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Yep, all of that :)

When I worked in the city, and saw (in passing) several hundred people a day on the trains and sidewalks etc there could easily have been a dozen or more EACH DAY that I found sexually attractive, including some I worked with. Acting on all of that would have been impossible, even if I had wanted to. As it happens, the main reason I didn't want to wasn't that I didn't have time, it was that I was (and am still :)) deeply in love with my (asexual) wife. Go figure :)

Interesting thread going on here...

Hmmm....on any given day just walking around in a busy city and finding yourself vaguely attracted to a few people. I think I'm glad I don't have those type of feelings I have to deal with on a regular basis. I wonder to what degree this varies for sexual-women?

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"Why is it that we as asexuals are so disgusted with sex, why can't we be willing to love someone emotionally and fisical?

How can we change that?....I as a romantic would love to meet someone i can touch and let them touch me and not fill weird or disgusted..would'nt u want to be able to be loved ficically, with out having this feelings of regret?"

Some asexuals like touch and cuddles and kisses while others don't we are all different and each of us has our own needs and wants. Basically you will find somebody for you as long as you don't give up! Same goes for sexuals too! This is a board for everybody after all and it is good to get some insight into different things with different people.

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I have found someone that I truly care for, but I do not picture being intimate with him.

"Why is it that we as asexuals are so disgusted with sex, why can't we be willing to love someone emotionally and fisical?

How can we change that?....I as a romantic would love to meet someone i can touch and let them touch me and not fill weird or disgusted..would'nt u want to be able to be loved ficically, with out having this feelings of regret?"

Some asexuals like touch and cuddles and kisses while others don't we are all different and each of us has our own needs and wants. Basically you will find somebody for you as long as you don't give up! Same goes for sexuals too! This is a board for everybody after all and it is good to get some insight into different things with different people.

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:redface: Sorry about that! Didn't recognize you from the other thread- there are lots of new 'faces' here on Aven...

Anyway, yeah, I can totally see how it would be awkward. A friend says "Hi!", you reply "I don't want sex with you!" and the friend goes screaming into the night away from the sex-obsesed weirdo... How ironic...

I guess it would need to be brought up when you want to become romantic with someone or when you suspect THEY want to be romantic toward you... When that 'next level' begins to form between you and the other person...

And I totally agree that sex doesn't equal love, but I DO think that love equals sex for a sexual person (all things being equal)...

Interesting discussion...

--A

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From my perspective, it's no safer for a romantic partner to assume sexual attraction in the other than for one to assume that a stranger to whom one is sexually attracted in the street will feel sexually attracted in kind.

In my experience, it's perfectly reasonable to assume some level of sexual attraction from a romantic partner. If you make that assumption, you'll be right a vast majority of the time.

Also, I'm not sure that it's even about a "lower drive". Is it not possible for a sexual person to be sexually attracted to other people but not to the person he loves?

Yes, but as M51 said on some other thread, in a relationship the only levels of desire between the partners is important, not their general levels of desire. So "lower drive" should be taken in that context in terms of how it affects the dynamics of the relationship.

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Why is it that we as asexuals are so disgusted with sex, why can't we be willing to love someone emotionally and fisical?

How can we change that?....I as a romantic would love to meet someone i can touch and let them touch me and not fill weird or disgusted..would'nt u want to be able to be loved ficically, with out having this feelings of regret?

Why would I want to change? Why should I want to? I don't think that's very fair.

- Why can't sexuals change instead?

Maybe you're really sexual already and just haven't found the right one yet or maybe are too picky? Something to ponder maybe.

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Sex doesn't equal love at all. Love is when you accept your partner for who they are and are willing to die for them...it's like you can't live without them. Love is scary for some people and I don't know why. People misunderstand sex is love either cuz they want to justify their actions or cuz they heard it from other people.

I think for most folks in love, sex is a natural expression of that love. For those not in love, sex is just an itch they're scratching, as someone else said.

I think love requires a level of vulnerability. I think that's what is so scary to people. "What if they really don't love me back?"

And I think some folks are also afraid of losing their identity, not just changing last names, but changing friends (it happens), surrendering to the other person on a lot of little, individually insignificant things like what TV shows or music, clothes, squeezing the toothpaste from the middle, etc. Added up, some people are afraid they'll be controlled, maybe.

Many people do misunderstand and think sex is love. Why? Because that's what many in the aging hippie population that're running Hollywood, the US Congress and public sex education programs tell us it is. They utterly oppose anyone who dares tell the Truth. Some folks have a pornographic mindset. They find sex between anybody absolutely titillating. (So of course they'd say sex equals love, since love is positive and some folks need a little push, right?) (I blame the 60s hippie/70s strung-out "free love" generation for destroying society.)

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Angelica Soprano
Many people do misunderstand and think sex is love. Why? Because that's what many in the aging hippie population that're running Hollywood, the US Congress and public sex education programs tell us it is. They utterly oppose anyone who dares tell the Truth. Some folks have a pornographic mindset. They find sex between anybody absolutely titillating. (So of course they'd say sex equals love, since love is positive and some folks need a little push, right?) (I blame the 60s hippie/70s strung-out "free love" generation for destroying society.)

I think all this has absolutely nothing to do with conciousness, but more to do with evolutionary processes that randomly developed for the purposes and improvement of propogation statistics and survival of the offspring, which is all 'nature' (not the gods) is interested in. The hippys were just following their more natural instincts, and refusing to listen to the previous generational influences, so your heaping the 'destruction of society' on them, seems a little harsh to me. :huh:

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...your heaping the 'destruction of society' on them, seems a little harsh to me. :huh:

Sorry, I thought I was going easy on 'em.

