What makes one "sexy" or "sexually attractive" ?

[Lucinda]

I know when someone finds another sexually attractive because they say so or I see the distracted look in their eyes when they are watching them. However, I don't know why.

I remember meeting Sean Connery when he was filming Just Cause in our area. I found him to be charming, gentlemanly, in good shape, and tall. When I overheard two women saying he was "still sexy even at his age", I encouraged them to go over and speak with him. They said they couldn't. This I did not understand. They thought he was sexy, maybe even fantasized about him ... but couldn't even talk to the guy? It made no sense to me. "Why not?". "Because we wouldn't know what to say." That was too easy. I rattled off at least 20 things they could ask or say to him. Besides, they would have something to tell their friends at dinner parties. "We don't want to bother him." "Bother him? If he didn't want to be bothered, he would go hide. But look, he's out signing autographs."

Now I would think that if someone found someone else sexually attractive, then they would also find them attracting ... drawing them to him. I would think these women would have even more impetus than I to go have a chat. Were they afraid he would burst their fantasy bubble?

"I'll probably make a fool of myself." "Well, have it your way. You can tell all your friends at the dinner parties that you had a chance to meet James Bond, but instead you decided to stand 300 ft away and just gawk at him."

Johnny Depp. Yes, I have met him too. Some say he is "sexy". I found him to be a good conversationalist with very expressive eyes. In none of the parts I have seen him play, has he ever acted like himself. So how would the general public know he is "sexy"??? The only times I would imagine that he is himself is when he is giving interviews about an upcoming film. But during those times, why would he be "sexy"???

Brad Pitt is often cited as being the hottest and sexiest guy. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve the title, but what is it about him?? While he is certainly a nice looking guy, surely he is not unique in his appearance. Is it based on a part he has played?? Why would anyone think of jumping his bones?? Isn't he totally unavailable??

I may be asking the wrong group, but I am just thinking aloud more than looking for answers.

[Ewok]

I know when someone finds another sexually attractive because they say so or I see the distracted look in their eyes when they are watching them. However, I don't know why.

I remember meeting Sean Connery when he was filming Just Cause in our area. I found him to be charming, gentlemanly, in good shape, and tall. When I overheard two women saying he was "still sexy even at his age", I encouraged them to go over and speak with him. They said they couldn't. This I did not understand. They thought he was sexy, maybe even fantasized about him ... but couldn't even talk to the guy? It made no sense to me. "Why not?". "Because we wouldn't know what to say." That was too easy. I rattled off at least 20 things they could ask or say to him. Besides, they would have something to tell their friends at dinner parties. "We don't want to bother him." "Bother him? If he didn't want to be bothered, he would go hide. But look, he's out signing autographs."

Now I would think that if someone found someone else sexually attractive, then they would also find them attracting ... drawing them to him. I would think these women would have even more impetus than I to go have a chat. Were they afraid he would burst their fantasy bubble?

"I'll probably make a fool of myself." "Well, have it your way. You can tell all your friends at the dinner parties that you had a chance to meet James Bond, but instead you decided to stand 300 ft away and just gawk at him."

Johnny Depp. Yes, I have met him too. Some say he is "sexy". I found him to be a good conversationalist with very expressive eyes. In none of the parts I have seen him play, has he ever acted like himself. So how would the general public know he is "sexy"??? The only times I would imagine that he is himself is when he is giving interviews about an upcoming film. But during those times, why would he be "sexy"???

Brad Pitt is often cited as being the hottest and sexiest guy. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve the title, but what is it about him?? While he is certainly a nice looking guy, surely he is not unique in his appearance. Is it based on a part he has played?? Why would anyone think of jumping his bones?? Isn't he totally unavailable??

I may be asking the wrong group, but I am just thinking aloud more than looking for answers.

While I don't get the 'jump yer bones' sexual attraction, I can say someone is 'Sexy' (I'm among those who can find a character sexy, but not the actors a lot of the time. ha. Drew barrymore is cute, though). Sexiness, I think, is a combination of physical attraction and personality.

For instance, George Clooney. he is handsome, well spoken, and his public face is that of a gnetleman.

