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frustr8ed

How asexual (unaffectionate) are you?

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oxjmaups2005xo

i do none of those things only by choice they make me feel weird and disgusting i care about people but i show that in a different way as in like the things that i do for people.

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Plaid

I'm quite happy being affectionate and doing all of those things... But I'm far too shy to initiate any of them myself.

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Angel_eyes
How Asexual (unaffectionate) are you?

What do you not do?

-hold hands

-hug

-cuddle

-put your arm around someone

-kiss

I'm upset becuase my wife will never initiate any affection (nothing) I have to ask for hug --- it's kind of sad.

although i can tell she doesn't mind if i hug her she'll never spontaneously do it-- it really makes me sad.

i love and do all of those things with significant others.

it took me many months to initiate kissing. it took me a year and a half to be comfortable with kissing my bf anywhere other than his mouth. but once i sort of "broke into" it, i was up up and away.

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anamarielearns

I'm a very affectionate person. With my close friends, I love to hold hands, cuddle, kiss. I just tend not to because like a few people before me have mentioned there's a big thing with mixed signals--what I might not take a sexual (which is basically everything) other people might. So, I usually keep my hands to myself. :(

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Nekopin

I like to hug my friends or walk while holding their arms, but yeah, I don't do it a lot because they might think other things xD, even though they know I'm asexual, they don't seem to understand it much.

But most of my friends are really affectionate, so I don't really have to initiate everything owo

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slant

It really depends, it's sort of confusing. In general I do not like hugs, touch, I'm pretty standoffish. But there have been two people who have been able to get me to react differently, for short periods of time until I revert to my own ways.

The first was a gay friend named Wesley who used to cuddle with me a lot. I used to spoon with him, allow him to hug me. I think that was the extent of that. I was okay with it until family members began to suggest it was sexual, and until Wesley started using it in public as a tool to make other female friends jealous. After that I began to see no point in it so I stopped allowing him to do such things to me.

The other is this bisexual female named Rachelle, who hasn't made any sexual advances to me in person but always tells me about her sex life. I thought that this was interesting, and asked around to see if she spoke about these things to any of her other friends. The answer was no; only me. We have a sort of closeness, but it's feels more like having someone who will accept you for who you are and won't pressure you into anything. I've thought about experiements or whatever with her, kissing, hugging, etc since those aren't things I've ever really done much with. It's mostly just because I feel like she wouldn't judge or try to get me to do things I didn't want to do. She's a good friend.

But with anyone else but those two people I'm pretty 'standoffish'. I just genuinely prefer not to hug or be physically close to anyone. My mother has become accustomed to not receiving hugs or anything more than a smile or hand gesture, although my Grandma, who I currently live with, recently requested a hug from me. I refused, and she hugged me anyway and I didn't 'return' the hug by wrapping my arms around her. She stated that she thought she ought to get me back into therapy because she is my Grandmother and you should love your Grandmother. But I don't think that she understand that just because I don't want to hug her doesn't mean I don't love her.

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Cloud-Passing-by

If it's not romantic I can kiss and hug with the best of them. However, if the kiss or hug is meant for romantic reasons I find myself shying away. For example, I can give my dad pecks but I couldn't accept a kiss from my girlfriend. I find that it's me who always has to initiate the contact too, otherwise I feel violated and scared. (I dunno why, it just happens that way.)

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dexter

I'm trying to think about it, but it looks like my wife never initiates hugs and kisses. However, I don't feel sad for it (I hadn't even noticed we worked like that), because I feel comfortable with initiating all those things, and she seems quite happy this way.

I think I knew right from the start that I had a higher sex drive than her (though it turned out her sex drive was really low) so I sort of assumed I'd be the one to initiate things. OK, now I reread it, it sounds strange, because sex drive and hugs aren't necessarily connected. I think that, in fact, I am the one in need of physical contact; she does like physical contact, but she doesn't look for it.

It's for purely sexual things that I was disappointed and (a bit) sad, I hoped for years that she would one day take the initiative (in particular because I had the feeling I was using her all the time, forcing her -- even if she always strongly denied it -- to do things she didn't actually enjoy; this would have been erased if she took initiative), but it never happened. I know why, now, so it's ok :-)

She does like to take my hand spontaneously, though, when we walk.

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strawberry:3

i can't do any of those things, it's just...not nice.

i can't even stand to close to someone without feeling awkward, UNLESS it's one of my friends that i've known for years, then i can stand hugging and sqeezing them into my personal bubble

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TMIandID

I have never been in a relantionship and even with close friends I never hold hands or touch it makes me extremely uncomfortable exept for hugs. I love hugs but any other physical contact in unwelcome. The very idea of kissing I find a little repulsive and can not imagine doing it.

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itsme

this thread is from 2008 people! oh well.....to answer the question myself, I am not a very affectionate person, i don't like to be touched, only very very occasionally. Although I am very affectionate towards animals. (Think its because they are innocent and I feel I can trust them). Although a hug from a parent is always nice! ;)

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OtherWise

How asexual you are does not depend on how much physical affection you desire or tolerate.

The one criterion is lack of sexual attraction. You can want physical closeness with a person you are unattracted to, whether its hand-holding, hugging, or even humping.

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fzzyrn

cuddle slut... i like this term.

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Blood Angel

French kissing is about as sexual as I will get with another person.

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Kelsea

I'm extremely cuddly, but detest kissing and sex.

My husband wants kissing and sex, but doesn't seem to really care about cuddling.

It's a challenge for us :/

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1Eleven1

I will do things that are affectionate, but not at all sexual. I don't want anything to do with someone else's privates and I don't want anyone to have something to do with mine. To me it seems disgusting and unappealing, and it always has. However, I am fine with cute talk/discussion, hugging, holding hands, kissing, and cuddling my boyfriend, but I have a lot of trouble doing these actions around other people and I do not like to discuss my relationship with people to their face. If I have to talk about it, I will do it over text, but I usually get very nervous upon seeing that person next. I wish I could get over those insecurities because I don't want my boyfriend to feel like I'm embarrassed or ashamed, and it seems like (very) slowly but surely I am getting over it.

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Samael

How Asexual (unaffectionate) are you?

What do you not do?

-hold hands

-hug

-cuddle

-put your arm around someone

-kiss

I'm upset becuase my wife will never initiate any affection (nothing) I have to ask for hug --- it's kind of sad.

although i can tell she doesn't mind if i hug her she'll never spontaneously do it-- it really makes me sad.

Oh dear, isn't this an old thread? Well, since it's already been necroed, might as well reply. Personally I'm not a fan of affection. Physical forms of affection, like the ones you have listed there, are things that I've never done with anyone in my life. I have no reason or motivation to do them, and I hope I would never have to either. I hope that I would never end up marrying anyone, since it's usually expected to show "affection" between the participants. Or then if I get married I make sure it's with someone who feels the same as I do. :)

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never odd or even

i'm very affectionate, i like kissing, cuddling, biting, wrestling, tickling and other forms of affection.

however, i can be very detached. missing someone is quite an alien concept to me and i only ever feel odd traces of it.

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