I'M IN THE NATIONAL POST!!!

[sonofzeal]

http://www.nationalpost.com/loveandsex/story.html?id=296035 - Read it, love it! Buy it, if you still can, but be warned that the rest of the issue is all about "Love & Sex".


....he made me sound way more coherent than I was sounding to myself at the time. =P





2014 Mod Edit: The above link doesn't work anymore, but a copy of the article can be found here. For future reference:

Indifferent and proud

Asexuality is emerging as a fourth orientation

Charles Lewis, National Post

Published: Saturday, February 09, 2008

John is an asexual. He is 24 years old and a recent university graduate. He is also a self-described nerd, which is what he said helped him cover his lack of interest in sex while living in the most sexualized environment known to humanity: the university dorm.

"Being a nerd, it's a little less unusual not to be in a relationship," said John, who requested his last name not be used, during a recent interview at a Toronto cafe. "I think sex is nice in theory, but I'm not that interested in practice."

But just to confuse things, John is interested in romantic relationships with women -- "cuddling, sending silly notes to each other and going for long walks." He has tried a few sexual things, including that thing "apparently every other male on the planet loves but I don't really care about."

When I ask him to describe what it would be like to be asexual, he tells me to imagine a picture of a scantily clad woman. "You might have a reaction to it; I would just see a girl in not much clothing. That's the primary difference."

David Jay, 25, who runs the Web site asexuality.org, has become the poster boy for the emerging asexuality movement. He has appeared on 20/20, Montel Williams and The View -- where he endured the incredulous stares of the four female hosts and their all-female audience.

"I've never had a sexual relation with a man or a woman," he said from San Francisco. "The reason I haven't ? is not because I'm averse to sex. I just think it's boring. The scenario in which I'd explore it would be a scenario in which I had nothing better to do. But I don't see that ever happening."

It would be easy to see both men as broken, suffering from some hormonal imbalance or a psychological malady. A woman, in another time, would be called frigid; a man would be something less than a man. It might even be seen as slightly creepy. Just read Ian McEwan's latest novel, On Chesil Beach. It describes what can only be called the most uncomfortable honeymoon night ever -- when the husband discovers that his new bride is asexual.

But over the past few years, a small body of scientific research has emerged that supports the view that asexuality is a fourth orientation, which is as normal as being straight, gay or bi.

Dr. Cynthia Graham, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute for Research, is co-author of a recent study on asexuality. It employed interviews and questionnaires to find out the attitudes of those who identify themselves as asexuals.

The main things that distinguish asexuals from the rest of the population are a lack of sexual desire and lower arousability, she said. But she also found asexuals did not suffer from sexual inhibitions and did not differ in a desire to masturbate. And, most important, they felt no distress from their asexuality, which is why, unlike some clinicians, she does not see it as abnormal.

"For the most part, they were not repulsed or afraid of sex," she said from Oxford, England. "They could take it or leave it and they wanted to leave it. It isn't something they experienced problems with; that's not why they came to identify as asexual. They just did not have any desire to go for it.

"We know that it's been very difficult in terms of sexual dysfunction to decide what levels of sexual desire are

too high or too low. We know the continuum is very broad."

Elizabeth Abbott, the author of A History of Celibacy, said the easiest way to think of that continuum is to put "Bill Clinton on one end, asexuals on the other, most of us in the middle."

Ms. Abbott's book was not about asexuality. Celibacy, she said, is the opposite: wrestling with sexual desire then suppressing it. Still, asexuals contacted her to share their stories.

"It was a subject, until very recently, people never mentioned, and so asexual people were ecstatic about seeing anything about them. These people have felt alone-- that's what they told me."

Mr. Jay relates to that sentiment, calling growing up in a sexualized world as "scary."

"I'd grown up having a difficult time coming to terms with my asexuality. I knew my friends were experiencing something that I wasn't. I didn't know if that meant I was broken. I didn't know how to talk about that. Or what it meant about my life or how I would form close relationships with people."

He said his parents were intimidated by it at first, but came to accept it. He also went to see his doctor. "She said if you don't think it's a problem, it's not a problem -- but if you wrote a book about it, no one would buy it."

Since the Web site started, he said, 18,000 people have registered to take part in online forums. The Web site has T-shirts for sale with such slogans as "Asexuals Party Hardest," "No Sex Please" and "Asexuals Have Other Things On Their Minds." It has even attracted sexual people seeking help because they have discovered their partners are asexual.

John, who has worked as a moderator on the site, said it can be tragic for people who find out they are so incompatible. "But I think it's causing more problems than it has to because [society] believes [sex is] an important part of the relationship."

Dr. Anthony Bogaert, a professor of psychology at Brock University in St. Catharines, was one of the first to study asexuality. He estimates asexuals make up about 1% of the population -- but believes it could be more because asexuals are likely to avoid sex surveys. He also thinks many take their orientation underground when they marry someone who is sexually active.

"I think there's a lot of people who get into relationships and go through the motions to please their partners."

Dr. Bogaert's study did draw some rough conclusions, based on very early data, about who may be inclined toward asexuality: more females than males, later onset of puberty in women and shorter stature. He speculated that those who come from lower-or working-class homes also might be more likely to be asexual.

And he saw some evidence of greater religiosity in asexuals.

Even though he is not a clinical psychologist, he has had many asexuals seek him out. "When people come to see you, they often want to be validated. They want to know if they are a regular person, even though they are different this way."

Mr. Jay and John said most asexuals they meet are happy just the way they are.

Said John: "The question always comes up that if there was a pill you could take that would ? bing ? make you sexual, would you take it? I would not."

clewis@nationalpost.com

[spinneret]

Very nice! :D Kudos and visibility

[fonfeluch]

:)

:cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

[rotifer]

whooo a very cool and unbiased artcle. visibility is always good.

[iff]

nice.

:)

[Amcan]

Yay go you!

:vis:

[thylacine]

"Bill Clinton on one end, asexuals on the other, most of us in the middle." Yeah, that's right...

Hey, someone tell Tony B. that I'm tall, and I'm certainly not lower class, thank you.

[Kelly]

Yay, SoZ! Thanks for the visibility! :)

Hey, someone tell Tony B. that I'm tall, and I'm certainly not lower class, thank you.

Yep. Indeed, A's have class, dood. 8)

*also is tall*

[CrazyCatLover]

That's a great article.

Hey, someone tell Tony B. that I'm tall, and I'm certainly not lower class, thank you.

Well, I'm average height, but I hit puberty early (age 10) and all also not lower class. I suppose he was just trying to come up with generalizations, though.

[CrazyCatLover]

Forgot to give you the :oops:

[snafu]

Thanks for sharing! 8)

[ily]

Really good article! Kudos! :D

[Seien Hananosei]

That's awesome! ^_^ Way to go!

[< retired >]

Good article - have some

[sonofzeal]

Mmmm, cake! *numnumnum*

[oeko]

nice

[stormwind]

Well done! :)

[Tanwen]

Thanks for giving us the link. It was d****d good, much to you. Brilliant!