I have to say one thing, Holy cow, is Billy Idol still fit for his age. I found myself admiring him onstage from a merely aesthetic standpoint.

Sexiness is an intangible thing, though. One of the reasons I don't like wearing dresses and evening gowns (Other than being a massive tomboy) is because people see that as sexy. And I don't like people leering at me, I never have, so I don't dress that way.

[Dame du Lac]

There are a few things that seem to be found universally sexually attractive, e.g. symmetrical faces. Some things are more cultural (there's an African tribe - can't remember which one - where the men are all very tall because that is what women there have found attractive and have based their choice of husband on for many generations). In women there is the magic hip-to-waist ratio of 0.7 which is taken as an indicator of fertility and is considered alluring regardless of overall body size. Kate Moss, for instance, is supposed to have this ratio so even though she's a skinny model she still has a "feminine and fertile" body shape. In western culture men are generallly regarded as attractive if they are broader at the shoulder and narrower at the hips; it suggests a physically strong and healthy male. Also men who show they are able to "provide" e.g. by being confident, successful, well-off etc.

Speaking personally, as someone who has on rare occasions experienced sexual attraction, it tends not to correlate with anything noticeable, i.e. the person may not be particularly good-looking, you may not know them, they may even not seem all that nice, but there is something that causes arousal and desire to have sex with them. I know that there is a theory that one of the "mysterious" factors in attraction is scent - we may be attracted to some people because we subconsciously recognise that their smell is different enough from our own to indicate that they have a compatible immune system. Ideal for making babies with a strong chance for survival! This is something I'm quite keen for them to study more as it may lay at the root of my (grey) asexuality. Certainly, if someone smells too familiar to me I am slightly revolted regardless of how nice a person they may be and how well I get on with them even though I'm not sexually attracted to them and it shouldn't be a problem.

So basically, what makes someone "sexy" or "sexually attractive" is a few physical traits and some mysterious as yet undiscovered factors. Hope that helps! ;)

[< retired >]

What doesn't help (for me):

+ cosmetics

+ clothing style

+ piercings

+ tatoos

What does help (for me):

+ overall appearance of good health

+ curves where nature intended them

+ demeanor, attitude, 'carriage'

+ receptivity

Hope this helps!

-_-

[PetraNotMyRealName]

ChooseYourBattles...love your AV by the way ;) :)

I agree, sexiness is not about cosmetics, skin, clothing style etc... to me it's about something you EXUDE...and you summed it up well with your list of "overall appearance of good health", "curves where nature intended", "demeanor, attitude, carriage" and "receptivity". These are EXACTLY the things that I find "sexy" in others and what I *think* people might find "sexy" in me. I have always been a tomboy type. I don't even OWN a dress and don't feel comfortable in them. I don't like to show skin...I just don't feel comfie that way. BUT I've been in bars in a nice black knit turtleneck, jeans and a belt and have had men (and once a woman) come up to me to either make nice comments or to ask me to dance or whatever... I think "sexiness" *IS* intangible. You can't touch it, see it with your eyes or put it on or in your body. It hasn't anything to do with breast augmentation, amount of skin showing, amount of makeup and all that jazz. It's an invisible 'something', an 'energy' that you exude, that others pick up on. The other things...cosmetics, clothing or lack of, piercings, tattoos etc... are material trappings for "lust" not "sexiness". As an asexual, I don't care for the lust part of things but I still find people of both genders, no matter what their sexual orientation "sexy" under the right circumstances.

Petra

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What doesn't help (for me):

+ cosmetics

+ clothing style

+ piercings

+ tatoos

What does help (for me):

+ overall appearance of good health

+ curves where nature intended them

+ demeanor, attitude, 'carriage'

+ receptivity

Hope this helps!

-_-

[PetraNotMyRealName]

Licinda, ironic the names you mention because IMHO none of these people are TERRIFICALLY good looking people when compared to most other average men of equal ages and appearances. In the case of celebs, it's that "can't have ya" thing perhaps and the fantasy of having a celebrity that causes the allure.

