understand4love Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Hi there I'm new here =) A friend of mine forwarded this site to me a couple weeks ago, and I've been browsing trying to understand more. I think this is a wonderful forum. My friend says he thinks he is asexual. I do believe sexuality/asexuality takes many forms, and it's often impossible to put in a box. I have friends of all types: gay, straight, genderqueer, bi, and one other who identifies as asexual. And I'm cool with all of that. My confusion/concern? This is going to set off red flags for some of you. I don't think my friend is really asexual... He talks about sex, jokes about sex, I've seen him aroused on multiple occasions, and he's told me before of his arousal after sexual conversations. He has had a history of having a hard time getting close to people and "letting them in". A hard time building and maintaining close friendships. I'm worried that he is mis-reading his fear of closeness or past relationship/life baggage for asexuality. I am definitely open to the possibility that I'm wrong. If he is asexual, I'm glad he's figured it out and found a group of people to identify with. Mostly, I'm just confused and want to make sure that my friend is loved and safe however he identifies...BUT that if his "label" (ugh!) is misplaced that he can be emotionally healthy and look at the right issues in his life. We're very close friends...but I would not feel good about challenging his newly articulated thought. I don't want to be disrespectful. I'd love to hear input! -Cindy :?: Link to post Share on other sites
Hallucigenia Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Hmm... Well, there are asexuals who talk and joke about sex. Some asexuals aren't comfortable with the topic at all, but others just find it another thing to converse about, as long as they don't have to actually do it. Some are very interested in it from an anthropological perspective; some find it funny just because it's so ridiculous. And there are asexuals who get aroused, too - they just prefer to take care of the arousal on their own, because it isn't connected to a feeling of wanting sexual activity (of any kind) with anyone. The arousal after sexual conversations might be a bit trickier to explain away. I think you're doing the right thing by not dismissing his new identification outright. Benefit of the doubt is nice, and you sound like a very open minded person. If he has emotional issues that are stopping him from looking for the sex he really wants... well, in my experience, emotional issues have to make themselves known, one way or another. Sooner or later, if that's what's going on, he'll realize that. And if he is asexual, then it'll be nice that he has supportive friends. :) Link to post Share on other sites
ThePieMaker Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 It may be that he isn't asexual after all, but I know there are plenty of asexuals who openly talk about sex and joke about it as well. Also, arousal isn't really a voluntary thing, it's just the body's natural response so maybe his body is responding to something when he actually doesn't really want his body to respond to it. Then again, he very well may be sexual and just afraid of getting too close to people especially in an intimate way. It's really hard to determine. Maybe you should just talk to him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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