread it sometimes tho... it's NOT necessarily meant as an invitation for sex grrrrr. Virago, so get the nervous flirting thing lol!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Bee Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 Avenguy, i just spotted your question there BB- you figured out what sexy means? tellmetellmetellme!!! I have been trying to work out for ages what it meant because its a very abstract concept. It seems to involve lots of flesh showing and men and women being half naked. But i think it is about making people think of sex- like those page 3 pictures of women that appear in tabloids (yuck!) that some men seem to find appealing. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrysalid Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 [self edit] Link to post Share on other sites
Aeireono Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 the antisexual people on the board (and there are a few) don't represent the majority of AVENites. Most of us are fairly indifferent about it. Forgive me, but I'm a little disturbed to perceive a discreet connection being made there, that people who find sex "gross" are anti-sexual. Please, please tell me I'm wrong! :? :( I am a newbie after all. Because although I do find it gross, I have no problem with sexuals liking it. If they want to do all that stuff then that's their lookout. I wouldn't slate them for it unless they forced me to do it when I didn't want to. Exactly. I find it gross... I sqirm when I think of the idea of doing it, because I can't stand the idea of being touched there. It's like the prospect of being touched on the eyeball, which also makes me squeamish. But what other people do is their own business. I have a hard time imagining sex as pleasureable, especially for females, but obviously a lot of people must like it. I don't understand why something that seems disgusting to me should be fun, but whatever. It's their bodies, not mine. I don't care one bit if other people have sex and enjoy it because they are not me. I would hate to think that I was "antisexual" simply because I personally found the idea of sex to be disgusting. Sure I have an aversion of some type, but so what? What other people do in private isn't any of my business, right? I was under the impression that antisexual reffered to people who had the "omg everyone who has sex is stupid and must die!" attitude, which is not me at ALL. I don't care if an asexual is simply indifferent to sex or is disgusted by it, but I'd hate to feel like I was being alienated because of this, and sometimes I wonder if I'm less valid in my opinions because I have this "euugghh!" reaction. I can still seperate my opinions on the matter from everyone else's, and I don't expect everyone to think the same way about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 This is another thing that comes us frequently. To borrow Tressa's example: 'I don't want to have sex, the thought of doing it makes me want to puke.' Is not antisexual. It's an opinion. You don't like the idea of doing it and you don't have to. 'All people who have sex or even want it should die.' Is antisexual. However, I think I've just realised the problem here. When someone says, 'I don't agree with [insert a personal opinion I hold dear].' I find it difficult to separate that from them saying they don't like me. Which they didn't say. They just said they didn't like an aspect of me. I *think* some sexual people might be reading personal opinions as a judgement on all sexuals when really the asexual in question is just saying the thought of having sex themselves is gross. I'll back up sexuals who don't like the 'All sexuals should die,' types of comments--nobody wants to hear that, but from what I've seen usually the asexuals here are saying they personally don't want to have sex. I'm one of those people. Seeing it or hearing about it from someone else doesn't bother me, but the second someone says they want to do something to me I get grossed out. That does not make me antisexual. I am also a firm believer that one of the points of this site is to provide a safe place for asexuals to gather and express their opinions about anything they wish. And asexuals often find us after years of being told they're the wrong ones--the ones who need help. Sex is inescapable in our culture and media and we're told it's vital to being a human being, but then we find this place and are finally amongst others who diagree and often steam that has been building for YEARS is finally let out. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Rich Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I aint grossed out by sex or anythign to do with it really...its just not something I would chooses to do. Only time it is annoying is when im having a conversation with a mate, and his gf plonks her fat ass between me and him and sticks her tongue down his throat, then snaps at me when I try to finish the conversation Ive learnt to let ehr get on with it....she can get pretty violent!! As for on films again dont bother me if its to do with teh plot, and doesnt take too long.....nothing worse than enjoying a film, and having a 10 minute sex scene right in teh middle Link to post Share on other sites
Davey Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 The term I like is repulsed. I think that's fine as long as it comes with an 'I statement': I am repulsed by sex; I find it unclean, sticky.. blah blah blah. What I don't like to see is: Sex is repulsive because point, point, point. No statement of opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
cait Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I find it gross for a few reasons, I might be supressing some of them though, so I couldn't tell you all of it. I just notice that when people are watching porn or showing me porn, I want to throw up all over the people involved. Or I start fantasizing about taking a rusted butterknife to well...I won't finish that statement...but it involves lots of pain, and I don't even like pain myself. I hate porn and I hate the way males talk about females. I hate the idea of oral sex, I find it extremely degrading. I find sex degrading on so many levels. Girls around me talk about how much they love the cock and so on. And guys just talk about being all macho/masculine and really really degrade women and it really makes me want to scream or hit things. I am not a violent person however, so I supress it. I don't know where this feeling comes from, but I feel so....low...just so degraded by the thought of sex. When people want sex...it takes over other thought, nothing else is thought about, that's just what it feels like. And I can't help but think about other things and constantly doubt and overanalyze and just....it's the feeling that someone could treat me like dirt ... it's something about the animal instinct that makes me want to hurl. It sounds very stupid and very insecure, but I'm sure there is more to my asexuality than just this. It's just like....I'm so focussed on my mind that anyone ignoring it for the part of me I don't care for hurts ... at least anyone who I want to understand me at all. And as for other people doing it, I just can't comprehend how...how they can like it. But I know they do, and power to them. etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Vicious Trollop Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 I'm so focussed on my mind that anyone ignoring it for the part of me I don't care for hurts ... at least anyone who I want to understand me at all. I think I understand exactly what you mean there. I think one of the main "reasons why" I'm asexual is that I'm so stuck in my mind. My body barely feels like a part of me -- the thing that I call "I" is my brain, and the body is just a vehicle. So anytime people do focus on my body, particularly in a sexual way of course, it does feel degrading and shallow, and overall it just doesn't make sense to me. And exactly -- if I want someone to understand me, they have to understand my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
-V- Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 I don't see why people see it as gross. I couldn't do it, I don't react well to people touching me. But whats the problem with sexuals showing affection (and thats what they're doing in their way) in public? I may feel this way because I'm too empathetic for my own good, or I may be a closet sexual (I'm not, I just wanted to be the first to say that). Link to post Share on other sites
Silestra Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 I find some of sex gross. It stinks for starters. I remember once reading Clive James Unreliable Memoirs, (very funny book) talking about his first sexual encounter. He said something along the lines of, "I came away with a finger smelling like a fishing smack" Made me laugh, because I knew exactly what he meant. And all the rest, even though my b/f washes before sex. And I know many people who are paranoid about washing, who purport to have a shower at least once a day etc. but I wonder how many of them have oral sex? Can't anyone see the contradiction between washing your hands before dinner and the sticking your mouth where someone pisses and shits? And another thing I often wonder about. If sex is SOOO great, why are all the worst swear wrods and insults people can come up with to do with it? Sil Link to post Share on other sites
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