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pure_orange

Why do people want to hold hands?

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Starscream

I don't like holding hands either. I feel the same as you, I like to have control over my own hands.

I actually felt threatened the last time my (ex)boyfriend held my hand in the movie theater.

I guess I'm in the minority here about it being comforting. I'm very uncomfortable holding hands.

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Elven valkyrie

I like to hold hands. Even with close friends, although it's not prolonged. I think it's sweet and cute.

To me, it says, I care about you and want to physically feel that you're there and by them holding back, it tell me that they feel the same.

I also find it comforting and sometimes a quick squeeze of the hand is encouraging as in a 'I believe in you' when a daunting task is ahead.

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pixiehen
I like to hold hands. Even with close friends, although it's not prolonged. I think it's sweet and cute.

To me, it says, I care about you and want to physically feel that you're there and by them holding back, it tell me that they feel the same.

I also find it comforting and sometimes a quick squeeze of the hand is encouraging as in a 'I believe in you' when a daunting task is ahead.

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Næt.

I don't like holding hands. I prefer a proper hug. Or cugglez if there's enough time.

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pixiehen

I love giving and recieving affection- and from my point of view holding hands is one way of expressing affection- I feel warmth, connection and comfort.

I grew up in a home where a lot of safe and warm affection was expressed so it feels normal to me- I've raised my children in the same way- and they are like me. Even my 23 year old daughter will sometime grab my hand when we are out in public and my 20 yr old son- not in public- but at home likes to sit close to me and hold my hand if he needs comforting. It just feels normal to me and I guess it has a lot to do with how we are raised.

This is something I do with close family members- I would not impose this behaviour on others if they indicated any discomfort because it would be an intrusion.

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Tethys

It's kind of weird that there is a physical reason (oxytocin) that you some people mentioned that actually makes holding hands/touching people a positive/bonding experience.

Do you think that chemical is deficient in people who dislike being touched?

I definitely don't mean this in an offensive way at all, I'm just curious if anyone knows if there's been a study about it or anything.

And the most I've ever felt from holding hands unnecessarily is severely annoyed and disgusted. From the previous descriptions, I can see why some people like it, but I've never experienced those kind of happy, warm feelings from physical contact. It doesn't feel like a connection to me, it just feels like somebody else's skin. I feel kinda left out now.

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murmurs
I like to hold hands. Even with close friends, although it's not prolonged. I think it's sweet and cute.

To me, it says, I care about you and want to physically feel that you're there and by them holding back, it tell me that they feel the same.

I also find it comforting and sometimes a quick squeeze of the hand is encouraging as in a 'I believe in you' when a daunting task is ahead.

I love quick hand squeezes. The act is very endearing to me. I also like it when someone who takes your hand swings it a bit. (It's something I used to do with my father when I was younger.)

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the Lady Ashuko

I have had issues with friends in the past and it makes me a bit distrustful at times. A friend of mine at school last year used to randomly grab my hand and we'd walk like that for a while. To me it was very comforting--like she was telling me, "it's okay, I'm here. You don't have to worry."

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live wire

I and most people I know will hold hands in large crowds. Its seen as the smart option so as not to lose each other in the sea of people. Just walking down the street though, I'm more likely to hug/hold the hand of a female friend than a male one. This isn't by choice, somehow its seen as such a clear indication of sexual orientation that most males I know wouldn't dare even so much as consider physical contact in public or in private. :(

Shame really. I'm a touchy feely person. I'm not happy without greetings hugs and the odd friend to hold hands with walking down the street. There's a feeling of being wanted in there that can't come across as sincerely with words alone.

/£0.02

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kt8

I don't find thrill in it either. It's rather awkward. Hugging, too.

-Katie

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Shinnok

I could do it. I did it once with my crush a few years back and I liked it..a lot. If I'd ever do it again? If I had the chance. Hugging, hand holding and kissing doesn't bother me and I've experienced all three of those only once. I rather enjoyed all three a lot but if I hadn't have done it on a "truth or dare" when I was 12 I probably would've enjoyed it a lot more. Since then, I haven't done any of those. As for why people do it, I guess it somehow shows connection and let's both people feel the connection too

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tisha313

When it's done with a guy I like, I find it to be very comforting. I feel safe, protected, beautiful, like everything is going to be all right. When I hold a guy's hand I like to play with his fingers:) love the feeling of big strong masculine hands.