Sean Connery...good looking man to be sure and has gotten better looking with age IMHO but not anything unique really. I think with him it's the way he speaks, the way he carries himself and the way he works that is alluring.

Johnny Depp...again, not anybody with TERRIFIC looks...he could look like any college young man these days. But I find personally that the allure for me is that he IS quite expressive with his eyes. As an actor, the part he played in Edward Scissorhands was fantastic. If you think of it, he had very few lines and had to use his eyes to express his charater throughout the movie. I'm very much an "eye contact" person and I find that his non-verbal use of his eyes was very sexy, endearing and even sad in that movie. On my non-visual sexy scale Johnny Depp is WAAAY up there.

Brad Pitt, another "average joe looking guy" as far as I'm concerned. But I think his sex appeal comes again from the way he carries himself and the way he speaks and his expressive eyes. Not from the clothes he wears, the face, hair or who's on his arm. Of course there's that "star appeal" again but I really think it's his personal character and personality that is "sexy".

Another actor that falls into this group might be Patrick Stewart (aka Jean Luc Piccard). He's a bald man of no particular overt handsomeness and not unlike a zillion other bald, average looking men around the world but I see in him a character/personality that I like and an energy in his behavior, movement and in his eyes that I find "sexy".

Other people who fall into this non-esthetic "sexiness" for me personally are "Billy Bob Thornton" (average joe face for sure), "Jonathan Rhys-Meyers" (not that good looking at all from an esthetic point of view but somehow very sexy), "Clive Owen" (quite average looking as well...could be any guy off the street if you go by looks alone) and one I can't figure out at all is "Leonardo DiCaprio"...this man has the look of any white guy across North America or maybe even any white guy in the entire world. I personally don't find him visually attractive OR sexy but there must be something there that's non-visible because zillions of people find him both visually attractive AND sexy.

I actually like this trend toward actors who just look like "real people" and not some medically sculpted, airbrushed, nipped and tucked "vision of sexiness". There is something much more alluring about finding an average LOOKING person, sexier than a Vogue or GQ model.

Of course there's nothing wrong with "eye candy" but I truely believe that true "sexiness" comes from within and has very little to do with (or nothing at all) what's on the outside.

[PetraNotMyRealName]

In highschool and even now, I found the singer "Pete Burns" who sang "You spin me right round baby right round"...VERY sexy. Still can't say to this day what exactly it was. He's now pumped up his lips with so much collagen that he looks like he's having an allergic reaction to shellfish but in the 80's I just thought he was the sexiest thing alive. And even though his 2008 outward appearance is abhorrent, if I see pics of him from the 80's, I still find him sexy and alluring despite the fact that I'm hetero and he's quite obviously NOT (at least not strictly Het and quite likely most everything else).

This is the Pete Burns that I found EXTREMELY sexy:

http://butlersheetmetal.com/tinbasherblog/...right_round.jpg

http://foreverill.com/interviews/1985/burns1.jpg

Could it be his eyes??? I don't know... you don't see them a whole lot and when you do it's only one eye since he wears an eye patch in this video. Is it his androgenous-ness? Maybe... or does he just exude something that isn't visible on the outside? It remains a mystery to me why I'm attracted to the Pete Burns of the 80's but one things for sure, the Pete burns of 2008 is definitely a VISUAL turnoff the minute you lay eyes on his distorted face.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/4255...tty_203long.jpg

LOL...this little blurb with accompanying photos is too hillarious and obviously written by someone EXACTLY the same age as me:

http://forums.i80s.com/index.php?automodul...ntry&eid=73

[mindlife]

The only objective component of sexual attractiveness is probably youth.

Everything else is subjective.

[< retired >]

The only objective component of sexual attractiveness is probably youth. Everything else is subjective.

I can't imagine sleeping with someone in their 20's. Sexual attractiveness is about minds as well as bodies, and the maturity that only comes through age (if it comes at all :D ) is very attractive. That said, when I was in my 20's, I had girlfriends in their 40's. I guess they didn't mind that I was just a spring chicken. Now that I'm in my 40's, 30's to 50's are OK.

[Tanwen]

'Presence' is something that defies age, gender and orientation. I can see sexy' and very much appreciate 'sexy' - just don't want to do anything with it...and, please, don't ask me to define it.