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Angelica Soprano
Sorry, I thought I was going easy on 'em.

I think possibly we need to go further back, as when our ancestors were jumping about in the branches, might be more to blame. ;)

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I think possibly we need to go further back, as when our ancestors were jumping about in the branches, might be more to blame. ;)

My ancestors weren't jumping in branches... Nope. It's the hippies. I'm pretty certain of it. Or it could be surfers.

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I'd appreciate help from sexuals here. I honestly don't understand what's going on.

Although some sexual people see sex as a primarily physical matter (and are therefore content with one-night stands, encounters with prostitutes, etc.), others claim that it's about love and that they would want to do it only with someone they loved. Yet these same people often feel sexually attracted to people they've never met, on the sole basis of looks or even less.

Presumably they do not feel love for a perfect stranger, yet they do feel sexual attraction. That seems to suggest that sex is not primarily about love after all.

For me, it is not sexual attraction, it is flirtation.

I definitely find I flirt alot and even make offers to people that subconsciously I know will never "happen".

My bark is definitely bigger than my bite (my new sig).

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Yep, all of that :)

When I worked in the city, and saw (in passing) several hundred people a day on the trains and sidewalks etc there could easily have been a dozen or more EACH DAY that I found sexually attractive

I don't see nearly that many people that I think are good looking.

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PaperCircus
I'd appreciate help from sexuals here. I honestly don't understand what's going on.

Although some sexual people see sex as a primarily physical matter (and are therefore content with one-night stands, encounters with prostitutes, etc.), others claim that it's about love and that they would want to do it only with someone they loved. Yet these same people often feel sexually attracted to people they've never met, on the sole basis of looks or even less. Presumably they do not feel love for a perfect stranger, yet they do feel sexual attraction. That seems to suggest that sex is not primarily about love after all.

Hah, its all a spectrum varying from person to person. Just because some people like to have one night stands doesn't disqualify the love others believe sex needs to have. I don't mean to be brash, but I believe it is terribly cruel what you have done to sexuals. You lead people on and allow them to assume that their love will be reciprocated in the form of sex, yet you criticize them for doing so (as to why they assume as such has been covered earlier in the thread). You remind me of a womanizer- a person who treats women like trash and scrutinizes them for caring so much. You seem to treat sexuals as if they have no right to be sexual and break their hearts in the process- causing bitterness on their part.

I could be wrong though, who am I to tell you how you really feel about sexuals. :rolleyes:

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Angelica Soprano
My ancestors weren't jumping in branches... Nope. It's the hippies. I'm pretty certain of it. Or it could be surfers.

I suppose then one needs to take a 'leap of faith' over your relatives, but I don't seem to be able to muster any up? Or, have I been shown any evidence. So, I think I'd prefer the science and millions of artifacts proving they were. The hippies were a misjudged political social entity in a world of assumptions. I prefer proof.

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I haven't led anyone on. I actually told some sexuals fairly early on that I was asexual, yet they still insisted on pursuing a relationship, apparently on the arrogant assumption that they could get me to turn sexual. Kindly refrain from making groundless accusations.

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PaperCircus
I haven't led anyone on. I actually told some sexuals fairly early on that I was asexual, yet they still insisted on pursuing a relationship, apparently on the arrogant assumption that they could get me to turn sexual. Kindly refrain from making groundless accusations.

But you said you told some sexuals your position on sex, not all. They are going to assume sex is going to be a part of the relationship if you don't tell them otherwise because of hormones and the way society works. For the ones you have told, maybe you simply didn't make it clear enough or didn't communicate enough. In order for a relationship to work, both parties need to understand one another's differences and how they can work through that. It isn't groundless because you just said that you feel sexuals can be very arrogant. I just feel that if you respected sexuals more, they would respect you in return and not try and change you into someone you are not.

I don't mean to force advice on you though, nor am I trying to make you feel affronted. No accusations, just trying to help you understand how sexuals feel.

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I don't tell every single person in the street about my asexuality, no. I have told all the people with whom a relationship appeared to be developing. You're out of line.

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I'd appreciate help from sexuals here. I honestly don't understand what's going on.

Although some sexual people see sex as a primarily physical matter (and are therefore content with one-night stands, encounters with prostitutes, etc.), others claim that it's about love and that they would want to do it only with someone they loved. Yet these same people often feel sexually attracted to people they've never met, on the sole basis of looks or even less. Presumably they do not feel love for a perfect stranger, yet they do feel sexual attraction. That seems to suggest that sex is not primarily about love after all.

For me, at least, when I see some one I am sexually attracted to it suggests potential for a sexual relationship. It does not automatically suggest sex at all. If they offered it, and I was not in love with them but was sexually attracted to them, I would refuse. Both love and sexual attraction (so that I could actually go through the act physically without hurting either of us emotionally or physically) would need to be present, and of the two the love aspect is infinitely more important. While a small part of me may briefly consider that it would be nice to have sex with someone I'm sexually attracted to but not in love with, I wouldn't ever seriously consider doing so, let alone actually go through with it. Because the sexual attraction alone just isn't enough for me. Since love is by far the deciding factor, that is why I would say that choosing whether or not to have sex with someone is about love, not attraction.

In love with them: Okay for me.

Only sexually attracted: not Okay for me, ever.

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