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pawprint prettysure

I like holding hands. It gives me a feeling of togetherness.

[ can not think of anything smart to say coz her mind just blanked out ]

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sakura_alice
To me, it says, I care about you and want to physically feel that you're there and by them holding back, it tell me that they feel the same.
I think so too. To me it feels like acceptance.

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foodie

(I once thought I was asexual. For the past two or so years, however, I now realize I'm a celibate...one wanting to be in a romantic relationship, but not in a rush.)

Even though simple things such as hand-holding intrigue me, I still have a difficult time actually partaking in them.

Just recently, on a second date with someone a barely knew, he asked if he could hold my hand in a cab. For such a simple request, I didn't know how to react. I WANTED to, but the act, as a few of you pointed out, represents closeness and a confirmation of mutual interest. I told him I couldn't because...that was moving in too fast a pace for me.

...Now that I think about it, I'm sure he was confused and thought, "Hand-holding?! Too fast paced?!?!" :P

Well, for me, it's something very intimate and provides, as a few of you pointed out, a sense of security & comfort. I wouldn't hold hands with just anyone. I need to get to know them a bit more than just two dates.

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coperti
I really don't like it because it makes your hands all sweaty and I like controlling me own hands.

I was just wondering if someone could please tell me the thrill of it all

(or send me to an already made topic about this)

Thankyou.

Well, for me, I like to hold hands with my girlfriend

because it's often difficult for me to explain how I feel.

Call me primitive but it really is difficult to put my feelings

into words. Er, specifically the feeling one has when

dating someone they like quite a bit.

Sad that she doesn't like holding hands much though :(

Ah, I hope this helps.

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PiF

I like it

it has given my previous partners reassurance that I still care and that I am affectionate to her rather than sexual

Also i like being tactile..reminds me personally I am not an icebox of emotion

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KieranTheWerewolf42
It's my way of saying, "There, you may, not only get into my bubble, but actually touch my hand for extended lengths of time! That's because I love you, and allowing you to cross my boundaries and have the option of suggesting a direction by using my hand as I'm walking is my way of showing it."

Ditto. I had a "friend" who eventually turned into my stalker that would want to hold my hand all the time. I would just pull away and lose him in the crowd. Once I finally got fed up and screamed at him in the middle of the corridor to stop touching me, and that I wasn't his girlfriend since he failed to get the hint, and it takes a lot to get me that angry.

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dirigible

I like a bit of the hand holding. It's simple and pleasant.

I'm not a particularly touchy person, but with someone I'm comfortable with, I find it to be a nice display of affection without feeling physically aggressive.

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Blamethenargles

My hands are always cold and I'm one of those people that always has to be doing something with my hands. It's a double win for me =]

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sexualwithasexual
Other cultures are different, and ironically the more homophobic the culture, the easier it is for men to show affection to each other (satirized in the recent Borat movie). I think it's because homophobia brings about a certainty - the consequences of being homosexual are so severe that nobody who really is gay would ever dare show it, so any signs of affection must be non-sexual and acceptable.

I think this is generally true of similar things. Ie I've had friends who are atheists tell me it's easier to be an atheist in Nebraska (where virtually everyone is a very religious Protestant) than in somewhat more religiously diverse places, because if people don't expect the groups they object to to be around, they're much more likely to assume that people they see don't fit into those groups.

I find this REALLY interesting. Wow. It's makes sense, yet is still blowing my mind. This gives me creative ideas, like it obviously did for the funny Borat guy.

Holding hands can include the following reactions for me (sexual):

1. feeling like a little girl, (this usually makes the experience unpleasant, but not always)

2. clammy (I hate holding a wet, cold piece of flesh - this holds for the handshake as well - yuck)

3. feeling owned or dominated (this has been discussed here. Public hand holding is ripe with symbolic ownership - yuck)

4. feeling like I have a friend (so this only applies to holding hands with friends)

5. feeling like someone is reaching out to help me (like if I fall down, etc - or even symbolically)

6. feeling loved (so the holding of hands can be a display of affection and love - very picky on who can illicit this response for me!)

7. feeling a sexual charge building (so it's a little like flirting, but one step further)

I also prefer gentle poking, arm in arm and arm around shoulder as someone mentioned maybe a year ago? on this thread :rolleyes:

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98slbrookes98

I like holding hands but I've only done it with family members thus far though one of my friends held my hand when I was eighteen but I knew she was straight so I didn't misread it.