The more you try to pigeon-hole things and define them, the more you diminish them.

Tan

[Lucinda]

Matt and I went on vacation to the mountains. After we arrived, we walked around town and decided to stop in a bar for a drink. There weren't many people there that early, but the music was playing and the dance floor was empty, so we decided to dance. Afterwards, as we prepared to leave, the manager told us there was a dance contest later that evening and asked us if we would like to come back. We said we would have to play it by ear, but thanked him for the invitation.

We met some distant cousins of mine for dinner and discussed our plans for the weekend. I was dead-beat tired after the 12 hour trip, but who needs to sleep when you are on vacation??? So we decided to go back to the bar to see what the dance contest was all about. We signed up and they told us what the song would be. We decided on a routine that we had done many times before. It wasn't an easy routine and I really needed to focus. In the middle of the dance, with about a two second warning, Matt flipped me in the air. It was not part of the routine. I had to recover, figure out where we were, and keep going. He thought it was pretty funny. For the rest of the song, I gave him a look like, "don't even try to pull another stunt on me ..." as he gave me his shit eating grin.

We watched some of the other couples dance and they were having fun, but in all fairness we decided to pull ourselves out of the running. Besides we were ready to leave. The manager stopped us, offered a round on the house, and asked us to stay until the contest was over. After the vote by applause and prizes were awarded, the manager announced we had won "The Sexiest Couple" and everybody started clapping. While we accepted graciously, we wondered "Where in the heck did that come from??". I promise you, we don't do any of that crotch grabbing, leg humping stuff ... never!

After reading your responses, (and I thank you so much!) I see that it wasn't necessarily anything we intentionally did. We certainly weren't trying to make people think we were "sexy" and if they did, it was their subjective opinion. At best, we wanted people to enjoy our dancing and if they didn't, we were going to have fun anyway.

Frankly, I sorta thought "sexy", "sexual attractiveness", and "sex appeal" meant roughly the same thing. I don't really think in those terms and I don't use those terms because I never wanted to give the impression that I was interested in having sexual intercourse with someone. However, it seems that one can find someone "sexy" for various reasons but not be "sexually attracted" to them. That explains why those women wouldn't speak to Sean Connery. They wanted to admire him from afar but didn't find him attracting enough to go talk to him. I, on the other hand, talked to alot of people that day simply because I thought they would be interesting to chat with.

I can understand those things you say make someone "sexy". I've probably just used different terms like "attractive", "alluring", "appealing", or "something I can't quite put my finger on".

Lucinda

P.S. Matt is going to sing a couple of songs at my best friend Gail's birthday bash. Her husband used to play in a band and they are reuniting for the celebration. With the memory of the dance stunt flip, I wonder if Matt can look forward to any unexpected surprises while he is on stage alone singing with the band? <innocent look>

[zero desire]

There are a few things that seem to be found universally sexually attractive, e.g. symmetrical faces. Some things are more cultural (there's an African tribe - can't remember which one - where the men are all very tall because that is what women there have found attractive and have based their choice of husband on for many generations). In women there is the magic hip-to-waist ratio of 0.7 which is taken as an indicator of fertility and is considered alluring regardless of overall body size.

I think it is the book The Persuit of Happiness by David G. Myers in which he discusses what makes people find others attractive. I do recall him saying symmetrical faces.

As most of us probably know, most sexuals try to reduce sexiness to tits or asses. I find myself upon first meeting someone and trying to judge their sexiness to go in order hair, face, ass, breasts. Basic cleanliness is a starting point. A body figure that shows interest in nutrition or athletics is also a starting point.

What movie was that where the two guys design a dream girl from magazines. Was it Weird Science or My Science Project or something else. Tanwen has it right. The more we try to describe it, the more elusive it becomes.

[catrinac]

Facial symmetry has a lot to do with sexual attractiveness. Facial characteristics are as important or more important than bodily features. Most sexy celebrities have striking, unusual, symmetrical faces that have a kind of smoldering appeal. At least that is what Brad Pitt's deal was. I say was because he's lost his look a lot in the last couple years since dumping Jennifer. He's a smoker and apparently it's caught up with him.

