My mum, Asexual?

[Lexica]

I stumbled across this site when it was recommended to a poster in distress, i think as a humourous response to her loss of libido .....it made me wonder........

i have suffered from confused ideas about sex and men due to my mother's values and beliefs and i am now starting to make sense of her opinions by thinking that she may be asexual without knowing it - i wonder what those of you here who are firmly stated asexuals think of this? and what you think i should do about this? do you think it would help me to approach this subject with my mother? do you think it would help her to know what was causing her to feel the way she does?

for a more detailed description of the issue there is a big reflection on it here (if it helps)

http://caringsouls.proboards92.com/index.c...read=1202778188

[AVENCakes]

ok, who are you ont he forum? If you're Lex- I would not be totally worried about your mom's influence right now. Of the 16 paragraphs, 2 were about your mother. Most were about your history of being sexually abused, often by men that are people you should be able to trust. Comments by your mother vs. all that sexual abuse. Hm, yes, you're mom's beliefs are not be helping: but I'm pretty sure she's not the bigger problem here.

[Sally]

Not knowing how old you are, I don't know how far removed in time you are from your mother's comments or influence. However, it seems to me that you had quite a number of experiences in your life which weren't directly part of your mother's experience, but yours. You've been living your own life, no matter what may have influenced you as a child. You definitely should consider counseling/therapy to work through these feelings. I wonder if your mother is asking for help -- your help or anyone else's help. If she doesn't seem to be asking for help, it might be better to you to just work on your own stuff. It would be difficult to retroactively change her attitude and thus have her -- in a way -- "take back" what she told you. She might not be receptive and that would only worsen the relationship between you, instead of helping resolve your feelings and experiences. It's also difficult and possibly dangerous to diagnose anyone else just on the basis of your subjective experience of them. If she is part of a generation that came of age some decades ago, the treatment of women was not good, and despite any particular woman's attitude toward sex as such, that woman could very well have just been treated badly by men. As Freud said, sometimes a XXX is just a XXX (can't remember what figure of speech he used), not a symbol for something else.

Good luck and I hope the future holds better experiences for you.