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FallenAngel

For me, I like holding hands with someone because it's a connection between us. I like holding hands with someone special. It reassures us both.

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TheMadcapLaughs

Holding hands is awesome but I pretty much never get to do it. I'd love to be able to just hold hands whenever I walk with friends but I can't because;

1. If they're female they'll interpret it as meaning I'm interested in them in the sexual way, or may even think I mistakingly think they're my girlfriend.

or 2. If they're male they'll get embarresed that people will think they're homosexual.

A quick question for people because I want help with this - is there any way to hold hands with friends without them getting the wrong idea or getting confused? I really like that feeling of acceptance and closeness and knowing that someone cares about you and that strange feeling where everything just feels so right like nothing can harm you as long as you're with your friend.

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Galen

My wife and I both enjoy walking, driving, sitting etc... holding hands. Even for a sexual it is just a closeness thing. Holding hands with my kids is also great and just not when I am trying to keep them close.

I though couldn't really see holding hands with any of my male friends, even the ones I am closest with, hugs even a peck on the cheek but couldn't see hands.

Prehaps with your female friends if you let them know how it is.

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Tashishka
A quick question for people because I want help with this - is there any way to hold hands with friends without them getting the wrong idea or getting confused? I really like that feeling of acceptance and closeness and knowing that someone cares about you and that strange feeling where everything just feels so right like nothing can harm you as long as you're with your friend.

I don't know if there is a way to hold hands without a friend getting the wrong idea. If they are going to get that idea, then they will get that idea regardless of how you hold their hand. Personally, I am more likely to hold the hand of male friends... I have no idea, it just feels more comfortable for me than holding female friends hands. It has nothing to do with not wanting to be seen as a lesbian... I have no idea what it is really. Though I guess it's mainly because I find guys easier to talk to/ interact with/ be around. Oddly, I feel less pressure to be sexual around my guy friends than when I'm around the girls... anyway I digress... Those friends whose hands I hold know that I have no romantic interest in them so know from the get go that there is no desire for a relationship other than friendship from them, so I guess just making it clear in every other way that you're not interested in a romantic relationship with them is the only way to do it really. I'm not a hugely tactile person so it's rare for me to hold anyones hand or initiate hugs and the like with anyone, so when I do, my friends just assume I'm feeling rather more cuddly/ touchy feely than normal and go with it. One of my friends is very tactile so loves those days as he can hug me/ hold my hand without me threatening violence/tensing up/ freaking out.

I'm quite picky about who I hold hands with. I have to know the person really really well, and trust them implicitly. Hand holding is to me, a very intimate gesture so if I am not comfortable with the person I will not even consider it and feel really uncomfortable when someone I don't feel this with holds my hand. In moments like that it goes from being a show of affection/ trust to being oppressive and controlling...like they are forcing you to do something, dragging you along with them...that sort of thing.I generally only instigate the hand-holding to reassure the person or help them up/ down from things, but I will happily hold some peoples hands for as long as they want, as long as they are the ones to instigate it.

The only time I inistigate prolongued hand-holding is when I'm talking in depth with someone- like when walking along the seafront and talking about life...that's the last time I remember doing it and it feeling comfortable. We were connecting on an emotional and intellectual level, so it felt right to have this physical connection too.

I tend not to do it for the feeling of security, you know, not losing someone in a crowd. I'd rather hae both hands free at moments like that and find my own way through. It's much easier for one person than for two :P.

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carried in bags

i like holding hands. i get a nice feeling from it, a connection. if its a friend, partner, or someone ive just met i dont mind. i like to hold hands with someone if i or they is feeling emotional too

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------

I like holding hands. To me they're like hand hugs especially when the two people have two fingers loosely looped together. Relaxed but steady support. I'm not sure why I enjoy them. I don't know why I enjoy hugs I simply do.

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Latvia

Well, for me, it's like a physical link between me and the other person. It's comforting to know they're right there, and I don't even have to look to know it, because I can feel it. And we can know right away if something's wrong with the other person with a simple squeeze. Also, for someone who's small and meek like me, it's a feeling of protection. I know that if anything bad happens they can pull me close to them and protect me. :wub:

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