A is me Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 I have tried to get this thread started on a couple of other areas of this board and not many chimed in...maybe us "oldies" will get it and get it going. Wondering if I am alone in the following thought process that I have recently discovered about myself: I have what I used to call attractions and now refer to as connections with people who are unattainable and uninterested in me. In my adult past I have had men in my life who, at the time, I thought I wanted actual relationships with...neither were interested and told me so in so many words..."don't want to ruin the friendship...blah blah blah." After finding this site, reading some posts by others like me, some serious soul searching and a new man in my life I feel an amazing connection to (who happens to be gay) it occurs to me that I have deliberately or not, found men who I knew logically would never want a sexual relationship with me. I didn't realize it with the 2 prior, but this site and this new man really brought it home for me. I want the relationship without the sex, so an attraction, infactuation, crush, connection, call it what you will, with someone uninterested always keeps me safe from the awkward moment where he wants more than I do. BTW, this new guy is amazing and I guess I post these things in a round about way of being able to talk about him to people who might get my attraction to him....adorable, sweet, funny, smart and living with the complete wrong man for him...in every way for me, the perfect guy To the rest of the sexual world, they would think I was crazy...hopefully most here won't. Has anyone else experienced such feelings about someone totally unattainable?? Or am I truly alone and crazy afterall? Link to post Share on other sites
Nalle Neversure Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 I don't quite fit in 'older asexuals' forum, but I have been in AVEN over 2 years, so I guess that counts. :) I haven't had 'safe crushes' (couldn't find better term) but I've read that many AVENites have those, some form or other. So you are not crazy and alone. :D Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 I used to put it down to the fact the real life people always hurt you. Unattainable people never will because you'll never have that (or any) kind of relationship with them.They did fulfill a need to reassure myself that I was capable of feeling - without the risk. Link to post Share on other sites
mackat5 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 I've had a few crushes in my life. But looking over the young men who I liked, I find that for the most part, they were unavailable. For example, the one in high school was the most popular fellow in school, and I was the new girl in a small town. And the last man that I found that I loved, was a gay man who had been in a very bad mariage. He died in Sept '91.(and I still miss him) Link to post Share on other sites
A is me Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 I've had a few crushes in my life. But looking over the young men who I liked, I find that for the most part, they were unavailable. Now, do you think that was subcontiously deliberate on your part? that's what I'm trying to figure out about me...I think it was. I have never really been interested in anyone I thought might be in me For example, the one in high school was the most popular fellow in school, and I was the new girl in a small town. And the last man that I found that I loved, was a gay man who had been in a very bad mariage. He died in Sept '91.(and I still miss him) Link to post Share on other sites
Angelica Soprano Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 I have a gay friend with a high sex drive, and I hear of his manic unsuccessful searches for sex, and it reminds me how lucky I am not having one. Such a waste of time and effort he spends in this drive, he cannot control, that it effects his whole life and outlook. So the angst some feel by not having any drive, is maybe misplaced? Link to post Share on other sites
coldav Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 I have tried to get this thread started on a couple of other areas of this board and not many chimed in...maybe us "oldies" will get it and get it going. Wondering if I am alone in the following thought process that I have recently discovered about myself: I have what I used to call attractions and now refer to as connections with people who are unattainable and uninterested in me. In my adult past I have had men in my life who, at the time, I thought I wanted actual relationships with...neither were interested and told me so in so many words..."don't want to ruin the friendship...blah blah blah." After finding this site, reading some posts by others like me, some serious soul searching and a new man in my life I feel an amazing connection to (who happens to be gay) it occurs to me that I have deliberately or not, found men who I knew logically would never want a sexual relationship with me. I didn't realize it with the 2 prior, but this site and this new man really brought it home for me. I want the relationship without the sex, so an attraction, infactuation, crush, connection, call it what you will, with someone uninterested always keeps me safe from the awkward moment where he wants more than I do. BTW, this new guy is amazing and I guess I post these things in a round about way of being able to talk about him to people who might get my attraction to him....adorable, sweet, funny, smart and living with the complete wrong man for him...in every way for me, the perfect guy To the rest of the sexual world, they would think I was crazy...hopefully most here won't. Has anyone else experienced such feelings about someone totally unattainable?? Or am I truly alone and crazy afterall? I am prone to getting involved with women that invariably the relationships never goes beyond the platonic level. This has been the case since I was divorced 16 years ago. I think I am firmly ensconsed in the asexual lifestyle and will remain here for the forseeable future. Link to post Share on other sites
Goonie Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 goonie + free time + new buttons = trouble... merged the three posts by coldave together... Goonie, admin ok now goonie the member -- not an oldie so much but I tend to the do the same thing. if I know someone is single and straight...(since i'm straight that makes them "sexually compatible so to say" I see them as a threat. The minute they are taken my guard comes down. The guy who brought the biggest smiles to my face...was gay. My sister seems to do the same thing as well. I don't think it's that unnatural to happen Link to post Share on other sites
Angelica Soprano Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Has anyone else experienced such feelings about someone totally unattainable?? Or am I truly alone and crazy afterall? I think everyone has fantasies and dreams. I had a crush on Jeremy Brett, but I was born a little too late. Link to post Share on other sites
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