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How long is it until you're dumped for a sexual?


frustr8ed

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I'm really curious how long it takes before your sexual partner tells you to go away.

Believe it or not ---- Sex is a powerful force and i'm wondering how patient a person can be before telling you that it is too much to put up with.

I'm sure asexuals have many unsuccessful romantic relationships.

please let me know.

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There are many reasons to dump someone --- but i can see how an asexual would get dumped more often,,

sex is indeed a powerful force-- don't you think?

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It's definitely a problem, because when you're in a relationship, it's pretty much assumed that at some point there's going to be sex. If sex is important to them in a relationship, then it's not going to work out.

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Not necessarily. Sometimes the asexual could do the dumping when they realise the other party wants sex?

Anyway, it's pretty defeatist and depressing to look at it like that...

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I was usually the Dumper , rather than the Dumpee in a relationship. once it got to the stage past hugs and kisses, and sex was more than definately expected next, that was my sign to 'pull the plug' as it were ,as i knew I couldn't go any forther : /

~A~

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Being dumped or doing the dumping, when it's over and you step back you realize that there were other issues. Sex may be the deal breaker, but there is usually more to it than that.

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I'm really curious how long it takes before your sexual partner tells you to go away.

Anywhere from never to one second - depends on the circumstances and the partner.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm usually the dumper too. :oops: My longest 'sexual' relationship was three years, unless you count the on-off-on-off thing I had for four. I finished both due to problems that were totally unrelated to sex. I don't think I've ever had an unsuccessful relationship that failed due to sex, actually, and that's more relationships than I care to admit to.

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Guest edward gorey's daughter

Is the question how long before your "sexual" partner dumps you for another "sexual" partner?

Because I don't think if I dated someone asexual, they would be dumping me for that... reason. :)

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I think of unsuccessful relationships as ones you don't learn and grow from. Relationships are about a lot more than what you do in bed; I don't think asexuality itself is necessarily a reason to break up, or that the sexual person is that much more likely to call it off. Like other people have said it really depends on the people and the relationship.

I've been with someone who's not asexual for a couple months, and we're not sick of each other yet. The question of sex is far less an issue than just getting time together.

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First serious boyfriend: good friends in uni for a year, then 'lovers' for a year and a half.

Second 'soulmate': 2 years, and we're still good friends. He treats me like a sister. :)

Both ended the relationship due to lack of interest in sex.

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Nico-Nico Friendo

I simply avoid those sort of relationships in the first place (which are rarely offered to me, anyway). I'm not much of a socialite or a 'people-person' and if I didn't talk to some people once in a while, most of them would simply ignore me. I don't seem to attract too many people to me. In friendships, I'm usually the one who has to start the friendship and the one who has to keep it from drifting too far apart. Sometimes, though, I think to myself, "Is this even worth all the effort I'm putting in that the other person is not?" But I guess it's nice to have at least one or a few friends around. Other than that, I seem to live a somewhat solitary life, most of the time.

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can't answer, but in all relationship cases, it's been my fault that we either haven't progressed or stopped the relationship/budding relationship. And in the relationship I'm in now, it's usually me telling him that I think he should find someone that suits him better, so far he vehemently disagrees.

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Kiki Asexual Superstar

I think that this becomes a problem when people are not honest from the start. I don't get many offers because I am brutally honest from the beginning that there will be no sex coming from me. That way, the people who consider sex essential to a relationship will never start a relationship with me. That is fine because I would rather be alone than with someone who would make me feel guilty for being who I am. Some asexuals compromise and have sex, but I would consider a violation of my body. I do get frustrated though when sexuals say that they are okay with being with me as I am, then attempt to change me. For the record, it doesn't work.

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I think you are all proving by your answers that sex is "expected" at some point. it is... it's natural for a most people. Not "natural" in the sense, "must have," but just natural in the physical sense when you like someone, kiss and the tingling starts in your body. For asexuals, I suppose sex tinglings and interests are not 'natural' or desired. I think you should tell someone before you ever date them because you know (especially on this site) it is the sexual partner that will be hurt the most. the sexual partner will feel sad, rejected, confused and unsure about the issue. The issue is asexuals are simply not interested in sex. Most sexual people will NOT BELIEVE that ... I've told others about my asexual partner who has not ever even touched himself (sexuallY) in his life time! (40s) so it is up to the asexual people to tell those who start to date on the first date or beforehand they are 'different' than the majority of the population so that you don't end up in these relationships that basically don't end up successfully. The sexual partner should have all the information to make an informed choice. I don't know if honestly I would have believed him if he told me straight out, I probably would have thought "oh I can get you in bed and have some fun!" ... has "haughty" as that sounds, that's honestly what I probably would have thought. But, I would have known sooner than feeling led on a string. ... almost teasing me that 'more of that to come," when it never did.

If they all end (the relationships) why start them?

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I think that this becomes a problem when people are not honest from the start. I don't get many offers because I am brutally honest from the beginning that there will be no sex coming from me. That way, the people who consider sex essential to a relationship will never start a relationship with me. That is fine because I would rather be alone than with someone who would make me feel guilty for being who I am. Some asexuals compromise and have sex, but I would consider a violation of my body. I do get frustrated though when sexuals say that they are okay with being with me as I am, then attempt to change me. For the record, it doesn't work.

You sound like you have taken the honest approach and I for one appreciate that you have. Just as if someone had any other kind of unusual characteristic that they knew could impact the life of a potential partner, they should be honest. I hope you find someone who can handle it. I would bet those sexuals who said they were ok with it, probably thought (a) they could be (thinking they had progressed to the point of being beyond the need for sex ) and (B) maybe you just needed to be in a comfortable trusting relationship and you'd find out how fun it was... I doubt they meant to change you. They probably (like me) just didn't realize it meant , absolutely no interest in this fun side of life... for whatever reason it hurts... I don't want to leave , I want to be above the desire for passion, I want to be beyond it all... but in the end, I realize once in awhile what I'm missing and am shocked I have been able to live without the passion.