All sexy people have sexy faces, period. If they have that they then diet or dress in a certain way to emphasize whatever assets they have bodily. Sexually attractive people tend to have better hairstyles and haircolor too.

I'm not saying there is some kind of judgement levelled against people who don't have the look. It's mostly genetics anyway. I have my own hypothesis that asexual people MAY not be as attractive physically. Or at the very least asexuals might not have the need to cash in on their looks sexually/socially and therefore might not put as much of an emphasis on them.

[thewrll]

Attractivness is in the eye of the beholder period and not facial features or anything. I think bbw is beautiful and Im right because thats what I find most attractive and to say that better hair makes you attractive is bull because I like bald women, its all in what I find attractive society as a whole is so far gone from what attractiveness really is.

[Emily the Strange]

You all make very good points. Obviously what is "sexy" is different for everyone! :) For me, intelligence is so sexy. I am totally attracted to brilliant men, no matter what they look like. However, I don't feel the urge to have sex with them, so for me "sexy" is completely different from the act of having sex (no, thanks). Brains do it for me every time!

Emily :)

[< retired >]

For me, intelligence is so sexy.

Wisdom is even sexier. And what about compassion? How about good health? What about common sense? I'd select a wise, compassionate, healthy, and well-grounded woman over an 'intelligent' one any day (or night).

Of course, we 'mature males' talk a good game about wanting a noble woman, only to quickly throw our high ideals out the window when an empty-headed highly available perky young giggler with perfect boobs and flawless skin bounces into the picture.

[Angelica Soprano]

Perky young giggler with perfect boobs and flawless skin bounces into the room, and AS stings her on the nose!

[AVENCakes]

I don't find anyone sexy. I find them good looking or, with guys, pretty, but that's it. Dunno what makes people sexy. Getting a boner/lubed up might be a good indication.

Now I would think that if someone found someone else sexually attractive, then they would also find them attracting ... drawing them to him. I would think these women would have even more impetus than I to go have a chat. Were they afraid he would burst their fantasy bubble?

I think you hit the nail on the head, there. And they probably weren't fans. sometimes girls like to chat idly about guys they find attractive, but wouldn't do anything. Also, as with the Depp thing, they don't know what he's like. They don't want him, they want some character. You think the girls fawning over Depp (seriously- I don't see it) are interested in him for him, or really into Jack Sparrow or Sweeney Todd or (god forbid) Willy Wonka or anyone else he's played? Not likely. Yes, the devoted will read the interviews, the birthdates, everything they can get ahold of- but they still base it off of movies.

[herdthinner]

I remember meeting Sean Connery when he was filming Just Cause in our area.

Johnny Depp. Yes, I have met him too. Some say he is "sexy". I found him to be a good conversationalist with very expressive eyes. In none of the parts I have seen him play, has he ever acted like himself. So how would the general public know he is "sexy"??? The only times I would imagine that he is himself is when he is giving interviews about an upcoming film. But during those times, why would he be "sexy"???

Never mind the topic - where are you meeting these people??

I'm a, um, something of a Celebrity Whore. Not in the OH-MY-GAWD-ITS-HIM/HER-I-CANT-BELIEVE-IT-EEEEEEEEEEE sense, but there are far too many actors (than is healthy?) that I want to meet and have a decent conversation with, Mr. Depp being one. Ben Affleck is another because he loves comic books and video games and other stuff that I like.

But enough about that!

Attraction is subjective, as far as I've been able to determine. My best friend loves "manly men" - big, broad shoulders, facial hair, stuff like that. Fortunately for her, that describes her husband. I like a developed torso, but not like in Flex Magazine, and do NOT like facial hair. Meaning I like the clean-shaven Johnny and am "meh" when he's bearded. Also, no piercings and (preferably, but there's wiggle room) no tats. Yes, Johnny's got many, hence the wiggle room, heh heh. So there's the physical end. I don't wanna jump anyone's bones, no matter how "hot," but yes, admit that I'll be more initially drawn to those who fit my visual aesthetic. If they're a-holes, they instantly become uuuugly.