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I'm really curious how long it takes before your sexual partner tells you to go away.

Believe it or not ---- Sex is a powerful force and i'm wondering how patient a person can be before telling you that it is too much to put up with.

I'm sure asexuals have many unsuccessful romantic relationships.

please let me know.

I am beginning to admit, while perusing this site, that sexuals will always leave asexuals. The As may not be able to face this or admit it, but the Sexuals enjoy a part of life that is just fun, close and silly and while they think "oh heck, I love you I can live without it, I love you more, " and believe that... eventually, their physical vulnerability will be obvious to themselves and the passion they desire will cause them to shut down to put it aside in order to stay in an non-sexual relationship, or leave to continue to begin living again... this site is helpful for me to realize it is probably the handwriting on the wall....sadly

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I am beginning to admit, while perusing this site, that sexuals will always leave asexuals.

Please, don't tar every relationship with the same brush. We have people here who have been in sexual-asexual relationships for a very long time, decades. Are you going to tell them they'll eventually be left too?

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Please, don't tar every relationship with the same brush. We have people here who have been in sexual-asexual relationships for a very long time, decades. Are you going to tell them they'll eventually be left too?

can you please help me find relationships between a's and sexuals that have lasted? Id like mine to last and yet, i see the impact in so many ways.

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can you please help me find relationships between a's and sexuals that have lasted? Id like mine to last and yet, i see the impact in so many ways.

*waves* 18 years here :)

Not without problems, but very few, considering. Luckily for us, no problems AT ALL outside our sex life. That helps.

Still, some of our problems over sex have been very difficult, for both of us, and for each of us the worst was when we tried too hard to accommodate the other, and suffered ourselves. But we're still going strong, and we're both still ridiculously happy with a relationship that would be perfect if it wasn't for sexual incompatibility.

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I'm sure asexuals have many unsuccessful romantic relationships.

Umm... doesn't everyone of every orientation have unsuccessful romantic relationships?

I've been with my sexual gf for 4 years. Haven't been told to hit the road because I'm asexual and she's not.

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How long is it until an asexual person breaks up with a sexual person for wanting too much sex?

I've never had a relationship end due to differences in sexuality. If I'm in a relationship with someone, they know the deal. Generally, me being asexual is one of the lesser things they have to deal with when becomming involved with me. Any of my relationships that didn't work out didn't work out for other reasons. And I've been in lasting/functioning/sucessful relationships with sexual people, so I know they are possible.

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I'm really curious how long it takes before your sexual partner tells you to go away.

Believe it or not ---- Sex is a powerful force and i'm wondering how patient a person can be before telling you that it is too much to put up with.

I'm sure asexuals have many unsuccessful romantic relationships.

please let me know.

I don't know if you'd call it 'dumped' but sorta'. We weren't 'going out' but we were best friends for 21 years. I can understand when he met a sexual parter that she would give him something I was not going to, the only thing that bummed me was that I just simply ceased to exist at all. I can understand a sexual pursuing another asexual but to not even TALK to the asexual afterwards is pretty gutless.

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*waves* 18 years here :)

Not without problems, but very few, considering. Luckily for us, no problems AT ALL outside our sex life. That helps.

Still, some of our problems over sex have been very difficult, for both of us, and for each of us the worst was when we tried too hard to accommodate the other, and suffered ourselves. But we're still going strong, and we're both still ridiculously happy with a relationship that would be perfect if it wasn't for sexual incompatibility.

This post makes me happy, and gives me a lot of hope. I also like the phrase "ridiculously happy". She doesn't seem to realize quite how happy she makes me, while I can't quite understand why I make her as happy as she says I do.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I just avoid it. Why bother? One date is plenty... and even that is a total waste of free time. God, this business of asexuals and sexuals trying to make something work is just RIDICULOUS. I was in an asexual "marriage" of sorts for years. It's hard to say which of us is actually more asexual. Now he hints that he'd like sex. Right, like that is ever going to happen!

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From everything Ive read and experienced, an Asexual relationship does not necessarily rule out the possibility of sex, or sexual behaviour. It simply bases a relationship on other aspects and expects the relationship to not be driven by the sexual aspects. So the idea that you could have a healthy relationship with a non-asexual person is wholly possible. The non-asexual person just has to realize that the sex aspect is not what you are in the relationship for, and though you may participate on occasion, you want the relationship to be based on a mutual desire for each other as people, not as sex objects.

I get the feeling that many people thing "Asexual" means "celibate." Which is totally not true. It can manifest with aspects of celibacy, but in my mind it is a very different situation. Celibate has to do with the complete removal of sexual acts. Asexual has to do with basing relationships on the fact that you are happy being you and Im happy with being me and maybe we can find even more mutual happiness together, the idea is to foster a happy healthy relationship with your self, or other if you so choose to involve others.

In the past, before and after I identified as an asexual, I dumped almost every person I was with, mostly because i did not feel the spark that would help drive the relationship. Some of the individuals I had involved with sexually, and other it was strictly platonic, but either way I did not feel that we would do well together over the long term, because of my drive to not be in a sex based relationship, or various other reasons. To be honest with you I dont think I've ever been dumped by some one other than just not getting a second date etc.

So I think that this thread perhaps is very misguided....

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I'm going on oh a little over 8 months of dating my boyfriend who is very sexual (though 4 months of it he was in a different state...and the other 4+ we've been living together). He hasn't told me to hit the road yet -- and i'm not sure which side of the sexual orientation side I fall.

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