Selfishly, I find that those whose sense of humor is close to mine "sexy." What can I say, laughing at my jokes is a turn-on. Making me laugh in kind is a turn-on. Humility is attractive. High intelligence, too, with the humility keeping it in check.

[Sally]

The hardest thing to try to explain to a sexual is that some asexuals can actually find others physically attractive. It's like sexuals can only think in black and white: you either want to have sex with the person or you don't want to be anywhere near them.

Mindflash: I love cats. I love to be around them, watch them, hold them, pet them. However, I have no desire to have sex with them. That's how I feel about attractive human beings (men in my case, since I'm a hetero A).

But then try to explain THAT to a sexual!

[< retired >]

The hardest thing to try to explain to a sexual is that some asexuals can actually find others physically attractive. It's like sexuals can only think in black and white: you either want to have sex with the person or you don't want to be anywhere near them.

I haven't had that problem, primarily because I've almost always been all (in)action and no talk. When I'm involved with a sexual, it's obvious that that I find her body physically attractive by the way I respond to it (I have yet to have a physically unattractive girlfriend - maybe something I should try someday ). However, the sexuals I've known get perplexed/frustrated when you don't show much interest in having sex with them.

[cijay]

I know when someone finds another sexually attractive because they say so or I see the distracted look in their eyes when they are watching them. However, I don't know why.

I remember meeting Sean Connery when he was filming Just Cause in our area. I found him to be charming, gentlemanly, in good shape, and tall. When I overheard two women saying he was "still sexy even at his age", I encouraged them to go over and speak with him. They said they couldn't. This I did not understand. They thought he was sexy, maybe even fantasized about him ... but couldn't even talk to the guy? It made no sense to me. "Why not?". "Because we wouldn't know what to say." That was too easy. I rattled off at least 20 things they could ask or say to him. Besides, they would have something to tell their friends at dinner parties. "We don't want to bother him." "Bother him? If he didn't want to be bothered, he would go hide. But look, he's out signing autographs."

Now I would think that if someone found someone else sexually attractive, then they would also find them attracting ... drawing them to him. I would think these women would have even more impetus than I to go have a chat. Were they afraid he would burst their fantasy bubble?

"I'll probably make a fool of myself." "Well, have it your way. You can tell all your friends at the dinner parties that you had a chance to meet James Bond, but instead you decided to stand 300 ft away and just gawk at him."

Johnny Depp. Yes, I have met him too. Some say he is "sexy". I found him to be a good conversationalist with very expressive eyes. In none of the parts I have seen him play, has he ever acted like himself. So how would the general public know he is "sexy"??? The only times I would imagine that he is himself is when he is giving interviews about an upcoming film. But during those times, why would he be "sexy"???

Brad Pitt is often cited as being the hottest and sexiest guy. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve the title, but what is it about him?? While he is certainly a nice looking guy, surely he is not unique in his appearance. Is it based on a part he has played?? Why would anyone think of jumping his bones?? Isn't he totally unavailable??

I may be asking the wrong group, but I am just thinking aloud more than looking for answers.

I don't know what sexy looks like but as far as Hollywood men looking appealling or handsome, my opinions are long off. Brad Pitt looks like he's about twelve, even when he grows facial hair, same with Tom Cruise. I think with those two guys it's because Hollywood dictated who the sex symbols are. It's like all the girls who want to throw their panties at Tom Jones on the stage. Most of them weren't even born when that started happening and it's icky that they're doing that now. Sean Connery...I don't understand why girls are attracted to someone old enough to be their grandfather...nor what that attraction IS.

[jcortese]

I can appreciate people aesthetically, but it just doesn't translate to wanting to talk to them. Well, with some of them it might, but I highly doubt that someone like Matthew Rhys would want to get collared by a total stranger and interrogated on his experiences in Welsh school in south Wales in the 1970s. The rest of it, I just don't care about. Admiring from afar is all I'd want. What the hell else would I have to talk about with these people? Most actors are pretty much like other people -- I don't really care about their opinions. They can stand there and look pretty, and that's about all I want out of them.